Save Me

Lila was at a complete loss for words. She didn’t know what do or what to say. She felt completely heartbroken and she felt guilt with remorse. She beat herself up inside for not being able to say her only good bye to her father.

She wished she would have never came home. At least that way she could pretend none of this was happening. She could go back to thinking that life was rainbows and butterflies, she’d pretend her father was just fine and she’d go back to living her normal life.

She’d tell herself dad was on a long vacation and he’d be home soon. She’d see him and everything would fall into place. This was a bad nightmare. That was it.

Lila quietly walked into the dim lit kitchen to grab her food that Matt had saved from the earlier reservations. She tried her best to be stealthy knowing that Bella could bark at any moment and cause complete chaos. She slowly opened the fridge and grabbed the box of food.

“Li?” Matt raised his head from the living room couch. “What are you doing?” He slowly pushed himself off of the couch and walked into the kitchen.

“Eating my feelings.” She teased.

Matt turned on the kitchen light. Tiredness rested in his eyes and he looked like he aged himself a few years over the last couple weeks.

“Sorry for waking you, I was starving.” She said showing him the foam container. “Brian didn’t have food at his house. Thanks for picking me something up.”

Matt yawned and said, “You’re fine. What time is it?”

Lila glanced at the stove. “It’s ten.” She shoved a french-fry in her mouth. “It’s early why is everyone sleeping?”

He leaned against the counter amused by his sister. He missed moments like this. He was content with the fact that his little sister was in the kitchen chatting with him and not directly walking away like she used to.
“Some people work in the morning…” He teased.

“Yeah, I think that’s why Brian kicked me out. He said something about recording with you tomorrow and I don’t really know what else cause I’ve had a couple beers and I’ve cried a lot and I think I’m basically sleeping right now.” She pauses a sly smile on her face. “Don’t believe anything I am saying right now.”

Matt chuckles. “So you mean this is the best time to get you to talk?” He hops up on the counter next to her. “How was the visit?” He can see her cringe at his words and he instantly wants to take them back. Maybe right now while she was feeling off wasn’t the best time to talk about it.

She pushes another fry in her mouth before throwing the rest of the food away. “I was there for ten minutes.” She chugs the rest of her beer. “I felt sick. I couldn’t even say good-bye.” She sadly says. “It wasn’t my father anymore.”
Matt nodded his head, he knew exactly what she was going through. “Things changed a lot faster than what we thought.” He brushes his hand over his freshly shaved head. He knew it was time to change the conversation. She wasn’t ready to face reality. “What did you and Brian do?” He watched as Lila opened another beer and handed him one.

“Hung out.” She popped the bottle cap off of her beer. “Talked.” Lila threw her long teal hair into a ponytail. “It was pretty chill. Just he caught me right after everything and I freaked out.” She sipped her beer. “Brian is good at comforting people even though he’s a giant dick.” She laughed.

He laughed as he slid off of the counter and heading for the living room knowing that Lila would follow suit. The siblings sat next to each other just like they used to…this felt right. “Well. If he treated you like shit he knows he’d be dead. You and Lexi are special to me and there for Brian knows better.”

“Yeah. It’s just shocking considering all I’ve ever seen is his dick self.” She pauses for a brief second. “You remember when Lexi beat Brian up?” She could hardly contain her laughter at the memory. “Brian’s nose broke and Dad congratulated Lexi instead of punishing her…”

It was Matt’s turn to laugh. “I remember. Lexi was the one that nobody should have been fucking with.” He set his beer on the coffee table.” He pauses and looks over at his sister her eyes seemed to darken the more that she drank and her voice became numb. He wondered how much they had to drink at Brian’s because Brian didn’t know how to solve any problems without drinking.

“Well, Lila. I gotta get some sleep, you wanna go to the studio with me tomorrow?” He stood up and looked over at his sister. “We can record some stuff like the old days.”

“Yeah Matt that sounds great.” She gave her brother a hug and sat back down on the couch. She shouldn’t have been left alone. She really shouldn’t but Lila was not about to tell Matt the truth. She slowly pulled out her cellphone and text Zack.

‘Awake?’ She set her phone down on the table and waited for a response. She knew that Zack would be down to go out for a beer or two…Zack would take care of her when she was sloppy drunk and emotion, he was always there for her.

‘Yeah, at the bar with Johnny, commin?’

Lila smiled and responded, ‘Yeah, come get me.’ She chugged the rest of her beer and stood to her feet.

‘Be there soon.’ He responded.

Lila knew that she was having a manic moment and this is the last thing she should be doing but Lila was ready to make bad decisions even if she did regret them tomorrow, tonight she was going to act her age and get a little out of hand.