The Things That You Do

72: You Don’t Know That I Would Have Done

Letting a quiet yawn escape from his mouth, Lionel carefully turned onto his side, his brown eyes settling on the empty pillow which sat beside his own. It wasn’t the first time that he had looked at it, with Alexa having been at her mother’s for a couple of nights, he had found himself looking at it more than once, but he couldn’t seem to help himself, even if he knew that Madeline had been right when she had suggested that it was best to let Alexa calm down before they spoke. He hated the fact that she and Zachary weren’t there.

He knew that he had made a mistake, as soon as the words had fallen out of his mouth, he had regretted saying them, and he didn’t blame Alexa for being upset, even if he did want her to come home. He understood that what he had said to her had been something which had hurt her. It wasn’t something that they talked about, with both of them having made mistakes at the beginning of their relationship, they tended to avoid talking about it, and he hated how he had bought it up, even if he was still a little upset about Alexa and Henry’s interactions at the party. He hated that he had tossed it back in her face.

Glancing towards Alexa’s pillow, he let out a quiet sigh before he reached his hand out, gently brushing his fingers over the material of the pillow case.


Lionel, who’d been staring at the pillow, startled a little at the sound of a voice before he turned, his brown eyes settling on Alexa who stood in the doorway, her blue eyes wide in surprise. “I didn’t know that you’d be here” she babbled “I thought...aren’t you usually on the way to training by now?” she added, quickly diverting her stare down towards her feet.

Lionel blinked a couple of times, more than a little surprised to see her, before he shook his head. “Normally” he replied “But we’ve got a session this evening instead. What are you doing here?” he posed, his voice soft in awe as he looked her up and down.

Alexa lifted her eyes, briefly meeting his, before she ducked her head again, timidly pushing a few loose blonde hairs behind her ear. “I wanted to get a couple more changes of clothes for Zach” she replied, her voice quiet and uncertain.

Lionel, who’d sat up on the edge of the bed, nodded stiffly. “How is he?” he posed.

“He’s fine” Alexa replied “I mean, he didn’t like the travel cot at first, but he’s getting used to it. He’s almost settled into his normal routine” she added.

Lionel simply offered her another stiff nod, allowing an awkward silence to pass between the two of them before Alexa shifted her feet, backing out of the doorway slightly. “I should...”

“I’m an idiot” Lionel interrupted.

Alexa blinked a couple of times, surprised by his interruption, before she shook her head. “Leo” she sighed gently.

“You can’t avoid talking to me forever, Alexa” Lionel replied “So maybe we should just get it over with?” he added, his dark eyes looking up at her pleadingly. He knew that she didn’t want to be there, from the moment that she had stepped into the room the look on her face had confided it, but he wanted to encourage her to talk to him, even if it wasn’t likely to be comfortable. He didn’t want the awkwardness which existed between them to last for any longer than it already had.

Alexa hesitated for a moment, not missing the pleading look which sat on his features, before she let out a quiet sigh, nodding her head softly.

Lionel watched her for a moment, quietly thinking over what he wanted to say to her, before he pushed a hand back through his hair. “I’m sorry” he murmured “I shouldn’t have said what I said. It was needless and stupid, and I regretted it as soon as the words were out of my mouth. I got jealous, Alexa, the way you are with Henry, it’s not too dissimilar to how we were when we first met, and I guess...”

“You have nothing to be jealous of” Alexa mumbled quietly, cutting him off “My friendship with Henry is just that, a friendship, and it isn’t like us at all. I liked you when we met, Leo, I liked you a lot, and I don’t feel that way about Henry, I never have done. I understood why you were jealous of Andres, for a moment, I was smitten by him, but that’s not the case with Henry and I have told you that more times than I can remember, but you didn’t seem to care about that, and then you threw something which you knew hurt me back in my face like it was nothing. I don’t care that you’re jealous, if anything, I like the idea that you’re scared of losing me, but that was too far, Leo” she murmured, twisting a strand of her blonde hair around her fingers.

Lionel ruffled his hair slightly. “I know it was” he murmured.

“I know that I hurt you when I pulled away” Alexa noted “And I know that I did it out of jealousy, but I also did it because I didn’t want to be a lousy friend to you. You were excited about her and I knew that I couldn’t be supportive of you two, so I ducked back, not wanting to make things awkward. It hurt me too, Leo, not being around you as much as I was used to, was hard on me too, but I thought it was the right thing” she explained as she stepped cautiously into the room, moving to sit down on the edge of the bed at his side.

Lionel watched her sit down, allowing a brief silence to pass between the two of them, before he shook his head. “You could have just talked to me” he noted.

“And had you shoot me down?” Alexa countered, sparing him a sideward look.

“You don’t know that I would have done” Lionel replied.

“And you don’t know that you wouldn’t have done” Alexa countered.

Lionel looked at her thoughtfully for a few seconds before he shifted his hand, gently settling it on top of hers which fiddled timidly with the bottom of her shirt. “I’m an idiot” he murmured “For saying what I said, for not noticing that the best thing for me was under my nose sooner, I’m the biggest idiot in the world, but I am sorry, Alexa, and I need you to know that” he added, slipping his fingers through hers.

Alexa glanced down at their hands, admiring the fit of their fingers for a second, before she gently shook her head. “I do know that” she mumbled “I mean, you showed up at my mother’s house. I know that was a big thing for you” she added, a crooked smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

Lionel smiled tenderly before he lifted her hand, pressing a kiss against the warm skin. “I’d do it again” he mused “But I’d rather I didn’t have to. I’d rather you and Zach were here” he added, sparing her a cautious look.

Alexa spotted the look on his face before she quirked a soft smile, lightly pushing the hair back off his forehead. “You’ve missed us?” she posed.

Lionel leant into her touch slightly before he nodded. “Of course I have” he insisted.

“Zach’s missed you” Alexa replied.

“And his mama?” Lionel quipped.

“She might have done” Alexa replied, her expression softening.

Lionel noticed the soft expression on her face before he carefully lifted his hand, brushing a few loose hairs off of her cheek. “Come home” he murmured, his nose lightly brushing against hers.

Alexa closed her eyes at the feel of his familiar touch, noting how much she had missed it, before she offered him a slight nod, something which caused Lionel to close the gap that existed between the two of them.