Better for You

“Baby, are you alright? Was it, was it ok?” Harry asked nervously, stuttering over almost every word. I, however, had no idea how to answer. Losing my virginity had not exactly been painless but I was more than happy that I had done it. The intimate experience had shown me all sides to Harry Styles, I felt like the experience had allowed me to somehow connect to Harry on a completely different level.

“Shit, babe, does it hurt?” Harry asked after a minute of silence. I looked up at him and noticed the concerned expression on his face his eyes trained on my face as he awaited a response.

“It um, it hurts a little.” I confessed with a hoarse voice and Harry frowned, pulling me into a tight embrace with his hands rubbing comforting circles on my back.

“I’m so sorry baby” Harry whispered into my ear, his hot breath hitting my neck and sending a shiver rolling down my spine.

“Don’t be, it was everything that I wanted.” I replied, gently breaking the embrace and moving backwards slightly so that I could see Harry’s face.

“Are you sure? Was it – was it what you expected?” Harry asked, his face looking so concerned that my heart swelled.

“It hurt more than I thought it would,” I began and Harry frowned, “but it was worth it” I told Harry, moving my hands to cup his face. “I love you Harry and this was honestly better than I ever imagined it to be.” I told him and his eyes seemed to lighten in the dark room. “How um, how was it for you?” I asked Harry nervously, I knew about his track record and that there was no way that I could compete with any of the other girls that had all of the experience, however I hoped that it wasn’t too awful for Harry.

“It was honestly amazing Izzy,” Harry told me and when I looked at him sceptically he continued, “really, it was honestly so much better than any other experience I have had. Before when I slept with girls it was an emotionless ordeal but with you it means something – it means everything – and it changes the entire experience. What we had, and what we have is something that no other girl can possibly touch.” Harry explained and it filled me with a satisfaction, that I was enough for Harry.

“No-one can touch what we have Harry, I don’t think anyone could ever make me feel the way you do.” I told Harry truthfully as I gazed into his enticing eyes and watched as gold specs lit up his eyes, illuminating them.

Harry grinned at me, lifting a hand to my face his thumb rubbed my cheek, causing blood to rush to my face. “I’m so in-love with you Izzy Hartley.” Harry confessed before pulling my face towards him as his lips claimed mine and I surrendered myself to him completely.

*** 2 weeks later ***

I was hot. Too hot. I could feel my hair stick to the sweat on the back of my neck and the thought alone made me want to be sick.

Wait? No. I actually was going to be sick.

I quickly untangled myself from Harry’s arms that were wrapped tightly around me, stirring him slightly as I ran to the toilets.

I unloaded the majority of my meal into the toilet and it did not taste good. Tears threatened in the corner of my eyes but as I heard the door open I quickly blinked them away as I sat by the edge of the toilet and tried to control my breathing.

“Izzy? Are you ok?” Harry asked, his voice lace with sleep; weren’t these toilets only for girls; not that I cared, I wanted him here.

“No.” I replied and got up to flushed the grim contents of the toilet away from Harry’s sight.

“Do you want something?” Harry asked, his voice portraying his concern.

“Um, could you get my toiletry bag please?” I asked in a shaky voice. I hated being sick. I’d rather break my legs 100 times than throw up. The feeling of the bile coming up my throat as it burned everything in its journey was always horrible and the after taste was even worse.

Thankfully Harry quickly returned, handing me my toiletry bag and I opened it with haste, getting out my toothbrush and toothpaste and quickly brushing my teeth.

“Do you feel any better now?” Harry asked and I quickly shook my head, but soon regretted it as my head suddenly felt like it was throbbing, causing me to lose my balance and almost fall over. Thankfully Harry’s strong arms were able to catch me before I hit the ground. “Let’s get you back to bed.” Harry whispered, picking me up and carrying me bridal style back to the dorms.

It must have been some sight to any passers-by. A girl curled up in a ball in the arms of Harry Styles. I wasn’t stupid, everyone knew Harry. He had a reputation. I fluttered my eyes open and saw a few shocked stares accompanied by loud gasps from the tipsy students who had most likely recently returned from the frat party. However, I wasn’t physically able to care as sleep beckoned me and lured my eyelids closed.

A few days later I awoke to the feeling of my sweaty hair being removed from my cheek. I opened one eye and saw Abby looking over at me. “Hey, how are you feeling?” she whispered, scanning my face like a hawk.

