Secondhand

Alex and Cassadee both speak as Cassadee opens her door.

“I'm sorry-” Alex starts his sentence before looking up at her.

“Home early-” Cassadee is already speaking before she sees who knocked on the door.

They both stop for a moment.

“You're not Rian,” they say in unison. They laugh a little. Alex can tell Cassadee knows something's wrong. It could be the obvious things: him showing up at 8 o'clock at night unannounced, the fact he isn't wearing shoes or the little things: the way his hair is pushed back and the redness in his eyes.

“I should go.” Alex starts to leave.

“No.” Cassadee stops him and she's not sure why. She knows Alex; She'd even call him a friend, but they aren't close. He doesn't come over to see her. He comes over to see Rian, but Rian isn't going to be home for another half an hour, and Alex doesn't look like he's in the right shape to be driving home. “Come on in.”

Alex follows Cassadee into the house, and they sit across from each other at the dining room table. There's a pause that's all too long.

“I'm going to get something to drink. Do you want a beer?” Cassadee asks, pushing her chair away from the table.

“No, I'm fine.”

That confirms Cassadee’s suspicions that he is absolutely not fine, because Alex Gaskarth never turns down a drink.

“I've got Pabst.”

“No, thanks.”

At this point Cassadee knows whatever she's dealing with is a code red. She leaves the room, assessing her options. She pops the tab on her can of Pabst takes a long swig and sits back down.

“Okay Al. Spill.”

He smiles at her use of the nickname but shrinks a little. He runs a hand through his hair, embarrassed.

“No. This is stupid. I shouldn't be here.”

“You can't just show up here all teary eyed and then leave immediately.” She leans toward him. “I know something's wrong. I might be able to help you.”

“I don't know.”

“What's going to convince you?”

“What's going to convince you?” He shoots back.

“I think we're too far gone for that now. You're not leaving until you ‘fess up to me, or Rian comes home and you tell him.”

“You're really blowing this whole thing out of proportion. It's not a big deal.”

“Then just tell me.”

Alex buries his face in his hands, but Cassadee can see him looking at her through his fingers.

“I don’t want to,” he whines.

“And I’m cool with that, but I want you to do what you came here for so you aren’t going home.”

Alex slumps forward onto the table. Cassadee laughs at him and he smiles up at her but is still clearly frustrated.

“I’m just so frustrated!” he sits up and leans back, employing the use of his arms. “Lisa keeps angrily stomping around our house and I’ll ask what’s wrong and she’ll just glare at me from across the room and say ‘you know’ and I don’t want to say ‘No. I don’t know if I did I wouldn’t be asking,’” his tone gets progressively more exasperated as he goes on, “because it’s obvious she’s upset. I don’t want her to be upset but I don’t what I’m doing wrong or even that I am doing something wrong but let’s be honest, I’m probably doing something wrong.”

“When have you ever done anything wrong?”

Alex scoffs. “Please, the ages 15 through 22.”

Cassadee shrugs in defeat, gesturing towards him with her beer. “I can’t disagree with that. Maybe that wasn’t the right way to respond to that, but come on, you’re like the perfect boyfriend.”

“Hush, Rian might hear you,” Alex jokes, but he’s blushing.

“Hear what?” Cassadee and Alex both turn toward where Rian is standing in the doorway, taking off his shoes, and burst into laughter. “Seriously! Now you’ve made me curious.”

“If I told you what she said,” Alex gestures toward Cassadee, “you’d be way more suspicious of something than if you just don’t know.”

Rian shakes his head and sits down next to Alex. He picks up the bottle that Cassadee had set down and takes a drink.

“Hey! That’s mine!” she chastises him.

“Sorry, I thought it was Alex’s.” He slides it gently toward her. None of them really know to respond to that so they sit in silence. Alex pays too much attention to detail. Alex has Rian’s arm over the back of his chair and Cassadee looking at him from across the dining room table. He feels like an imposter in their house.

“I should go.” Alex starts to stand.

“Come on! I just got here.” Rian grabs his hand, which just makes Alex feel weirder. He rushes toward the door, mumbling something about Lisa expecting him home. Cassadee doesn’t buy it, judging from the state he arrived in he probably stormed out on her. Rian doesn’t know any better.

“Thanks for the compliment, Cass,” Alex adds as he’s closing the door behind him.

“Don’t forget your shoes, Al,” Rian calls from where he and Cassadee have moved to say goodbye.

“I didn’t bring any,” Alex calls back at them and then slips into his car, driving away as quickly as he can.

They don’t talk about it when they see each other again. Alex, because he doesn’t want to, and Rian and Cassadee, because they don’t know how.

Things go on as usual for a while, but two weeks later Alex shows up again, in a similar state. He knocks thrice on the door, no-one answers, he listens close, the rhythmic tumult of drums can be heard muffled through the door. He tries the handle. It’s locked.

Alex glances around quickly drops to his knees, fumbling with the rocks that sit under the bush next to the porch. He touches a worm, which is pretty gross, but he finds the key.

