Simple Existence

“Baby, be honest… do I look fat in this?” Alex asked as he stood sideways staring at himself in the mirror and running his hands over his stomach. Rian glanced up from the pile of laundry he was folding on the bed and chuckled as he surveyed his extremely pregnant husband.

Alex was wearing one of Rian’s old, oversized band shirts from high school. They were pretty much the only thing that would fit him anymore. Although Alex had always been fairly tiny, his bump was huge at six months, past the point of being obscured by hoodies and sweaters.

“Lex, you're carrying a small human inside of your body- I would be surprised if you didn't look fat,” he teased.

Alex grabbed a wad of rolled up socks and threw it at his head. “I did not ask for your snark, Robert!” he mused.

Rian got up from the bed and stood behind Alex, placing a kiss on his cheek. “You say that as if you didn't know that you were signing up for 24/7 snark when you married me.”

Rian did his best to wrap his arms around Alex’s waist. His hands rested on the top of Alex’s stomach and Alex laughed as he leaned back into him. “I can't believe we’re going to have a kid in three months,” Alex murmured as he stared at their reflections in the mirror.

“Are you excited?”

“I will be after he’s born- right now I'm still trying to process it. You think I'd have enough time to do that by now it's just… weird.”

“I can only imagine how stressful it must be to have your body taken over by a tiny invader.”

Alex rolled his eyes. “You're such a doofus. Our son is not an alien.”

“You kept calling the baby that… How do you know for sure it's a boy?”

Alex shrugged. “Just a feeling. Maybe I'm just too terrified to think about raising a girl…”

Rian kissed him again. “Well, I don't care what their assigned gender is, as long as they have my sense of humor.”

Alex snorted. “Right! Because I totally want our child to constantly be spouting Dad Jokes at inappropriate times!”

“Hey, I make one joke at your Grandpa’s funeral and suddenly I'm the bad guy!”

Rian pulled away and knelt down in front of Alex so his face was directly in front of his bump. “You’ll love my sense of humor, won’t you little guy?” he cooed, his hands gently roaming over Alex’s stomach. “Won't you?” As if right one cue, the baby kicked.

Alex closed his eyes and sighed, though he couldn't help but smile. “He kicked again, Ri.”

Rian chuckled and kissed Alex’s stomach. “I can't wait to meet you, buddy,” Rian whispered, after a beat of silence. His brown eyes were soft and his hands were still roaming as he continued to softly talk to their baby. Alex didn't think that he could ever love him more.

--

“Alex, are you sure that you don't want to stay in the car?” Rian asked for the tenth time as pulled into the grocery store parking lot.

Alex rolled his eyes and stubbornly crossed his arms over his chest. “Honey, this is the first time in six months that I don't feel like I'm dying. I am going to make the most of this while it lasts.”

Rian just shrugged and parked the car. After he had gotten his keys, he went around to the passenger side and opened Alex’s door. He then extended a hand and helped Alex onto the ground. “Wow! Such a gentleman!” Alex gushed. He pecked Rian on the cheek then went to grab a shopping cart.

Alex insisted on pushing the cart, even though Rian told him that he didn't need to. But Alex had always been stubborn and charged ahead of his husband, throwing things into the cart with reckless abandon. Rian had taken over the grocery shopping for the past few months because he knew how much Alex hated having to be out in public with a visible baby bump.

Being a transgender man, it had been a struggle to not get misgendered before he got pregnant. Now, it was approximately a thousand times worse. Alex had always had broad shoulders, small hips, and a fairly masculine facial structure that helped him to be read as male more often than not. He had wanted to start hormones eventually, but then the wedding happened and they bought a new house and Rian got a new job with more demanding hours. To put it simply, life got hectic and other things took priority over Alex’s dysphoria.

He had been in the process of getting all of the necessary tests and appropriate documentation in order to start hormone treatments when he found out that he was pregnant. It wasn't necessarily a shock when it happened because he and Rian had been trying for a while. But he had just about given up hope until the day he found out.