“Better – not good, but better.” I told her as I began to slowly pick up my body so that I was sitting up.

“Well you’ve got more colour in your cheeks which is always a good sign.” Abby commented as I tried to muster up a smile but from the reaction on Abby’s face I figured that it must have looked more like a grimace.

“Where’s Harry?” I asked, his missing presence making me feel lonelier than I should.

“I forced him to go to his lecture; he’s already missed two lessons and I refuse to let him skip another to watch over you.” Abby explained and uneasy expression took over her face as what looked like an internal battle began inside of her.

“What?” I asked Abby, not liking the look on her face that she had as she looked over me.

“I – I hate to ask this but do you think it’s possible that you’re not actually ill?” Abby asked me and I opened my mouth in shock – she seriously thought that I wasn’t ill – that I was faking being sick?

“What the hell Abby! You’ve seen me for the past few days – how can you stand there and tell me that I was faking it?!” I asked Abby with a raised voice and anger clear in my tone.

“That wasn’t what I meant.” Abby stated, biting her lip as she looked pensive about how to explain what she was thinking. “Look, I don’t think there’s a subtle way of saying this so I’m just going to come out and say it.” Abby explained and I frowned as I watched Abby stumbling through her words – what was she on about?

“Do you think that there is any chance that you could be pregnant?” Abby asked and I felt as though she had chucked a bucket of ice water over me. Shock took over me and then panic shortly followed after. I raised a hand to my hair pulling it slightly.

“That can’t be possible surely? I mean we use protection!” I told Abby, my eyes clearly wide with fear as Abby placed her hands on my shoulder to reassure me.

“Look, I’m not saying that you are pregnant, but protection is never 100% effective.” Abby reassured me and I nodded, still fretting over the possibility that I was pregnant – I was in no position to bring a child into this world.

“Izzy, I bought you some more medication but you can’t take it if you are pregnant so I bought you a pregnancy test to check.” Abby told me as she pulled a pregnancy test out of her handbag and I inhaled a deep breath as I shakily took the test out of her hand.

“So, should I take this now?” I asked Abby nervously and she nodded her head in response, placing a reassuring hand on my back as she led me out of our dorm and towards the toilets.

As we reached the toilets, worry engulfed me and I turned to Abby as I began pacing up and down the toilets. “I can’t do this Abby! What if I am pregnant? I can’t have a baby – look at me! I’m a mess. I can’t do this Abby, I can’t.” I ranted to Abby and to my surprise she remained calm as she took my hands in hers.

“Izzy, it’s ok. This test won’t change anything, Izzy. It won’t magically make you pregnant or not Izzy, it will just let you know your options, ok? If the test says that you’re pregnant then you can consider your options – you can keep the baby, you can give the baby away for adoption or if you want you can terminate your pregnancy. You are not forced to do anything you don’t feel comfortable doing, but you need to take this test so that you are aware of the choices available.” Abby calmly informed and her slow, soothing tone calmed my fears slightly as I nodded and walked into the toilet and did my part.

“I can’t look at it Abby.” I told Abby as I walked out and instead handed the pregnancy test to Abby. I tapped my foot impatiently as I stood beside Abby who was watching the timer on her phone.

Worrying thoughts of me being pregnant flooded my mind as we waited – I would be a terrible mother, I knew I would. I was in the worst position possible to be a mother and I could not possibly bring a child into the child with me as I was.

A siren sounded a few moments later, letting us know that the result was ready. “Do you want to look at the result or do you want me to?” Abby asked me.

“You, please.” I immediately responded, raiding my hands to cover my mouth as I watched Abby intently.

Abby’s eyes flickered to the pregnancy stick and a wide grin took over her face as she looked at it.

“What does it say? What does it say?” I questioned, the anticipation erupting inside of me.

“You’re not pregnant.” Abby told me and a huge weight lifted from my shoulders as I expelled a sigh of relief.

“Really?” I asked her and she smiled, nodding her head and showed me the pregnancy test which confirmed what she had already said.

“You happy now?” Abby asked and I grinned at her – to say that I was relieved was the biggest understatement of the year.

“Yes, I am, after you terrified me into thinking that I could be pregnant only to find out that that isn’t the case!” I teased Abby and she gave me a guilty smile in response.

“Well, at least you now know that you can take the medication that I bought you.” Abby told me, causing us both to laugh as we walked back into the dorm together, feeling a million times better than I had when I left it.