Magna

I was watching tv when there was a knock on
the door. I sighed in annoyance because I was
finally comfortable after a long, lingering day
of work. I contemplated not getting up but
decided against it.

I got out from under the blanket and walked over
to the door and opened it to find Chester.

It took me one second to notice the sadness in his
eyes. I gave him a slight smile before grabbing his hand,
pulling him in. After I closed the door, I brought him over
to my couch and picked the blanket up.

I pulled him down next to me and then pulled the blanket
over the both of us.
After a few minutes, he turned his body towards mine
and placed his head on my lap.

I scooted down a little so we were both comfortable and
then started to run my fingers over his head. His hair was
so short, I couldn't run my fingers though it but I knew it
could calm him down somewhat, if he'd allow himself to.

I realized after about thirty minutes that I wasn't really
looking at the tv anymore. I was more concerned for my
friend, who was on my couch, unbelievably sad and not
able to tell me about what was wrong. He had times like
these, more often than not lately and I was worried
sick that he wasn't going to feel better anytime soon.

I knew he had a dark side to himself, I heard it when he
sang his lyrics but mostly, I saw it in him when he let
his guard down. He hardly did but I sometimes saw it
and it worried me to no end. I had no idea what to
do but I wanted to help him so much.

When I stopped the motion of my fingers and placed my
hand on his shoulder, his hand grabbed mine and I squeezed
it, gently.

I didn't want to break the silence because I knew he appreciated
it when I didn't ask him. Some people always wanted to cheer
him up and make him feel better and so did I. But I knew that he
would start talking when he wanted to. I always gave him his space.

He'd told me recently that the main reason he came to me
was because of that; I let him have the time he needed to
get back to himself but I also provided the company he so
desperately needed to get out of his own mind.

He didn't just come over when he was sad, though. We had
alot of fun times, too. I always admired him for how he still
saw the good in things when he tried. But sometimes he just
couldn't see it anymore, even if he tried his hardest.

"Thanks, Mel."
he mumbled, suddenly.

"You don't have to thank me, Ches. I'm here for you, you know
I am. If you want to talk about it, I'm not going anywhere."
I said and squeezed his hand again.

"I know. I think I'm good, though."
he replied, as he kissed my hand.
"I just needed someone around."

"Can I be completely honest with you?"
I asked, a little nervous.

Chester sat up and nodded.
"Of course."

"I'm scared for you. You're having a hard time lately and
I want to help but I don't know how. I'm afraid that I might
lose you soon and I don't think I can cope with that."
I said, as I looked at my hands, feeling my eyes well up.

He remained silent but grabbed my face inbetween his hands,
gently. He kissed my forehead and wrapped his arms around my
shoulders.

"I probably shouldn't have said that."
I said, against his shoulder and wrapped my arms around
his torso.
"I love you, Ches."

"I love you, too. You know I do, right?"
he asked and I nodded.
"Good. I'm not going anywhere, okay?"

I nodded again and suppressed a sob. He kissed my temple
and released me.

"Are you sure you don't want to talk?"
I asked him and he nodded.

"It's life. It's knocked me down today. I didn't know
where else to go."
he answered with a slight shrug

I nodded.
"Do you need to stay?"

"I can go home, I'll be fine."
he said with a slight smile.

I shook my head.
"I don't want you to be alone. Please, stay?"

He looked me in the eyes and saw something in
them because he nodded.
"Okay, I'll stay."

I was relieved at his answer and smiled.
"Thank you. Are you hungry? We could
order something?"

"I'm good, sweetheart. I'm just tired."
he replied, as he placed his head in his hands.
"I'm so damn tired."

"I know. I can see it in your eyes. Have you talked
to your therapist lately?"
I asked, as I placed my hand on his back, between his
shoulders.
"Did she give you something that might help you?
Any tools? Anything?"

"Same old."
he said and sighed.
"I'm sorry."

"Don't ever apologize again."
I said as I laid my head on his shoulder.
"I've known you for years. I'm still here. And I'm not
here because of your name or your band. I'm here because
I actually like you just the way you are. I just wish that I could
help you more than what I'm doing right now. If I could find a
'cure' for you, I'd give an arm and a leg for it. I hate seeing you
like this. But that doesn't mean I don't accept you for everything
that you are."

