Corruption

It took longer than Phil thought it should have for him to convince Dan that he was in fact not dead, and that he should call in the nurse to let them know he was awake. When Dan finally conceded, he seemed surprised that, as the nurse checked Dan over and asked him questions, she paid no mind to Phil – who leaned against the opposite wall, watching everything Dan did.

“What kind of fucking clearance do you have?” Dan blanched, once the nurse had left.

Phil cocked an eyebrow. “What are you on about?”

“She didn’t say anything to you! It’s like you weren’t even there!” Phil waited in silence for a few moments as he let Dan figure it out. “Can no one else see you?”

He clicked his tongue, winking at Dan. “Bingo.”

Dan stared at his lap for a few moments, eyebrow furrowed before he blurted out, “Well why the fuck not?”

Phil sighed. He knew becoming a guardian would be awful, but he didn’t realize it would be this bad. “Because no one else needs to. Are you done bein’ a right fuckin’ idiot?”

Dan scoffed. “Excuse me? I thought you were an angel, not an asshole!”

“I’m doing this as a favor for Eve,” Phil sneered. “I don’t want to guard you anymore than you want to be alive.”

Dan was close to tears. “Then why didn’t you just let me die?!” he screeched. No one wanted him, not even his own guardian angel.

Phil sighed, again, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Listen, don’t take it so personally, ok? I don’t like any of humanity. However, Eve loves you – far more than any of you deserve. She came to me sobbing because you tried to kill yourself. Did you know that? Did you know she cries every time one of you die by your own hand?!” Phil cut himself off, looking away. He was starting to get angry again, and he’d promised himself he’d make sure the only thing that killed this boy was old age – for Eve.

“Eve? Like Adam and Eve?” Dan rolled his eyes. “You do know I’m an atheist, right?”

Phil managed a strained chuckle. “You’re talking to your guardian angel; how’s atheism working out for you?”

Dan flushed. “Who’s Eve?”

Phil decided he was composed enough to face the moron he was in charge of. “I suppose you would call her ‘God’, but she always hated that term. She named herself Eve long before she’d even begun creation. She named Adam’s wife after herself.”

“God,” Dan tried, his mind rejecting the idea, as it had his whole life, despite the proof in front of his eyes. “God is real? And she’s a girl? Who calls herself Eve?”

Phil scoffed. “Eve is Eve. She is not as simple as you animals. She likes the form of a girl, so that is usually what she appears as, but she could just as easily look like a three-headed lion, so quit carrying on like an idiot and get over it.”

Dan huffed. He was getting tired of being treated like a child by this big, stupid, unbelievably gorgeous, winged asshole. He stewed in silence for a bit as Phil simply gazed around the room, bored. When Dan decided that he could not, in fact, make the angel apologize with the silent treatment, he sighed. “So what’s your deal, ugh…”

“Phil,” he supplied, irritated. “I’m an angel. Eve is my best friend. She asked me to do this for her, so here I am.” He flicked his wings slightly, brushing off some unseen dust. “There’s not much to me.”

And just like that, Dan felt small, and awkward, and unimportant all over again. There was something about Phil’s cool gaze that made Dan very aware of all his own imperfections. He was, after all, staring at perfection itself. “Why did she ask you to watch me?” he asked quietly.

Phil seemed irritated as he slid to sit on the floor. “Because you tried to kill yourself.”

“Plenty of people kill themselves every day,” Dan muttered.

“And somehow you still managed to fail,” Phil snapped.

Dan wondered if the silence, that kept falling on them, was better than his seemingly futile attempts at conversation. His angel didn’t seem in the mood for conversation. However, sitting in an uncomfortable silence seemed even worse. Luckily for Dan, Phil was equally unsettled by the quiet.

“So, rehab or mental ward?” the angel asked as he stretched his legs in front of himself.

“What?”

“Rehab or mental ward?” Phil repeated.

“What do you mean?” Dan was completely perplexed by such an odd question.

