Disenchanted

Tell me it's nothing
Try to convince me
That I'm not drowning
Oh let me tell you, I am...

Two headlights. A sickening crunch. Sirens. Blood. Deep, sickeningly dark red blood that surrounded me every where I turned. It was all I could focus on.

I could feel my heart quicken in desperate panic as I tried to budge, but was unable to move. I blinked and in a flash I saw Madison’s horrified eyes staring at me as the glow of red and blue emergency lights dissipated into the night sky.

“Chris!” She whimpered, her grey orbs filling with heavy tears as she fought to reach out to me, but her right hand seemed to be twisted in an odd position that made it pretty clear it was broken. She looked to be on the verge of a break down, a hair away from choking out unrelenting sobs and most of all, she looked afraid--more afraid than I’d ever seen her in my life. I could feel every vein in my being freeze to a halt as I knew that despite looking injured herself, she wasn’t worried about her own well being. She was worried about me. “Chris, please! Please wake up!” She pleaded, the desperation in her voice reaching maximum.

I frowned at her, again trying to move my body, but something was holding me back. Despite this, I tried to calm my sister. “I’m awake.”

“Wake up!” She repeated more firmly, as if I hadn’t said a word.

“I’M AWAKE!” I shouted, raising my voice over the growing sirens. They had to be close now. But again, she didn’t seem to hear me.

“Goddammit Christina, you’re really starting to scare me!” Madison cursed my name as she finally broke free from her seatbelt. But as she did, she leaned forward and turned once more towards me before letting out a sharp gasp, her non-broken hand flying to her mouth in shock. “No. No. No. This can’t be happening. Chris, you’ll--” She gulped, the previously unshed tears silently falling down her blood-stained cheek. “You’ll be fine.” She sucked in another sharp gasp of air as it was getting harder for her to do much else other than cry. “God, please be fine...”

I was now in a full panic, my heart thumping wildly in my chest as I my eyes dared to look down at what had Madison so worried.

And, just as the sirens approached us, the red and blue lights bright as they bathed us in their hues...that’s when I saw it.

It was a piece of scrap metal that had somehow managed to tear off from the car that’d hit us and shoot thru the windshield. Among the rest of the wreckage, it shouldn’t have been anything special considering the vast amount of damage we were currently in the center of. But the one thing that set this specific piece of metal apart from everything else?

It was currently impaled deep in my stomach.

I awoke with a jolt and a sharp scream, shooting myself upright in the horror I had just freed myself from. I could feel my heart beat wildly in my chest and sweat freely dripping down my slick skin as if I’d run a marathon. I tried desperately to calm down, but the uneasy feeling over just how real the nightmare had been plagued my thoughts. It was like my subconscious was trying desperately to make sense of the loss of time, piecing together a worst-case scenario from the basic intel I had been given the day before, which is to say wasn’t much. The doctors, my mother and Jack had all been pretty tight lipped when it came to the extent of the trauma I’d gone thru following the accident, but considering I’d been pretty much standing in front of death’s door, I assumed it had been bad.

I took a shaky, uneven breath as I tried to calm my heart rate, but my imagination had stubbornly taken over the reigns, slapping me once last time as it tried filled in the blanks with horrifying detail. Like movie-stills, I could picture the terror in Madison’s eyes, the blood, the glow of the sirens--it all was seared in my memory as if it had actually happened.

I shook my head. I was crazy if I thought that’s what actually happened. What I had dreamed about was far too graphic to be true. I was alive, in one piece, and I was pretty sure I would’ve known by now if I’d been impaled by metal. Kinda seems like something you tell someone after waking up in the hospital. Plus, wouldn’t Madison have been more emotional seeing me survive such an ordeal had I actually been that badly injured? I certainly hope so, anyway.

I sucked in another slow, shallow breath as my heart finally started to calm down, cursing my imagination every step of the way. Why did I have to create such vivid dreams? I mean, I had always had an imagination but damn, the amount of detail in this last one was certainly one for the books.

My eyes slowly drifted to the right side of the bed, expecting Jack to be snoring soundly or maybe peering at me in worry with half-awake eyes. With the sudden movements and scream to boot, I had made quite a ruckus.

But I frowned when I found myself alone, curled up in the black and purple comforter on Jack’s bed. The crisp morning sun had clearly been up for a few hours at least as it shined thru the curtains, illuminating the otherwise darkened room in a warm glow.

I turned my head to look at the small digital clock on the nightstand next to Melody’s baby picture only to find a folded piece of paper gently lying on top of it. I grabbed it and quickly scanned its content, recognizing Jack’s handwriting instantly.

Had to take Melody to school, but I’ll be back shortly, I promise. Feel free to help yourself to breakfast. I know you and kitchens don’t mix, so the cereal’s on top of the fridge if you’re worried about starting a fire.

-Jack

Right. Melody had kindergarten to attend.

I sighed to myself, a bit relieved that Jack wasn’t there to witness the results of my nightmare. I bet I was a sight to be had with my messy hair and pale, clammy body. Sexy, I know.

