Voices in My Head

Ana could still feel his kiss hours later. All the way into the next day to be exact. Brad had been trying to coax out of her what had happened after he had returned from Randy’s bus just before bus call, but she just shrugged her shoulders: she wasn’t ready to try and dissect how she was feeling about any of this, including the kiss.

After driving the RV for the first 6 hours on the trip to the next stop, she swapped over with one of the guys and took his spot on a skinny mattress, plopping her earphones in and starting the music on her phone on random. Stonesour’s Taciturn started and immediately she could feel tears rising in her eyes.

“The fuck.”

She silently cussed, ripping the sleeping mask off her eyes and looking at her phone, opening her txt messages and writing Randy.

“I’m sorry about tonight, I think it was all a bit much for me. I don’t think I’m made for this.”

She expected him to be asleep, but as she stared at the ceiling of the RV, she felt her phone vibrate in her hand and she raised it to see a response from Randy:

“It gets to the best of us at times. I really want to talk to you. I am just behind you, pull up to the next rest stop and come over, you can drive to the next stop with me.”

Her thumb was circling over the touch screen for a little while, willing herself to decline his offer, but she knew that she wouldn’t be able find any sleep unless she was able to talk to someone.
Hissing, she got up from her makeshift bed and threw some clothes in a small bag and went to plop herself onto the passenger seat next to Darren, who looked surprised to see anyone else awake.

“Can we pull up at the next rest stop? I need to go see Randy and talk over business related stuff….it’ll only take you like 10 seconds to let me out and you’ll be on the road again.”

Darren had heard about the new contract and was very well aware of what was going on between the two of them, so he just nodded and gave her a thumbs up, turning the country music on the radio down by a bit.

“You know, if you need to talk, you can always talk to any of us, yeah? Us 5 have become pretty close over the last few months and we all see you as something like a sister…I mean: should you ever need an outsider’s view on things.”

Ana really appreciated this and squeezed his hand in a silent thank you, but stared out the windscreen along the dark and empty road in front of them. She loved touring, loved that she was always able to connect with new people and grow a family of sorts.

Her phone buzzed again and she looked into her lap to see Randy messaging her a row of question marks. Quickly letting her fingers fly over the screen, she told him that she would be let off at the next stop, already seeing the lights of a petrol station in the distance. She suddenly started getting second thoughts: they had kissed! Were things going to be different now?

“Fuck.”

She said, suddenly reminding herself that Darren was still sitting next to her and looking over at her worriedly.

“Sure you want me to drop you off?”

She debated quickly and nodded her head in silence, hearing his indicator going off almost immediately after as he was pulling off the deserted highway and pulling into the truck stop next to the small petrol station. Gently coming to a halt in order not to alarm any of the guys sleeping in the back, she pressed a kiss to his cheek:

“I’ll see you for unload in the morning. Tell Brad I’m good, yeah?”

He just nodded and watched her climb out the passenger side, going to the petrol station about 100 feet in front of the RV. He waited until he recognized Orton’s bus pull in behind them before he slowly pulled out of the lot again and back onto the highway.

With her bag slung over her shoulder, the bus came to a halt right next to her. She waved to Randy’s driver as the door opened and the man himself stood on top of the steps in just a pair of basketball shorts, offering her one of his signature smirks.
Fuck.

“Nice outfit.”

He mused as she climbed the steps and passed him, allowing him to shut the door behind her. She suddenly became very aware that she was only wearing short gym shorts under a massive Stonesour shirt, probably making him think that she wasn’t wearing any pants at all.

She let her bag drop next to the table in his main living area and plopped down on a seat looking at him as he followed her and sat across from her, his steely blue eyes scanning over her as if he was trying to find out what exactly she was hiding from him. Just as she was trying to come up with something to say, he did it for her:

“I want you to tell me what happened on tour to give you the name Riot. I have a distinct feeling it has very much to do with you pushing me away earlier tonight and running away.”

Her eyes instantly found his, confirming his thoughts. As he watched her hands fidgeting and her worrying her bottom lip so much that he feared she’d draw blood, he got up and went back into the kitchen. Returning a few minutes later with two glasses of what looked like whiskey on the rocks, he returned to his seat and placed one glass right in front of her clenched hands.

Accepting the glass and rolling it between her fingers, she looked up at him again.

“There is only few people who know, and I don’t know if we’re close enough for me to share this Randy. It was a pretty dark patch in my life, however short, and I just doubt that you would take it too well, especially seen that I have learnt to deal with it.”

She raised the glass in a silent salute to him and sipped some of the Jameson. Whoever had brought it over earlier must have forgotten it, as she knew Randy wasn’t really a Jameson kinda guy nor had she ever seen him drink whiskey at all.

