Better for You

Harry and I walked deep into the forest and towards the tree house. The air had a bitter edge to it as it blew wildly around me, causing my hair to blow in all directions. The leaves beneath me were crisp and made a crunching sounds beneath Harry and I’s light footsteps.

“Izzy, will you ever let me in?” Harry asked me suddenly, his hand feeling heavy in mine and I cut Harry a look as I held my breath. How was I supposed to answer that?

“I have let you in, Harry.” I answered carefully.

“Izzy, you know what I mean. I meant what I said earlier, I know that you have stuff going on.” Harry told me and I swallowed as I suddenly felt the overwhelming need to distance myself from Harry, however his hand held mine tightly, preventing me from moving away.

“I want to, Harry,” I told him warily, “and I will one day but I’m just not there yet; I’m not ready yet.” I finished, eyeing Harry however his expression revealed nothing.

“That’s all that I can ask for then, Izzy. Whenever you’re ready I will be there to listen.” Harry told me and my heart melted as Harry pulled me to him and planted a kiss on my forehead.

We stopped walking as we reached Harry’s tree house. I looked up and inhaled a deep, calming breath as I climbed up the tree house.

As I got to the landing the view of the forest I took a couple of deep breaths to calm my anxious thoughts regarding this environment. Harry climbed up after me and his cheeky smile filled me with butterflies.

“Why do you seem so nervous?” Harry asked me as he sat down beside me and began unpacking bits from our shopping.

“I’m not, I’m fine.” I assured Harry with a small smile, accepting the packet of crisps that he offered to me.

“I want to know more about you, Harry.” I told Harry as I placed a salty crisp in my mouth and relished in its flavour, I hadn’t eaten since yesterday’s lunch so my stomach made an appreciative moan at the food substance.

“What do you want to know?” Harry asked me, surprising me at his willingness to answer my question.

“You told me that you had a girlfriend once,” I began and Harry noticeably tensed at the mention of his previous girlfriend, “what happened with her?”

“She uhm, she played me for a fool. I-I thought that she liked me and that I had a chance with her but it turned out that she was only with me because I would do stuff with her. And then it turned out that she was stringing me along with a handful of other guys.” Harry revealed and part of me was surprised that he had told me this story as it was clearly a hard memory for Harry. The story shocked me though, Harry’s hot, like one look and you’ll melt hot, and so the fact that someone would string him along was quite shocking.

“Oh.” I whispered, staring at Harry with my eyes full of empathy.

“Yeah, she was a player and I honestly believed that she had ruined me for anyone because she gave me these serious trust issues so I started living a life style where I never had to worry about someone walking out on me, by not caring about anyone. But then you came around and changed everything that I wanted to believe.” Harry told me, his tone changing from heavy to light as he smiled at me with a look of adoration in his eyes which I found hard to believe was aimed at me.

“Oh really, I just changed you, did I?” I teased and Harry nodded his head smiling at me before leaning over to kiss me, but only shortly as he pulled back and rested his forehead against mine.

“You changed me because,” Harry began as he took a deep breath, seeming to be preparing himself before he continued, “because I fell in-love with you.” Harry told me and suddenly the rest of the forest faded into nothingness as I stared at Harry in shock, his words echoing in my mind. Harry loves me?

“Harry, how? How can you love me?” I asked Harry in disbelief as I tried to regain the breath that Harry had knocked out of me. My heart pounded loudly in my chest as I awaited his answer.

“Izzy, how could I possibly not? You are everything to me; how could you not know that?” Harry asked with an incredulous look on his face, as though he couldn’t believe what I was saying. “Izzy, you make me smile and bring out a side to me that I never even knew I had. You make me laugh and yes you drive me crazy but in a good way because that was how I knew for sure – when I thought you had left me this morning that was how I knew that I loved you for sure because the thought that you had left me literally made my heart hurt.” Harry explained to me and my heart melted as I processed what he was saying to me.