Alex was overjoyed to be finally having a kid after so many years of wanting to be a father and start a family. But he hated being pregnant. He was achy and sick and irritable all the time. It was impossible for him to tie his own shoes and was constantly on the verge of bursting into tears. Not to mention the uncomfortable questions and stares that he was greeted with almost every time he was out in public.

But he was tired of only leaving the house to go to work and class. He wanted to be an active member of society for a change and spend the day doing something other than reading about music theory and watching Adventure Time reruns. So what if it was only a trip to the grocery store? Baby steps were steps nonetheless.

The trip was fairly quiet for the first half an hour. Rian stuck to the list while Alex threw things into the cart while he wasn't looking. They were nearly finished getting their groceries when a little girl about four or five years old came up to Alex, who was scoping out the pop tarts while Rian ran to get toilet paper.

“Why is your belly so big?” she asked with wide eyes.

Alex laughed. “I'm going to have a baby really soon. He's hanging out in here,” he pointed to his stomach, “until he's all done growing.”

Her eyes got even bigger. “Why? Did you eat him?”

Alex tried to muffle his laugh with his hand but he failed miserably. The girl’s mother finally noticed her absence and came rushing over. “Lila, stop bothering the nice lady!”

Alex's smile disappeared and his shoulders slumped but he tried not to let it show too much. Even after all these years it still stung to be called that. “I'm so sorry for her. She’s just really friendly,” the woman said with a shy smile as she lifted her daughter into the cart.

“It's okay, I don't mind,” Alex replied politely. “I love kids. Obviously,” he gestured to his bump emphatically and the woman smiled.

“How far along are you?”

“Six months as of last Monday,” Alex said as he gripped the handle of the cart far too tightly. He wanted to be friendly, he really did, but he didn't want to stand here and pretend like he was comfortable doing Mommy Talk when he was most certainly not going to be a mother.

“Oh, I remember when I was that far along with, Lila! My husband thought it was a good idea to plan a hiking trip in the middle of the summer when I was six months pregnant. I swear I made him rub my feet every day for the next three months just to make up for it!”

She laughed far too loudly and Alex managed a small smirk as he wondered what the hell was taking Rian so long. “Wow, that's awful… My husband is amazing. He's been taking such good care of me throughout my entire pregnancy. I'm so lucky to have him.”

The woman smiled ruefully. “Most men are like that until the baby comes. Then you never see them anymore! But that's just how guys are, right?”

“Haha, yeah…” God, straight people were so weird…

“Anyway, I'll let you go now, honey! Congratulations!”

Seconds after the woman left, Rian came walking towards Alex, toilet paper in hand. Alex sighed and continued down the aisle. “Nice timing, babe. I just got mistaken for a straight woman and called fat by a six-year-old.”

“I'm sorry, Lex. I got distracted in the candy aisle…”

Alex shook his head and grinned. “You are totally not twenty-three years old with a kid on the way. Totally not…”

“Would you forgive me if I said that grabbed you a family bag of pretzel M & M’s?”

“Mm… maybe. But only if we get to eat them and watch Star Wars together when we get home.”

Rian kissed Alex’s forehead. “Deal.”

The rest of their trip went by without any other incidents. Except for the twenty minutes in which Rian had to convince Alex that no, they did not need any more baby clothes even if their kid would look absolutely adorable in a tiny, matching sweater set with little kittens embroidered on the front.

As they were walking out of the store, Rian was just about to say that this was the calmest shopping trip that they had had since Alex got pregnant when his husband tugged on his arm to get his attention.

“Ri… I have to go to the bathroom,” Alex mumbled.

Rian nodded and pushed their cart into an empty aisle. “Do want to go to the family bathroom in the back?” he asked.

Alex’s furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head. “I would say ‘yes,’ but I'm honestly going to explode and I don't think I'll make it that far. And I will die before I ever use the women’s restroom ever again.”

