In an Instant

"I suddenly remember it all so clearly..." Travis states as we stroll down the corridor, the horror still planted on his face from the realization he came to. "...your father was a family friend of ours, that's why I seemed so familiar to you, we grew up on the same street together. We didn't hang out that much you where quite a shy little girl. But your father....he was over almost everyday, doing drugs with my parents, that's why I'm so fucked up."

He lean against a wall, his mind turning as the block guarding the horrid memory lifted and opened up to reveal itself. I had known he seemed familiar and remember him from when we were kids, as he stated we never hung out around each other but I always spotted him at family barbecues and holidays.

"My mother cheated on my father with him, multiple times actually. My dad found out and threatened your father, everything blew up all at once. Then my father stole some drugs from your father, and I went to bed that night thinking everything was going to be okay, that my family might pull through this but then I heard a crash coming from my living room. And deep in my chest, I just knew what was going to happen next, so I hid in my closet, and tried to shut my eyes and forget the whole thing was even happening. I mentioned this all earlier, but I guess my mind was a little fuzzy then when I tried to remember the whole thing...I knew the attacker, it was your father it's all clear to me now. I know it now. The police never found him through, they just gave up and marked the case as cold. But now I know... and I'm not even able to be around to get my parents justice." He sniffs into his hand, scrunching his face to hide the tears that threaten to fall.

I don't know what to say, I'm in a moment of my own horror from the story that just unfolded. So I just let myself fall next to Travis on the floor and slide my arm around him. He is breathing heavy and I can feel the sweat radiating off of his shirt, the memory of that fateful night swirling around in the depths of his mind. And for the first time ever since I met Travis, a single tear slides out of his brown eyes and down his cheek. He came off like such a strong person, but that memory completely destroys the layer that he hides from the world.

"For what it's worth Travis, I don't think you're fucked up." I tell him and lay my head on his shoulder, his heart is still beating super fast in his chest, but I feel him calm down after a moment.

"I just think it's fucked up that I don't give a crap whether or not I live or die, like; if I survive this time I'm just going to go back to where I was before. I'm just going to be doing drugs again, and I'll end up back here. Being deaths bitch once again." More tears slide down his face and I reach out to wipe them away, he seems surprised at my touch but lets it happen.

"It doesn't have to happen that way, you can wake up from this world and you can do great things. You don't have to go back to drugs because it's all you know, you can go back to school and get your shit together. It doesn't have to be black and white, you can color to your life however you want it." He just turns away from me and stares at the wall, thinking of something to say but coming up with nothing. So I break the silence that radiates between us.

"It's weird, ever since I've been here...I've had a lot of memories that I blocked away open up and reveal themselves. Memories about my father that I had blocked away for so long, I didn't want to remember any of it but they come back. One by one, and I don't know what bad memory is going to pop up next."

"That's what the brink does, no matter how strong a person is the memories just escape. You remember every shitty thing you've ever done. I tried for so long to block out the memory of what your father did to my family, but it came back as soon as I seen him. Memories are just a wall, that breaks down at the touch of a feather." He tells me getting up to turn and watch the snowflakes fall from out the window.

"I hope you survive this Travis." I tell him standing next to him at the window sill. "I hope you wake up, and you remember every last thing I just told you and you decide to get your shit together and you stop doing those drugs that destroyed your life."

"I doubt I'll wake up from this, but you on the other hand... you have something to live for. You have a wonderful boyfriend who has barely left your side since you got here, same with your best friend. I see them here together everyday. You just got accepted to an amazing university for something that you've always dreamed of. I remember your silly finger paintings when we where kids, they were remarkable. You have everything to live for on the other side, I on the other hand...right now, I only have you."