Flea Bite

I want to be dramatic, I want to ignore Elizabeth, I want to go back in time and erase the dreadful day that brought upon the semi-public knowledge of the lust Frank and I share for each other. I want Elizabeth to forget, I want to forget. But I cannot forget, and three days after the dreadful day of knowing all, I see Elizabeth and her eyes reveal all the questions she's dying to ask.

When? How? Where? How did this all happen? How long has it been happening? Why did it happen? What caused it? Why didn't you tell me?

She graces me with an uncomfortable smile, choking out a strained hello. "You doing okay, Row?" She looks at me with a deeply sad expression, head tilting slightly. I pull a hand through my hair and sigh.

"Stop calling me that." Row. "He... he calls me that. Called me that. It's stupid, Row. I'm not a boat, I'm a person. My name is Rowan. Rowan." I gnaw on the inside of my cheek, the metallic taste bitter in my mouth.

"Are we going to talk about this?" Elizabeth sighs softly, aggravatingly. I look at the dingy floor. "What you told me... Rowan, that's pretty fuckin' big. You can't expect me to just drop it." She grabs my arm, causing me to look at her. She looks worried. She looks frustrated.

"I can expect you to forget about it." I pull my arm from her grasp. The bell rings for first block. "He forgot about it. I'm forgetting. You should just forget all about it too." I give one more shrug before making my way down the hall and going to class, my mind darting between thoughts of Frank and how I'm not forgetting and if I should or shouldn't sit with Elizabeth during lunch today.

As the day progresses, I make the decision to sit with Elizabeth, who looks at me like she has seen a ghost. I mess around with the food on my tray.

"Did he really pick Venus over you?" Her words come out slowly, I can tell she's scared to even ask. I look at her with blush on my cheeks, a solemn express displayed across my face. "It wasn't just some weird crush? Was there actual chemistry? You guys actually did stuff?"

I feel sick to my stomach. Some weird crush? Elizabeth looks at me as if she's waiting for me to say April Fools! As if my emotions, as if my feelings for Frank, are some sort of stupid joke. I shrug at her, concealing my hurt feelings.

"I wish it was just some dumb crush. There were feelings -- I, well. We met up, a few times. Hung out." I bite at my lip, anxiously anticipating my own words. "He was my first kiss. I like him so much, Elizabeth. But I'm just a stupid secret to him." I look at my friend pathetically, wanting this all to just go away.

"Oh, Rowan." She takes my hand, much like Frank did at the diner, and she offers me a soft, genuine smile. "If he picked Venus over you he's stupid. You're so prefect, Rowan. You have natural beauty, no makeup needed. You have a sweet personality and you rock at playing the 'uke. What isn't there to love about you?"

I sniffle. What she says soaks in partially, the other part of it dripping out of my head, no soaking in at all. If everything she says is true, why didn't he pick me? Why is he so awful towards me? Why hasn't he even apologized?

"He means so much to me, Elizabeth." I put my face in my hands. "I got my nipples pierced for him. I met him at two am at some disgusting diner. I...I said some awful things to him, Elizabeth." Tears trickle down my face. "I'm never going to hear from him again, am I? He hates me. Oh, God. He hates me more now than he did when we were..." What were we?

Elizabeth takes me to the bathroom and consoles me, rubbing little circles in the center of my back. I hide my face in her arm, faintly hearing someone walk into the bathroom. Loud and clearly, I hear a scoff.

"What's going on in here?" I don't have to pick my head up to know who it is -- I would know that high pitched voice from anywhere.

"Venus," Elizabeth scowls. "Can't you tell now isn't the time?" Elizabeth wraps her arm around me, causing me to stand up straight. I wipe my face clean of tears and mascara residue.

Venus gives a small fake pout. "What's the little freak got to cry about, hm? Being such a loser, probably." She juts her hip out, hand splayed across it. "Tell me about it, Rodent."

I swallow thickly, pulling away from a steaming Elizabeth. "My name is Rowan," I mutter, "not rodent. And name wise, I honestly don't think you can say anything. Your name is Venus, for Christ sake." I lean my back against the wall, wanting the little confrontation to disappear already.

Venus looks offended. "You dumb bitch," she spats. "Just wait until I tell my boyfriend." She mumbles something under her breath and storms from the bathroom, leaving a dumbfounded Elizabeth and an anxious me behind.

"Did she say her boyfriend?" I choke out. I send a pathetic look towards Elizabeth, who's giving me an equally stunned look back.

"It's okay," she says softly. The bell rings but we both ignore it. "If she is talking about Frank, what's the worst that will happen? He won't do anything... I'll be here, Rowan. It's me and you, I promise. I'll help you through this."