Disenchanted

I'm coming apart at the seams
Pitching myself for leads in other people's dreams now
Buzz, buzz, buzz
Doc, there's a hole where something was
Doc, there's a hole where something was

Jack was going to marry Jo.

Jack was going to marry Jo. The idea, even now, seemed completely absurd and made every inch of my body ache at the mere thought. They’d been friends since before I’d even met Jack, so any sort of romantic feelings should have been made abundantly clear by the time I’d entered the picture. Why would my accident, of all things, bring them to realize they’d harbored something more than friendship all those years? It stung to know that I’d unwillingly had a hand at making their blooming romance possible, almost as much as it had stung to see Jo’s engagement ring in person.

I had to get away, away from all of it. My feet seemed to have a mind of their own as I walked the streets of LA and my head was too overwhelmed after that devastating emotional blow to stop them. In a daze I put one foot in front of the other, feeling absolutely numb until I suddenly found myself standing in front of the last place I’d truly felt safe, the last place I’d felt at home.

Our old apartment.

I stared at the familiar hardwood door, noting how on the outside, it looked as if nothing had changed since the last time I’d been there. I vaguely recalled having to get ready for some dinner with Madison and how I’d complained about my tent-like dress. I thought back a bit farther, to the last time I had been with Jack before the accident. I had been mad at him for some stupid reason, but after everything that had followed, the anger had seemed more superficial than ever. How I wished to go back to that moment, to run into his arms and have him tell me he loved me again.

I gulped, realizing that after everything that’d happened with Jo, discovering the lost city of Atlantis was more likely than ever hearing that come from his lips again.

Feeling the sudden urge to be inside the familiar walls of the old apartment, I clenched my right hand into a tight fist and knocked on the door in quick succession before I could chicken out. As soon as I did, I took a nervous step back as it sunk in what I’d just done, knocking on a stranger’s front door like that. What would I even say? Hey, sorry to bother you, but I used to live here five years ago and I just found out that my boyfriend is actually getting married to one of my friends, so can I just come in and sit in your living room for a bit so I can daydream of my life before things all went to shit?

Yeah. That would go over well...

But, before I could think of anything better, the door shot open to reveal not a strange face like I’d been expecting, but that of Cassadee. Her eyes widened as she took in my presence. “Chris?” She gasped as she threw an arm around me in a tight squeeze. “Oh my God, what’re you doing here? I thought you were staying with Jack?”

“I was...” I muttered as she pulled back a moment later, her dark grey eyes looking at me in worry. “Then I found out about Jo and I don’t know, I guess I just thought I needed to be somewhere where the memories weren’t tainted yet so I came here and I didn’t know you lived here--”

“Hey, it’s alright.” Cass stopped me, giving me a weak smile before leading me inside.

I nodded, sniffling as I did so. I touched my cheek to find they were once again damp. I hadn’t even realized I’d been crying. “I’m sorry for intruding like this.” I apologized honestly.

Cass shut the door behind us, shrugging my apology off. “Come on, Chris. You’re always welcome.”

I just nodded again, unable to will myself to smile at Cass’ gracious gesture. “Thanks...” I muttered as I finally got the courage to look around the apartment I had been so desperate to see again. “Wow, it’s hardly changed. Is it just you here, or...?” I raised a questioning brow as my sentence faded.

“Me and Rian.” She corrected with a light grin.

Well, at least some of us could stay together after five years. “That’s great.” I bobbed my head, trying to keep my voice casual despite feeling like an absolute failure myself.

Cass, knowing me so well, saw right through this. “Hey, it’s not your fault what happened with Jack...” She peered at me as she carefully added, “And if it makes you feel any better, we’re all totally against their relationship. You should’ve seen how angry Alex got at Jack when he said he was going to propose to her.”

“Alex was angry at Jack?” My eyes widened in disbelief. They were like two peas, best friends that were forever attached at the hip. I couldn’t ever picture Alex lashing out at Jack, it was such an obscure scenario.

