Status: Active!


I don't want you like a best friend


There is a long list of things I can tolerate; screaming teenagers, loud pop music blasting a crowded room, couples publicly making out, squeezing myself between sweaty people on a dance floor. Except when everything is happening at the same time, then it doesn't work for me.

I feel old.

I feel old as I sit down at the smoking area of the club; drinking an overpriced beer with a bad taste in my mouth while my friends dance inside. My fingers are burnt from the earlier activities with a lighter; my thoughts pacing around my mind as I feel my stomach cry out for food.

Thinking about it; I don't remember when nights out stopped being fun to me. They just did.

I liked the comfort of my house and the sound of my friends laughters much better than any of the things I could get at a party.

I mean, you can have only so many one night stands until getting bored of it.

Someone approaches you; you have two or three drinks; it gets physical; you end up in their bed. Then the morning comes and you hurry yourself up, because you don't wanna get involved.

Leave before they wake up; never stay for breakfast; don't ask about what they do.

With girls is fine, I guess. All the ones I have hooked up with were fine. You say the night was great, wave goodbye and leave it at it.

With men though, it's terrible.

They have all the pride, that puffed chest and that facial expression of “please, don't say you want to see me again”, because they think they're so damn special, like all the girls fuck them and desperately fall in love with their incredible personalities.

That's why the only relationship I've ever had was with a girl; it's easier to deal with someone who goes through the same shit as you than a dude, whose mindset is completely different.

Twenty seven years old and I have already lost faith in men.

At least in most of them.

Most of them expect Eric and my dad.

And, well…

The one who spends most of the year miles away; doing nicer and bigger things than I ever could.

Meeting prettier and more successful girls than I will ever be.

Together with all the worries my midlife crisis gave me, the romantic feelings I had for John came back.

It became clear to me when he left.

The fact he was gone and all my lack of patience as I desperately waited to hear from him; the pining and anticipation of my heart when he called. It all made me realize how into this mess I am.

What drives me insane is that I know John like the palm of my pale hand; but I can't read if he shares the same kind of feelings for me.

'We are best friends’, he says.

But how far do best friends go?

Halvo doesn't get drunk with me and decides to kiss my whole face multiple times during the night; Halvo doesn't pin me around the room as we intimately dance a slow stupid song.

If we are just best friends, then why the fuck does John get so mad if I ever go out with someone? Halvo doesn't do that.

And if we aren't just best friends, then why people talking about us being in a relationship upsets him so much?

Even in my worst light, John saw the truth in me. Then why didn't he see how I had started to fall for him more and more by each day?

Am I that hard to read? Or am I just faking it too well?

None of my questions have answers, and I honestly plan that they’ll stay this way for as long as possible.

I don't have the right to ruin our friendship.

Even if the voice inside my head screams I don't want him like a best friend.
♠ ♠ ♠
Hello, strangers!
Sorry for the lack of updates (if there are people reading this lol), the end of my semester has been crazy and I was feeling a little frustrated.
Wrote this based on Taylor Swift's new song, Dress. To me, this song describes John and Tina's relationship exactly.
Please tell me how you feel about this story. I don't see the point of working on it if no one is interested.
See you soon.
All the love,