Sequel: City of Dark Angels ›
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In an Instant
My Father
"Dad?" I whisper quietly, knowing he won't be able to hear me, but wonder if I screamed it loud enough that maybe he might be able to.
I feel tears threatening to form in my eyes and I shake them away, remembering the promise I made to myself years ago when I knew I would never see him again. I promised that I would never cry over him again, that I would never allow myself to feel the pain that he had always wanted me to feel. That, when we left him one last time I would never look back onto that phase of my life. Even if one day I were to see him again, I wouldn't let myself feel the grief he wanted me to feel.
"What are you doing here?" My mother asks him, hands on her hips eyeing him down with an annoyed glance in her eyes, she wonders the intentions of his spontaneous arrival.
"I got out of the jail for a few days so I could see how OUR DAUGHTER was doing." He replies, a hint of annoyance in his voice.
"You've never been there for her ever before, not for her High school graduation, not for her first day of college and not even for all the art awards she's won. So what are you doing here now?"
"All I want is to fix that, and to maybe fix things with her and with you." He pleaded with what seems like good intentions. My mother nor I truly believe that it was what he is here for but nonetheless she shakes her head and pulls out a chair for him to sit down on. Both Stephan and Sierra feel the buttery tension in the room so they decide to leave the room and take some time to get some coffee from downstairs.
"I'll be back in a bit." Stephan says placing a soft kiss on my forehead and leaving the room. I am then alone with both of my parents as they sit in an awkward silence, and I can't decide on what my next steps are here in this situation. Part of me wants to scream, to scare him so bad that he will leave, and never look back. The other part wants to believe that his intentions are true, that he means what he said and that he is here to bring peace to our family once and for all.
But why so all of a sudden?
***FLASHBACK***
"DADDY!" I happily called out closing the front door behind me, I wanted him to be the first to know the good news I had.
"What!" He replied with annoyance in his voice, as I entered the living room and seen him sitting there with a beer in his hand flipping through the television.
"I made a new friend today at school!"
"That's nice, I'm watching the game. Go tell your mother all about it, I'm sure she'll care more than I will." He said ushering me away from the front of the TV of which I stood.
I sunk my head down sadly and turned towards the kitchen to tell my mother the good news, she was busily preparing dinner as my father always wanted it to be right at 5:00 pm and no later.
"Why so sad sweetie?" My mother asked as I wondered towards the table and slumped down, taking out my coloring book.
"I tried to tell daddy about my new friend Sophie from school but he didn't care and told me to go and tell you." I explained to her, and she frowned walking towards me with a juice box and some crackers for an after school snack I always had.
"Well mommy would love to hear all about your new friend Sophie!" She said a light shining in her eyes as she always was intrigued when I made new friends.
"ENOUGH CHIT CHAT AND GET THAT DINNER READY!" My dads horrid voice boomed out from the living room, my mother shook her head in disgust and stormed towards the living room. My head fell to the table as I knew what was to come next, as it was always what came next in this house.
"I'm trying to have a conversation with OUR daughter, since her father could care less about her making a new friend in school." She nearly shouted at him causing him to angrily jump up from the couch shutting off the TV. He grabbed his keys off the counter and stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind him.
I wandered over to the living room to see the commotion that just happened, my mother just stood there watching the door.
"Where's daddy going?" I asked even though this was a nearly every night occurrence.
"He'll be back honey, go grab the plates and get set up for dinner."
**PRESENT TIME**
There it was, another memory of which I had blocked out. Another memory that surfaced in my mind that I had buried for a reason. He always left like that, and didn't come back for weeks at a time, later after my mother had left him she had found out he was off hooking up with young girls at the bar, another reason for his arrests. Another memory I thought I buried far away in the depths of my mind. It happened like that nearly every day when I was a child, until my mother couldn't take his leaving anymore and we where the ones to leave.
"What where you jailed for this time?" My mother asks, breaking the heavy silence and intense sensations that fill the room. Before that, only the sounds of the machines keeping me in the in between of life and death could be heard.
"That's not really any of your business, I'm here for her not to make 'small talk' with you." My father rudely retorts at my mother which instantly makes me swell up with anger. How dare he talk to her that way.
"Well, if you're going to be here for her like you say you are...you're going to answer some questions that I have. Starting with the one I just asked." She taps her foot impatiently on the ground waiting for his answer, he strokes his light beard on his chin and groans in an annoyance but finally gives in.
"I stole drugs from an old mans house and nearly beat him to death." He finally confesses, and my mother shakes her head and rolls her eyes at him.
"Figured as much."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It's always the drugs, that's what drove me from you. It was the drugs, the stealing, everything else that always made you a shitty father!" My mother yells at him, which make him stand up and head towards the door angrily. "And where do you think you're going?"
"I'm not doing this with you! I came here to make things right with HER not talk about the past with YOU. I'm going back to the hotel room, I'll be back in the morning and hopefully you won't be here!"
"Oh if you think I'm going to let you be alone with her for even a second then you're crazy! You haven't changed, and you never will!"
I have enough of the arguing and bickering at that point, it gives me feelings of my childhood I never wan to feel again. I place my hands over my ears and let out a loud screech, louder than the one before.
"STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!" The scream is so loud that the windows violently rattled and the door slam shut, my father jumps inside the room and looks at the door in horror.
I feel tears threatening to form in my eyes and I shake them away, remembering the promise I made to myself years ago when I knew I would never see him again. I promised that I would never cry over him again, that I would never allow myself to feel the pain that he had always wanted me to feel. That, when we left him one last time I would never look back onto that phase of my life. Even if one day I were to see him again, I wouldn't let myself feel the grief he wanted me to feel.
"What are you doing here?" My mother asks him, hands on her hips eyeing him down with an annoyed glance in her eyes, she wonders the intentions of his spontaneous arrival.
"I got out of the jail for a few days so I could see how OUR DAUGHTER was doing." He replies, a hint of annoyance in his voice.
"You've never been there for her ever before, not for her High school graduation, not for her first day of college and not even for all the art awards she's won. So what are you doing here now?"
"All I want is to fix that, and to maybe fix things with her and with you." He pleaded with what seems like good intentions. My mother nor I truly believe that it was what he is here for but nonetheless she shakes her head and pulls out a chair for him to sit down on. Both Stephan and Sierra feel the buttery tension in the room so they decide to leave the room and take some time to get some coffee from downstairs.
"I'll be back in a bit." Stephan says placing a soft kiss on my forehead and leaving the room. I am then alone with both of my parents as they sit in an awkward silence, and I can't decide on what my next steps are here in this situation. Part of me wants to scream, to scare him so bad that he will leave, and never look back. The other part wants to believe that his intentions are true, that he means what he said and that he is here to bring peace to our family once and for all.
But why so all of a sudden?
***FLASHBACK***
"DADDY!" I happily called out closing the front door behind me, I wanted him to be the first to know the good news I had.
"What!" He replied with annoyance in his voice, as I entered the living room and seen him sitting there with a beer in his hand flipping through the television.
"I made a new friend today at school!"
"That's nice, I'm watching the game. Go tell your mother all about it, I'm sure she'll care more than I will." He said ushering me away from the front of the TV of which I stood.
I sunk my head down sadly and turned towards the kitchen to tell my mother the good news, she was busily preparing dinner as my father always wanted it to be right at 5:00 pm and no later.
"Why so sad sweetie?" My mother asked as I wondered towards the table and slumped down, taking out my coloring book.
"I tried to tell daddy about my new friend Sophie from school but he didn't care and told me to go and tell you." I explained to her, and she frowned walking towards me with a juice box and some crackers for an after school snack I always had.
"Well mommy would love to hear all about your new friend Sophie!" She said a light shining in her eyes as she always was intrigued when I made new friends.
"ENOUGH CHIT CHAT AND GET THAT DINNER READY!" My dads horrid voice boomed out from the living room, my mother shook her head in disgust and stormed towards the living room. My head fell to the table as I knew what was to come next, as it was always what came next in this house.
"I'm trying to have a conversation with OUR daughter, since her father could care less about her making a new friend in school." She nearly shouted at him causing him to angrily jump up from the couch shutting off the TV. He grabbed his keys off the counter and stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind him.
I wandered over to the living room to see the commotion that just happened, my mother just stood there watching the door.
"Where's daddy going?" I asked even though this was a nearly every night occurrence.
"He'll be back honey, go grab the plates and get set up for dinner."
**PRESENT TIME**
There it was, another memory of which I had blocked out. Another memory that surfaced in my mind that I had buried for a reason. He always left like that, and didn't come back for weeks at a time, later after my mother had left him she had found out he was off hooking up with young girls at the bar, another reason for his arrests. Another memory I thought I buried far away in the depths of my mind. It happened like that nearly every day when I was a child, until my mother couldn't take his leaving anymore and we where the ones to leave.
"What where you jailed for this time?" My mother asks, breaking the heavy silence and intense sensations that fill the room. Before that, only the sounds of the machines keeping me in the in between of life and death could be heard.
"That's not really any of your business, I'm here for her not to make 'small talk' with you." My father rudely retorts at my mother which instantly makes me swell up with anger. How dare he talk to her that way.
"Well, if you're going to be here for her like you say you are...you're going to answer some questions that I have. Starting with the one I just asked." She taps her foot impatiently on the ground waiting for his answer, he strokes his light beard on his chin and groans in an annoyance but finally gives in.
"I stole drugs from an old mans house and nearly beat him to death." He finally confesses, and my mother shakes her head and rolls her eyes at him.
"Figured as much."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It's always the drugs, that's what drove me from you. It was the drugs, the stealing, everything else that always made you a shitty father!" My mother yells at him, which make him stand up and head towards the door angrily. "And where do you think you're going?"
"I'm not doing this with you! I came here to make things right with HER not talk about the past with YOU. I'm going back to the hotel room, I'll be back in the morning and hopefully you won't be here!"
"Oh if you think I'm going to let you be alone with her for even a second then you're crazy! You haven't changed, and you never will!"
I have enough of the arguing and bickering at that point, it gives me feelings of my childhood I never wan to feel again. I place my hands over my ears and let out a loud screech, louder than the one before.
"STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!" The scream is so loud that the windows violently rattled and the door slam shut, my father jumps inside the room and looks at the door in horror.