Shotgun for Infinity

i love you.

His voice was hurried, like he was nervous about something. He asked me to meet him at our special place. It was a secluded little diner on the outskirts of town, about a thirty minute drive from my place because I pretty much live out of city.

I'm nervous about what he wants to talk about. I had an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach, my heart was pounding and my hands were shaking. I debated calling him, making him come to me as I'd feel easy about being close to home.

But no, I'm already in the car, on my way to the diner and before I know it. I'm sitting right in front of him, with a small smile playing on my lips. I hope he knows that I'm straining to keep a smile, it's starting to hurt.
I eye him, taking in his body language and facial features. His high cheekbones, chiseled jawline, perfect plump lips and shaggy dark hair. His eyes are a soft brown and they held so much emotion. But his striking eyebrows deter the emotion, standing out and lining perfectly with his imperfections. He's hardly imperfect though, he's beautiful. Painstakingly so.

"You wanted to talk?" I question, breaking the tension. He glances at me from the corner of his eyes and takes a sip of his water.
I wait for his reply, impatiantly. He's honestly going to give me a heart attack if he doesn't tell me what's up soon.

His eyes dart around the diner, trying to look for something. I sigh, grabbing my hair lucky from my wrist and bringing it up to tie my blonde hair into a messy bun. I furrow my brows, "Freddy, if you don't tell me what's up, I'm leaving."

He sighs, running his long, skinny fingers through his locks. "I'm sorry," he says, shaking his head, eyes locking with mine.
I tilt my head to the side and shrug my shoulders. I have no idea what he's talking about.

"I want to leave this place, Jen. I hate it here," he starts, fustration in his voice. I nod in understanding, he's always hated it here. It's a small little city of only six thousand people, everyone knows everything about anyone. No matter how old you are, gossip spreads fast.

"I know," I say.

"So, I'm doing it," he says, "I've got my bag packed."

I purse my lips. "You're leaving now?"

"Yeah," he mumbles, "I'm sorry."

I look down at my hands which were in my lap. I don't even know what to think, he can't just do this to me so suddenly. He could have planned this properly and then told me - we could leave this place together.

"Why now?" I question, not using eye contact.

"Well," he starts, "I think it's the right thing to do."

I look at him, eyes watering. How can he think this is the right thing to do!? My mind was yelling at me, racing with so many thoughts. It would be a different story if it was me leaving this place and telling him like this, he'd forbid me from doing it and I'd never go.

"You are so selfish."

His eyes flash with hurt, until they suddenly harden. He licks his lips, before sinking back into his seat. We sat in silence looking at everything but each other. I was pretty much speechless, but I wanted to yell at him. Tell him he's being stupid and reckless.

But I don't and didn't. I can't because he will resent me if I try to change his mind and keep him here. He'll never let me forget it and as much as I'd love for him to stay, I can't do that.

I sniff, not wanting any tears to fall, "So that's it then? You're just going to leave and I'll never hear from you again?"

He chuckles, a small smile adorning his lips and he leans forward. "No, Jen. I'm going to be in touch."

"Later on down the track you won't, we'll just get so distant." I stress.

He sighs, "Jen..."

"You must understand how I feel about this, Freddy. You're pretty much leaving me," I say.

"I know and I get it," he rolls his eyes, "But-"

"You don't care," I interrupt, "what happened to shotgun for infinity?"

He looks down and I know for a fact that he's ashamed.

Shotgun for infinity was originally a joke between us one day. We both called it out when a mutual friend of ours was driving one night. But it was also a pact that we made together, a pact that said we'll always have shotgun in each other's lives. For infinity.

I shake my head, "Just do it. Go."

I go to stand up and leave, but he quickly reaches out his hand and clutches onto my forearm. He stops me and pulls towards him. He engulfs me in a hug, his warmth surrounds me and his scent of cinammon and axe.

"I love you," he whispers. I couldn't take it, I let the tears fall down my cheeks and I burrow my face into his leather jacket.

"Hey," he shushes, stroking the back of my head and he pulls me out of his grasp to clutch the sides of my face, "Trust me that I do really love you, Jen."

I nod, sniffling and blinking away the tears. I take in a huge breath and let it out and he uses his thumbs to wipe away water. I give him a half hearted smile.

"I want what is best for you," I mumble. He smiles and nods.

Without another word, he brings me outside, the cool air whipping against us and an arm around my shoulder. We walk to his car and we stop, just enjoying the last touch of each other and the comfortable silence.

"I'll call you, okay?" He reassures.

I look into his soft brown eyes, "I love you."

His eyes flash with something, I can't pinpoint it. But it quickly disappears as soon as possible.

He hugs me again, squeezing tightly before planting a soft kiss against my forehead. His lips were so a little chapped but warm. I close my eyes tightly, savouring the moment.
It ends all too soon and before I know it, he's down the road, looking at me in his rearview mirror and I wave.

He's my best friend. He's always been there for me, through thick and thin. I'll always love him, and yes probably more than a friend. I think I always have and I don't know why we never gave it a chance between us. He might've never left.

But life happens. It's never going to be a shotgun for infinity and no one ever will be.