He feels out of place the second he enters the house, mostly because everything is so perfectly in place. 6 jackets hang in a neat row by the door, and 2 pairs of shoes are set tidily below them. The room is immaculate and Alex feels like he’s leaving dirty footprints across the floor.

He moves on, sticking his head cautiously through the doorway where sure enough, Rian is sitting at his drumset, headphones on. He smiles at the sight of Alex and Alex waves awkwardly in return. Rian slides the headphones off.

“What’s up?”

Alex gets that panicky feeling in his gut where he just wants to say ‘Nothing!’ and leave. Instead, he does that awkward thing where he just sort of screams quietly to express both frustration and hesitation. Rian smiles softly and stands, ushering Alex over with one hand on his shoulder and the other on his waist, makings him sit on the stool in front of the drums. Rian hands him the drumsticks.

“Go on,” Rian encourages him with both hands on Alex's shoulders. “You'll feel better.”

Alex takes a deep breath and goes wild. He can hear Rian laughing through the chaos because drums are not his instrument. His breathing is labored and he kind of wants to cry because things are seriously falling apart with Lisa, but he can hear Rian’s laughter and he doesn’t want that to ever end.

He does get tired quickly though and stops. Rian looks on at him fondly. His hair’s lost its shape, sticking up erratically, and Rian appreciates it in the few moments before Alex runs a hand through it.

“God, I’m sorry,” Alex sighs. He places his head in his hands and looks up at Rian, who just stands still, unsure of what to do. Alex reaches forward and pulls a section of Rian’s shirt from where it’s stuck in the waistband of his pants. It’s a simple gesture, but it makes Alex realize the subtext of their position. He sits up, distancing himself from Rian, which he isn’t entirely happy about, but considers it the right thing to do.

Rian looks at him funny and Alex just smiles wide— it’s his go to situation diffuser. Rian sits down in a desk chair facing him.

“So, what’s up?” Rian asks eventually.

Alex has been dreading this, but he knows full well he brought it on himself.

“I’m sorry to burden you—” Rian scoffs at this and Alex chuckles a little, “but Lisa and I have been arguing a lot lately. I can’t say it’s entirely her fault to begin with but I just don’t feel like she’s making an effort to fix things.” Alex keeps his voice steady, but he can feel that tightness in his throat he gets when he’s on the verge off tears and he feels stupid. Stupid for coming to Rian to complain instead of just facing Lisa and stupid for getting so worked up about it.

Rian can hear that tightness in Alex’s voice, and knows exactly what to say.

“It was smart of you to come here first, we can talk things over and make sure you say exactly what you mean. Fights can make you say things you don’t mean.”

Alex nods silently. “We wouldn’t want that.”

Rian gives him a small reassuring smile in response, then stands and beckons Alex out of the room with a tap to his shoulder.

“I’m supposed to make dinner for Cassadee, she’ll be glad if you help.”

Alex smiles because it's one adult thing he has over Rian— Rian’s cooking is mediocre but Alex has a knack for it.

He beats Rian to the kitchen, hopping onto the counter and swinging his legs in anticipation.

“What's on the menu?”

“I was hoping you’d have some ideas.”

Alex shakes his head and slides off the counter. Their fridge is almost bare and the cabinets don’t look much better.

“Gosh, do you two eat?” Rian just shrugs in response. “When is Cass going to be home?”

“About an hour and a half,” Rian answers, glancing at the clock.

“We can’t work with this,” and so Alex is pulling Rian out of the kitchen by his hand, slipping Rian’s keys off the hook by the door. He locks the door behind them and tosses Rian the keys. Rian turns on the car.

“I’m assuming we’re driving to the grocery store?”

“Yeah,” Alex laughs and turns up the radio.

Alex glides across the parking lot with both his feet on the bottom rack of the shopping cart like a child. Rian chases after him but doesn’t catch up until Alex slows to pass through automatic doors of the store. Rian laughs, snaking his arms around Alex’s middle and burying his face in the back of Alex’s shirt.

“Let go of me.” Alex playfully shoves him away. “It’s us against the clock.” He hands Rian the list he’s shakily transcribed against the dashboard of the car. “You need to get these things.” He holds another piece of paper way too close to Rian’s face. “And this is my half. It won’t work if you miss anything but it’s all pretty standard. You have ten minutes; go!”

This is how Rian ends up speed walking (he’d just passed Alex getting told off by a teller for running) past rows and rows of baby food with 3 boxes of 3 different types of pasta under one arm and 3 types of cheese under the other. He dumps them hastily in the cart.

“Why are there-” Alex starts to ask but Rian cuts him off.

“You weren’t specific so I played it safe.”

Alex chuckles but shoos him off to the produce section.

They meet by the checkout stands 8 and a half minutes later, faced with a dilemma.

“We can wait in the line for a cashier or risk the possibility of getting stuck at a self-checkout,” Alex states. He stands up straight like they’re on the brink of something big.

“You’ve always been one for risks and it’s starting to catch on.”

Rian pushes Alex in the direction of the self-checkout. It shouldn’t be a big deal, but they both feel like it means a lot. Alex smiles when the machine lets him enter the number of tomatoes he’s purchasing without a hiccup. He holds the receipt up to Rian in triumph and they walk back to the car.