Rian smiled and shook his head. Alex had always been fierce and stubborn and it was very comforting to see that he had not lost his spark after being perpetually sick and exhausted for the past six months.

“Do you want me to come into the men’s with you, Babe?”

“Yes, please,” Alex said softly as Rian took his hand.

This was something that they used to do a lot before Alex’s pregnancy. While Alex passed most of the time, there was always a few people who managed to read him incorrectly. While this was just a fact of life that he had grown to accept, it wasn't necessarily safe, especially when he tried to use the men’s room by himself. Rian was good backup- he was charming and muscular and while he was actually a ball of buff sunshine- he looked like he would kick someone’s ass if they looked at him the wrong way.

So they ventured into the men’s room with Rian taking the lead. Thankfully it was empty, so Alex headed to the sole stall in the back while Rian stood by the sinks and kept watch. Alex had just left the stall and was walking over to Rian when two men wearing dirty t-shirts, ratty blue jeans, and cowboy boots walked in. Rian eyed them cautiously but didn’t move.

Alex’s eyes widened but he just walked past them to join Rian at the sinks, minding his own business. Their eyes fell on him immediately and they both laughed far too loudly as they raised their eyebrows. Alex felt like the star of the freak show as he hastily washed his hands, head hung low, cheeks burning red.

“Hey, lady, are you sure that you're not lost or something? You know this is the men’s room, right?”

Rian tensed and narrowed his eyes, straightening himself up to his full height and preparing for a fight when Alex turned off the tap, set his shoulders and said, “Yes, I do and I'm in here because I'm a man.”

Alex ignored their awful, wheezing laughter as he turned around to grab a wad of paper towels from the dispenser, giving them a good view of his bump.

They both eyed his stomach incredulously. “Jesus, you are one sick fuck,” the taller of the two said. “Your kid deserves better.”

Alex stopped in his tracks, gritting his teeth. Rian could see him weighing his options, deciding whether it was best to tell these guys to fuck off or just walk away. “You know what? You're right! I am a sick fuck! And so is my husband! We’re a pair of sick fucks who are going to raise our child to be just like us! So fuck you, you close-minded pricks!”

Both of the men seemed taken aback by Alex’s statement but one of them stepped forward, towards Alex, reaching for him. Rian didn’t even wait to see what would happen. He placed himself between the man and Alex and looked down at him with narrowed eyes. “I really don’t think that you want to do that, man,” he seethed and the man backed off immediately.

The other man raised his eyebrows and snorted, obviously not phased by Rian’s intimidation tactics. “Wait… are you married to that… thing?” Rian watched Alex’s face fall and the next thing he knew, he was pinning the guy up against the wall. He didn’t stand a chance of getting away, as Rian was clearly bigger and stronger than him. He looked the asshole dead in the eyes, with a menacing glare and hissed, “Don’t ever say anything like that about my husband again you piece of shit.”

Rian could smell the whiskey on the man’s breath as he stammered an apology. Rian just shoved him aside and put a protective arm around Alex’s shoulders as they walked out of the bathroom. Rian could feel Alex shaking beneath his touch and he was oddly quiet as they grabbed their cart and walked out of the store.

Rian helped him into the car and then loaded all of the groceries as Alex sat staring blankly out the windshield. He was quiet all the way home and still didn't say anything when Rian came and sat down next to him on the couch after putting all of the groceries away.

Rian put his legs up and motioned for Alex come and sat between them, his back pressed against Rian’s chest. Rian’s hands rested on Alex’s stomach, roaming over the bump as he rested his chin on Alex’s shoulder.

“I'm so proud of you, Babe,” Rian murmured.

Alex chuckled. “Don't be. The hormones make me braver than I usually am. Besides, you’re the one who scared the shit out of those assholes, not me.”

“That's so not true. You've always been a badass and you never give yourself enough credit. I hope our kid has your fierceness and your passion. They'll be unstoppable.”

“And I hope he inherits your rugged good looks and muscles so he can be both a heartthrob and a badass all in one.”