Unwilling to take the feeling of my skin drenched in sweat a moment longer, I peeled the comforter off of me like a second skin before walking the three or so feet to the adjoining master bathroom.

After observing the walk-in marbled shower’s knobs, faucet and shower head, it didn’t take long before I figured out how to run myself a much needed shower. I welcomed the flow of water with open arms, letting it douse my body as I scrubbed myself as clean as I could.

Once satisfied, I turned off the water and hopped out of the glass-panelled shower, a white towel wrapped loosely around me. Initially, I was strictly focusing on the mundane task of getting dry, wiping away all the drops of water left on my body before I removed the towel to blot-dry my long dirty blonde chunks of hair, removing the water as best I could. It was as I was doing this that I happened to glance up at my reflection in the mirror just above the sink.

Now, I know I’d seen my reflection hundreds of thousands of times, but this was different. I froze, numbly setting the now-damp towel on the sink’s counter as I realized it was the first time I’d had a proper look at myself in five years. Back when I’d been at the hospital my mind had been muddled, too focused on the shock of what was going on to bother with such a simple thing as looking at myself in the mirror. But now, here I was, finding myself totally hypnotized by the person staring back at me.

Delicately, I raised my hand to my cheek, grazing my fingertips against my jaw bone as if to double check it was really me I was currently looking at. Of course it was. I instantly recognized the hazel-grey tint to my eyes, the muddy blonde hue my hair took anytime I was inside, the birthmark just under my left ear--it was all there. Hell, even the scar on the bridge of my nose from the cat-from-hell that Anna tried to rescue that one time was just as tiny and barely present as ever.

At the thought of scars, my eyes found themselves wandering further down my body. I mentally prepared myself for giant, hideous marks that’s forever remind me of what I’d lost.
But much to my surprise, instead of a monster worthy scar that Frankenstein would be proud of, the only thing that graced my eyes was my plain, non-scarred skin. My eyes widened as I dipped my head to look directly at my stomach, my fingers smoothing out even the tightest bit of skin as I was determined to find at least some kind of deformation, something that would solidify in my mind once and for all that I’d gone thru what they said I had.

There was nothing. Not even a stretch mark.

Hell, there wasn’t even a scar to show I’d gone thru a c-section, which I naturally assumed they’d done to save Melody after the crash. Oddly, my body was spotless, just as non-scarred as it had been back before I’d gotten pregnant. I glanced up at my face, about to inspect it closely once more when I heard the front door open and close.

Jack was home. I could hear the light thumping from his feet as he made his way upstairs. “I’m back!” He declared as his voice got louder and I assumed he entered his bedroom, though I couldn’t physically see him yet as the bathroom was perpendicular to the master bedroom. He was silent for a second as he noted the bed he’d left me in was empty. “Where are you?”

“I’m in here.” I sighed, dropping my hands to my side in exasperation. I didn’t know why I was suddenly so desperate to find flaws, but I was, and I was thoroughly disappointed when I couldn’t find any. Still staring at my reflection, I pursed my lips, about to ask Jack if any futuristic technology existed that removed scars when I heard a gasp escape his lips.

“Oh, you’re-not-clothed...” He said in a rush, his eyes immediately shooting up to the ceiling, suddenly refusing to look at me.

I furrowed my brows, not understanding his problem. “Um. Yeah. You’ve seen me naked tons of times--”

I bit my tongue from adding ‘You’ve done a lot more than that.’

“Yeah, but you still could’ve warned me.” Jack replied, looking less than pleased that I’d stripped, dare I say, frustrated?

“What?” I shook my head, scrunching up my nose in utter confusion. “Jack, you’re not making any sense. You’re acting like you’ve never seen me naked before. We’ve had sex and for God’s sake we have a kid together. ”

Jack shifted his weight, his gaze stubbornly fixed to the ceiling as he grimaced, “It’s...it's just been a while, okay?”

I froze, my annoyance dissipating as I instantly understood what he was trying to imply in so little words. “You mean...it’s been that long since you’ve seen a woman’s body?”

He opened his mouth to reply when the doorbell rang and just like that, whatever he was going to say, whether he was going to admit it or deny it, I couldn’t be sure, was gone. His shoulder’s slumped as he muttered, “Can you just please find something to wear? I’ve got a friend waiting downstairs...” Then, without a glance towards me he turned his back and walked out the door, leaving me absolutely speechless.

First the lack of a kiss, then the stiff reaction to cuddling in bed, and now this? What the hell was going on with Jack?

I grumbled this to myself as I returned to the bedroom, quickly gathering the clothes I’d been wearing the day before and put them on. It wasn’t like I had much of a choice, being that they were still my only change of clothes but figured they’d be fine enough to have on while I went down to inspect who’d stopped by the house. I ran a comb through my still damp hair and within minutes I was presentable once more.

