Inside My Arms

My mom keeps scrubbing the carpet.
The rusted stain pulled itself together.
Defeating every kind of chemical to stay intact.

She scrubs it more.
This time the chemical breaks it away.

I spend two weeks watching over her.
The fragile state she's in.
It's not a good idea to leave her alone.

Frank drops by a few time.
Offers flowers to my mother.
She ends up crying.

Gerard drops by a few times too.
Wanting a story.
Ending with the door in his face.

Amy whines a lot.
The sound scared her to bits.
She won't come out of my room.

I don't know what to do with anyone anymore.
I had it so organized.
How I treat people, pleasure them.
Now, its so disorganized.
That I'm loosing my sanity.

I needed to go for a walk.
Frank offers to watch over my mother.
I accept.

I go to the cemetery.
Knowing exactly where my father is buried.

I walk over.
And stare at the tomb for a long time.
Then spit on the dirt covering my father.

I look forward.
To see a figure I recognized.
A chubby figure in black.
Putting flowers on a grave.

I don't want to bother him.
So I leave Gerard and his love one alone.
To stare at my suppose love one.
But I ended up spitting on it more.
Then kicking dirt on the clean tombstone.

I can't hold it in.
For two weeks I had nothing.
But I was pouring with such hate.
That I fell on the floor.
Burying my face into the ground.

Two arms comforted me.
Picking me up, and holding me.
I look to see it was Gerard.

Tears fell down my face.
Watering up my vision.

I bury my face into his chest.
Cringing myself to his skin.

"Polly, come inside my arms."

I do so.
And rest my body
till it finally calms down.

He wipes away my tears.
Putting the hair out of my face.

"Don't stop crying. I'll be here to wipe your tears away," he tells me.

I couldn't cry anymore.
My tears have dried up.
My hate vaguely there.
I decided to do something I haven't been able to do in nine years.

I forgive you, dad.