Finding Home

Ville intently watched Willow bouncing around from one conversation to another. He noticed that over the last few years she had gotten pretty good at pretending that she was comfortable in crowds of people, but Ville knew that inside she was throwing a fit.

He took in a deep breath and mustered up the courage to push through the large crowed and go play hero to her, but his movements where stopped by his younger brother Jesse roughly grabbing his wrist.

“Don’t even think about it. It was like pulling teeth to get her here. Leave her alone, Ville. She’s just now finally able to process the fact that one of her closest friends needs her to leave him…” He pauses for a brief second. “She knows this is the end of a friendship that she held close to her. Just let it go.”

Ville pulled at his scarf. “God you’re like the nagging girlfriend, Jess.” He stopped. “Of course I want her here. I just don’t want what she wants. It’s not fair to her.”

“Oh please.” Jesse rolled his eyes. “You know the other day I contemplated telling Bam why he should take his sister back home with him. He’d be completely pissed if he knew that you were having sex with his little sister.” His eyes burn into Ville. “Admit Ville. You liked the attention.”

Ville shrugged his shoulder. “It’s nice to feel loved.”

Jesse’s eyes almost popped out of his skull. “You sick bastard. You know what? She didn’t want to come tonight because she didn’t want to see you at all on her special day.”

“She deserves better.” He paused looking over at Willow, her movements were now changing to somber. He wished he knew what was going on in her mind.“I just don’t want to lose her over all of this petty stuff. I still need her here.”

“She saw an opportunity to be honest and express her feelings before it was too late, that’s not pitiful that’s bravery! You idiot! Why did you even have her come to Finland? So you can tool with her emotions? Because that job that you offered her never worked out?" Jesse pushed his brother’s shoulder roughly. “You’ve let her stay here for five years…you could’ve let her go when you realized she was having feelings for you but instead you kept having sex with her and telling her how much you cared for her and then tell her that you think she deserves better. She deserves to go home and be with her family you idiot." He took in a deep breath. “Have you seen her wrists!? She’s literally dying here!”

“What! I have nothing to do with her self-harming don’t you try to pin this on me!” The annoyance and rage grabbed the attention from the people who surrounded the two. He lowered his voice allowing everyone to go back to their business.

“Put yourself in her shoes Ville, how would you feel at this moment? You'd feel incredibly confused! Which is exactly what the poor girl feels.”

“Just let me fix this.” He pleaded.

“The damage is already done, Ville. There isn’t anything to fix. She’s going home. I bought her a ticket the other day and helped her pack. I want her to be happy, unlike some people."
Jesse's words didn’t discourage him. Instead he ignored him and continued to walk over to Willow who was making a B-line for the exit of the rented out building. The guilt started to kick in. He felt terrible for what he had done.

Peering out the door he yelled, “Willow!” Ville could hardly see her shadow rounding the side of the building. Was she really trying to hide from him?

“Willow, stop!” He softly jogged to catch up to her; he grabbed her shoulder forcing her to stop. His smile faded when he saw the streaks of tears on her face. “What are you doing, you’re going to catch a cold running around that dress.” He rubbed her cheek with his thumb, “Willow..." he wiped her running mascara.

Ville wasn't heartless he hated seeing Willow upset but Ville was unsure of himself as well as knowing Willow was his best friends sister.

“Sorry.” She said pulling away and drying her eyes, “I’ve just had a bad week. I lost my job... I feel out of control...I miss my family…”

“Willow.” He softly spoke, “Is it true?”

She curiously gazed at the thin tall man in front of her. “Is what true?” She sniveled.
“You know what! Now tell me if it’s true Willow, am I losing you for good?”

She stayed quiet not being able to respond to him.

“So this is it?” He asked.

Her lips pressed into a straight line, anger radiating off of her body. She felt like he had backed her into a corner, and if anyone knew Willow, they knew that was something she couldn’t handle.
“I already did this once. I have no idea it’s like I’m holding on to false hope!” She screamed, not caring who heard her. “And I can’t do it anymore!” More tears fell. “I love you Ville… and if you tell me you feel the same…tell me you love me and I’ll stay!”

“You said that we could work this out, Willow. I thought that we weren’t going to let your crush get in the way of our friendship, I love you Willow but in a friendship sort of way.” He lied. “Darling, you have to understand that this is just as hard for me. I can’t lose you.” He rested his hands on her shoulders. “Look at me Willow. You’ve said it yourself, I’m an easy way out…you know that Johnny is the one for you, he always has been…We all know this. I know this. The way that he’s talked about you, love. The way that you spoke about him…You were never supposed to stay this long. Remember? You were supposed to go back two years ago, hunny.”

“I don’t care about Johnny right now! This isn’t a crush Ville, I’ve fallen in love with somebody who doesn’t even want me!” she wipes the tears from her eyes. “I'm going home. Don't worry. I won't tell Bam or any of the guys...about this.” She kicked the ground scuffing her brand new high heels. “I think this is the reason that Bam didn’t want me staying with you for this long. Why would you ever love me when you can have any girl, am I nothing to you?" She paused; biting her lip in hopes that her tears would stay locked away, she didn’t want to cry anymore. That would only make her look more childish in Ville's eyes. “I need an answer Ville I’ve been here for five years…waiting hoping dreaming.” She sadly slid down the brick wall putting her knees to her chest. “Is something wrong with me?”

Ville sat down next to her. He pulled his black beanie off of his head and set it on her head. “You are perfect, Willow. You are not mine to love. I’m sorry, Willow. I didn't mean for this to happen.” He reached out to hug her one last time, but much to his surprise she pushed his shoulder and stood to her feet.

"I’ll be out on Wednesday.”

“Willow, don’t be like this.”

She stopped in her tracks and turned to face him. “Be like what Ville!? I know somewhere in that fragile broken heart there is a love stricken boy who is fighting with you. So don’t tell me to not be like this. At least I was brave enough to tell you my feelings and admit I had fallen for you.” She pauses for a second, “But you’re right. I do deserve better. I deserve somebody who can at least admit that they have feelings for me.”