"Thank you."
he just said and stood up.
"I'll be right back."

"Sure."
I said as I watched him go.

My heart broke for him with every step he took.

I stood up as well to get us something to drink until I heard
a loud crash. I dropped the glasses and ran over to the sound
I'd heard coming from my bathroom. When I came in, Chester
was on the ground, panting and my mirror was shattered.

His hand was bleeding and I didn't have to be a genius to figure
out what had happened. I took one look at him, as he stared at
the floor. I could see he was ashamed of himself and I
decided to get some bandages first.

I walked over to the cupboard above the sink and grabbed a small
first-aid kit I always had in the house.
I grabbed a towel to stop the bleeding and then walked back to
the bathroom.

I carefully stepped around the glass and then sat down
next to Chester.

"Can I look at your hand?"
I asked, as I held out mine.

He hesitated for a moment before placing his bleeding hand
in mine.

I worked in silence, cleaning up the blood and picking some
glass out of his skin. The wounds weren't too deep but he had
some cuts and bruises were forming as well.

"I don't think you need to see a doctor but I'm not a
nurse so I might be wrong."
I said, as I wrapped his hand up with the bandages.

When I felt like I'd done all I could, I started working on the
glass and drops of blood on the floor.
It took me a good fifteen minutes to get everything cleaned up and
all the while, Chester was sitting still, gazing down.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?"
I asked, as I sat down next to him.

He stayed silent but buried his face in his hands.
I decided to just sit there with him until he felt like
moving again. I made sure that he could feel me,
my leg and shoulder touching his.

"I'm not mad about the mirror, if you're worried about
that. It's just a mirror."
I said, before nudging him slightly.
"I think it did more damage to you than the other
way around."

He took a deep breath and still remained silent.

"You look like you have the weight of the world on your
shoulders."
I mumbled, softly.

"I drive myself crazy. It's a bad place right now, my head.
Everything just feels so fucking heavy."
he said as he took my hand in his.
"I'm trying."

"I know you are."
I answered, simply.

I kissed his hand before I stood up, his hand still in mine.
"Come on. We'll just lie down and go from there, yeah?"

Chester nodded and stood up, following me to my bedroom.
We'd fallen asleep next to each other multiple times and
I didn't mind being the person he needed to hold on to.

I pulled my sweater over my head and kept my boy shorts and tank top on.
I crawled under the blankets and Chester did the same after dressing
down to his boxers. He lied down and I scooted over to him, wrapping
my arm around his torso.

I closed my eyes and listened to his heartbeat, calming down
a bit.

"I'll get you a new mirror."
Chester said all of a sudden.

I chuckled.
"You do owe me one."

"I do."
he replied, with nod.

"How's your hand? Do you need anything for the pain?"
I asked, pushing myself up on my elbow.

"No, it's distracting me so I'd rather just have it hurt."
He gently pulled me down against him.
"I don't want you to leave."

"Okay, I'll be right here."
I said, as placed my hand on his chest, where his heart was.
"I like the sound of your heartbeat. It calms me down."

"It does?"
he asked a little surprised.

"Yeah, it's a comforting sound. The regular beat, the
same beat everytime. It's a good sound. It's almost as
nice as your voice."
I mumbled, as I traced one of his tattoos with my finger.

"What if you had to choose?"
he asked, slowly running his fingers through my hair.

"If I had to choose, I'd probably choose your heart even
though it's not something I'd be happy doing. Your heart
and your voice are both calming to me. I just think I'd
miss your heart the most. We have your voice recorded
but we don't have the same recordings of your heart."
I replied, as I sighed.
"I'd rather just keep both close, if you don't mind."

"I don't mind."
he said, softly before kissing the top of my head.
"Thank you for letting me stay here for the night."

"Of course, it's not a problem at all."
I yawned.

"You should sleep if you're tired."
he said, as I shook my head.

"I'm not really tired, I just had a long day at work.
It was boring as fuck."
I wiped my eyes as I yawned again.
"We have this new guy who's working with us for two weeks
and I still have to tell him everything. You'd think he'd have
learned something, at least. It's getting a little annoying. But then
again, he can't help it because he hasn't worked in a restaurant at all
before. And he's like, eighteen."

