Better for You

I spent the majority of that night thinking long and hard about Harry and Adam - I went as far as to making a mental list of the pros and cons of them. On the the positive side of Adam, he was nice - just by talking to him he seemed trustworthy and as though he wouldn’t intentionally hurt me, it was all in the candor of his smile. And on the positive side of Harry, he made me feel things that I didn’t think that mI would ever feel with anyone else - though I couldn’t decide if that was a good thing or not - and more importantly; I was in-love with Harry, making every other thought I had seem irrelevant. Maybe Adam was the guy who I would marry and grow old with, but I was in-love Harry and that was all that I could think about.

I woke up feeling more tired than usual as I rolled over on my bed, noting the emptiness of Abby’s bed but I assumed that she must have spent the night at Niall’s. I disliked 9 o’clock lectures, even more so when I hardly got any sleep and had a late shift at work, causing me to feel extra groggy in the earlyish hours of the morning. I got out of bed and picked out a simple outfit consisting of a grey cotton jumper and black ripped jeans. I didn’t bother with any makeup other than quickly brushing my eyebrows, knowing that otherwise they’d be all over the place.

I didn’t end up meeting Andy at Starbucks before the lecture, due to her being “sick” when she woke up - but knowing Andy this just meant that she had a cold and wanted a lie-in. I walked into the lecture, which was scattered with some people who I didn’t bother taking notice of. Harry was already in the lecture also, but he was in the middle of a conversation with a few of his friends so I simply sat down, got my notes out and flicked through my phone to waist time.

Unknown number: Hottest Gal Going Iz - interesting name you’ve got for yourself x

I smiled as I read the text from Adam, before quickly replying.

Me: I didn’t chose the title it chose me x

I quickly sent the reply, and the next thing I knew Adam was standing before me, sporting a grin on his handsome face. “So, I never got the chance to ask you out you know.” Adam mentioned as he sat down on Andy’s seat.

“No, you didn’t.” I simply replied, unable to stop the smile on my face as I stared Adam in the eyes, quirking up my eyebrows as a challenge to him.

“So are you free tonight then?” Adam asked, cutting straight to the chase.

“Depends on what you had planned.” I returned tilting my head slightly causing Adam to shake his head at me with the trace of a smile on his lips, clearly enjoying the challenge.

“Well, I happen to be notorious for making a mean lasagne so if I picked you up at around 6 I was thinking that I would show you the secret to the recipe.” Adam told me with an air of confidence, making it impossible to resist.

“Ok then - I can drive to your if you want.” I offered but Adam shook his head vehemently in response just as Mr Richards walked into the room, causing Adam to stand up.

“No, I will pick you up - just text me your address.” He told me, which I nodded to before he walked back to his seat.

I heard Harry clearing his throat beside me as I turned to look at him. “What was that about?” Harry asked me, gesturing his head towards Adam’s retreating body.

“Adam?” I asked him and Harry nodded, “I don’t know - I think we’re having a date tonight but I’m not quite sure to be honest.” I told Harry with a smile which Harry didn’t even attempt to return as he nodded his head and then turned his head to face Mr Richards, effectively dismissing our conversation.

The lecture ended after an incredibly boring section of contract law which was already my least favourite part of the course. I was packing up my stuff when Harry brushed past me hurriedly, and left the building without saying a word to me, causing me to frown at his behaviour; what was he so rushed about? I decided to ignore his erratic behaviour as I made my way out of the classroom and back to my dorm room.

In my dorm room, I was getting nervous about my “date” with Adam, causing me to pace up and down in my room. I could only think about Mike and Harry for some odd reason, and feelings of guilt were recurrent in my mind; as though I was betraying them.

I decided to ease my mind by going to the gym for an hour to clear my mind, which worked surprisingly. After an hour session, my body had turned to jelly but I felt relaxed. After texting adam my address, I took a quick shower and began preparing for the evening.

I decided that I wasn’t going to dress too fancily as an evening in cooking with Adam felt like a more low-key affair. So, I picked out a cropped orange jumper, black high-waisted ripped jeans and black vans. I considered putting on eyeshadow, but instead opted for eyeliner to enhance the blue in my eyes, paired with nude lipstick. I ran a hand through my now dried out curls and decided to clip back a few strands of my still growing out bangs and leave the rest of my hair to do its own natural job.

I smiled at my reflection, deeming it to be presentable and walked over to my phone and began watching an episode of Grey’s Anatomy as I waited for Adam to turn up, it was still only 5 so I had plenty of time to lose myself in the beauty of Jackson Avery.