Alex has his eyes on Rian the whole way home because he’s singing quietly along to the radio. Alex loves his voice, he’s always trying to get Rian to sing more. It doesn’t seem to work but his silence in those moments makes ones like this all the more special.

Rian carries the two bags of groceries they had purchased up the front door. Alex pulls the keys from Rian’s pocket and opens the door for them. Alex spreads things carefully across the counter and sends Rian off to the kitchen table with a cutting board and some vegetables.

Cassadee arrives forty minutes later as planned. She sets her bag down next to the door and enters the kitchen not blinking twice at Alex’s presence. She just gives Rian a quick kiss and steals a slice of carrot from his cutting board.

“Is there anything I can do?” She asks.

“Cooking’s almost done, but you can set the table.” She nods moving past Alex to get plates from the cupboard.

Alex sets a big dish of pasta on the table and sits Rian and Cassadee. In reality he shouldn’t be nervous to eat with them, but their kind smiles adorned with perfect teeth bore into him. Alex doesn’t know what to do so he takes a long drink from the glass of water Cassadee had set in front of him. Rian serves himself and Cassadee follows suit.

Dinner passed by in forced bouts of hushed talking about things none of them care for.

Alex leaves as soon as his plate is in the sink with a simple nod to the two of them.

Cassadee stands up almost giddy at the sound of a knock on their door a week later. She isn’t expecting anyone and that tells her exactly who's at the door. She adjusts her shirt in the hallway mirror and takes a deep breath.

When she opens the door she’s looking up at Alex. He looks fine at first and that worries her for a second.

All thoughts are silenced as he lets out a shaky breath to speak. He blinks twice too fast.

“Is Rian here?” Cassadee can’t tell what answer he’s looking for. He’s got one hand on the door jamb, level with Cassadee’s head, leaning in. Under any other circumstance Cassadee might be scared but he isn’t threatening, just desperate. She’s knows that look.

“No.”

“Good.” Cassadee raises an eyebrow in question as she turns to let him in.

“I love him, I really do but he’s so right all the time, so fucking perfect. He knows exactly what to say to me. He gets that voice, he talks to me like a child. He can get me to do just about anything. He get’s me to tell him everything, he fixes all my problems. Sometimes I don’t want to fix my problems I just want to complain and be angry about it for a little while and you let me do that.”

“Thank you?” Cassadee chuckles.

“You’re welcome.” Alex smiles at her. They sit on the couch this time and Alex can feel a weight lift off his shoulders. There’s so much pressure in sitting across the table from someone. He starts right in, heart on his sleeve.

“You know, I want to buy a t-shirt that says ‘communication is the key to a healthy relationship’ on it.”

“Do you think that would solve your problems?” Cassadee laughs reclining farther into the corner of the couch.

“No, but it might help. I tell her almost everything.” That almost settles in to Cassadee’s thoughts quickly. She doesn’t doubt these visits are part of that almost, nothing makes a fight worse than telling your girl you’ve been spending plenty of time with your best friend’s girlfriend. “I tell her too much. I go on and on and on and what does she say? Nothing.”

“Maybe if you talk less she’ll talk more.”

“Don’t try to solve my problems Cass, I’ve got Rian for that.” Cassadee shakes her head and smiles. He spends so much time like that, just telling her all about what he needs. They watch a movie, it’s pleasant but not particularly enthralling. They both fall asleep an hour in.

Cassadee wakes a half an hour later on the floor at the sound of Rian opening the door. She carefully extracts herself without disturbing Alex who’s sprawled out on the couch. She’s not surprised he managed to push her off in his sleep. Cassadee whispers the evening’s events to Rian and he sends her upstairs. Rian carefully lifts Alex from the couch. As Cassadee changes into her pajamas she can hear Rian’s heavy footsteps on the stairs. Alex grunts slightly as he’s moved but stays asleep. Rian sets him down lightly on the bed in there guest room and Cassadee watches from the doorway as Rian pulls the covers and places a kiss on his forehead.

Cassadee spent long enough around Alex and Rian together to realize the last thing Rian wants is for Alex to grow up. Rian relies on Alex’s immaturity, always there to pick him up, to clean up after him. Rian’s biggest fear is that, one day, Alex is going to grow up and not need him anymore.

“You know he likes you just fine as you are, right? He doesn’t stick around because he ‘needs’ you. He’s here because he likes you, he trusts you.” Cassadee rolls over to face Rian.

Cassadee’s statement is unwarranted and out of the blue, but Rian knows exactly what she talking about because the fear of losing Alex is constantly present in the back of his mind. It all got real clear when Alex bought his house. Rian had moved out a few months before, they’d been discussing it for a while, Rian made sure everything was perfectly clear before he left, he even had a meal planner for the next few weeks filled out just to be sure but he never worked up the courage to actually give it to Alex.