As I made my way down the stairs, I could hear Jack conversing with someone. His voice was low, but I could still easily make it out. “...be careful, okay? She’s been thru a lot and the last thing I want to do is--” He froze as the stairs creaked underneath my step. His head popped around the corner to watch me with new concern. His lips broke out in an odd smile, as if he hadn’t had his freakout a moment before. “Hey, guess who came to visit!” He told me, throwing an arm out in welcoming as I cautiously finished those last few steps down the stairs. I crept forward and peered in the other room, not appreciating the way he turned on a dime like that, but was curious none the less who he was talking to. Immediately my mouth dropped for the up-teenth time that day, but for once it was out of pleasant shock.

“Jo!” I laughed in disbelief over the woman who stood in Jack’s living room. I had to do a double take for a second as she looked about as far from her 2011 counterpart as she could get. Gone was the midnight-black eye makeup, gone was the jet black, stick straight locks of hair. Instead she’d substantially eased up when it came to her looks department and she now looked, dare I say it, approachable, instead of scary like when I’d first met her.

I couldn’t get over it. Here she was, blending well in LA’s socialite status with her coture purse and designer sunglasses, yet there was still that spark of that rebel in her. I wasn’t sure if it was that devious twinkle in her eye or what, but something told me that despite the addition of balayage highlights and stilletto heels, she could still kick ass if need be.

“Hey, Lawson.” She winked, raising an amused brow as she smirked. “How’s the future treating you so far?”

I rolled my eyes. Was ‘weird’ enough of an answer for her? I inwardly sighed, deciding that I should probably come up with a better answer than that, shrugging as I did so. “It’s taking some getting used to, but I’m adjusting.” I told her, giving her half of the truth. In reality, I had a feeling ‘adjusting’ to this new life, both personal and career wise (or lack thereof? I really wasn’t sure...) would take more than a few days to adjust to properly.

She smiled at my response. “Well, if anyone could adjust, it’s you. And besides, if I know Jack, I’m sure he’s doing everything he can to help make this easier on you.” She glanced over towards Jack, whose lips had curled in a small smirk at Jo’s complement.

I nodded slowly, having thought this yesterday at the hospital before I’d agreed to come stay with Jack, but now? Now I was torn. I loved him, but there was something definitely going on. I didn’t tell her this though. Instead, I forced the widest, most earnest grin I could muster and told her, “He sure is something, isn’t he?”

She let out a low laugh under her breath, “Oh, don’t I know it.” She turned to meet Jack’s gaze once more. “He’d been helping me out at the studio with the backing tracks for some up and coming pop star I agreed to produce, and let me tell you, Chris, he’s been an absolute lifesaver.”

My smile faltered slightly, for whatever reason feeling an odd, sinking in the pit of my stomach over Jo gushing about Jack that way, but I tried to respond happily, “Yeah...he told me you’re a producer now. That’s so amazing, Jo!” That last bit wasn’t a lie. I still found it wonderful that she’d made such a name for herself despite all the setbacks with Midnight disbanding after the accident.

She nodded proudly. “Thank you! It’s a really great gig, you know? I get to work with all sorts of artists and help them create music that really means something.”

“Yeah, you should hear the top 20 charts now--at least half of it Jo had a major hand in.” Jack added brightly. “She’s changing the face of music!”

Jo scrunched her nose, reluctant to be given that much credit as she meekly asked him, “For the better, I hope?”

“Fuck yeah!” He scoffed, as if it were obvious. “You think I’d be working with you if I didn’t think that?”

At the mention of work, Jo perked up. “Speaking of which, I was hoping you’d come back with me to the studio this afternoon to work some more on the track we started?” She paused, her eyes darting towards me, and for a second I could’ve sworn she forgot I was even standing there. “I hate to tear you away from Christina like this, but you know I’ve got the deadline and the execs breathing down my neck.” She explained, clasping her hands in prayer. “Please, Jack? I promise we’ll finish before Melody gets out.”

He bit his lip, looking hesitant to leave me so suddenly. “Uh, I’m not sure...”

Jo’s lips drew into a plump pout. “Aw, come on. It’ll be quick!”

I sighed heavily, realizing that she wasn’t going to let up if he didn’t agree. Besides, he would be doing her a favor, and it wasn’t like I couldn’t survive a few more hours alone. I was a big girl. Which was why I waved off her pout before Jack could reply. “No, it’s fine. You two go work on that song of yours.”

Her eyes shot to me in shock while Jack’s practically bugged out of his sockets. “Really?” he stuttered. “You sure?”

“Yeah, it’s fine.” I repeated with a flick of the wrist. “Now go before I change my mind.”

They barely got out a wave in thanks before they high-tailed it out of Jack’s house, leaving me with that twisting, sinking feeling once more despite telling myself that this was Jack and Jo I was talking about. I shouldn’t be so concerned about them spending time together, especially since they’d be in the studio in a strictly professional environment. As long as I’d known Jo, I’d seen her treat Jack like family despite being as unrelated as one can be. He treated her like another sister, and equally she treated him like a brother. I could trust them....

I could trust them.