Ashes to Ashes
IX
The thin walls of 3474 Courtland Road did nothing to mask the loud argument between Roger and Margaret Bishop. Tonight was no exception, and seventeen year old Carter had endured just about all she could take. The screaming was the loudest it had ever been and of course, the source of all her parents' aggression towards one another was her - or at least, that's what they'd have her believe.
Seth had been trying for the last year and a half to convince her that it wasn't her fault that her parents couldn't sort their shit out. Her therapist had said much the same thing, but with more finesse than her boyfriend could muster. But neither of them knew what it was like - Seth's parents had split before he was old enough to talk, and the therapist...well. His expertise lay in books and classes, not the real world. For Carter, it was different. Day in and day out for most of her life, the arguments had carried the same theme - Carter, and how to raise her. Carter, and what to do about her problems with her classmates. This time was no exception. Her mother wanted to ship her off to rehab for the pill addiction, her father wanted her to stay home and keep her on lock down until her 'senses' came back to her.
Neither of them had asked Carter what she wanted. They never did.
That was why tonight, she had come outside. It was a cool evening, the trees already barren in preparation for the winter's chill. The teenager had thought she might find some solace out here, but she hadn't. The argument had gotten louder now and she could hear every word that her parents were saying.
"Dammit, Margaret! Get it through your thick skull! She's staying! No daughter of mine is going to be shipped off to some...some...rehab! What we ought to do is beat the sense back into her!"
"That's right, Roger, dear. Let's just beat our daughter! Do you even realize how crazy you sound right now? She's got a problem!"
"A problem!" Her father roared before the argument suddenly quieted down.
Glass shattered, and her mother screamed. A door slammed, and out of the corner of her eye, Carter watched her father storming down the stairs to the kitchen, reaching into his alcohol cabinet for a bottle of Scotch. He didn't see her from her vantage point in the corner of the patio, and hot, angry tears burned the corners of her eyes as she watched him slam back three shots like they were water.
She hated him. She truly hated him.
Her mother had her faults, but Carter knew that with her mother, at the very least, her best interests were being thought of. She knew she had a problem, and she'd never denied it. The little pink and white pills that Seth had given her a year ago to take the edge off had become a full time habit for Carter. She wasn't stupid, she knew how addiction worked.
Part of her wondered if she'd done this to herself on purpose. She'd been on the path of self destruction long before Seth had come along with the morphine, but it had only been then that she'd truly found the release from stress that she'd been looking for. He'd changed her life in so many ways - some good, some bad but the biggest change had been the drugs he'd given her.
Carter watched as her mother followed her father down the stairs. The argument started up again but it took fifteen minutes for it to turn into another screaming match as her mother took the bottle of Scotch and launched it through the sliding glass door. Carter herself screamed as a few shards of glass scratched her face and arms as glass flew in all directions.
Her parents were stunned at the sound of Carter's scream, and watched in silence as she stood to her feet.
"Stop it!" She screamed at them, kicking some of the glass away from herself. "Just stop it!"
"What are you doing outside? You were told to stay in your room!" Her father bellowed at her before going right back to screaming at her mother, who was a hysterical mess. Carter swallowed hard, watching the scene playing out in front of her. It was like a bad movie - who had parents this bad in real life?
Carter did, she realized. But she didn't have to - not anymore, not after tonight.
"Hey, Dad."
"Carter, I told you to--"
Her father cut himself off and his eyes widened in horror when he saw that Carter had moved to stand, a piece of glass from the patio door in hand, positioned on her opposite wrist. For a moment, everything felt fine. She'd gotten his attention and after all, that was all she'd ever wanted. She wanted to be his daughter, not just some person who occupied the same house.
Maybe it would take her death to make that happen.
"Sweetie, what are you doing? Put that down, Carter." Her mother tried to soothe her, her hands facing her open-palmed, eyes wide with fear. The teenager swallowed hard, her fingers beginning to shake. Could she really go through with this? It hadn't been her plan - or at least, not really. But when she looked back to her father and saw anger on his features rather than the fear that her mother was showing, her resolve strengthened and she took a deep breath.
Everything will be alright, she told herself as her eyes met her father's.
"Fuck you, Roger."
She didn't say anything else before taking the glass and digging in at her wrist, not stopping until the makeshift knife had reached the inside of her elbow. Her mother's scream pierced the night sky, and Carter stumbled, reaching for the railing as her father darted over to the phone. When she heard the urgency in his voice, a faint smile formed on her lips.
