Flea Bite

"Are you okay?" Elizabeth is chomping on her food, giving me a curious look as I gaze across the lunch room. Frank is sitting besides a few friends, Venus no where in sight. He looks distraught, face ghastly pale. I snap out of my daze, smiling at her.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine." My stomach feels funny -- wound unrelated. No, the cut is healing decently, scabbing over almost completely. But the first day after the incident Frank didn't seem okay, he seemed distraught and preoccupied. And one singular question continues to float around my head -- is Frank okay?

She hums, going back to her food. I excuse myself, telling her I have to use the restroom. Elizabeth gives me a disapproving look, look around the cafeteria. "Are you okay to go alone, Rowan? I can come with you if you'd like." She starts to get up .

"No, no." I give her a quick smile, a reassuring smile. "It's okay, really. I'll only be a moment." Elizabeth looks reluctant to let me go alone but she nods, resting back into the uncomfortable lunch stool and resumes eating her food.

I take a small detour, positioning myself in Frank's line of vision as I walk to the bathroom. I walk slowly, anxiety bubbling in the pit of my stomach. From the corner of my eye I swear I see him look at me, demeanor turning rigid. I walk into the bathroom.

Walking towards the sinks, I stare at myself in the mirror. I have heavy bags under my eyes, my skin a mix between sickly green and deathly white. I pull a hand through my hair, changing my posture and smiling. Revolting. I feel a great sense of dissatisfaction as I look at myself, frowning deeply.

If only I was as pretty as Venus... as any of the girls that attend Belleville... I shake my head, removing the thought from my head. I can't let myself think that way, I can't let myself sink so low as to put myself down.

I turn on the sink and cup my hands, filling them with water. Bending slightly, I splash my face a few times. Eyes clenched, I clumsily work the paper towel dispenser. I dry off my face, slowly opening my eyes and feeling slightly better, cleaner.

In the corner of my eye I see someone move at the entrance of the bathroom. Whizzing around, I slowly walk towards the exit, stopping dead in my tracks when I see the one and only standing before me.

"I feel sick," he says softly, brokenly. He looks sick. I want to reach my hand forward, to embrace him, to tell him it's going to be okay, but I'm angry at him. I want to be here for Frank, to tell him I've missed him, but he hurt me in more ways than one. I feel a diversity of feelings.

"You're mad," his words are unsteady. He walks further in the bathroom, cornering me. I stumble back, trying to distance myself from him but he continues to follow me, eyes darting around. He shoves me into the middle stall.

We're clumsy, fighting for room in the stall barely meant for one. His eyes look empty as they search my face for any indication of... of what?

"What do you want, Frank?" My voice is low, scared someone will walk in and find Frank in the girl's room. "You shouldn't be in here." His hand slowly makes it way to mine, wrapping around it.

"Did you tell anyone, Row?" Frank's words sound urgent, even scared. My eyes widen slightly and I'm not sure if I should be at ease or angry that that's what he cornered me for.

"No," I huff. I don't mention Elizabeth, I imagine he's only worried about officials knowing. "I haven't told anyone. Is that the only reason you came here? To make sure you aren't in trouble?" I'm becoming angry, frustrated that he's worried about himself and not me, the person he hurt.

He scrunches his face. "I shouldn't have done what I did, Row." His words are plain but his voice cracks. Everything about Frank seems different. He doesn't seem sure about anything and he looks ill, torn up by something. By me?

"I was angry. Venus... lied to me, I guess. And I was drinking. And one thing led to another, before I knew it I was in front of you, furious and I wanted to yell and scream and God, I was so fuckin' angry. I wanted to hurt you, and it terrified me. I wanted to really, really hurt you. And I started to. I'm so sorry I hurt you, Row. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so goddamn sorry." His face turns red, tears streaking down his cheeks. This is a side of Frank I've never witnessed before.

"Frank..." The information is slowly sinking in. He wanted to hurt me. He was drinking. "What happened with Venus?" I have so many questions to ask but only that one comes flooding out.

He paws at his face, looking at me pathetically. "I left her," he croaks. "I'm done with her. She only complicated things. She wasn't even that great, honestly." He tries to smile at me, as if it will solve everything between us.

"Not that great?" I ask, bewildered. I snatch my hand from his, pushing him back slightly, only causing him to hit against the stall's side wall. He looks hurt.

"You hurt me, Frank. Rambling about how Venus was a good girl, how I was targeting her. But no, Frank." I dig my nails into the skin of my wrist, furious. "I don't know what I was thinking, developing feelings for you. God, I'm so stupid." I put my face in my hands, laughing lowly, angrily.

I'm nearing hysterical. "You're not even with her now? Oh, my god." I want to hit him, to make him feel the embarrassment and pain he's made me feel. "You've made a fool of me, Frank Iero. I gave you my all and you threw it back in my face, too goddamn pathetic to even be seen with me at school. And now I should just forgive you, because for once in your life you feel bad about something? You realize your actions have consequences?" I continue to ramble, ignoring the tears that brim at his eyes, ignoring the overwhelming desire to start crying.

"I loved you, Frank." My voice is hoarse and all I want to do is go home and forget his existence, forget the way his eyes turn red when he cries, forget that I told him I loved him.

"You've hurt me one too many times." I step back so I can open the stall. "I can't just forgive you. I can't just forget everything that happened -- you attacked me, you picked Venus over me. I can't just forgive and forget." I wipe at my eyes, ready to leave the bathroom.

"Row..." Frank sounds desperate, nearly unable to control his emotions. "Please don't do this."

I look down at the floor and shrug my shoulders. "You should have thought about your actions, Frank. You did this, not me." Not me.

Sparing him one last look, I pathetically choke out, "goodbye, Frank. Be safe."