Ashes to Ashes

V

The bright fluorescent lighting of the grocery store was giving Carter a splitting headache, and the screaming child further up in the aisle wasn't helping matters any. She hadn't even wanted to come out today, but it was Seth's birthday and she wanted to at least attempt a cake. He turned twenty-one tonight and some of their friends were coming over to the apartment tonight to celebrate.

The screaming child was coming closer now, along with its annoyed mother and a crying baby, and it was more than Carter could take. She reached out and grabbed the first cake mix her fingers touched and tossed it into the cart along with some frosting. She strolled along for a few moments and debated on candles - they would be a nice touch, but she was no Suzy Homemaker and to be honest, she wasn't even sure the cake would be edible. She scratched candles off the list and walked away without them, heading next to where she would find eggs, butter and milk.

Ten minutes later, she had found everything on the list she'd written on her arm in red sharpie. It was a strange array of different things - 90% isopropyl alcohol, a few cases of beer, tin foil and the cake and its ingredients. Once she was sure she had everything, she waited until the aisle was empty before quickly shoving everything except the cake mix, eggs, milk and butter into her shoulder bag. When she was certain no one had seen her, she abandoned the cart near an end cap and made her way to the front of the store.

Her checker was an older woman in her mid to upper fifties, with salt and pepper hair and a face clean of makeup. Carter could feel her eyes on her, studying her like she was some kind of puzzle to figure out. She didn't like it.

"Did you find everything, sweetheart?"

Carter mumbled her reply, reaching into her pocket for a little bit of cash. She handed over a wadded ball of ones and some loose change to the woman and chewed on the corner of her lip as she counted it out.

"You're a couple of dollars short, hon," the woman murmured apologetically. Carter cursed under her breath and frowned, taking the frosting out of the plastic bag the woman had put it in.

"Can you take this off?" She asked the woman. "Will it be enough?"

Sympathy crossed over the woman's face and she thought for a few moments before a smile replaced it. She handed the ones and change back to Carter before placing the frosting back into the bag.

"You remind me of my grandson's girlfriend a few years ago," the woman explained. "Just make sure that cake tastes good, okay?"

Carter wasn't sure what to say. Kindness wasn't something she was used to - usually it was store owners threatening to call the cops for her shoplifting, or Erik yelling at her to stop leaving the bathroom door closed. This woman owed her nothing. She didn't even know her, and yet here she was, buying her cake.

Her fingers clenched into fists and she frowned, shaking her head.

"I changed my mind. I don't need any of it," she told the woman before setting all of the plastic bags back down onto the end of the counter before exiting the store. Hot tears blurred her vision but she ignored them. She just wanted to get away from here; to go home and shut herself in her room and get high.

The sun was hidden behind dark, foreboding clouds and she prayed that it wouldn't rain before the bus got to her stop to take her home. It did, though, and by the time the #4 bus got to her, it was down pouring. The driver opened the door and she swiped her bus pass before making her way to the back of the bus, sitting in the very corner by the rear window.

It was a forty-minute trip back to the apartment and when she finally got there, the downpour had only gotten worse. It was thundering loudly now, with occasional bursts of lightning. When she got to the front door of the apartment, it was locked. Sighing, she banged on it for several minutes until a clearly agitated Erik opened the door.

"Why was the door locked?" She snapped at him as she walked inside. "Can't you tell it's raining outside, asshole? The door is never locked."

"I want you and your piece of shit boyfriend out of here!" Erik snapped back at her, slamming the apartment door closed after her. "You've got three days, Carter."

Her eyes widened and then narrowed in anger when she realized that Erik was kicking her out of the apartment. Where would she go? Sure, she didn't have a job, but she'd always made sure her half of the rent got paid. She never had company over, and stayed mostly to herself in her room.

"You can't just kick me out, Erik. What the fuck did I do?"

He had been nearly to his own bedroom when she spoke, and he froze in his spot before turning to face her. He was completely serious about this. He was really kicking her out.

"What did you do? What did you do?" He repeated her question, his smile growing tight with agitation. "You leave your dirty needles all over the fucking place! You never clean up after yourself in the bathroom, and I'm fucking sick of your boyfriend using this place as his crash pad! You've got three days, or I'm calling the goddamn cops."

"Fuck you, Erik. Y'know, you're a fucking asshole. I don't need three days. I'll be out in an hour," she told him before walking to the kitchen, fishing around in the drawer she always left her rent money in. She snatched it back and shoved it into her bag when she found it, glaring at Erik. He didn't say a word as she stormed off to her room, slamming the door behind her.

Packing wouldn't take her long. She grabbed Seth's duffel bag from the corner of the room and tossed a few pieces of her own clothing in with his, making sure to grab his lucky lighter from her nightstand drawer as well as their bag of fresh syringes. She did a sweep of the room to make sure she hadn't missed any pills or dope, and when she'd completed that, she threw the duffel over her shoulder and left her room.

Erik was standing in the living room when she flipped him off, kicking the front door open with her foot before slamming the screen door as loudly as she could. She didn't bother saying goodbye, there was no point.

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It was nightfall before Carter had gotten to Seth's work. He wouldn't be off for another hour, but she hadn't known where to go or what to do. She didn't have enough money to get a hotel, and the only friends she had in Nashville were his friends. She was beginning to regret not taking Erik up on his offer of three days when the back door to the restaurant opened and Seth walked out with a co-worker.

He frowned when he saw her, and that frown only deepened when he saw that her clothes were soaked clear through to her skin. "Carter, what's wrong? Why aren't you at home?"

She just shrugged, looking down at the ground. "Erik was an asshole, after all," she told him.

Seth understood what she meant and he sighed, his head falling back. He turned to his co-worker and asked him for some privacy, waiting until the other boy had gone inside before turning to Carter again.

"So he kicked us out?"

Carter nodded. For the first time all day, tears were beginning to well up in her eyes. If she hadn't taken three of the Klonopin on the bus here, she was certain she would have been a wreck already.

"I don't know what to do, Seth. I'm...I don't have money for a hotel, and--"

He cut her off by pulling her to his chest, resting his head on top of hers, one hand on the back of her head and the other around her waist. "We'll figure it out, Crash. Don't we always?"

She couldn't reply as he held her there. She wanted to believe that they'd figure it out, but this time it didn't feel the same. Seth didn't sound quite so sure of himself, and his shivers weren't just because of the cold weather. This time things were going to be harder, and that positively terrified her. For the first time in a long while, Carter felt scared.