Rush Hour

I can't sleep. I swear I tried.

The world has turned and left me here
Just where I was before you appeared
And in your place an empty space
Has filled the void behind my face

I get up, I go to the bathroom, I go back to bed. Nothing.

I just made love with your sweet memory
One thousand times in my head
You said you loved it more than ever
You said

I look at the roof, dimly lit by the light from the white house across the street. They never turn it off, unless it's daytime. I never close my room's blinds, I just draw the curtains.

You remain turned away
Turning further every day

I get up again. I go to the kitchen. I should've known. I mustn't drink coffee after 5 pm or I won't be able to sleep. I open the fridge. I take my favorite mug and I pour milk into it. I put it into my microwave oven, I wait for it to beep. I take it out, I look at the cats on it and I wait for it to cool down a little bit.

The world has turned and left me here
Just where I was before you appeared
And in your place an empty space
Has filled the void behind my face

I look at Adam's handwriting. I trace each letter with my finger. I take a blueberry muffin from the fridge and I start eating it.

I talked for hours to your wallet photograph
And you just listened
You laughed enchanted by intellect
Or maybe you didn't

I remained there, silent, for an unknown period of time. Tired but smiling. Hopeless but hoping.

You remain turned away
Turning further every day

I should feel worried but I don't. I feel this is something which had to happen, maybe not now, but it had to happen. I don't believe in relentless fate. I believe everyone has a purpose, and different ways of getting there. I just happened to choose this path and not another one.

The world has turned and left me here
Just where I was before you appeared
And in your place an empty space
Has filled the void behind my face

I turn on my computer and I google "Weezer bass tabs". If I can't sleep, at least I want to do something useful. I skim the long list of songs. My eyes stop when I see "the world has turned and left me here".

You remain, turned away
Turning further every day

I open my closet and I reach for my bass guitar. I sit down at my desk and I start playing. I sigh, I look at my hands, then at my feet, then at the beige carpet.

The world has turned and left me here
Just where I was before you appeared
And in your place, an empty space
Has filled the void behind my face

I try to remember the words to the song but I can't. I give up. I google them as well. I start humming them, trying to remember all I've never forgotten.

Do you believe what I sing now?
Do you believe what I sing now?
Do you believe?

I start singing. I stop, over and over. I still have trouble singing and playing songs I know well. Obviously I'm having way more trouble singing and playing a song I barely know. I mess up. I continue. I mess up. I shake my head, I smile and I promise myself I'll practice this song until I master it. I try and try and try. I won't stop until I can play it, flawlessly, in front of you.

Do you believe what I sing now?
Do you believe what I sing now?
Do you believe?