When Alex bought his and Lisa’s house Rian had no warning, he shouldn’t have expected any, he wasn’t involved, but he wanted some. He was there for a few passing sentences ‘Lis and I are thinking about getting a house of our own,’ but he never thought they’d actually get that far. He was stunned when a few weeks later Alex and Lisa had signed a deed. It was a sound financial decision and that killed Rian. Alex was doing perfectly well without him.

“What?”

“You don't need to coddle him, just be a good friend.”

“I don't-” Rian starts but Cassadee quirks an eyebrow at him. They both know she’s right so he gives in. “Okay.”

The home phone rings and Cassadee trots down to the kitchen to answer it. She’s thankful to be free from the awkward situation she had created.

“Hello?”

“Hi Cassadee, it’s Lisa. I figured Alex was with Rian. Is he with you now?” Cassadee should be glad Lisa is calling to check on Alex but can’t to bring herself to be.

“Yes he’s here but he’s asleep right now, you’ll have to speak to him tomorrow.”

“That’s fine. Is he alright?” Cassadee rolls her eyes at this one. Cassadee ought to tell Lisa he’s sleeping like a baby and leave it at that but she doesn’t.

“Physically he’s fine, mentally he could use some work. Be careful with him, he's not doing so great. He's come over her a couple times lately.” Cassadee knows it the wrong thing to say for the sake of Alex and Lisa's relationship but at this point she isn't really in favor of them staying together. She tells herself it’s because she doesn’t think their relationship is healthy for either of them. Lisa just says ‘thank you’ and hangs up.

Cassadee and Rian both wake before Alex the next morning. It comes as no surprise to them, he tends to sleep far into the morning.

Rian lazily makes a pot of coffee.

Cassadee goes outside to get the paper.

“What do you want for breakfast?” Rian asks, scanning the refrigerator for ideas.

“Pancakes?” she tosses the paper on the kitchen table and excitedly drums her hands against the countertop. “With strawberries?”

“Let’s go blueberries.”

“I thought you prefered strawberries?”

“Alex likes the blueberries.” Cassadee smiles at him because this is the Rian she fell in love with, kind and thoughtful. Alex meanders in sometime later. He’s still living in the hazy glow of his ten hours of sleep. He plants a big sloppy kiss on Rian’s cheek and does the same to Cassadee. The action is unexpected but much appreciated. Cassadee blushes as Alex helps Rian measure the flour. Cassadee smiles at them from where she’s sitting drinking her coffee and reading the paper. This is what she wants to see every morning. That thought doesn’t sit well with her.

They eat breakfast playfully, hanging onto the moments before things get awkward again and Alex has to pick up his things and address the problem at hand.

None of them want him to. They all want to exist in this moment. Sunlight seems to fill the room as it shines through the curtains. It makes Cassadee think back to when they had first bought this house. She, Rian and Alex had all sat in every room and debated for hours on what color each one should be. She couldn’t recall why Alex had a say in it but he had advocated very adamantly for the kitchen to be white with yellow trim.

“When the sun rises in the morning the room will glow it’ll be so bright.”

He was right and Cassadee appreciates it so much more with him in the room. She pulled from her thoughts by Alex’s strangled laughter, he’s squealing through a mouthful of pancakes because Rian’s hands are expertly tickling him. Years of practice have Alex incapacitated. Cassadee giggles along with them, she snakes a single cold hand up the back of Alex’s shirt and places it on his spine. He arches his back to get away from her and swallows hard.

“Oh my god.” He takes her hand in his; he’s still half laughing. “You’re freezing.” His eyes are wide, as he tries to encompass both her hands in his, it doesn’t quite work but Cassadee feels so much warmer at the thought of it.

Alex shovels another forkful of pancakes into his mouth when he’s sure he’s safe from Rian’s touch.

Eventually he does mournfully gather the few things he had broughten and stands in the door saying goodbye to Rian, Cassadee has received her hug and is busy with dishes.

It starts out normal, Alex bounces as he puts his jacket on tugging at the sleeves of his shirt to keep them from getting lost in the coat. Rian leans in for a kiss, but it isn’t romantic, it’s customary, it’s just how their friendship works.

It starts to get romantic when Alex grabs Rian’s collar and pulls him in further, Rian obliges. Rian's hand moves his hand to Alex's face. His stubble scratches against Rian's palm, the feeling is familiar. Alex opens his mouth at the feeling of Rian's fingers on his hip. It lasts longer than either of them can ignore, but Alex is out the door in a jiffy.

The next time Rian and Cassadee are over at Alex’s house for a party they split up. Rian keeps a close eye on Alex, his general demeanor and enthusiasm while Cassadee is sent to get a gauge on Lisa. She’s not incredibly happy about this. She and Lisa have always gotten along just fine but she’s incredibly difficult to read. The Captain Holt of straight white girlfriends.

“So! Lisa, I haven’t seen much of you lately, what’s been up?” Cassadee leans casually up against the doorframe a beer in hand as Lisa plates dozens of tiny sandwiches. She’s offered to help and Lisa had turned her down.

“Just work really,” With that she took the platter and walked into the next room. Cassadee sticks with her, trying to keep a conversation going. It unsurprisingly doesn’t work very well. They grace lightly over the Orioles success early in the season, get deeper into the weather and talk extensively about Lisa’s latest job, a desert themed wedding.

