No Halo

Step one

My fingers were drumming impatiently against the patio table as I watched the sidewalk. Scanning every person that walked by, I could feel the anxiety whirling inside of me get a little harder to control each time the blonde didn’t turn out to be her. She was running five minutes late, which wasn’t a lot, but I had all of these words building up inside of me and I wanted them out.

When I got like this, when I fucked up something that I didn’t know how to fix, I always turned to Val. She had been my friend since high school. The woman had been there for me through everything, every high and low, every break-up I had. She always gave me the best advice, she always knew how to pick up the pieces and hand them back to me.

Thats why as soon as I finished my last class of the day, I called her and begged her to meet me for dinner. After a complaints, she obliged when she heard the distress in my voice. I gave her a time and place and she agreed. Without even telling her, she knew it was going to be me talking around girl problems. She knew I was a master at just fucking things up.

I could still hear her voice in my head. I could see her cloudy eyes. I could almost taste the venom that smothered her words she spat at me before barging out of the classroom and disappearing from campus. I couldn’t move for a few minutes after that door slammed. Emotions whirled inside of my stomach. I couldn’t tell if I was angry or sad. I couldn’t tell if I cared about her as a friend or the strange urge to protect her was something else… something more.

“Well, you look like a fucking wreck,” the blonde pulled the chair out on the other side of the table and slid into it. Glancing down, she placed her wallet and cell phone on the table and took a sip of water. “What’s the level one hundred emergencies name?”


“Cameron.” I groaned as I leaned back in the plastic chair and ran my hands over my face, my head pounding from the sound of her name. “I just… I don’t know her, but I want to.”


“Hm, go on.” Val ran her eyes over me and then looked down at her menu.


“I just… She was acting so strange when I ran into her before the last class. Her eyes were vacant, her clothes were sloppy and her appearance… She just looked like something was wrong.”


“So you pulled the signature Sanders move, huh?” Val sighed as she looked up at me with apologetic eyes. Closing her menu, she slipped it onto the table in front of her and placed her thin fingers on top of it. “You can’t protect everyone from everything, Matt.”


Groaning, I pinched the bridge of my nose and hung my head down, my body pulsing from the emotions rattling in my bones. “I didn’t… I just wanted to make sure she was okay, I consider her a friend or… whatever.”


“What’s her middle name?” Val asked, her face expressionless.


Staring at her, I shrugged and watched as she nodded.

“How old is she?”

I shrugged again.

“Matt, do you know anything about her besides what she looks like and her name?” Val sighed, her face holding a twinge of annoyance.


“I talked to her before and after the last three classes. We talked about her thesis and my band and the band she’s in and…” I trailed off, my eyes searching the table for more things to say, but nothing came to mind. I didn’t know anything about this woman. I didn’t know where she came from or her age. I didn’t even know if she had a boyfriend and I was hooked on her like this.

Without a word, I nodded my head and then watched as the waiter came over. Ordering a water and some buffalo chicken wrap, I nodded my head towards Val and listened as she ordered a seltzer and some fancy salad. When the waiter took our menus and gave us some string of words about our orders, we both mumbled a thank you and watched as he walked away from us and back into the restaurant.

“So, you see my point?” Val looked up at me with a sad smile. As I nodded, she reached across the table and put her hand on top of mine. Running her thumb in a circle, she looked out at the street and huffed. “You can’t just get attached to people like this Matt. I know… I know the whole protective thing has gotten worse since… But, you can’t.” I bit down on my lip and shrugged a shoulder as I followed her gaze and watched the people casually walking by the patio area we were sitting in. “If you like her, do something about it. Get to know her, talk to her. Be… a little gentler when you want to help.”


“What is that supposed to mean?” I snapped as I looked over at the blonde woman, her eyes lowered as she cocked an eyebrow at me.


“You’re a little too assertive… At the wrong times.” Val confessed with a worried smile. “No offense, but if you want to help, you really want to help. Then when that doesn’t work, you get upset. I’ve seen it far too many times.”

I didn’t want to admit that she was right. I didn’t want to come to terms with the fact that I was in the wrong for wanting to help people, but I was. Ever since we lost Jimmy, all I could think about was helping people. Everyone I knew, no matter what they needed, I was there. I was overbearing. I needed to help.

It almost made me feel like helping everyone else would somehow make me feel better about Jimmy. I always thought that I should have tried harder to help him, I should have done something that night.

Even though there was absolutely nothing I could have done.

The food came out to the table about twenty minutes after the waiter brought us our drinks. As we ate, Val started filling me in on her and Michelle’s clothing line. She spoke about the new trends and fashion. That conversation eventually lead into Brian working with some band at the studio that was doing this break out tour over the summer. In that same band, Brian had told them about his dad’s music shop in Huntington Beach, which was now their go-to place for any equipment they needed.

Of course, this lead into Val telling me the story of this poor girl in the band going into the shop and dealing with Zacky flirting with her for two hours while she bought a guitar. If there was one thing that was an undeniable fact about Zachary Baker, it was that he was probably the shittiest at flirting on the face of the planet.