He knew he should accept her statement, but on the other hand he really didn’t want to give up. He knew she hated the nickname even though she allowed a chosen few people to use it…only because he started using it to piss her off.

“Babe, we’ve know each other for a while now, and I know the look on your face every time someone calls you by that name. You really hate it. If your face is getting out there through WWE, they will catch footage of someone calling you by that name. People will try and find out where it originated…I think it would be best for you and the people involved if we knew exactly how you got that name.”

He observed her chewing her lip again before taking another gulp of her alcoholic beverage.

“Promise me that whatever I tell you is not leaving this room? This is a piece of my past that I have been able to guard for a long time and I don’t want shit to suddenly come back and haunt me because some big, buff guys think they need to seek revenge for their new found friend.”

He was about to nod his head, but then he thought about how she had worded her response: it sounded like someone had actually hurt her. Not just like a one-night-stand turned sour like he had initially suspected. Looking her straight in the eye again he took a swig of the whiskey and shuddered, much to her amusement.

“Sure. I just think you need to get it off your chest Ana. Whatever it is may be coming back at you once your face has been put out there. I just want to make sure that you’re safe.”

He knew he was lying; if she told him someone hurt her, he would remember that person’s name and make sure to seek vengeance.

Ana emptied her glass and was about to get up when he put his hands over hers, and slipped the glass from her hands, getting up himself and walked back to the kitchen. He had never seen her drink much, so her draining the whiskey that fast had him worried about what she was going to tell him. Filling her glass with double the amount than before and adding a few ice cubes, he returned and placed the drink in front of her before sitting down.

“I was on a summer tour and met this guy in a band. He was fucking funny as hell and him and I were constantly running into each other. He figured out that we’d be seeing each other for at least 8 weeks over 3 continents so we started meeting outside of the tour whenever time allowed it. I didn’t know who he was to begin with, but quickly learned as I watched his band perform. I was young, only starting my career so I was totally flattered.”

She took another drink from her glass but didn’t sat it back down instead held it in her hand and looked at it with a pained smile as memories were playing in her head.

“One night we were both stoned and drunk and he completely turned. As we were…doing it, he started hurting me. Grabbing my hair and pushing into my…butt. Either way, I was sore and shouted for him to stop but he shut me up by pushing me into a pillow and telling me that whores should do as they were told.”

Randy’s body had gone tense during her recollection, he felt pain. She raised her glass for another drink and as much as he wanted her to stop, he needed to hear the rest.

“He absolutely abused me that night. When he was done, he just fell next to me and fell asleep, like nothing had happened. I was sore, bleeding and crying. I knew that no one on tour would believe me seen that we had been seen together and shit…so I cut his hair in his sleep and took a permanent marker, leaving a message all over his body: his torso, arms, face, legs, then I punched him in the face an broke his nose. Then I left his room and the tour. I lost income for leaving early, but it felt so good knowing they had to cancel 3 shows because of it, he couldn’t get the markers off.”

Randy sat there, staring at the girl across from him like he had been hit in the balls all over again.

“The official story was that a roadie had turned groupie and that I was kicked off the tour due to that. I’d rather have people believe that than telling them the truth. Steph brought it up the night I was hired…but she still hired me.”

Randy stood up and walked to the back of the bus, slamming the door behind him. She could hear him scream and what sounded like punches against the wall. Taking another drink from her glass, she started tearing up: she shouldn’t have told him. She could feel the bus come to a stop and looked outside: a gas station. Quickly slipping into her shoes and grabbing her wallet, she ran to the door and opened it. She needed out!

Watching Keith put the nozzle in the bus she knew she had some time, so she went inside the shop and went for the snack food isle straight away. Grabbing a pouch of spicy beef jerky, she went to the register to pay. She jumped back onto the bus just as Keith was about to go inside to pay for the petrol.
Just as she was about to open the bag of jerky and plop down on a seat, the back door opener again and Randy strode out and towards her, coming to a halt a few feet away from her:

“I need to know who it was. I want to beat him to a fucking pulp. I wanna fucking smash his head into a curb I…”

She dropped her snack and wrapped her arms around him, trying to slow him down as tears were rising in her eyes.

“Shhhhhh.”

“Don’t fucking tell me to shut up! Some guy raped you, you cannot tell me that…-“

She wrapped her arms closer around him and shushed him again. He was breathing hard, but allowed himself to settle down. A little bit. Just enough for her to push him down on a seat and pick up her bag of jerky. Opening the bag, she took a piece and shoved a piece in his mouth, too.

“It’s in the past. I told you that you wouldn’t understand, I have moved on.”