Cassadee has a pleasant time but learns absolutely nothing.

She leaves Lisa to find Rian two hours in. He’s sitting on a couch next to Alex who has his head rested on Rian’s shoulder. Jack and a group of boys are distracted on the floor below them with some sort of dirty board game. It isn’t until Cassadee walks farther into the room, nearly tripping over Nano who’s scrambling for some stray dice, that she can see Alex is crying and Rian has a hand running through his hair. Alex turns farther into Rian and she approaches.

“What happened here?”

“Two beer plus three shots of vodka and he’s like a little baby.” She sits down next to them rubbing a firm hand up and down Alex’s back to calm him.

“This isn’t fair. You know him too well.”

“What’s not fair? This isn’t a competition it’s an intervention.”

“I don’t like calling it that and I don’t like you getting him drunk for our little scheme. We're here to help them out not whatever this is.” Alex groans softly. “If he throws up on you know you brought this on yourself.”

“Come on Cassadee. You act like I poured the shots down his throat. He drank them all of his own free will. Isn't that right Alex?” Alex mumbles something inaudible and passes out.

“You should have stopped him.”

“You were the one who told me not to coddle him.”

“Christ Rian what's wrong with you? He's your best friend you don't have to carry him everywhere but I'm not saying you should completely abandon him. Please, find a happy medium before the poor man gets himself killed.”

“You're right I've taken this too far, but you've made me super aware of my actions with your comment on coddling him and I feel weird about everything I do.”

“That's not what I wanted to do.”

“I know that and I know that you want to break them up, but I can't figure out why.”

“I don't want to break them up I just think that if Alex has been showing up at our house in literal tears then maybe we shouldn't tell him to work past it and instead realize that this isn't the best thing for either of them.”

“I'm just trying to be helpful. I don't think we should be meddling in his business.”

“Yeah, I just want what's best for him.” Cassadee concedes and it throws Rian off. ‘I just want what's best for him’ has always been Rian's line.

“We should go.”

“We can't leave him here.” Rian taps Alex gently to wake him.

“I wasn't suggesting we should.” Cassadee holds her hand out and pulls a groggy Alex to his feet. “Alex?” He blinks slowly at her, brown eyes dulled by alcohol.

“Hey Cass.” He smiles, a hand still on her shoulder for balance. His breath smells like vodka.

“Let's get you a glass of water.” Alex agrees silently, Cassadee tries to guide him around the people playing on the floor as Rian says goodbye to them.

Cassadee and Alex move toward the kitchen very slowly but surely. Alex smiles kindly at his guests as they pass. Cassadee pours him a glass of water and holds it up to his lips. He narrows his eyes at Cassadee.

“I have hands, Cass.” She hands him the glass.

“I'm sorry.”

“It's alright.” He places his hand on hers. Lisa rushes in. He draws his hand back.

“Alex, I’ve been looking all over for you.”

“Here I am.” She frowns at him.

“Yeah, okay.” He stands slowly and follows her out of the room.

Cassadee finds Rian and they go home. They go to bed as usual but wake up an hour later to a frantic knock at door. Rian get’s up first pulling a shirt over his head and walks purposefully, if sleepily, to answer the door. Cassadee is quick to follow.

Alex stands on the doorstep looking pale and sickly.

“What happened to you?” Rian asks bluntly.

“Well I threw up, thanks for letting me do all those shots, and then Lisa kicked me out once everyone had left but kept my keys because ‘she didn’t want me getting hurt’ so I walked here.”

“Why’d she kick you out?”

“This is the best part,” he starts to laugh, “I should be mad, but I totally get it, she thinks I’m cheating on her, with you.” Rian and Cassadee look at each other, then simultaneously speak.

“Me?” Alex continues to laugh.

“Exactly! She doesn’t know which of you it is!” He stumbles past them. “And I feel like I’m going to be sick and I just ended the longest relationship I’ve ever been in and I’m going to have to move but I’m really fucking drunk right now so this is the funniest fucking thing in the world.”

Cassadee and Rian just stare at him in horror as he rambles on.

“I mean come on, what was I expecting? I always manage to mess things up. I can't blame her I do have a history, I'm not proud of it, but it happened.” Alex gestures wildly. “She's right about me you know. She's always right.”

Alex's giddiness seems to reach its end here and he doubles over, clutching his stomach.

“Can I stay here?” The question is only out of courtesy, he knows the answer.

“Of course.” Cassadee says as Rian leads him to the bathroom. Rian carefully pulls the bile stained shirt Alex is wearing over his head. Alex looks up at Rian from where he sits on the edge off the tub, his eyes are glossy with tears but the rest of his demeanor is angry. It’s a rare emotion for him, a master of dodging bullets and laughing things off, Rian doesn’t like the way angry looks on Alex.

His fists are clenched, fingernails dig into the palms of his own hands, the muscles in his shoulders are taught, and his whole body moves with each breath.