"Do you think that if we hadn't met all those years ago, in therapy,
that you and I would've met anyway?"
Chester asked, then.

I frowned.
"I don't know. I wasn't at a very happy place right about then and thought
I could handle it perfectly fine by myself.
But I guess that if I hadn't been forced by the ex boyfriend back
then.. Maybe not."

"I'm glad we did."
he said, turning towards me.

"Me, too. You were nothing I thought you'd be."
I admitted with a slight smile.

"How come?"
he asked me.

"Well, we only saw each other in the waiting room every
now and then and when you first said 'hi' I figured you'd
mistaken me for someone else."
I said with a chuckle.
"After all, you were the famous one. And now here we are.
I'm glad you said 'hi' to me that day."

Chester gave me a small smile and then wiped some
hair behind my eyes before resting his hand in my
neck. I sighed with content when I felt his warm hand
on my skin, a reassurance he was actually there with me.

His thumb caressed my cheek softly and I smiled.
"I've missed you. You're away for so long sometimes.
I miss this."

"I've never really done this before."
he mumbled.

"I know. I meant I miss your prescence every now
and then. I know we don't see each other a whole
lot but when you're here, I feel content. More than
I ever thought I could feel with someone else."
I admitted, opening my eyes.

"Most of the time when you see me, I'm a mess.
I'm.."
he started but I shushed him.

"I told you not to apologize. I know life is harder on you
then most people. It's because you care so much. Maybe
a little too much about some things. But that's you so
I accept it because it makes you, you. I just wish that I could
make you feel better most of the time. But I know that I'm not
the right person for that, I don't have a degree or anything like that."
I said, as I placed my hand on the arm that was closest to me.

"You don't need a degree to help me. Just by being here you
make it better. Maybe not in the way you want but I get
a little better, at least. That's something, isn't it?"
he replied, with his soft voice.

"It is. I'll take what I can get. I'm glad to help."
I mumbled and kissed the wrist of the hand that
was still on my neck.
"When are you leaving again?"

"We'll be recording the new album soon so I won't
be gone precisely. I'll be very busy, though."
he said, as he sighed.
"I'll come by when I can?"

"Oh no, I didn't mean it like that. I don't want you to
feel obligated to come here when you've been in the
studio all day. I'll see you when I'll see you. No pressure,
okay? I understand you need time to get the album
done."
I replied, not wanting him to feel pressured or pushed
in a way that might end up in him feeling bad about
not seeing me enough.

"But I want to. It's not too far. And I'd rather
stay here than in my crappy appartment. It's not
home to me."
he replied with a shrug.
"I like it here."

I smiled.
"You're welcome whenever. I'll give you a key if
you want? That way, when it's late and I'm asleep,
you can still come in whenever you feel like it."

"Are you sure, though?"
he asked, his eyes blazing with something I couldn't
quite place. There was still sadness in them but there was
something else that was slowly burning away how he'd
felt only an hour before.

"Of course. I trust you."
I said, simply.

He smiled.
"Thank you."

I yawned again and Chester did, too.
"You don't have to thank me, love. I've always
trusted you."

"And I, you."
he replied in a whisper.

His eyes looked heavy.
"We should sleep, you look tired. Sleep tired, I mean."

"I am getting pretty tired."
he replied as he wiped his eyes.

"Well, goodnight then. I hope you get a good night
sleep."
I said as I closed my eyes as well.

"Goodnight, Mel."
he mumbled, I heard before I fell into a peaceful
slumber.

-----

I woke up and found the other half of my bed cold
and empty. I looked at the time and saw it was 4:08
in the morning. It was completely dark, still but
Chester was nowhere to be found.

I wiped my eyes and sat up, stretching myself out
and getting up out of bed.

I walked out of the bedroom and over towards the
livingroom, where Chester was sitting with his back
towards me. The curtains were open and he was looking
up at the night sky, filled with stars.

I sat down next to him and he looked my way.
"Did I wake you?"

I shook my head.
"No, I woke up by myself. Have you been sitting here
long?"