Alex put his hands over Rian’s and closed his eyes. He could feel Rian’s chest rising and falling against his back. He was so tired. Alex was just starting to doze off when the baby kicked again.

--

“We are not naming our child after Johnny Cash Rian!” Alex protested as he sat on the floor, painting the trim for the baby’s nursery while Rian tackled the walls. Alex watched as his muscular arms flexed every time he moved the paint roller up and down along the wall. It was hard to get work done when Rian was so distractingly pretty...

“Well, you vetoed all of my other suggestions so I'm running out of ideas!”

Alex scoffed. “Because you seem to be under the assumption that I'm going to let you name our kid after famous country singers! God, it's like I married a stranger!”

“Hey, at least I didn't want to name them after characters in a mediocre sci-fi franchise.”

Alex slammed his paintbrush down onto the paint tray. “You did not just call Star Wars mediocre,” Rian smirked innocently and shrugged. “I'm sorry, Rian but I'm going to have to divorce you now.”

“Good luck being a single father when you barely know how to change a diaper by yourself.”

“Hey, I think I'll manage just fine! They make machines for that now… probably.”

Rian's laugh filled up the room and Alex looked up at him on the ladder to find that Rian was looking down at him. He was smiling so wide, eyes sparkling with laughter and emanating joy. “What are you smilin’ about, Babe?” Alex asked coyly.

Rian shrugged as he balanced the paint roller on the top of the ladder. “Oh, nothing. Just thinking about how I'm living in this gorgeous house in this beautiful city and starting a family with my best friend in the entire world. And my biggest problem right now is that we can't decide on what to name our child. I feel like… everything has finally started to fall into place.”

Alex grinned like an idiot as he picked his brush back up and attempted to finish the last of the trim. But he just kept looking up at Rian and his big, goofy smile. “You know that I like… love you so fucking much, right?”

“It's not like you tell me every day or anything…”

“Well, I don't want you to forget,” Alex teased.

Rian climbed down the ladder and sat next to Alex on the floor. “Babe, I could never forget you.”

Alex giggled and threw him arms around Rian just before he attacked him with a big, sloppy kiss. “Seriously, though, we have to find a name soon. It's driving me nuts. I don't want to be one of those parents who wait until the last minute and their kid doesn't have a name until they're two weeks old…”

“Okay, let's try to think of one then. No movie characters or country artists… Go!”

Alex thought for a second. “I've always really liked John for a boy. And Adam.”

Rian shrugged. “Those are pretty… decent? But also super boring. I love interesting names. Like… Julian. Or Cornelius. Or Zachariah...”

Alex snorted. “Those sound so… posh! I can just imagine him growing up wearing a monocle and a top hat.”

“Well, yours are super generic! There are way too many Johns in this world, Alex! We do not need another one. Besides, wasn’t that the name of your ex-boyfriend?”

Alex debated starting another argument but decided against it. They had been trying to decide on a name for the past two months and still had no takers. All of Rian’s suggestions were far too fancy and ridiculous and all of Alex’s were far too boring.

They left the baby’s room so the paint could dry and eventually ended up spooning on their bed as Alex flipped through the large volume of baby names that their friend Hayley had borrowed them. It had been the book she had used when she was trying to find names for her kids. Pages were dog-eared, names circled, underlined, crossed-out. They flipped through the book for a while, exchanging ideas and crossing out names of their own. Alex and Rian each scribbled down their possible choices on a notepad.

When they had a good list compiled, Alex skimmed through Rian’s side of the page. His was mostly gender neutral names, which Alex appreciated. “I like ‘Aspen’ and ‘Ellis,’ those are really pretty and different. But they just don’t… click with me for some reason.” He continued to go down the list and rolled his eyes. “And I see that ‘Cornelius’ has made a reappearance…”

“Come one, Lex! It's a good name!”

“It really isn't!”

“Coming from the guy who wrote down ‘Tad’ as one of his choices…”

Alex chuckled. “I just wrote that down to make sure that you were actually invested in this and not just humoring me.”

