Inside My Arms

We're still standing over my dad's grave.
I can finally relax.
I can finally forgive him.

Gerard looks at me.
Concern and curiosity filling up his face.

"Polly, are you okay?" He whispered.

I laugh to myself.
It's funny.

Nine years ago he was my hero.
I was his princess.

"Y'know Gerard, I never did told him 'I love you' when he left."

"I know how you feel. I never told my Grandmother I loved her before she left," he bitterly said.

I held his hands.
No one was here.

"Tell me about your Grandmother."

"Oh man... she was the greatest. She was the one who taught me how to sing. The one who inspired me to draw. I just wish I can spend her last few minutes with her."

I felt jealous.
I never had someone who meant so much to me.

"What about you?" Gerard asked me.

"I don't remember him," I told him.

I hate lying.
But I got so used to it.

I remember every moment I had with him.
How he used to hold my hand.
When I was scared of the thunder.
How he used to carry me in his arms.
How he would take me everywhere.
Because I was the love of his life.

But I blocked my memories.
Up until I was nine.
Kept it in my heart,
and locked it in.

But it couldn't stay away.
It had to come out.

I could feel his evil touch.
His evil eyes crawling up my skin.

My hero a villain?
I couldn't believe it.

Walking around drunk.
Smashing everything to bits.

I went to sleep with my mom.
She was gone when I woke up.
I only saw the devil itself.
He grinned.

Took my innocence away,
with all my happiness.

My mother?
Where was she?
At work.

It seems like all she ever did back then was work.

My relationship with my father was gone.
In a blink of an eye.

He never did realized what happened between us.
The chemicals in his brain messed his memory so much.
How could he live with himself if he remembered?

But something ruined him.
Put the gun in his mouth.
Shot once.
Down he goes.

No excuse.
I was ruined before he would be.
I blame him for my distant character.
My destructive manners.

I couldn't think of this anymore.
It hurts my chest.

I looked to Gerard.

"Can you walk me home?" I asked.