"About an hour or so, I guess. I haven't really checked
the time since I got here."
he replied, as he placed his hand on my upper leg.

"Couldn't sleep?"
I asked and placed my hand on his.

"Not really. I fell asleep for a while but when I woke
up, I was wide awake. I don't need much sleep."
he said as he turned his hand around and intertwined our
fingers.

"Three hours is enough for you?"
I wanted to know, a little amazed.

"I sleep 4 or 5 hours most nights. I can work with 3."
he said with a chuckle.
"You sound shocked."

"Well, seeing I need about 8 hours, I kind of am.
I would be a wreck by the end of the day if I only slept
3 hours."
I said with a yawn.

"You don't have to sit here with me if you're tired,
Mel. I'm okay."
he looked me in the eye and I saw the sadness had
gone for the most part.

"I see. Your eyes always tell me how you feel. I'm
fine, though. I'll sit here for a while if you don't
mind. I never really look at the stars anymore."
I mumbled as I placed my head against Chesters
shoulder.
"I used to watch them all the time."

"What made you stop?"
he asked, as he placed his head against mine.

"I don't know. For some reason, I just did. I don't
really have a reason."
I replied, as I stood up to get my blanket and
sat down again.
"I got a little cold."

We sat there for a good 30 minutes before I yawned
again.
"I think I should get some more sleep."

"Of course. I'll lie down with you for a while. Maybe I
can get myself another hour of sleep."
Chester replied as he got up as well.

We walked over to my bedroom and I closed the door
before turning around. Chester sat on the bed and he
was watching me.

"What?"
I asked as I looked down to see if any of my clothing
had shifted or something. I couldn't find anything so I looked
up again and he smiled and shook his head.

"Nothing much."
he said with a content look in his face.

I chuckled.
"Well, in that case, I'm getting under the covers."

I walked over to the bed but Chester stood up and grabbed
my wrist in his.
I stopped and looked at him, with a silent question in
my eyes.

He sighed and gently pulled me towards him.
He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and I wrapped
mine around his hips.

After a few minutes, his hands wandered through my hair
and I heard him hum a little.
"Your hair smells like peaches."
he mumbled, as he inhaled a little deeper.

"I know, it's my favourite shampoo."
I mumbled, my eyes closed and enjoying the feel of his hands
through my hair.

"I think it's my favouite too, from now on."
he replied.

"Good, I'll make sure to use it when I know you're
coming over. I'll eat peaches too, maybe it helps."
I said with a smile.

Chester chuckled and kissed the top of my head.
"You're so crazy sometimes."

"Only if it makes you laugh."
I said and took a step back.
"I love hearing you laugh."

"I know."
he said, as he wiped some hair from my eyes.
"I know you do."

I smiled before I decided to stand on my tiptoes en stretch up.
Gently but firmly, I pressed my lips against Chester's lips
before lowering myself again.
"I was waiting for a moment to do that."

He smiled.
"I was thinking about it too, to be completely honest."

I chuckled.
"Good, or this would've been mighty awkward right about now.
How about we get under those covers?"

He nodded and I walked over to my side of the bed.
When Chester was comfortable, I scooted over to his side and
wrapped my arm around his chest again.

"Do you think you'll wake up okay tomorrow? I want you to wake
me if you think you're not okay."
I said, as I lifted myself on my elbows after a few minutes of lying
down with him.
"You have to promise."

He nodded.
"Of course, I'll wake you up."

"Promise."
I urged.

"I promise, Mel."
he mumbled as I saw his eyes wander to my lips.

"Can I kiss you again?"
I asked, out of the blue.

He chuckled.
"Yeah, I wouldn't mind. Like, at all."

I smiled before placing my lips on his again, my hand
on his cheek.
When I broke away he had a slight smile on his
face.

"Maybe we should do this more often."
he murmered.

"Maybe we should."
I said as I kissed him one more time.
"I really need sleep now, though. So how about we talk
this over in the morning? Well, later. It's morning already."

"Yeah, get some more sleep, love. I'll be here
when you wake up."
he replied as I placed my head on his chest again.

"You better."
I mumbled before I fell asleep to the strong, constant
beating of his generous, good heart.