Rian lightly flicked Alex’s cheek and grabbed the pad of paper from him. “Okay, let me see…”

“Solas. That's… unique.”

“It’s Irish for ‘sun’,” Alex replied, “Like… light.”

“Wow, Alex, you finally picked a name that doesn't suck! I wouldn't name a kid that, but it's not awful.”

“You are so mean! At least with a ‘boring’ name our son wouldn't get beat up on the playground during recess…”

“Oh shut up! I think I have a girl’s name- we both wrote down ‘Corrine,’ so we should definitely go with that one. And I was thinking… ‘Joy’ for a middle name, after your grandmother.”

“I… actually like that. It's very pretty, yet also sophisticated and a little edgy. It's a name that doesn't feel constricting and could let them be a lot of things. Good pick, Babe!”

Rian smiled triumphantly. “Now, we just need to find a boy’s name…” They argued for two more hours but still couldn't come to an agreement. It was only natural that a week later when they went to the doctor for Alex’s checkup that they found out that the baby was a girl.

--

Rian came home from a long day of work, read to fall face down in his bed and pass out. He kicked off his shoes, unbuttoned his work shirt, then stretched his tired limbs. Was it normal to feel this old at 24?

As he walked into the kitchen, the sound of Alex singing filled the hallway. One of the things that had made Rian fall in love with Alex immediately was his voice. They had met at one of Rian’s shows, back in high school when he was a drummer in a local punk band. Alex was a friend of his bassist and had agreed to play a few acoustic covers to warm up the crowd.

They had never met before but when Rian watched him play from side stage and heard his voice- clear and beautiful and warm- he fell in love instantly. Now, Alex sang all the time and he still never failed to make Rian stop in his tracks.

Rian leaned in the kitchen doorway and watched Alex, silhouetted by the window as he stood at the stove, stirring a pot of tomato sauce, wearing a t-shirt that barely stretched over his belly and a pair of boxers. He had one hand on his stomach as he sang some Taylor Swift song that Rian didn't remember the name to. He had his hair tied back into a sloppy bun and a lazy smile on his face and Rian couldn't stop staring.

When his song was over, Alex finally noticed Rian and his smile grew even wider. “Hey, Baby! How was work?”

Rian shrugged and pulled Alex in for a kiss. “Exhausting, per usual. But I'm home now and I get to see you so my day just got better.”

Alex giggled and turned back to the stove, one hand still on his stomach. “Well, I had a very productive day today! You should be proud of me! I cleaned the entire house, did our laundry, and finished painting the walls in Cora’s room.”

Rian smiled. “Cora? Is that what you're going to call her?”

Alex shrugged. “Yeah, you know, short for Corinne? I thought it was cute...”

“It's perfect.” They both stood there staring and grinning at each other for a long moment. It felt like a scene out of a cheesy, romantic comedy. But at this point, Rian felt as if their entire life together was basically becoming the plot of one. And he was strangely okay with that.

“I found out today that she really likes it when I sing to her,” Alex said as he filled up a pot of water and set it to boil on the stovetop. “She kicks like crazy when I do. I used to think that it felt weird but… I like it.” Rian grabbed a soda from the fridge and went to go set the table, balancing plates and cups in one hand and his can in the other. “You know, I think she's going to be a drummer like you. She has a very strong kick and she loves music.”

Rian chuckled. “I think she just loves the sound of your voice, Honey,” he replied softly, his fingers brushing across Alex’s hips as he kissed his cheek.

Alex waved his hand dismissively and dumped the box of spaghetti noodles into the boiling pot. “You're wrong. She's going to be a prodigy that's too good for the mainstream scene so she’ll start an all-girl punk band that writes songs about queer liberation and dismantling the patriarchy, brick by brick.”

Rian just chuckled and rolled his eyes. “Seriously though, do you ever think about what's she going to be like? Who she's going to be, the things she's going to accomplish?” Alex asked as Rian stood in front of him and cupped Alex’s stomach in his hands. He liked to do that a lot and Alex thought that it was adorable.

