One Less Chair

Max woke to Mike’s sons curled up on the air bed with them. His favorite three men snored in perfect harmony, causing Max to smile wide. He grabbed his phone and snapped a quick photo of all of them on the mattress together, captioning it, “The family that sleeps together, stays together,” and throwing it up on Twitter before gently pulling away from his family. The young boys slid perfectly into his warmth and he smiled fondly before making his way into the kitchen to make coffee.

Jason arrived with his daughter in the midst of Max’s coffee making, and he sent her to find her grandparents before making his way over to Max. Usually, it took Jason a minute to relax around Max, but this time he went straight for a hug, holding his brother-in-law tightly. Max relaxed into it gratefully. The Shinoda family always gave the best hugs.

After a minute, Jason pulled away, rubbing Max’s shoulders gently. Max gave him a weak smile as Mike walked into the kitchen, a huge yawn making its way past his open mouth. He pressed a kiss to Max’s forehead and poured himself a cup of coffee as the sound of kids waking and excited squealing wafted in through the door to the living room.

“How is everything?” Jason asked, clearly edging around the subject. His awkwardness made Max feel awkward.

“We’re managing,” Max said as Mike and Jason’s parents made their way into the kitchen. Mike’s mom said hello to everyone and poured herself some coffee before going to watch the kids. Jason nodded at Max’s statement.

“If there’s any way I can help…” Mike clapped his shoulder, face wary. He looked so aged, so tired, and it made Max’s soul hurt. He wished he could take away Mike’s pain, hold it all so Mike could be himself again. Max was used to being troubled all the time, but Mike did not carry his troubles well.

The four men talked quietly, waiting for their bodies and minds to catch up to the fact that they were awake. After a while, Max set aside his coffee to go change, ready to go out with Mike’s mother. Mike followed him through the house, closing the door to his room behind them.

“I’ve been thinking,” he started carefully. Max turned to him as he pulled on a new sweater, eyebrow cocked. “Maybe… maybe we should sell the house.” Surprised, Max paused, staring at his husband with wide eyes. “It’s… we don’t use the studio there anymore and it’s just large for no reason. I was thinking we could downsize to something more… homey.” Max bit his lip. They’d gone through so much trouble to get it - Chester had, really - it felt like a slap in the face to turn around and sell it. “Just think about it, okay?” Max nodded numbly and Mike rubbed his shoulders. “I was also thinking we should get a dog. For you.”

“For me?” Max said, slightly surprised. The boys had been asking for a dog for quite some time, so Max assumed if anything, it would be for them, but Mike had specifically implied it would be for him.

“Yeah. A… An emotional support dog.” Max’s expression shut down and immediately Mike tried to backtrack. “I was talking to Amalia and she suggested it might be a good idea. After finding Chester and the nightmares and your mom - “

Max held up his hand and Mike stopped babbling, concern etched on his features. Max finished changing and left the room, exhaustion begging him to go back to bed and act like this morning had never happened. Like the past week and a half was a figment of his imagination. Teddy screeched as he ran past Max, the other kids following with impish grins on their faces. Max watched them run by, expression unchanging, and turned to Mike’s mother, who offered him a gentle smile.

“Let’s go, Maxy.”

---

Max paced anxiously in his living room as everyone gathered on his couches. Talinda hugged herself as she watched everyone file in and get comfortable, eyes tired. When Max was finally able to approach her, she had hugged him and refused to let go. He didn’t admit to her that he needed that hug much more than she did.

Mike was sitting in his favorite recliner, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, leg jittering with anxiety. Everyone was somber, eyes tired and red like they hadn’t slept in years. Once everyone sat, Mike stood, unable to keep his anxious energy at bay.

“We’re selling the house,” he finally said. “We’ve spoken at length with Talinda and we decided it’s the best course of action.” There were a few surprised glances, mostly between the wives, but no one said anything. “We’ve been silent on everything else, but it’s time to decide what we’re going to do.” A heavy blanket of silence fell on the room.

“To begin with,” Brad said quietly, “we should cancel the tour.” Slowly, everyone around the room nodded in agreement. No one said anything until finally, Rob spoke.

“Is this the end?” Everyone in the room breathed at once, relieved that someone else finally said what they were all thinking. Max’s heartbeat thumped in his ears as everyone debated what to say.

“Chester would not want it to be,” Talinda said. Mike nodded.

“But it doesn’t feel right.” Max said. “Not without him.” Tears welled in Talinda’s eyes and she nodded.

“We can’t replace Chester,” Joe said. Everyone nodded in agreement.

“There’s no way we could ever replace him,” Mike said. “But…” The word fell into a loaded silence. The room almost felt divided. Mike, Talinda, Brad and his wife and Phoenix and his stood on the one side, Max, Joe and Heidi, Robert and Amalia on the other. They stared at each other uncertainly.

“It’s too fresh for this,” Talinda finally conceded. Tension in the room broke. Max watched his best friend and his husband rub their temples in perfect harmony. “We have more important things to worry about.” Mike nodded. They switched to talking about the funeral, and Max felt an intense weight pressing on his shoulders. He shook himself out and walked into the kitchen, where Jaime stood, getting a glass of water. They gave each other a gentle side hug and Max poured himself a glass of whiskey.

His phone began to ring and Max glanced at the caller ID briefly before answering. “Hey, Anna,” he said calmly, an empty feeling settling in his chest. He and Anna kept in touch, although Anna still refrained from being in the boys’ life. She told Max she wanted him to be their parental figure, despite being in Otis’ life for over a year. She often jokingly referred to herself as Max’s surrogate.