Phil chuckled. “You didn’t think you were just getting out of here Scott-free once you’d recovered, right? You overdosed on some pretty heavy shit, so you’ve got two options: you can say that you tried to kill yourself and be sent off to a mental ward, or you can say you were just chasing a high and be sent off to rehab. I’m probably supposed to tell you to tell the truth so you can get help, but which do you want to do?”

Dan thought about it. Living through his attempt at suicide wasn’t something he’d accounted for. He didn’t have a history of drug abuse in his medical records, but he was pretty sure his depression was in there somewhere. Either way, he’d be cut off from every drug but his antidepressants.

“Which one will be a shorter sentence?”

Phil laughed, and, god, it was heavenly. “You’re not completely stupid, huh? That’s good. I’m not sure though, sorry.”

Dan couldn’t tell if he was really getting on with his guardian angel. Phil’s compliments seemed backhanded, while irritation and contempt were never far from his voice. Dan was
stuck constantly flipping between self-conscious and thoroughly irritated.

“I suppose I might as well get ‘help’ or whatever,” Dan eventually muttered.

Phil hummed. “Interesting.”

“Plus, I’d probably get found out if I lied. I’m supposed to be on antidepressants; but I stopped taking them years ago.”

Phil snorted. “That’s more like what I was expecting.”

The doctor came in just then – Dan assumed she was the doctor, anyway. She looked at his chart for a moment before pulling the chair next to his bed closer to sit. “So, Mr. Howell, I’m afraid we’re going to have to have a difficult chat.”

Dan sighed. “I know.”

“Oh?” She smiled kindly. “Then would you like to tell me what you were doing with that much oxycodone in your blood?”

He blushed. He felt like admitting he was trying to kill himself made him seem attention seeking, when all he really wanted was to disappear.

“Go on then,” Phil encouraged halfheartedly, not even bothering to look at Dan.

Dan wanted to glare at him, but didn’t want this doctor to think he was even crazier. “I…” He realized he’s never said he wanted to die out loud, and suddenly, it seemed too much. The weight of that confession was too heavy. “I was…” he swallowed, trying to get rid of the lump in his throat.

“You were suffocating, is what you were doing,” Phil grumbled.

Dan sighed. “I-I’m sorry, I can’t…”

The doctor smiled kindly. “That’s ok, dear. Were you chasing a high?” He shook his head, watery eyes staying glued to the blanket in his lap. “I see.” She made a few notes. “Do you have a history of depression, Daniel?” He nodded slowly. “And who do you see for that?”

“N-No one. I stopped going years ago,” Dan mumbled.

Phil scoffed in the corner. “Figures.”

The doctor was kind to Dan. She talked him through what had happened to him since he was admitted. They talked about where Dan could go after he was released, and what it would be like.

“Oh, and one last thing,” she gave Dan a sad smile as she stood. “We’re going to need to release you into the custody of a friend or relative. You’ve demonstrated that you’re a danger to yourself, so you’ll need to have someone come to pick you up tomorrow.”

Dan waited until she was out of the room to turn to Phil, a pleading look in his eyes.

Phil arched an eyebrow. “What?”

“I need you to be the person they release me to,” Dan’s bottom lip jutted out. “Please?”

Phil sighed. “Don’t you have someone you can call?”

“No!” Dan exclaimed, too quickly. “I-I mean I do, but I don’t want anyone to know.” He flushed.

The angel’s eyebrows drew together. “Don’t you lot pull these stunts for attention in the first place?”

Dan fidgeted as shame filled his gut. “I didn’t. I don’t want everyone’s attention. I don’t want anyone’s attention. My mother would be so upset…”

Phil took his time, gaze wandering up and down Dan’s crumpled form a few times before he sighed. “Fine, but you still have to go to your rehabilitation or whatever.”

Dan nodded. “Ok.”

They fell back into silence for a while. Phil thought about home while Dan thought about how he would explain his sudden disappearance. When Phil eventually came out of his daydream, a thought occurred to him.

“Dan, if you’re in the hospital, didn’t someone have to find you? Doesn’t someone already know?” When he received to answer, Phil lifted his head. Dan had fallen back to sleep.

Phil sighed. He supposed it could wait.