“All the time.” Alex smiled contently as he went to sit down at the table and put his feet up on a chair.

Rian then proceeded to pick up Alex’s feet, sit down in that same chair and put them on the floor, ignoring Alex’s whine of protest. Alex made a face and Rian just smirked as he picked up his feet and started to rub them. “Isn't it so weird to think about how two years ago we swore that we’d never have any of this- well-paying jobs, our own house, a happy marriage, and a baby on the way?”

“And how we were living on our friends couches at eighteen, trying to scrape together enough money just to pay rent after our parents kicked us out?”

Rian chuckled, remembering the days when all they had to eat was Ramen and canned beans. They had both been homeless for a few months their senior year after Rian came out as gay and Alex trans. Back then, surviving until graduation was the only goal. Somehow they had made it through, unaware of how much that pain and suffering would bring them closer together.

“Our first apartment didn’t have any furniture or heat, we both were working shitty dead-end jobs, and you only owned two t-shirts and one pair of boxers,” Rian mused. “And look at us now!”

“It’s so crazy to think that we’re actually… normal. Stable. It sounds stupid but… I never thought I would ever have that. Or any of this. This kind of life used to sound so boring to me, but that’s because I never knew what it felt like.” Alex replied. It seemed so surreal looking back on hard they had to fight to get where they were now. The past six years felt like a distant dream and now they were finally waking up.

Rian got up to take the noodles off the stove and bent down to kiss Alex’s forehead. “Babe, every day I get to be normal and boring with you I feel like the luckiest guy in the world.”

--

“Hey, Honey! How was work?” Rian asked as Alex walked into their master bathroom, looking as tired and disheveled as ever.

At eight months, Alex was ready to be done being pregnant. He was sore and fat and constantly crying. His body didn't feel like his anymore, which was both due to the dysphoria and the constant changes that had occurred over the course of the pregnancy. Plus, he had eaten three jars of peanut butter and pickles by himself in the past two weeks- which was both disgusting and excessive. Sure, he loved his child and was excited to finally meet her, but he would never wish this on anyone.

Alex pulled his t-shirt over his head and unbuttoned his work pants, yawning. “Long and exhausting. And this kid spilled coffee all over my- What's this?” He caught sight of Rian in the mirror and turned around.

The bathtub brimming with bubbles, lined with lit candles and rose petals. Rian was bent over the edge as he finished arranging the candles on the edges of the tub. Alex could already feel the tears coming.

“I got off work early and figured I'd do something special for you since you had your last day today.” He straightened and smiled, his mouth a perfect crescent that Alex just wanted to kiss forever.

“It's like you read my mind…” Alex murmured as he pecked Rian gently on the lips.

Rian’s palms were so warm against Alex’s bare hips he felt himself shiver against his touch. They kissed again, slower, deeper. Rian’s hand settled at the small of Alex’s back. Alex missed being intimate with Rian like this. They had been so busy with work and school and getting ready for the baby that they never had any time together anymore.

“Are you gonna get in with me?” Alex murmured as he shimmied out of his briefs.

Rian just smiled and shook his head. “Nah, this is all for you. I just want you to relax and enjoy yourself for once.” He kissed Alex’s cheek as he pouted. “Plus, I’m making you dinner right now and I don’t want to burn the house down.”

God, he was making him dinner, too? He seriously had the best husband in the world.
Rian helped him into the bathtub and the second that he hit the water, all of Alex’s sore muscles relaxed and he sighed contently.

“When Cora is born and we actually have time to ourselves I’m going to take you out to dinner at that fancy restaurant that I can’t pronounce the name of to thank you for putting up with me for nine months of bloating and misery,” Alex murmured sleepily, the warm, lavender scented bath water already lulling him to sleep.

Rian laughed and kissed his cheek. “Getting to love you every day is all the thanks I need, Babe.”

