Build-a-Boyfriend Workshop

The smoky smell of charcoal and cooked meats wafted through the air in mouth-watering plumes, the atmosphere already buzzing with friendly and excited chatter. Platters and trays continued rolling out in a steady stream, overtaking the patio and our outdoor table. The smell alone was enough to make someone drool.
Mother’s barbeque cookout was yet another success. And here I was reaping in the rewards for toiling away in the kitchen all weekend cooking… on children duty.

“My turn! My turn!” a child shrieked from somewhere behind me.
“Okay, okay, just wait.” I panted, setting another giggling child down to the ground. He laughed as he wobbled unsteadily on his feet before he fell over with a heavy oomph. I turned and gave him a quick glance over. Eh, he’s short so he didn’t have far to fall, and the soft grass broke his fall.
An impatient hand took hold of my jeans and threatened to pants me.
“MY TURN FOR THE RIDE!” the child continued to scream.
I squatted down to his level, picked him up with both arms and positioned him into the airplane position. I made sure to grab hold of his pant look and his shirt for extra grip.
“Ready?” I asked.
When the kid eagerly nodded, I started to spin, slowly at first, but then:

“Faster!” the boy demanded.

So I did, spinning as fast as I can, trying not to step on any children around me while fulfilling my duties as a human amusement park ride. I think I made it to about fifteen rotations before I started to lose my balance.
“Okay, we’re done.” I gasped.

Taking care to be gentle, I slowed to a stop. The world was spinning wildly by now and it took all of my energy to not fall on top of the child.
“No more… no more,” I begged. “This ride is out of order…”
The kid ran off somewhere and I heard more joyful screams of the youngsters as they ran around our yard. I was too dizzy to be able to tell who was up to what, who had the soccer ball and who was trying to run over who with the mini John Deer car. So I closed my eyes to recover and enjoyed what little peace I can gather before the next wave of chaos could strike.

Just a few seconds… that’s all I need...

Maybe I dozed off for a bit, having the lack of sleep catching up to me. But I was stirred awake by the sensation of tugging and pulling of my hair, and something scratching against my scalp. My eyes flew open just to be greeted by the faces of four young girls, their expression in deep focus.

“What are you…” I stopped, and frowned. “Are you putting sticks in my hair?”
“We’re getting you ready for the ball tonight,” Chiharu, one of the girls said cheerily. She nodded to her twin, who was hovering over my head. “Teru is getting your hair all pretty.”
“Oh… well, if you wanted to borrow a brush, I can just go--”
“SHHH! Stay still, the ball is going to start soon and we still have a lot of work to do.” The girl cut me off, giving me the sternest look her young pudgy face could make. “A lot-a lot times a billion.”

Well gee, thanks. You’re doing wonders for my self-esteem.

“Mi-chan is doing your nails and Chiyo-chan will do your make-up.” the child seemingly in charge here continued to inform me.
Quickly I glanced down at the little girl tugging at my fingers and saw her dabbing at my fingertips with a random leaf and a bigger than necessary rock.
“I don’t think I need makeup; sensitive skin and all,” I said, attempting to sit up.
“Yes. Yes you do. Lots of makeup.” Chiharu said.
She then turned to Teru, who was still twisting my hair into knots of twigs and split ends.
“Hold her down if she tries to run.” she commanded her.

I heard Chiyo and Mio giggle ominously and grab hold of my leg preemptively and a single thought rang through my mind.
This was the way I was going to go. I was going to have my face literally beat by a group of six—year-olds.
Then, by the magic or blessing from a higher power, my salvation came through:

“DESSERT TIME!” I heard a parent yell.

My captors stop moving, their attention drawn to the source of the voice.
I took the chance given and went with it.
“Hey guys! What if we did a tea-party instead?” I offered, keeping my tone light and cheerful. “I can grab some blankets and it can be like a nice picnic. Yea? Much better idea, right?”
I saw the girls’ expressions light up.
“A princess picnic?” Teru peeped eagerly.
“Yea, sure!” I said.
“No Teru, I want to be the princess!” Chiharu said.
“You can all be princesses.” I said firmly.
“Pink! I’m going to be the princess with a pink poofy dress!” Chiyo chimed in.
“Sure kid, pink. Now could you get off of my leg?” I said.
“T-Then my dress… dress is p-purple!” Mio stammered.

The girls ran off towards the desserts, leaving me on the ground with sticks in my hairs as a dejected arts and crafts project.

---

“My, thank you so-so-so-so-so-so very much for coming to this picnic!” Chiharu sang out with a flare.
The girls cheered happily, clanking their plastic cups of juice. Paper plates filled with finger food, fruits, small cakes and cookies that were looted by the kids from the cookout table were gathered in the center of the large quilt I managed to find. Overall, it was a surprisingly a decent makings of a picnic.

Chiharu pulled out a plastic tray from behind her before plopping down to join the group.
“I brought some homemade bread and biscuits!” she chimed.
On the tray were a neatly organized arrangement of leaves, dandelions and buttercup flowers that had been growing wild in the far corners of the yard. Imaginary foods…
Sudden wave of nostalgia struck and I remembered doing something like that when I was a kid except I had used mud to make onigiri.