“I’m so pissed, you know my first thought wasn’t anger, I felt betrayed, like after all these years she still doesn’t trust me and then I realized; she doesn’t trust me because of all these years.” That’s when it hits Rian that Alex isn’t angry at Lisa he’s angry at himself. Alex doesn’t pause to let Rian mull over that thought; he keeps talking, “She knows me too well. She knows me better than anyone.”

Rian feels like it’s his turn to feel betrayed now because prior to this moment he presumed he was ranked number one on the how well do you know Alex charts. He knows it’s a silly thought but he also knows it hurts. Alex looks devastated as he awkwardly tries to bend his skinny jeaned leg so that his foot is close enough to untie his shoes. Rian would tease him but it seems unsuitable.

He just leaves to put Alex’s shirt in the wash.

Alex takes a shower and sleeps in the guest room. Cassadee and Rian have very similar thought processes lying awake in their bed.

“This is all my fault.” Cassadee says.

“That’s exactly what I was going to say.” Rian rolls to look at her.

“What did you do?”

“What did you do?”

“Well now you’ve made it weird so you have to go first.” Cassadee giggles but there’s so much pressure in their room.

“I kissed him.” Rian admits but it doesn’t seem like much of a confession to Cassadee.

“Why’s that news, that’s your little quirky thing, you two kiss each other all the time,” Cassadee puts two and two together, “but it wasn’t a quirky thing it was just a real kiss, Oh Gee Rian I wasn’t even thinking on that level.”

“Well what did you do?”

“Nothing! We just had a like a weird moment in the kitchen and he touched my hand and then Lisa walked in and got all angry.”

“Seriously babe? I thought that me kissing him was like the most vanilla thing but you managed to take it even farther with ‘he touched my hand.’” Cassadee shoves him,

“Hey! Don’t make fun of me you’re the one who kissed him.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

“What?” Rian grows serious. “I feel like that’s something I should be sorry for.”

“I mean do you feel sorry about it?”

“Yeah, of course I do.”

“No, do you regret it?”

“Mostly.”

“Yes! There’s the hesitation I was expecting, because you like him, and I like him and he’s asleep in the next room wearing skinny jeans and no shirt because he’s a mess right now but we’re going to do our best to make him feel at home.”

Alex wakes the next morning to the sweet sound of Cassadee singing in the shower. He tiptoes down the stairs to find Rian.

“Can I borrow a shirt?” Rian looks up from where he's sitting at the kitchen table, Alex’s hands are behind his back and his hair is messed up from going to bed with it wet.

“I, uh- Yeah of course.”

“Am I distracting?” Alex laughs at him. He leans forward placing a hand on the table and leans into Rian teasingly. Rian pushes him away standing up, he leads Alex upstairs and rifles through drawers to find something that Alex won’t make fun of him for. When Rian turns to hand him the t-shirt he’d carefully selected Alex is pulling a dark green hoodie over his head and Rian sighs.

“What?” Alex asks, sticking his arms through the holes.

“Nothing,” Rian tucks the shirt back into his drawer.

“Hey,” Alex leans forward resting his head on Rian’s shoulder, “since when did you stop telling me things.”

“I don’t know Al, I’ve just been overthinking everything.” He shakes his head turning to face Alex. “What happened to us, we were so comfortable with each other.” Alex rolls his eyes.

“You know damn well what happened Ri.”

“I mean even before that things seemed off.”

“That was just a physical manifestation of what we’d both been feeling for a while.”

“Don’t get all weird on me Al it happened and now it’s over, nothing more.” Alex opens his mouth as if to speak but shuts it and leaves the room. He nods at Cassadee in the hallway and she swivels to watch him walk quickly down the stairs.

“Where’s he going?” Cassadee asks Rian who’s standing in the doorway of their room.

“How should I know.”

“He just left the room you are currently standing in in a very dejected and hurried fashion. Forgive me for assuming.” Rian just sighs as Cassadee slips into her jeans.

She buttons up her shirt and walks down stairs to find Alex. He’s running his fingers along books on a shelf, trying to make himself look busy.

“Alex, honey?” Cassadee calls making her way down the stairs.

“Cassadee, sweetheart?” He moves to meet her, smiling, charming as always.

“I’m going out.” She points up the stairs to where Rian is standing and leans into Alex, whispering. “Go talk to him.” She smiles at him as she pulls her jacket off the rack by the door and leaves.

Alex stands alone in the foyer for a few minutes weighing his options. Objective number one is to keep Rian by his side. He’s irreplaceable, he almost makes Alex want to lie. The prospect of losing him makes Alex want to say that kiss meant nothing to him. He wants to kid himself into thinking that over a decade of emotion wasn’t poured into that moment. He wants to laugh it off, he wants to go back to the way things were, but he can still feel Rian’s hands, one on his face the other grasping his hip; more than anything in the world he wants that again.

Alex and Lisa have been separated for less than 3 days, Cassadee left less than 10 minutes ago but Alex stands stock still in Rian’s house, in Rian’s hoodie and seriously considers making a move.

His bubble is burst by the sound of shaking hands playing a single open note on an acoustic guitar upstairs.

It makes him smile.

It makes him rethink everything.