She nodded. “Yeah, he wouldn’t talk for him for like a week after. He couldn’t understand how Jack would give up on you like that, especially with Melody and everything. None of us could, really. It’s been, uh, rough on the band...”

I stared at her for a second, shocked that there’d actually been turmoil among the band, most of all that it’d been because of Jack and his decision to be with Jo. I thought back to the two years I spent around the boys of All Time Low, and not once did I experience anything more than a bicker between them. “I can’t believe this.” I muttered, running a hand through my wispy blonde hair.

Cass sighed, and I could tell she was having trouble thinking of how to respond. “Maybe...maybe Jack’ll come to his senses?”

If only.

I licked my lips, barely lifting my shoulder in a half-shrug. “I...I don’t know, Cass.” I told her sadly, and I admit, after everything I didn’t think I’d have the strength to fight for Jack. As far as I was concerned, I’d lost everything. “When I confronted him about it...the way he kept looking at Jo, I swear it was how he used to look at me. He loves her. And I...” My voice broke as I choked back more tears. “I just don’t know what to do...”

Cass looked defeated, unsure how to console me. I couldn’t blame her, of course. I’m sure I looked like an absolute mess. Eventually she resorted to placing a few calming, rhythmic pats on my back as I silently cried. “Oh, Chris...”

“I just don’t understand.” I continued through the tears, the anger over the whole situation beginning to bubble in the pit of my stomach once more. “Why didn’t he tell me before? Hell, technically he didn’t tell me at all! I had to find out on my own, and when I confronted him and told him I was leaving, you know what he said?” She raised a brow, waiting for me to tell her. “He said, ‘Sally, please don’t leave me.’” I shivered as his voice echoed in my mind, haunting me with his desperate tone.

In a flash, something changed in Cass. It was as if the mention of Jack’s words flipped a switch inside of her and in an instant her face morphed from one of worry, to one of pure dread. “Chris,” She whispered, her voice barely audible all of a sudden as her eyes bore into mine. “You need to come back.”

“Come back?” I frowned, thrown off from her scary shift in emotion.

“Please,” She begged as if I’d said nothing, mirroring that same desperation I’d heard from Jack before.

I took a cautious step back from her, suddenly feeling uneasy. “Cass, what’s going on?”

“Please fight this.” She whimpered.

“What the hell are you talking about!” I snapped, the confusion coming back tenfold as I grabbed her arms in hopes of snapping her out of it. “What do you--”

My vision went blurry, suddenly flashing back to the hospital. Those God-awful bright lights. The beeping from the machines. The doctors surrounding me in sky-blue scrubs, polished metal equipment at the ready.

Then, the scene changed as I saw the pair of headlights again zooming towards me in the dark. The sirens. Madison’s terrified eyes as she begged me to wake up.

My vision flashed again and this time I saw Jack. But this wasn’t like I’d seen him last. He looked like he hadn’t slept for days, eyes red, blurry, and puffy as if he’d been crying. Again, his words flew to the forefront of my mind. “Sally, please don't leave.”

With a jolt my sight finally cleared as I once again found myself in front of a wide-eyed looking Cassadee. “Uh, Chris? Are you okay?”

I opened my mouth to respond, but all I could think of was how real those flashes had felt, how Jack’s words shook me to my core. “I--I...” I stuttered, willing myself to come up with some sort of response when the flashes hit me again, but this time harsh wave of dizziness accompanied it. I stumbled back as my body uncontrollably began to sway. I tried desperately to gain control, taking a shaky breath as I did. The nausea was relentless, spinning my head wildly in an endless, out of control ferris wheel until I couldn’t take it anymore. My eyes rolled to the back of my head. I could feel my body begin to shut down, wavering until it couldn’t stand tall a second longer. My limbs gave out and I fell to the ground with a hard thud.