I opened my mouth to say the words to Harry, to say those three words that I had been saying oh so confidently in my head for the past couple of week, but nothing came out. It was as though I physically couldn’t get those words to come out of me. I knew that I was in a bad head space and what I needed to do to show my love to Harry. “Harry, I really care about you and,” I began, pausing to take a deep breath as a prepared to force the next words out of me, “and that’s why I have to do this. I have to end this because I’m going to hurt you. You were right about what you said in the car – I’m a mess Harry, I am a huge mess and I am terrified that I am going to do something that will hurt you and I can’t risk that because hurting you is the last thing that I want to do.” I told Harry with a sad tone as I refused to look him in the eyes.

“Izzy, I you don’t have to do this.” Harry replied in a whisper, trying to make eye contact with me but instead I covered my face with my hands as I felt tears building up.

“I do Harry, because I care about you too much to risk breaking you. I’ve got a lot of skeletons in my closet and I don’t want to risk them hurting you.” I told Harry, inhaling a deep breath to try to calm the tears that were threatening to escape.

To my surprise however, Harry didn’t walk away at this like I told him to. Instead Harry peeled my hands away from my face, holding them in his own as he looked me in the eyes with such compassion that my heart crumbled.

“I love you Izzy, I love you for who you are, for all of you, including your skeletons. I know that you’re not ok at the moment and that it will take time for you to get better, but leaving you isn’t an option for me. I am going to stand by you and hold your hand as you get better and we will face your demons together, Izzy because I am in this with you, forever and always.” Harry promised me and for the first time in years a tear escaped my eye as I stared ahead at this beautiful creature in front of me.

“I love you.” I blurted to Harry, overwhelmed by so many emotions that the three words just came tumbling out of me. A massive grin took over Harry’s face as he processed my words.

“You do?” Harry asked with such love and happiness in his eyes that I just wanted to kiss him and never stop, so I did. I leant forward and kissed Harry with such fervour that I could feel electricity sparking through my veins and setting my whole body alight. “Say it again.” Harry whispered as he pulled away from me.

“I love you,” I repeated, “I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.” I echoed to him, hoping that the words would sink in and he would understand how much I meant them.

“God, I love you, Izzy. You have no idea how happy it makes me to hear you say that.” Harry told me, his dimples still showing as he smiled at me warmly, somehow spreading a warmth inside of me also.

After an enchanting afternoon of inside jokes, light food and declarations of love, Harry decided it was best that he dropped me off back at my dorm. “I had a lovely time today, Harry – thank you for all of this.” I told Harry with a grateful smile as we reached the parking lot for my dorm.

“Izzy, you don’t need to thank me – I had just as much fun in the pleasure of your company.” Harry replied, sending me a quick wink as he turned the engine of his car to sleep.

“Walk me to my dorm?” I asked Harry and he shot me an incredulous look as he got out of his car, before opening my door for me.

“As if I’d let you walk to the door alone? Just how bad of a boyfriend do you think I am?!” Harry asked, taking his hand in mine and leading me to the building.

“You’re an amazing boyfriend Harry, the best boyfriend I could ask for.” I answered honestly, leaning my head on his shoulder as we entered the building. “Where are you off to now then?”

I noticed Harry’s shoulder tense as he replied, “I’m just going out for drinks.”

“Oh right,” I frowned, “who with?”

“Uhm, well, the guys and Lacy and some of her friends.” Harry responded and my heart sunk a little as I knew that I would probably never be able to hang out with Harry and his friends as Harry had made it clear he was not going to introduce me to them.

“Oh.” I simply replied, pulling away from Harry as we reached my door.

Harry frowned as he noticed my behaviour and instead pulled me towards him. “Please don’t be upset about my friends, Izzy. I know you and them may not get along but I don’t want to let go of either you or them so please just be ok with it for now.” Harry asked me and I sighed, looking up at him with worried eyes. “I love you, Izzy and that’s not going to change – not now, not ever.” Harry reassured me and my body tingled as he said those words, their magical effect still apparent on my body.

“Ok.” I sighed, “I love you too.” I told him, giving him a quick peck before entering my room as he walked out and towards his car. I was worried about Harry and his friends as I knew that he was leading a double life with them and at some point, he’d have to pick a life, however I decided to shove these thoughts into the dark corners of my mind as I looked at Abby who was laying on her bed with a curious expression.

“Well missy,” She began as she folded her arms and raised a perfectly plucked eyebrow at me, “you have a lot of explaining to do.”