Stay With Me

You don’t want her to leave. You never do. She comes at night, greeting you with a smile until she slides into bed next to you. And when she kisses you, any problems or issues you make a point of beforehand to bring up to her is suddenly forgotten about, because she’s kissing you, only you. And that’s enough for everything else to fade into oblivion.

It wasn’t always like this. She used to come in the mornings. Afternoons, even. Sometimes she’d spend a few days at yours – it’s like having a sleepover with your best friend for hours on end. Well, best friends that you kiss, anyways. But lately, it’s been less than usual and you can’t figure out why. Or maybe you don’t want to figure out why – because then that’d mean that you’d have to face the real issue to why she’s been distant.

Because in your heart, you know why. You know why she’s been pulling away. Why she turns her head to avoid your lips when you attempt to kiss her goodbye. Why she turns her phone away from you when you sneak a peek over her shoulder. Why she fakes a smile and says she’s fine when really, there’s something else that’s going on that she isn’t willing to share. And yet, despite these feelings, you sit on the edge of your bed and wait for her to come. You go through your iMessages and Facebook conversations, hoping that she’ll appear as active so you can send her a message, or even better, send you one. You hope that when you’re out with your friends, shooting the shit and sending funny Snapschats of what you and your friends are up to, that she sees the snap and laughs, remembering the reason why she fell in love with you in the first place.

But you know that’s too hopeful of a thought to ponder on. So you don’t say anything, and continue to accept the remains of the love that she gives to you. Even though you know that during those times that you need her the most, the times when you need her to just be with you, she’ll leave.

She’s getting good at that.