And Now I'm Drowning
Roses whither in time.
My name is Rose.
My views have changed.
It's five months later and my mother is no longer a blood sucking whore.
She is just a diluted old woman who stupidly fell in love with the wrong married man and is now helplessly trying to find a way to make herfamily children.
Question: Which is worse, A married woman with a single man, or a married woman with a married man.
-In the former, is it not taken as seriously? or is all the guilt overflowing the one person?
-In the latter, does some blame transfer? or does it just multiply?
My father, however, has evolved into a bitter old man who tries to win back his kids by abandoning all rules.
Stupid.
Meanwhile the younger children are forced to grow up in a broken household, not knowing the meaning of love, family, or stability.
They don't understand that when something is wrong, it is wrong. It is not okay if you go to someone [else] and ask them.
They do not understand that no means no.
They do not comprehend that what is going on is not normal, is not how it is supposed to be.
They don't know how it was in the beginning.
Just me and my brother.
How proud we were.
How proud I was that out of all my friends, my family would stick together.
By second grade I knew what divorce was.
My parents would fight and I would ignore it, because I knew that it was nothing serious.
But, to be sure, I would ask anyway. "Are you guys gunna get divorced?"
They'd laugh it off, tell me I'm being crazy.
I guess somehow, I could feel it.
It's funny how things snowball. How they build up from one minuscule thing.
How one fight, one action, can shred a family apart.
But the worst thing, selfishly, is how it's affecting me.
I'm the mom and the dad, since neither is playing their role.
They both are simply competing to outdo each other.
My name is Rose.
I am falling apart.
All my anger builds up and lashes out on other people.
I'm not a good mom.
I'm not a good dad.
I resent everybody.
And for that I am becoming bitter.
I worry that the kids will never fully be able to understand how a family is supposed to be. How our family was. Before.
I am Rose.
What do I do?
My views have changed.
It's five months later and my mother is no longer a blood sucking whore.
She is just a diluted old woman who stupidly fell in love with the wrong married man and is now helplessly trying to find a way to make herfamily children.
Question: Which is worse, A married woman with a single man, or a married woman with a married man.
-In the former, is it not taken as seriously? or is all the guilt overflowing the one person?
-In the latter, does some blame transfer? or does it just multiply?
My father, however, has evolved into a bitter old man who tries to win back his kids by abandoning all rules.
Stupid.
Meanwhile the younger children are forced to grow up in a broken household, not knowing the meaning of love, family, or stability.
They don't understand that when something is wrong, it is wrong. It is not okay if you go to someone [else] and ask them.
They do not understand that no means no.
They do not comprehend that what is going on is not normal, is not how it is supposed to be.
They don't know how it was in the beginning.
Just me and my brother.
How proud we were.
How proud I was that out of all my friends, my family would stick together.
By second grade I knew what divorce was.
My parents would fight and I would ignore it, because I knew that it was nothing serious.
But, to be sure, I would ask anyway. "Are you guys gunna get divorced?"
They'd laugh it off, tell me I'm being crazy.
I guess somehow, I could feel it.
It's funny how things snowball. How they build up from one minuscule thing.
How one fight, one action, can shred a family apart.
But the worst thing, selfishly, is how it's affecting me.
I'm the mom and the dad, since neither is playing their role.
They both are simply competing to outdo each other.
My name is Rose.
I am falling apart.
All my anger builds up and lashes out on other people.
I'm not a good mom.
I'm not a good dad.
I resent everybody.
And for that I am becoming bitter.
I worry that the kids will never fully be able to understand how a family is supposed to be. How our family was. Before.
I am Rose.
What do I do?
♠ ♠ ♠
<3