Inside My Arms

But he never stopped.
And we were getting so close to his house.

I jogged to him.
And walked with him.

We were in front of his doorstep.
He opened the door,
and kept it opened.

I took it as my cue to come in.

I closed the door gently.
Careful not to wake anybody up.
Since it was almost midnight.

Gerard went into the hall.
I followed him.
He was going to the basement.
And I followed him.

To be welcomed by a bed at the corner.
Loads of drawings and comic books on the floor.
And clothes that looked as if it had been tossed around quite a bit.

He sat on his bed.
I walked over and sat next to him.

"I don't get you Polly,"
he bitterly said.

"What's there to get?"

"Everything!"
He exclaimed.

I narrowed my eyes.

"What?"

Gerard turned to look at me.
He grabbed my hands.
I tried to resist.
But his grip was tight.

"I don't understand why you keep to yourself so much. Why you always give me half answers. Why you always seem to be in a hurry to return home. Why you tremble at my touch. Why you try to ignore me when I try to hold hands with you. Why you look in such pain whenever I touch you. Why you never talk about yourself. Why every time I look at you, you look so sad."

A lump was crawling up my throat.
I didn't know what to say to him.

He was still holding my hands.
But with greater pressure now.

"I question your love for me everyday,"
he whispers.

I say nothing.
And keep quiet.

"I feel as if I'm pulling all the weight in our relationship. Polly, I care for you. I'm beginning to love you. But I don't know if I can do this anymore."

My lump was the size of a saucer.
I couldn't swallow it down.
It became too big.

Gerard released my hands.
I stared at them.

Too afraid to face him.

"Are you breaking up with me?"
I asked quietly.

"I'm asking for a break. I need some time to myself."

I couldn't look at my hands anymore.
I stared at the wall.

"Just like that. You can just throw me out of your life just like that,"
I gritted through my teeth.

"Don't put it like that Polly."

I couldn't bear this anymore.

I got up from his bed.
Walked the stairs to the door.
To slam it harder than necessary.