Inside My Arms

My parent's relationship
was so strained.
So emotionally and physically
abused.
That I never got a chance
to let anyone in my life
without being so scared.

And I'm very scared right now.
Being with Gerard.
And us advancing through
many levels in the relationship.
It just makes me want to run away.
Because I don't want him to hurt me
like how my parents used to hurt each other.

After my visit with my mother.
Gerard took me out to the movies.
Watched a teen drama.
And laughed to its corny actors.

But that's not the part where I got scared.
Its when he took me home.
And went up the bedroom with me.

We were just making out.
But one thing led to another.
With clothes flying off.
And our minds expanding.
That I forgot I'm a virgin.
And it would be my first time.

I wanted my first time to be with him.
I thought about it a couple of times.
And when the time finally came.
I freaked out.
And started to cry.

I couldn't do it.
I pushed him off.
Crawled myself out of my bed.
And Amy started to bark at Gerard.
Afraid he hurt me.

But I think I hurt him
more than him hurting me.

It was his skin.
It felt like thousand.
Wait no, millions.
Of his filth was crawling on my skin.

I felt so dirty.
And scared shitless out of my mind.

He got up.
Put on his clothes.
And walked towards me.

"What's wrong Polly? Please tell me. Did I hurt you?"
He asked.

He started to freak out.
Cause I was freaking out.

And when he asked me that.
I thought about my father.
And how he touched me like that.
And it made me cry even more.

To the point.
Where I put on my clothes.
And ran out the door.
Out my house.
To the arms of Frank's.