She'd won. It had taken her a little over ten years, but Carter Bishop had finally gotten her aim right. These were her last thoughts as her vision blurred and then went dark altogether.
Seth had been trying for the last year and a half to convince her that it wasn't her fault that her parents couldn't sort their shit out. Her therapist had said much the same thing, but with more finesse than her boyfriend could muster. But neither of them knew what it was like - Seth's parents had split before he was old enough to talk, and the therapist...well. His expertise lay in books and classes, not the real world. For Carter, it was different. Day in and day out for most of her life, the arguments had carried the same theme - Carter, and how to raise her. Carter, and what to do about her problems with her classmates. This time was no exception. Her mother wanted to ship her off to rehab for the pill addiction, her father wanted her to stay home and keep her on lock down until her 'senses' came back to her.
Neither of them had asked Carter what she wanted. They never did.
That was why tonight, she had come outside. It was a cool evening, the trees already barren in preparation for the winter's chill. The teenager had thought she might find some solace out here, but she hadn't. The argument had gotten louder now and she could hear every word that her parents were saying.
"Dammit, Margaret! Get it through your thick skull! She's staying! No daughter of mine is going to be shipped off to some...some...rehab! What we ought to do is beat the sense back into her!"
"That's right, Roger, dear. Let's just beat our daughter! Do you even realize how crazy you sound right now? She's got a problem!"
"A problem!" Her father roared before the argument suddenly quieted down.
Glass shattered, and her mother screamed. A door slammed, and out of the corner of her eye, Carter watched her father storming down the stairs to the kitchen, reaching into his alcohol cabinet for a bottle of Scotch. He didn't see her from her vantage point in the corner of the patio, and hot, angry tears burned the corners of her eyes as she watched him slam back three shots like they were water.
She hated him. She truly hated him.
Her mother had her faults, but Carter knew that with her mother, at the very least, her best interests were being thought of. She knew she had a problem, and she'd never denied it. The little pink and white pills that Seth had given her a year ago to take the edge off had become a full time habit for Carter. She wasn't stupid, she knew how addiction worked.
Part of her wondered if she'd done this to herself on purpose. She'd been on the path of self destruction long before Seth had come along with the morphine, but it had only been then that she'd truly found the release from stress that she'd been looking for. He'd changed her life in so many ways - some good, some bad but the biggest change had been the drugs he'd given her.
Carter watched as her mother followed her father down the stairs. The argument started up again but it took fifteen minutes for it to turn into another screaming match as her mother took the bottle of Scotch and launched it through the sliding glass door. Carter herself screamed as a few shards of glass scratched her face and arms as glass flew in all directions.
Her parents were stunned at the sound of Carter's scream, and watched in silence as she stood to her feet.
"Stop it!" She screamed at them, kicking some of the glass away from herself. "Just stop it!"
"What are you doing outside? You were told to stay in your room!" Her father bellowed at her before going right back to screaming at her mother, who was a hysterical mess. Carter swallowed hard, watching the scene playing out in front of her. It was like a bad movie - who had parents this bad in real life?
Carter did, she realized. But she didn't have to - not anymore, not after tonight.
"Hey, Dad."
"Carter, I told you to--"
Her father cut himself off and his eyes widened in horror when he saw that Carter had moved to stand, a piece of glass from the patio door in hand, positioned on her opposite wrist. For a moment, everything felt fine. She'd gotten his attention and after all, that was all she'd ever wanted. She wanted to be his daughter, not just some person who occupied the same house.
Maybe it would take her death to make that happen.
"Sweetie, what are you doing? Put that down, Carter." Her mother tried to soothe her, her hands facing her open-palmed, eyes wide with fear. The teenager swallowed hard, her fingers beginning to shake. Could she really go through with this? It hadn't been her plan - or at least, not really. But when she looked back to her father and saw anger on his features rather than the fear that her mother was showing, her resolve strengthened and she took a deep breath.
Everything will be alright, she told herself as her eyes met her father's.
"Fuck you, Roger."
She didn't say anything else before taking the glass and digging in at her wrist, not stopping until the makeshift knife had reached the inside of her elbow. Her mother's scream pierced the night sky, and Carter stumbled, reaching for the railing as her father darted over to the phone. When she heard the urgency in his voice, a faint smile formed on her lips.
She'd won. It had taken her a little over ten years, but Carter Bishop had finally gotten her aim right. These were her last thoughts as her vision blurred and then went dark altogether.
♠ ♠ ♠
I want to give a huge thank you to willow., who created a beautiful ficmix for this story. If you're interested in listening to it, you can find it here.