--

When Cora was finally born, Rian cried more than she did. He cried when Alex went into labor, he cried when he cut the umbilical cord, and he basically started bawling in front of the doctor when she handed him his daughter for the first time. When Alex came out of his drug, induced haze, Rian was still crying. He would try to deny it later, but Alex’s mom made sure to gather plenty of photographic evidence to show to Cora when she got older. It was honestly kind of endearing, Alex thought as he watched Rian rocking the baby in his arms, sniffling as he tried to hold back the tears.

Alex didn’t blame him. The first time he held her, he felt like the world had stopped. Her tiny hands were balled up into fists, her little button nose wrinkling and her eyes squinting against the harsh hospital lights. She had a full head of dark hair and her eyes were dark brown almost black. He just knew that as she got bigger, they would lighten to a shade similar, if not exactly the same as Rian’s. Because this baby looked exactly like him, almost to a ‘T.’ Rian’s aunt even said so when she came to visit them in the hospital, brandishing an old Polaroid of Rian as a newborn. She had his nose, his hairline, his eyes, and even the same birthmark just below her ear.

Alex just couldn't stop staring at her. Even after Cora was seven months old, Alex would catch himself gazing at her as she laid on her back, her big eyes wandering and taking everything in. She was a very happy and vocal baby, always cooing and giggling. And she loved her daddies so much.

It was common for babies to become attached to the parent who spent the most time with them. But Cora loved Rian just as must as she did Alex. Whenever he came home after work and she heard his voice she would bounce up and down in her walker and squeal erratically until Rian came in and lifted her up on his shoulders. Then Alex would fight back the happy tears, but he would lose every time.

Whenever they went out, Rian insisted on wearing one of those baby harnesses and carrying their daughter on his chest. It was both comical and heartwarming for Alex to see his incredibly buff and super masculine husband wearing a purple flowery harness with a gurgly baby attached to it. All of the mothers at the coffee shop near their house absolutely adored him, much to Alex’s amusement.

Rian got into the habit of bringing his daughter with him everywhere when he wasn't working. It didn't matter if it was to the park, or to the gas station to get gas, or even on his morning runs. Alex was extremely alarmed about this until he learned that Cora was strapped safely into a stroller and not to Rian’s chest.

So Alex wasn't surprised when he came home from work to find that Rian had already picked up their daughter from daycare and had taken her along on a Starbucks run. Rian loved coffee. Sometimes, Alex thought, more than he loved him. He was pretty positive that Rian’s blood was now 95% caffeine.

When Rian came home a few minutes later, Alex kissed him and his lips tasted like the caramel mocha he had in his hand. Alex kissed his little girl on the forehead and grinned as she started to coo at him.

“Did you miss me, baby girl?!” Alex exclaimed as he unbuckled her from the harness and scooped her up in his arms. She giggled and buried her face in his shoulder. Alex felt a sudden rush of adoration so strong it brought tears to his eyes. He was such a mush ball when it came to this kid, dear Lord.

“So… how did your appointment go today?” Rian asked a hopeful lilt to his voice.

Alex bit his lip and resisted the urge to start squealing like a child. “I almost forgot that that happened today…” He started filling up the kettle to make a pot of tea, awkwardly fumbling about the kitchen one handed, baby on his hip. “It all went really well, surprisingly. My therapist finally gave me the go ahead to start hormones! She said everything should be all set by the end of the month!” He couldn't stop smiling as Rian pulled him into a kiss, their grins colliding and teeth gently knocking together.

He rested his forehead against Rian’s as Cora played with his hair. “I feel like it's all come together now. Like life is… something I'm living again rather than just surviving.”

Alex had been thinking that a lot lately. His heart was filled was so much hope and love whenever he looked at his family or thought about the future. Now, as he watched Rian dancing around the kitchen to the crackly radio, their daughter in his arms, laughing, he couldn't shake the feeling that they had finally made it. Together. This beautiful, messy life had been built from the ground up with Rian at his side and he had never been more proud. Sure, it was a simple existence, but it was so incredibly important to him.