Pressure

Pressure. From every angle. Every day of my life. Pressure in its purest, patronising, persistent form.

It suffocates me.

It suffocated me.

After all those years, you can't blame me. It's not my fault. It was about time. It was way past time.

Many would praise me for holding out as long as I did. I held out a long time. A long time without incident. A long time keeping my mouth shut. But it was time. Time for the tables to turn. My turn to apply the pressure.

I planned. For days, I planned. Different ways. I planned them all. It had to be perfect. I had to have my turn.

Pressure.

It was my turn.

Apply little at a time. A little goes a long way. I'll make her squirm.

Her. The one that dragged me down the most. The one that was always there, everywhere I turned. She was there. I wasn't safe. Not in my own home. Not to do my hair. Not to brush my teeth.

Never Alone.

It was my turn.

I figured it out. I planned it all. I knew exactly how I was going to do it. Apply the pressure. How and when. I knew it. Nothing could go wrong.

She was going to get what's coming. What she deserved. Weight off my shoulders.

Before bed. She was always the worst before bed. Staring at me as I brushed my teeth. Mocking. Mimicking.

That was when I planned it for. That's when I did it.

Sunday night. Before bed. I stood at the bathroom sink and faced her head on.

I was ready. It was time. She deserved it.

She expected me to raise my hand. I usually do. It was after all time to brush my teeth. But I wasn't holding my toothbrush. She didn't flinch. It irked me.

She should've flinched but she didn't. Why didn't she flinch? She should've flinched.

One finger was all I needed. One finger could apply the pressure. Little by little.

She stared. Taunting me. You won't. You're a coward. You'll never do it. Coward.

I squared my eyes. She copied. I flexed my free hand. She flexed hers.

Always copying. Always taunting. Too much pressure. It's my turn now.

This is it. I've caught myself up. My mind has accepted that it's my turn. Back to reality. It's time. It's my turn.

Let out a slow, steady breath. Calm. I must be calm to apply the pressure.

You have to be calm and collected to apply pressure correctly. I've seen lots of videos. I know how to do it. I've prepared. I know how to apply pressure. Be calm or you'll miss. I won't miss. I've prepared. I've watched loads of videos.

I'm ready. She doesn't know what I'm about to do but I do. I'm ready. She'll never see it coming. It's time.

I aim. I don't want to miss.

So long I've waited. It's finally come. It's time.

My finger itches. It's time.

Time to be free from her. Time to switch the pressure.

My hand tightens. My finger squeezes and-