Shared Spaces

Ace and Nikki had been roommates for about a year and a half now. In some ways, it felt like it had been a couple of months, it had gone by so fast. All the parties, the laughter, everything that had happened in that time. Ace had that weird thing with Jess, that friends to benefits arrangement that had gone from weird to okay to fun to messy to the realization that they worked better as friends. But, honestly, everything felt okay for the most part. School was confusing, and sometimes Ace was tempted to quit and become a street musician or a mime - fuck, that would be Hell, not talking all the time - but he was trying his best. Plus, he didn’t feel so alone when he knew that Nikki would sit with him at the kitchen table late into the night while they worked on their papers and did their readings.

This was a Friday night, though, and their other two roommates were out of the house. Nikki ordered a pizza for both of them. Ace hadn’t even had to ask, he had just done it. Sometimes Ace didn’t know what to do with this information. Nikki was so quick to jump in and do stuff for him. Sure, he could do things himself, but it was nice to have someone there who ordered food and hugged him and texted him memes. This was why he had roommates in the first place. He didn’t trust himself to live on his own, and neither did Ben or his brother. Nikki didn’t even care when Ace couldn’t pay him back.

Nikki came and sat down on the couch next to Ace once the pizza arrived. “I was thinking we could try to get further in The Incredibles game.” Nikki tried to hand the controller over to Ace, but Ace laughed and shook his head, putting his hands in his pockets.

“Hell fucking no. That game was made for torture. It’s impossible.”

“I found some cheats. We’ll give it a shot. Yeah? I just want to see if we can get past that level with all the water and robot things.”

“Fuck. Fine.” Ace almost added that it was just because Nikki was so cute about it, with his eyes all lit up. Ace couldn’t help but notice Nikki’s blonde stubble and wondered what it felt like if he touched it. But fuck, no, he couldn’t think about that. That was weird. Friends definitely didn’t think that shit about their friends. He shook it out of his head.

The next couple of hours were a blur of curses and cheese and beer. At first the conversation had started off light, they had ranted about their professors and their majors and Nikki had gone on a passionate rant about the parking situation at his school (“Why the fuck would they give so many parking permits if they know there aren’t that many spaces? It’s so fucked up, dude.”). But pretty soon the conversation had switched to family, because Ace had mentioned something stupid that his brother had done when they were younger that had led to his brother breaking his wrist. Maybe it was the beer, but before he knew it Nikki was talking a lot about his family and his past.

Ace always felt terrified - jumpy - when talking about his past, like others would judge him for things that had been out of his control. And he wanted to keep that control over what others thought of him. Others liked to point out that he made them laugh and he liked being the bright part of people's days. He loved hearing other people's laughs and seeing their smiles, all different and unique and safe. He didn't want to bring other people down. He almost thought he was being selfish if he brought up his past, brought up all of the terrible things that had been done to him that he couldn't quite move past. No matter how hard he had tried over the years to remind himself that he was safe.

Plus, he never knew the appropriate time and place to mention it or who to trust. It had become difficult to trust anyone. There were a couple of people that he had learned to trust for the most part. People that he knew he could tell certain things to, confess to. But there were always things that he kept to himself.

Nikki was different for some reason. He was easy to talk to. Carefree and most of the time lovably awkward. Plus, they had known each other for awhile now. They had inside jokes, they ate meals together. In some ways they knew way too much about one another, including every annoying bad habit the other had. They had hung out outside of the house and Ace had introduced him to Jess - well, of course he kind of had to, because she had been over at their place multiple times - and his other friends. He didn’t always know if he should call Nikki his roommate or his friend.

Nikki had told him so much about himself. About his family and that he hadn't spoken to his parents in five years and his older brother in three. Ace knew that he shouldn’t pry, and in the end he didn’t have to. Nikki had looked at him and seen the unspoken question in his eyes and told him that it was because his father was really religious and wasn’t supportive of him being gay. His brother was just an asshole, not a homophobe. He'd kept in touch with two older sisters, but the third had been killed when she was struck by a drunk driver a year ago.

He'd told Ace all of this that night after a couple of beers while they'd played video games and crammed chips into their mouths. They'd been tossing the empty beer cans in the makeshift trash that was really just a brown box that somebody had left lying around, their aim becoming progressively worse. Ace had let out a sharp laugh as a truly awful shot of Nikki's had hit the lamp instead and it had teetered on the edge for a second before righting itself.

