Flea Bite

The couch is plush, the soft fabric emitting a homey feeling as I sink into it, watching my distant lifelong friend pull a pale hand through his amber hair. His light brown eyes bore into my existence, unasked questions floating around the room.

Where have you been? Why did you just drop off the face of the earth? Why didn't you call? Why did you ignore me for so long? Why, why, why --

A large orange cat jumps on the back of the sofa, purring loudly as his head collides with my shoulder as he begs for attention in foolish feline ways. I pet him, giving him space to crawl in my lap.

"You look good, Rowan." Mikey breaks the silence, eyebrows furrowing together as he looks at me. I want him to ask all the questions that boil inside him, even if I don't hold any of the right answers. I don't know why I disappeared from his life, I don't know why I stopped calling, I don't know why I ignored him each time he tried to come over and repair the friendship.

"I missed you, Mikes." I offer him a small smile, an apologetic smile. He looks away for a moment, sighing. I can feel the million dollar question creeping closer.

"Why are you here, Rowan?" He pulls a hand through his hair. "It's been nearly two years. Why are you here out of the blue? What do you want?" Mikey doesn't sound mad, doesn't sound frustrated, but he sounds hurt. Hurt that I left for so long without giving him the chance to fix it.

"I was stupid, Mikey." I put my face in my hands, sighing. "We were sixteen and stupid, quick to explode over little things. I was mad, okay? I should have talked things out, I realize that now. I'm sorry for leaving you all that time ago. I regret it." I dig my nails into my leg, eyes clenched shut.

He huffs, shaking his head at me. "But why now? Why are you running back to me now? After all this time?" Why are you running back to me now? After all this time? My chest gets tight and my face flushes red as I grow offended.

"I didn't have to come here," I mutter spitefully. "I shouldn't have come here." I stand up, the cat leaping from my lap and darting off to the other room. Mikey stands up slowly, a look crossed between defeat and frustration painted across his face.

"I lost you two years ago Rowan and it hurt, okay?" Mikey grabs my hand. I look him in his eyes, trembling slightly. "You were my best friend. My soul mate. And I fucked up, I realize that. I fucked up badly and fucked up our friendship, but you never let me make it up to you. Real best friends are supposed to give the other a chance to make it up when they mess up." Mikey's eyes are wet as he futilely holds back tears, lips trembling as he speaks.

I pull my hand from his grasp. My heart beats for him, longing to have him back in my life, desperate for our one of a kind friendship to rekindle. I have Elizabeth, but a friendship like Mikey and I's is one of a kind. We're soul mates.

"You slept with my cousin, Mikey." I wipe my eyes, the tears blurring my vision. He bites at his lip, swallowing loudly. The regret lays thick in his facial expression.

"I know I did, and I regret it everyday. Sheila was a one time thing, a fling that happened when I came off my medication too suddenly, she was something that was never supposed to happen."

"She still did, Mikey. You still slept with her."

He clenches his eyes shut, sitting down on the couch and putting his face in his hands. "I know what I did, Rowan. It was wrong. You were my best friend, I knew how you felt about Sheila, but she was there. She was there in a way you'd never be able to be." He looks up at me, eyes wet with tears and face rosy with remorse.

"It's been two years, Rowan. Two years of thinking about what I did and how I could fix it. I never came up with how to fix it, but I thought it endlessly and God, I'm so sorry." He reaches for me, and this time I allow myself to melt into his touch.

Mikey and I became friends when we were five, both shut-ins who were too awkward to excel in kindergarten. We became inseparable, becoming as close as two people could possibly be. In terms of friendship, Mikey and I were soul mates. We loved each other dearly. I knew everything about him -- about his close relationship with his brother Gerard, about his fear of clowns, of his love for music and cats. He knew everything about me -- including my strong hatred for my cousin Sheila. When he slept with her, it was the ultimate betrayal.

"It's okay," I sniffle and lay my head on his lap. He runs his fingers through my hair. "I'm sorry for never fixing it. I'm sorry for disappearing and not letting you try to explain yourself. I should have at least tried. I'm sorry for being so angry."

He hums. "It's okay, Row. We're gonna be okay, yeah? The dynamic duo is back." I close my eyes, listening to him hum, allowing him to run his fingers through my hair and tell me about his life throughout the two years I've been absent.

During the entire time Mikey talks, I don't think about Frank. I don't think about his betrayal or pain he has caused me. I don't think about Venus. I lay curled on the couch, head in Mikey's lap with my eyes closed, listening to him hum and talk about his life.

I feel safe. For the first time in weeks, I feel safe.