“He’s like head over heels for her,” Val rolled her eyes as she stabbed a piece of chicken with her fork. “It’s validated though, her attractiveness.”


“Validated?” I echoed, my eyes rolling around in my head from the word.

How does ones attractiveness get validated?

“Yeah, Brian knows the band really well, he knows her even better, he vouched for her being absolutely stunning. Michelle agreed of course. And they both agreed that she’s way out of his league” Val smiled at the mention of her sister. “Owen already asked her out though, so she’s taken.”



“I swear, that little kid has more Jimmy in him than Brian.” I whispered as I picked up a french fry and thought about the little boy running wild through the house and climbing on furniture. He even took a liking to the drums, which just pushed a lot of us over the edge.

“That would be his way of coming back,” Val smiled sadly as she looked up at me, pulling me from my thoughts. “As Brian’s kid I mean. If there was one person Jimmy would want to torture for the rest of his life, it would definitely be Brian.”

We shared a laugh, the anxiety in my stomach feeling almost non-existent as Val and I continued to chat over out empty plates. The conversation went around in a few circles. We touched back on previous things we mentioned and then went off on new tangents. When the sky was starting to get darker, Val admitted that she needed to head back home and get some last minute finances done before she opened the shop tomorrow.

Nodding, I paid the bill, left the tip and then looked up at her. “Mind if I walk you home?”

“You want to ask me more questions, huh?” Val smiled as she leaned into my arm and then jerked her head toward the direction of her apartment. “Yeah, yeah, let’s go Sanders, I’m old, I need my beauty sleep.”

I walked quietly next to her for a while before I pulled out a cigarette and started smoking. As it’s calming effect washed over me, I turned to her and watched as she twitched her nose and looked up at me. “Do you have a name for this poor girl that has to deal with Brian and Zacky?”

Val shook her head. “None of the specifics were given to me,” She rolled her eyes. If there was one thing I knew about Val, it was that she liked getting the whole story. The more she knew about the people and events that went on, the happier she was. Hell, if she could get a word for word of the conversations, she was on cloud nine.


“No name, no band name,” She huffed and then held up her pointer finger, a quirky thing she did when she remembered something. “Michelle told me the band has their first big-ish venue show next Saturday. Apparently Brian and Owen are going. Zacky has been trying to weasel in, but as far as I know, he hasn’t been extended the invite.”

I hummed my mind running in circles.

Suddenly, all of the stories made sense in my head.


“Holy fucking shit,” I stopped walking and looked at her, “What if its Cam?”

“Cam? The girl from your class?” Val was confused.


“She’s in a band, I asked her about it, you know, when we were talking, she didn’t tell me much. She just told me it was a fun side thing. What if this is all Cam? What if Zacky is trying to fuck Cam?” I was livid as my heart started to race in my chest. “That fucking snake, she’s too good for him.”


“Whoa!” Val shouted as she placed her hands on my face and directed my eyes into her. “What did we just talk about, Sanders?”


“Trying to help someone and protecting them from being used by a dead-beat rockstar are two separate worlds.” I growled as I thought about Zacky’s hands running across her americana styled tattoos.

“Idea!” Val said, her finger pointing toward the sky as she raised her hand, “Talk to Brian and talk to Cam. Ask him to hang out next weekend, see if he invites you to the show.” I nodded as we walked up to her apartment lobby entrance. “On the Cam side, apologize, Matt.” I sighed heavily, knowing Val was absolutely right. “Talk to her. Get to know her, be gentle. Play a detective, put the pieces together. If this is the same girl in all of these stories, then, we will deal with it when the time comes, okay?”



Nodding, I pulled the blonde in for a tight hug before kissing the top of her head and letting her go. Thanking her a thousand times, Val gave me a warm smile and then bid me goodnight as she walked into her apartment. Turning on my heels, I started heading back to my condo when I felt the strong urge to start this little plan early.

Pulling my cell from my pocket, I dialed Brian’s number and waited impatiently until he answered. When he did, I greeted him and then started our normal catch-up conversation. After a few minutes of Brian telling me about the bands in the studio, I sucked in a short breath and pushed the words through my teeth.

“You free next weekend?” I tried to cover the nervousness creeping through my skin.


“Nah, I don’t-“ Brian paused for a second and then gasped, “Yeah man! I was going to call you about that! This awesome little band I’ve been working with in the studio is having their first headliner at this not so ratty venue. They’re not heavy or anything, but they’re all super talented. They have this huge tour coming up in the summer, the whole U.S. and Canada. It’s a three month tour and if it goes well they might be booked for the Europe tour too.”


“Holy shit,” I whispered as I thought about Cam being this wizard of a musician. “So, what were you going to call me about?” I laughed, trying to ease the tension building inside of me.



“Oh, duh, I wanted you to come with Owen and I. I know you’d appreciate the talent. They put on a hell of a show.” I couldn’t contain the smile on my face as his words flowed through my head.

“Meet you at your place?”


“Perfect dude, I’ll see you Saturday.”

Step one; done.
♠ ♠ ♠
thanks guys <3