“Hey, Max,” she said, voice soft. Her voice was gentle, like speaking to him in a normal tone of voice would break him. “I’m sorry I didn’t call sooner.”

“It’s alright.” They’d texted a few times since it happened, but they’d both been preoccupied. “Everyone’s been in my space recently - it’s nice to be given room from someone, at least.”

“How are the boys? How are you?” Max rubbed the bridge of his nose, and Jaime settled against him, their arms pressed together.

“The boys are fine. I’m… managing.”

“I heard the call,” Anna almost whispered. Max forgot that they published that. “I’m so sorry, Max.”

“You don’t have to apologize to me, Anna.” There was nothing to apologize for. “Look, I need to go. I’ll talk to you later.” Anna could barely say goodbye before Max hung up, eyes watering. Jaime pulled Max into a hug and Max held him tightly, choking back tears. He had lost one of his best friends, and all anyone ever said was “I’m sorry.” He was tired of apologies. He wanted his friend back. He wanted his brother back.

Eventually Max’s tears dried up, and he hugged Chester’s son tightly. Jaime rubbed his back and Max wondered absently if he did this a lot with Talinda. He pulled away and thanked the young Bennington, rubbing his eyes childishly before making his way to his room. Mike noticed him walk by and excused himself to follow.

“Hey, hey,” Mike said, pulling him close gently by the hips. “What’s wrong?” Max shook his head, rubbing his eye again.

“I just want him back,” he whispered. Mike pressed their foreheads together. “It’s not fair.”

“I know,” Mike sighed.

“I should have left after I woke up. I should have gone straight to him.”

“Max, you know as well as I do that it wouldn’t have helped. He did it in the middle of the night, way before you woke up.”

“Why?” Max whimpered. “Why did he do it? Why didn’t I do something?”

“Max,” Mike said gently. “It wasn’t something you could have helped. Sometimes these things happen and there’s nothing you can do.” He hugged Max tightly. “It’s what depression does. It gets in your head and isolated you. He felt like he was alone.”

“But he wasn’t!” Max yelled. To Mike’s credit, he didn’t jump at Max’s sudden change in volume. “He wasn’t alone. He had me! He had me and you and Talinda and everyone else! And he left us!” Mike cupped his cheeks.

“You need to be quiet,” he said gently. “You’re just going to upset Talinda even more.”

“But what about me?” Max whispered. Mike’s lips thinned. “I know - I know that I’m being selfish. I’m sorry, I just - I can’t - “

Mike pulled him into another hug. “It’s okay to be selfish, Max. You just have to remember that it’s affecting all of us. We miss him as much as you do.”

“I just don’t understand. I just want him to be here.”

“We all do, love.” The door creaked open and Amalia stood there.

“Max?” She called gently. Max peeked an eye out at her. “Talinda could really use you right now.” Max nodded and disentangled himself from his husband, wiping his tears from his eyes. “Don’t worry - none of them heard you.” Max rubbed the side of his face sheepishly and went to find Talinda. He found her sitting outside on the jungle gym, crying heavily. He sat next to her quickly and pulled her close, faintly reminded of when Mike used to find him out here.

She clung to him desperately, crying incoherently. They sat like this for hours; Talinda went from crying to sober to crying again multiple times. Max didn’t say anything; he had been in that position more than once. At times, he even cried with her. After a while, he convinced her to come inside and eat. Mike had already made food, leaving it in the microwave with a note on the counter saying he took Jamie back to watch the young kids with Chester’s older ones. Max got Talinda to eat a few bites before taking her to his room, flicking on the TV and setting the movie to Moana. They cuddled up together, Talinda dozing in and out of sleep.

The sky grew dark and Talinda woke up hungry. Max took her back to the kitchen to finish her food from earlier and they sat at the table, eating quietly. After a few minutes, Talinda finally spoke.

“Thank you, Max.” Max pushed his peas around on his plate.

“What are friends for?” Talinda smiled wistfully.

“I always figured that you would be the one to comfort me when Chester passed. I just… thought we would be much older.”

“I’m sure we’ll be seventy and still be comforting each other,” Max joked. “You don’t miss a guy like Chester for a couple of months.” Talinda nodded.

“You’re absolutely right.” She sighed shakily. “I’m sorry I broke down like that. I have to stay strong for the kids…” Max shook his head.

“Don’t you ever apologize to me for needing to grieve.” Talinda have him a doe-eyed look. “You were there for me through everything that happened way back then, and I will be there for you through everything that will ever happen ever.” Talinda gave a comforted smile and they finished their food.

They cleaned up together, cleaning up the kitchen and the dishes Mike left from cooking. Max hipchecked his friend and nodded toward the door. “I’ll take you home.” She nodded and followed him out of the door, getting into the passenger seat of her car as Max took the drivers’. He began the short drive to her home.

When he pulled into the driveway, he eyed the house warily. It looked much more warm and lived-in than the last time he had been there; it gave him chills just thinking about how empty the house had been. Talinda glanced at his expression and looked at her home. “I’ll ask Mike to come outside.” Relief washed over him.

“Thank you,” he whispered. She laid a gentle hand on his arm and they climbed out of her car. She hurried to give him a hug and make her way inside. A minute later, Mike came out with his sons. Teddy rushed up to hug Max, while Otis hung back, no longer in the stage where hugs and kisses were still okay. They all climbed into Mike’s car and returned home.

The empty feeling never left Max’s chest.