The laugh was somewhat hysterical and out of the blue and just made Nikki let out a laugh of his own. Because Ace really didn't know what to say to all that Nikki had told him in the span of a twenty minute drunk ramble that at times had been somewhat incoherent. But Nikki didn't hold his lack of words against him. In fact, he told Ace that most people don't know what to say when he tells them about his sister. And then he'd made a dumb joke about the elephant in the room being the culprit of the spilled beer and rambled a bit about spilled milk and how the saying "don't cry over spilled milk" was a weird saying until his face turned red. Before spilling yet more beer on his shirt as he took a hasty, jerky sip.

"Maybe you've had enough," Ace suggested and on a whim leaned forward to remove the beer bottle from Nikki's hands.

"I think you're right," Nikki sighed and let Ace take the bottle without regret. "Sorry for being a train wreck. Look away while you can."

But Ace didn't feel like looking away. Maybe being drunk was impairing his lack of response. He found himself looking at Nikki's face, his blue eyes reflecting the screen and the paused game. His wavy blonde hair was hanging over his forehead and Ace could take in his freckles. It suddenly popped into Ace's head that he liked those freckles, but he tried to push that thought back. No, that was weird. Right? But Nikki had complimented his tie last week and the way that it went well with his eyes. Was that weird? It had unsettled him, but not in a bad way, when it had happened as they were traveling in opposite directions on the stairs. He'd been going for a job interview at a local call center and it had added a new set of butterflies loose in his stomach. But he had thought maybe it was the fact that he wasn't so used to receiving compliments and it had caught him off guard. Plus, he had missed a step while going down the flight of stairs. He had blamed it on those two factors.

Ace's vision was getting blurry, but through his warped surroundings he could see that Nikki was looking at him funny.

"What's weird?" Nikki asked, a puzzled expression on his face.

"What?" Ace could tell even through the drunken haze that his voice sounded slurred.

"You said 'this is weird.' You don't remember that?"

"Uh-uh. Why would I say that? What's weird?"

Nikki leaned his head back and laughed. "You're weird." Nikki turned to him and smiled. "But in a good way. You know, like how cats are weird. But they're great at the same time. They're really funny. Have you seen that video where... you know... the cat...?" Nikki began laughing so hard that he couldn't finish his sentence.

"I like your laugh." Oh, god, Ace thought. I actually said that out loud. His smile vanished and he looked away quickly, avoiding eye contact. He stared at a spider web on the ceiling and the fact that Connor would be mad when he got home from his trip to Boston to find the place in such disarray.

Suddenly, Ace felt a hand on his arm and looked up. Nikki must have said something because he was looking at Ace expectantly.

"Huh?"

"I think it's time to get you to bed."

"What? What would we do in bed?"

Nikki's eyes widened. "What? No, I just mean that I think you need some sleep." His face turned bright red and his hand loosened on Ace's arm. "Why would your mind jump to that?"

"I-I don't know." Ace was confused about the entire conversation. What had just happened? "I'm drunk."

"I know." Nikki smiled kindly. "Come on. I'll help you to your bed. To sleep," he clarified. "Don't get any ideas in your head."

Nikki offered his hand to help Ace off the floor and Ace took it. Ace wobbled a bit when they were standing and Nikki quickly wrapped an arm around his waist. “This okay?”

“Yeah. ‘S nice.” Ace seemed to be melting into his side. Nikki took in the wreckage of the living room. Looking at the pile of bottles in the trash, he realized that they had gone through a lot more beers than he had originally thought. He was starting to feel it in the spinning going on in his head and the way that the room looked fuzzy, but he could tell that Ace was a lot further gone than he was. He tried to lead them gracefully out of the living room and up the stairs, not even caring if he was turning off lights on the way. The stairs were like an obstacle course, and he kept tilting into the wall as Ace stumbled on a couple of them. But Nikki was glad that they didn’t fall.

Ace dropped like a stone when they got to his bed. Nikki laughed at the dopey expression on his face as he smiled up at him. “Thanks.”

“I’ll see you in the morning, okay?” Nikki wanted so badly to lean over and brush a hand through Ace’s hair. It looked so soft. He wanted to do a lot of things, if he really thought about it, but Ace was straight. Or at least he thought he was. He really didn’t want to cross any lines, especially since they lived under the same roof. What if things became awkward?

Nikki was turning to leave the room when he heard Ace breathe out the word.

“Stay.”