15 minutes into the episode I heard a knock at the door, causing me to frown in confusion; I wasn’t expecting Adam for another 45 minutes so he was extremely early. I walked over to the door, picking up a brown cross body bag on my way and opened the door only to be very surprised to find a pacing Harry on the other side.

“Harry? What are you doing here?” I asked Harry in shock, Harry’s attention diverted to me immediately as he heard my voice and I watched his eyes drink in my appearance. “Harry?” I asked him, snapping him out of his daze as he looked me in the eyes with desperation swimming in the depths of his expression.

“Don’t go on a date with him.” Harry pushed out, causing the wind to be knocked out of me at his words; what did he mean?

“Come inside.” I told him, opening the door wider as he walked into my room and began pacing up and down my room. I was a little taken aback by Harry’s behaviour; he seemed very apprehensive and out of his depth - something that I don’t think he experienced very much. “So why shouldn’t I go on a date with Adam?” I asked Harry as he ran a hand through his hair and I ignored how hot that looked.

“I didn’t mean that you shouldn’t.” Harry muttered, tipping his head to look up at the ceiling before looking at me. “I just don’t want you to.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t.” Harry retorted and I sighed. He came all the way to my dorm to tell me not to go on a date with Adam without giving me so much as a reason why.

“Harry, Adam is a nice guy and I’m not going to bail on him just because you tell me not to. I need to know why.” I pleaded with Harry. Truth is that I already knew that I was going to bail on Adam - I knew the moment that Harry told me not to go that I wouldn’t; not because Harry told me to but because Harry didn’t want me to and part of me was clinging to some fanatical idea that maybe Harry and I could work. I knew that it was a stupid idea and that Harry had hurt me too much that it would be almost impossible for me to trust in him but the heart wants what the heart wants.

“I like you Izzy.” Harry told me and I crossed my arms.

“That’s not enough Harry.”

“It is; I like you Izzy.” Harry told me while desperately searching my face for my reaction.

“Harry, wh - you can’t do this now.” I stammered, shaking my head. “Why do you have to do this to me now? Adam’s good for me Harry, he’s a good guy and you - you hurt me.” I told him and I watched a wave of emotion wash over him as he walked towards me and grabbed my hands, I flinched as electricity shot up my arm at the contact.

“I know that I’ve hurt you Iz, I hate myself for it but don’t leave me for him.” Harry pleaded with me and for the first time I saw Harry stripped down and vulnerable. Harry had always had some sort of guard up but now as he searched desperately in my eyes, I saw Harry for his true unguarded self.
I bowed my head, unable to hold the intensity of Harry’s eyes for fear that he would see through me.

“Harry, how can I leave you when you were never with me? I’ve tried getting close to you and you push me away. I’m not the one who leaves, it’s you; it’s always been you.” I tell him, feeling tears spontaneously build up in my eyes which I quickly blink away.

“I don’t want to leave you Izzy; I can’t leave you Izzy. Why do you think that I keep on coming back?” Harry answers me, causing me to look up at him and see the honesty in his eyes.

“I don’t know Harry - you said you don’t do relationships and I can’t be with you as less than that.” I tell him and to my surprise he doesn’t back away at my statement as I expected. I had expected Harry to cringe away and tell me that he couldn’t give me that and that he would never give me that. But instead a smile graces his face, making him look like the single most beautiful human being in existence. “That’s all I could ever ask for with you Izzy,” Harry tells me and a shit eating grin spreads across my face and in that moment nothing else mattered except that Harry was here in this room with me telling that he wanted to be with me. All of the arguments and hurt and anger that we had felt just faded away as Harry and I stood in a separate universe where not even time existed; it was just the two of us, and I was so freaking happy.

Harry leant in and sealed what I had been wishing for, for too long, with a earth-shattering, world-altering kiss that filled my veins with electricity which coursed through my body from head to toe. The kiss was only short and as Harry and I pulled away I was still reeling from what was the best kiss I had ever and probably would ever have. I was in a dazed state as I looked into Harry’s eyes with my fingers touching my lips which were tingling in response to the kiss. I was vaguely aware of Harry’s lips moving but my brain was too frazzled to process what he was saying.

“Izzy?” Harry asked and I stared at his perfect lips before flicking my eyes up to look into his beautiful eyes.

“Hm?”

“What about Adam?” Harry repeated and I froze.

Shit.