As the girl sat around chattering, I dropped down at the edge of the quilt and looked around at the display.
“Why do we have so many cups and plates?” I asked.
“It’s for our very special guests.” Chiyo said. “We all brought guests.”
“Oh, okay.” I said. Maybe they nagged their parent to be their plus-one. I can never keep us with these kids’ play pattern.
Chiyo went on, and waved to the empty space next to her.
“This is Lulu. She is a fairy ballerina princess that likes sparkly tutus and her favorite food is pizza and bubblegum.” she said. “She can make things with her magic crown!”
The girls said ‘hi’ to the general direction of the indicated empty space while I sat there, blinking.

Oh…. oh.

“Hey! That was Gigi’s spot!” Teru yelled, making me jump. “You’re sitting on her!”
“Oh… sorry… sorry Gigi,” I muttered as I shifted over an inch.
“Chiharu’s friend Usa said nice to meet you!”
“Kuma-san likes the cookies…” Mio said, already nibbling on a cookie.

I watched the interaction between the young girls and wondered if I ever had that vivid of an imagination at that age.

“Onee-chan, who did you bring?” Chiharu asked.
I blinked, caught off-guard.
“Me?”
The girls nodded.
“If you want to join the party, you have to bring a guest.” Teru said. “And we can’t start the party until we all introduce each other.”

The girls looked towards me, their expectant expression pinning me to the spot.
Shit… what do I do? Do I just make something up? Or should I say they’re coming later and hope they forget?
As I frantically tried to think up a satisfying excuse, I saw a stick figured hand reach forward past me on the right and grab a buttercup from the tray. I turned my head in time to catch him seemingly sniff at the flower before popping it into his mouth.

“Ah...well, I have one guest who just showed up,” I said. “Everyone, meet Lincoln. He used to be a pirate captain but he quit.”

“Why did he quit?” Mi-chan asked.
“His eyepatch was too itchy.” I said.
“Wow, he’s so tall!” Chiharu said.
I glanced to Lincoln who just grinned and shrugged.
“Wait, you guys can see him too?” I asked.
“Yea! He looks cool with the cape! Like a real prince!” Chiyo chimed in.
“Usa says he is very handsome.” Chiharu added.

I laughed, shaking my head. Kids are so creative at their age…
“Capes, huh. And handsome! Wow...You hear that, Linc---”
I looked over to find my imaginary boyfriend striking a pose, his new cape billowing out in the non-existent breeze.
“I am Prince Lincoln.” he boomed.

The kids were intercepting my imagination. Damn, kids are scary…

“Is Lincoln your boyfriend?” Teru asked.
My brain froze, again caught off-guard.
“Huh?”
Chiyo giggled.
“Lulu said he is.” she said gleefully.
“Wait, Chiyo-chan…” I choked. “How does Lulu know…”
“She said he told her.” she said grinning. “She also said he’s eating all of Chiharu’s biscuits.”
I let out a small laugh.
“That would be something, right, Lincoln…” I started.
When I glanced back, the stick figure was busy chewing on leaves and dandelions that were poking out of his mouth.
“Sorry, but Lulu said I could eat it.” he whined.

What is happening to me?

“Kyo onee-chan.” Teru suddenly said. “Why don’t you have a real boyfriend?”
The comment struck me like a linebacker in a blindside assault. It was so out of the blue that it took me moment to recover.
“Uuhhh… well… it’s because I don’t like anybody like that right now.” I said, smiling tightly.
“Why?” Chiyo jumped in.
“Is it because you can’t keep a boyfriend?” Teru questioned.
Another comment wielded like a blade by a six-year-old assassin, and she was aiming for all my weak points.
“...not exactly.” I managed to choke out..

I swear, I think these kids could smell my fear and anxiety.
“Maybe it’s because you don’t wear pretty clothes or makeup.” Mio mumbled quietly.

…et tu, Mi-chan?

“That’s no good. You have to try to be friends with more people.” Chiharu said. “Guys like girls when they are nice and nice looking.”

“Maybe guys like girls with a smart brain, or a good heart.” I tried to counter, laughing nervously.

But Chiharu waves her index finger at me and gave me a scolding tsk-tsk.
“That’s not good… you can’t see your brain or your heart.” she said factually. “No one wants to see all that squishy gross stuff.”

“Oh.” I said.
Why was I feeling dejected by the words of a child? Why was I listening to these kids seriously?

“If you try, and he says ‘I love yoooouuu’ when you guys hold hands and go dance, you can say ‘thank you’ but if you only want to look at him you say ‘okay.’” Teru said.

What? What does that even mean?

“Oh... ” Mio said, a look of understanding coming over her face. “Maybe that’s why my mom and dad never go dance.”

“Oh no, no.I don’t think that’s true, Mi-chan.” I quickly reassured her. “Maybe they just... stink at dancing?”

I heard Lincoln laughing in the background and I sent him a mental note to shut up.
“But I think I got what you girls are saying.” I said, redirecting the conversation. “Do you all think I should try harder to look nice?”
All four girls nodded eagerly. Teru scooted closer to me and peered earnestly and directly into my eyes.
“Real hard.” she whispered.

“And if I tried real hard, I could get a nice boy to take me dancing?” I asked half-jokingly. “That sound pretty easy!”

What she did next surprised me.

She reached up and cupped my face with her cherub-like hands as she looked deep into my eyes. She intently held her wide-eyed gaze as she whispered.

“…Nope.”