Rian first asked Alex to teach him how to play guitar four years ago. It happened when he was finally starting to feel really confident in his drumming. In Alex’s opinion Rian had always been the drummer the band needed but for the longest time Rian would grit his teeth on stage and apologize profusely for every little slip. Alex tried his best to tell Rian how much he did for the band but it never seemed to set in.

One day Rian was sat next to Alex on the bus, enthralled by the intricate finger work Alex was doing so lazily.

“Teach me how to do that.”

Alex was startled but flattered. He handed Rian the guitar and stretched his legs out, tucking one behind Rian so he can watch over Rian’s shoulder. They were driving for the next nine hours so they sit like that, Alex rests his chin on Rian’s shoulder and places his hands over Rian’s guiding his fingers.

Zack sits on the couch across from them watching tv for a few hours, he offers a few helpful tips but doesn’t say much in his typical fashion.

It happens several times after that, Alex teaches Rian a few chords every time they're stuck waiting somewhere with nothing to do.

It's an idle pastime with a serious emotional charge.

Alex knows that this is an invitation, a peace offering.

He walks slowly up the stairs and sticks his head through the doorway, Rian sits with his back to the door facing the window. It’s drizzling outside so the light off the sun dances inconsistently through breaks in the clouds.

Rian plays another note and Alex approaches him, He sits like they usually do, one leg hooked around Rian’s back so Alex can see over his shoulder. He whispers softly, moving Rians fingers under his.

They sit for hours undisturbed until the door can be heard unlocking downstairs. Rian pauses, but Alex persists. Cassadee is as much a part of this as he is.

She pads cautiously up the stairs and smiles at the two of them, Alex smiles back but Rian doesn’t have the heart to face her. She gives him no choice; she sits beside Alex taking of control of Rian’s other arm. She’s strums the guitar and waits for Rian to mimic her movements, murmuring about the technicalities of hand position.

It’s the sort of quiet moment that encapsulates what they’ve all been trying to do, not just to coexist but to connect.

It’s followed by quite a few, more exhilarating moments. that eventually lead to Cassadee waking up with a fistful of brown hair which could, on one of her groggier days, be passed off as Rian’s. It’s longer and trails off to a familiar tattoo in an unfamiliar place. It is not one of Cassadee's groggier days. She knows it’s Alex from the moment she wakes and she knows Rian is just beyond him. She finds comfort in the accustomed strong arm wrapped around her shoulder.

Rian moves his fingers rhythmically through Cassadee’s hair and sits up so he can see her, careful not to wake Alex. Cassadee isn’t as cautious; the room is cold, chill from the rain outside seeps through the walls, so she scoots close to Alex and takes advantage of his warmth. He squirms at her cold touch but doesn’t wake.

“What are we going to do about this.” Rian’s words shatter the facade. Sure, he could put a kiss behind him, they kissed all the time but forgetting this wouldn’t be so easy. That isn’t what’s bothering him though he's off put by the fact he doesn’t want to forget and it doesn’t look like Cassadee does either as she’s latched around Alex, planting little butterfly kisses against the back of his neck as he slowly wakes up.

Rian almost expects Alex to scream as his eyes slowly flutter open, he expects a scramble, a big dramatic collecting of his clothes and getting the hell out of there. All Rian gets is a sleepy smile and a whiny “Cass, you’re making me cold.”

He couldn’t be more relieved.

Eventually Rian tries to get out of bed and Alex groans dramatically at him in protest.

“Please don’t leave me with Cass I’ll get frostbite.”

“You can come with me.” Rian says pulling a pair of sweatpants on, “It’s probably warmer downstairs.”

“Heat rises idiot, but I’m coming with you.”

Cassadee’s phone vibrates. She rolls over to look at it.

“Lisa.” She announces, surprised.

“Really? Please tell me she wants me to come get my stuff because wearing Rian’s clothes makes me feel like a formless lump of sand.”

“I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that.” Rian calls from the hallway.

“She does. Rian’s going to some meeting about the studio today but I’ll go with you to help carry stuff.” Alex nods.

“If I look like I’m about to cry you have to tell me though because that’ll be super embarrassing.”

“How am I supposed to know if you’re about to cry.” Cassadee assumes he’s joking.

“I’ll be about to cry the whole time you just have to tell me if I look like I’m about to cry.” Cassadee doesn’t reply. “Is it a bad idea for you to come with me? I mean like she sort of thought I was sleeping with you.”

“I don’t think it will be a big deal.” Cassadee reassures him. “Come on, let’s go have breakfast.”

Rian is sitting at the kitchen table sipping coffee from a mug that reads #1 Dad that Jack had gotten him 2 years ago on father’s day as a joke. Alex opens the fridge and pulls out a carton of eggs.

He cracks three in a sizzling pan. Two he scrambles and the third he leaves sunny side up. Cassadee narrows her eyes at him.

“How did you know that?” Rian looks up from the paper at Cassadee’s words but it's clear she's talking to Alex.

“How'd I know what?” He turns to face her.

“That I wanted my egg sunny side up.”

