Finding Home

I walk into the tall building looking around the large space for Jeff. It seemed that he loved confusing the hell out of me. He didn’t tell me where he would be or how to get to his office. It really shouldn’t surprise me. I know he gets a kick out of these kinds of things.

Stairs…he’s gotta be up there somewhere. I start up the stairs and instantly feel regretful of my choice of shoes. Why am I wearing high heels anyways?

“There’s my party girl!”

I look up to see Jeff standing at the top of the stairs with a goofy grin plastered on his face. He’s too excited. It’s 9 am. I’m not fully awake.

I finally reach the top step and instantly Jeff reaches his arms out to me. “It’s good to see you kiddo.” He gives me a squeeze and gently lets go of me. His hands still have my arms as he looks me up and down like this is the first time he’s ever seen me. “You look different more grown up.”

I know he doesn’t mean to but I can see him glancing at the wounds on my wrists that are just now starting to heal. I awkwardly fold my arms across my chest and try to make it seem like I hadn’t notice his gawking. Maybe Bam didn’t prepare him for it or maybe it was just that hard for him to see. I knew Jeff thought of me as family and if I saw that on one of my family members, I would be upset too.

“Thanks.” I half smile. I don’t want this to be weird and I don’t want a pity party. I try to change the subject by saying. “Guess you’ll be stuck with me for a little while!” I sneakily grin. “You’re in for a rollercoaster ride.” I joke.

He finally laughs. “You’re no worse than any of the guys. I’m happy you came. Lexi is who you’ll be working with.” He walks towards the open office and lightly knocks on the door. “Lex Willow is here. Play nice!” He lightly pushes me into the room. “Hey, Willow. Nice video by the way.” A devilish smile shows. “Didn’t know you knew how to board.”

I give a questioning look. What the hell does that mean?

“Oh come on. You haven’t seen the video? You can’t tell me you aren’t sore from that fall.” He laughs.

I shrug my shoulders. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“TMZ caught you ‘skateboarding’ with Johnny and Steve-O.”

I feel my cheeks start to burn. “I don’t even want to see it. I don’t remember bits and pieces of last night and I am content living in the unknown.”

Jeff chuckles, “Hey I’m not judging. I know what stunts I’ll be talking you into.”

“Fuck off. I’m not a stunt woman.” I lean against the wall.

Lexi rolls her eyes. “Get out Jeff. I’ll take it from here.” She stands up and puts her hand out for me to shake. “I’m Lexi. I’ll show you around since I know he sucks at not only introductions but showing people around this huge building. He doesn’t pay me enough for this shit.”

We start down the stairs and again I’m regretting my shoes. My feet are already killing me. Why did I dress like this? Why did I think I needed to be fancy when everyone else is casual?

When we reach the bottom stair relief fills me once again. I hope we will not be walking much. She stops walking when we reach three men standing around in the break room bullshitting with one another.

“This is Lance our main camera man and this handsome devil over here is Dymitri our other camera man.” She says showcasing the men. “You’ll get to know them pretty well. They’re always around. Say hi boys.”

Lance is the first to speak. “Aw you look like a girl Bam, cute.” He teases.

“Dude, that’s rude. She’s her own woman.” Dymitri jokes. “She’s a strong independent woman who don’t need no…Bam…”

I can’t help but let out a small laugh. “Thanks. It’s nice to meet you guys.”

Lexi shakes her head clearly disapproving of their choice in words. “Idiots.” She mutters. “Anyways. It’s lunch time because, well, I say so.” She latches her arm in mine and drags me out of the break room and back down the hallway.

I try my best not to flinch but it’s too late. She looks at me with wide eyes when she realizes what happened. “Sorry. I didn’t…”

“It’s fine.” I push through the front doors to be greeted by the sun nearly blinding me. I’m not a vampire or anything like that but man does the sun burn today.

“That way.” Lexi points to a small building across the street. “It’s my favorite Thai place. You like Thai?”

I nod my head and follow her to the cross walk. “So, what brings you to good ol’ California? You traveled a ways to be here.”

I shrug my shoulders not wanting to go into complete detail with someone I hardly know but something about her tells me I can trust her, but I want to test the waters first. “I lived in Finland with one of my brothers friends for five years…fell in love with him, didn’t work out so I came back home and uh…Bam and Johnny offered me a great opportunity so I took it.”

She nods her head agreeing with me but I can tell she doesn’t fully believe me. Who would? The evidence is literally on my body. “I’m not trying to be weird but did you know you scrunch your nose when you’re lying?”

The cross walk signals that we can now cross. She starts across the street with me following her dumbfounded. I didn’t scrunch my nose…

“It’s cool. I’m new in your life. You’ll tell me when you’re comfortable and that’s ok.” She pauses as she opens the restaurant door. “So you know my brother?”

I sit down across from her at the table beside the window. “Brother?”

She nods her head. “Johnny.”

Another look of confusion covers my face. “I didn’t know Johnny had a sister…I’ve known him half my life and didn’t know that basic information…”

The waitress comes to our table and before I can say anything, Lexi is already ordering our food which I’m ok with considering I have never been to this restaurant. She finishes up and turns her attention back to me. “I stay out of the limelight most of the time and I’ve never met your brother so it makes sense that our paths hadn’t crossed. Fame is not my thing and I want my son to stay out of the media as well.”

I twirl my straw in my water. “How old is your son?”

“He’s four.”

I look up from my glass. “Are you married or dating someone?”

She shrugs. “I left his father because he’s kind of a dead beat. It’s just been him and I.”

“Wow, you’re stronger than a lot of women. That’s a lot of responsibility for one person to take on.”

The waitress brings our food to the table and I’m pleased with what I see. “This looks delicious.” I take a small bite and try not to let the noodles slide down my face like a child.

Lexi grabs a pen from her purse and writes something down. “Here. You’ll be needing this. I don’t know what it is but I want to let you know I’m here for you and if Steve-O drives you to crazy, I want you to know that you have someone other than just Johnny. You have me too.”

I feel a smile tug at my lips. “Thanks.” The truth was, I knew Steve-O was going to drive me mad eventually and I knew that I would be needing someone other than Johnny. I just hadn’t expected Lexi to become that person in such a short amount of time. I’m grateful for this new change in life. Maybe this will be the turnaround point for me to start making healthy relationships…maybe this will be a healthier me.