Our Life Is Just a TV Show

It took him a whole month to find out.

Me, Bill, and Jeni were at my apartment one morning. I was working on sketches and they were talking about something. They were always talking recently. It always made me paranoid, even though I hadn’t told Jeni a thing.

“Did you sleep with my brother?” Bill sat down next to me, no emotion in his beautiful brown eyes.

I looked to Jeni fast, my mouth hanging open. She wasn’t showing anything either, so I had no clue if she told him.

“I know you did Tara, its okay,” I looked back to Bill. How long had he known? And how did he know? I could tell it was pretty recent, his eyes were flooding with tears.

“I…we were drunk,” God no excuses for this. I’d ruined my life. I looked away from him cause I didn’t wanna see him cry. Damn a month of trying to keep this in, telling no one. And it had worked. They’d been in California for nearly the whole month so I had nothing to worry about.

“Tara I don’t care if you were gonna die if you didn’t fuck my brother but why the hell did you and Tom keep this from me?!" Bill yelled.

"We didn't want you to find out, for things to change!" I cried. "Bill it was an accident! It's not like Tom or me wanted this to happen!"

"How can I even be sure of that? Tara I can't trust you anymore," he got up off the couch and headed for the door.

I followed him to the door. "Bill I don't even remember that night if I would have had half the drinks I had I could have stopped myself but I..."

He was looking at me with a blank expression. "I....goodbye Tara."

"No Bill don't go..." I grabbed onto his arm as he walked out the door but I was too weak to hold him back.

I ran into my room and tried to calm myself down a bit.

"God no no no no no," I whispered to myself. This constant headache was coming back. Bill couldn't be gone, no he would calm down. No he had to calm down.

"Bea told Gussi who told Georg and then it went back to Tom and they had to tell him," Jeni explained and put her arms around me as I was crying hysterically. "I was trying to calm him down and tell him to keep you cause it wasn't your fault and I...."

'Her first time on the edge, the scars will stay forever....' I looked at my left hand, those scars there of that last time something terrible happened. No I wasn't gonna cut myself.

"Jeni he's gone!" I yelled in between my sobs. "He's gone he's gone he's gone..."

No future no life together no kids and probably no band....

"Don't say that he's gonna forgive you. You forgave him.."

"All he did was kiss Bea! You think kissing your best friend is the same thing as fucking your brother?!" God that really did sound bad. "I'm such a slut!"

"Tara stop it you're not! It was just a stupid thing that no one could have stopped."

I nodded but still I was crying. "Nothing is ever going to be the same again though. He's never going to forgive me. How can he?"

"Tom will tell him to take you back. The whole band will. God it was stupid but Bill loves you too much and that's why he's hurting. But he'll take you back."

"No he won't! No he won't!" I didn't know how to feel, sad or angry or mad at myself. This was gonna hurt me forever.