Shotgun for Infinity

i love you too.

I asked her to meet me at our diner. I hope she couldn't tell the panic in my voice for having to tell her something so hard. I don't remember ever being this nervous to tell her something before. Actually, there may have been one time when I was at her house and I said I was really drunk, but I honestly wasn't, I just wanted to cuddle with her in bed.

I'm nervous when I see her arrive, noticing the gray car pull up outside the diner. I sip some water, wetting my lips and getting rid of any build up in my throat. She sits down with an awkward smile, I know she's trying to hide how panicked she is. I can feel her eyes on me, her beautiful green eyes that I've grown to be very fond of.

Her hair is in curls over her face and her face is full of makeup. As much as she looks good with makeup on, her bare face is rather pretty to me.

"You wanted to talk?" She questions, breaking the tension. I glance at her from the corner of my eyes and take another sip of my water.
I'm trying my best to prepare myself for telling her the big news. I'm not sure how she's going to react and I should know, I've known her pretty much all my life.

My eyes dart around the diner, trying to look for a distraction. She sighs and ties her blonde hair into a messy bun. She looks good. Her brows furrow, "Freddy, if you don't tell me what's up, I'm leaving."

I sigh, running my fingers through my brown hair. "I'm sorry," I say, shaking my head, locking eyes with her. Trying to decipher how she feels and hoping she would just know what I'm trying to say. Of course, she won't just know, I got to tell her. I really don't think she's going to be happy about it.
She tilts her head and shrugs her shoulders, letting me know that I was right and wouldn't pick up what I'm about to say.

"I want to leave this place, Jen. I hate it here," I start, hoping she doesn't hear the frustration in my voice. She nods in understanding, she knows I've always hated it here. I've never got along with anyone and it's her and my best mate who I really have in my life. Not even my family has priority.

"I know," she says. I'm just going to say it.

"So, I'm doing it," I say, "I've got my bag packed."

She purses her lips. "You're leaving now?"

"Yeah," I mumble, "I'm sorry."

She looks down. I don't even know what to think and it's worse because she won't look at me now. Fuck, what have I done.

"Why now?" She questions, not using eye contact.

"Well," I start, "I think it's the right thing to do."

Her eyes bolt up to look at me. Wow, did I really say that? I bet if it was the other way around, I wouldn't let her go. I guess I'm a hypocrite.

"You are so selfish."

Or that. Kind of hurt when she said that, but I can't give in. I lick my lips, before sinking back into my seat. The only thing keeping here or would keep me here is her.

I hear her sniff, "So that's it then? You're just going to leave and I'll never hear from you again?"

I chuckle, a small smile on my lips and lean forward. She doesn't know how crazy I would go without hearing her voice. It's bad enough that I have to go without seeing her face.

"No, Jen. I'm going to be in touch."

"Later on down the track you won't, we'll just get so distant." She stresses.

I sigh, wanting her to understand, "Jen..."

"You must understand how I feel about this, Freddy. You're pretty much leaving me," She says.

Not intentionally though. I've just got more opportunities to go further in life, to be able to have the freedom to create my career and find myself.

"I know and I get it," I roll my eyes, "But-"

"You don't care," She interrupts me, "what happened to shotgun for infinity?"

I look down, ashamed. Shotgun for infinity, she's really going to bring that up. I'll still always be there for her and have her back. She's a part of me, whether she knows or not.

"Just do it. Go."

She goes to stand up and leave, but I quickly reach out and clutch onto her forearm. I pull her towards me in a hug, smelling her sweet scent of perfume.

"I love you," I whisper. Perhaps I'd travel back just to see her face, surprise her on her birthday.
She starts to cry and burrows her face into my jacket.

"Hey," I shush, stroking the back of her head and clutching the sides of her face, "Trust me that I do really love you, Jen." More than you know.

She nods, sniffling and blinking away the tears. She takes in a deep breath and I wipe away the tears. She gives me the best smile she can muster and it warms my heart.

"I want what is best for you," she mumbles. I smile and nod.

I put my arm around her and we go outside, the cool arm whipping against our skin. I am honestly going to miss her. Her voice, her laugh, her smile, her touch and how caring she is.

"I'll call you, okay?" I reassure. Because I'm going to call her as soon as I get to the first pit stop and tell her I miss her.

Her green eyes lock with mine, "I love you."

My heart jumps and I enjoy the butterflies surrounding my stomach. She's never said it like that before, but then again, I've never left before.

I hug her again, squeezing tightly before planting a soft kiss against her forehead.
The last touch, I linger for a bit before hopping in my car and glancing in my rearview mirror. She waves and my heart breaks.

I wish I could have been able to convince myself to stay and try a relationship. I don't know why we hadn't, but I guess I wouldn't be leaving right now if we did.

It will always be a shotgun for infinity, always for her.