“I don’t know, Rian probably told me.” Cassadee doesn’t push it but she’s touched.

Alex and Cassadee leave the house before Rian does. They walk to Lisa’s house, planning to pick up Alex’s car and drive it back. Alex walks beside Cassadee cool fall air nips at their skin so he’s pulled his hands into the sleeves of Rian’s jacket, his narrow shoulders are lost in the fabric.

Alex makes Cassadee knock on the door. Lisa opens the door immediately with a look of distaste already prepared like she’d been waiting right behind the door for them to come by so she could frown at them.

“So it was you.” Lisa still stands in the doorway.

“I- uh, what?” Cassadee doesn’t know how to answer.

“He was cheating on me with you.” Cassadee looks to Alex for help he just shrugs.

“Well, no.”

Lisa rolls her eyes like she might say ‘that’s what they all say’ and steps to the side revealing a neatly stacked pile of cardboard boxes. She holds the keys to Alex’s car out towards him once Cassadee walks by.

He hesitantly takes them from her. The house key isn’t on the ring anymore. They pile boxes into the car without a word. Alex nods at Lisa as they drive away.

“Oh my god that was terrifying was she always that scary?” Alex lets out a big breath. “I should relieved but I just feel sort of sad.”

“I mean that’s valid.” Cassadee says but her heart’s not in it. “She meant a lot to you.”

“Yeah well you and Ri mean a lot to me too.” Cassadee smiles at that. “I’m excited for whatever this is.” It’s the first time any of them have really addressed it. “And I mean that in an emotional sense too not just…” Cassadee laughs awkwardly.

Rian has left by the time they get back. Alex enters the house a box in his arms and stops short.

Everything is so rushed, he doesn’t know where he’s supposed to put his things, they haven’t talked about how anything is going to work.

Cassadee pushes past him carrying two boxes.

“Come on, we’ll put your clothes in our room and figure everything else out later.” Alex is grateful for her ability to take charge. Boxes end up neatly stacked in each room respectively and Alex is back in his own clothes by the time Rian gets home. Cassadee is folding sheets in the living room, Alex is sliding across the hardwood floor in his socks to make Cassadee laugh, he's obviously supposed to be helping her fold and doing a good job of avoiding it. Rian kicks his shoes off and reaches over, snapping the back pocket of Alex’s jeans teasingly.

“You’re looking like yourself again.” His smile reveals more than his words do. Alex leans over and kisses him; it feels a little weird because Cassadee’s just standing there with one end of the sheet and she’s definitely fed up with their antics but other than that it feels right.

Cassadee carries the folded laundry upstairs and considers this an opportunity to sort out Alex's clothes situation.

He pulls a shirt out of the box and holds it up to Cassadee.

“I can't tell if my clothes are more like yours or Rian's.” Cassadee laughs. “What if instead of categorizing by person we went by substance, like it’s just a drawer full of pants and whenever you reach in you don’t know who they’re going to belong to. It’s a crap shoot.”

“Alex, please tell me I don’t have to explain why that’s a terrible idea.” He shoves her playfully.

“How do you seriously want to sort these though?”

“I don’t know. Maybe we’ll buy a third dresser.”

“I’ll buy the dresser if we get another one.”

“You’re included in the ‘we.’”

“Damn Cass, we’re less than a week in and you’re already talking about merging our bank accounts.” Rian walks in and hears this.

“I don’t want that man anywhere near my finances.”

“Please Rian, I’m not nineteen anymore.” Alex says it casually but it’s a statement that ends an entire aspect of their relationship. Rian glances at Cass who gives him a look that screams ‘I told you so.’

“I know.” Rian says quietly.

“Help us figure this out Rian.” Cassadee places a hand on Rian’s back and guides him to where she and Alex are standing.

“Why don’t we just use the drawers under the bed?” Cassadee’s face slowly turns from dawning understanding to exasperation.

“Why didn’t I think of that?” She deposits the pile of clothes she’s holding on top of those in Alex’s arms and puts two hands on his hips, guiding him out of their closet. “Come on Al, all that’s in there is board games.”

The whole house ends up getting moved around Alex feels bad about it but Cassadee and Rian insist they’ve been meaning to clean things up. It’s getting late by the time they’re done and Alex is still nervous that he’s overstepping his boundaries with every move. Cassadee and Rian can tell he’s doesn’t feel quite sure with them yet.

Cassadee pulls her bra off from under her shirt with a sigh and flops down onto the bed.

“I’m really sorry for being so much trouble. Thanks again.” Alex says for the seventh time that night and sits down next to Cassadee.

“Alex for the last time we just want you feel at home. It’s no trouble.” She pulls him back to lay down next to her. “I don’t want to hear anymore thank yous from you. Get some sleep. It's late.”

“Move over.” Rian slips his hands under Alex and scoots him closer to Cassadee so he can lay down. Alex lets out a big yawn and rests his head on Rian’s chest. Cassadee kicks off her pants and hums softly burying her face in Alex’s shirt.

“Thank you two.” Cassadee knees him in the back and he smiles. Rian bops Cassadee on the head playfully.

“You’re welcome Al.”