Better for You

It was now under a week before Christmas and I was low key stressing out about my plans for Christmas as Harry and I were cuddling in my bed, watching a film that neither one of us were relatively interested in.

I had yet to say a word to my mother and so I didn’t really think that I would be invited to her Christmas, but everyone else already had plans with their parents for Christmas, including Harry, which made me anxious that I may end up spending Christmas alone.

“So, when are you leaving to see your mum?” I asked Harry in a casual tone and I noticed as his eyes flickered from the screen of my laptop to me as he eyed me curiously as I tried to act natural and interested in the movie on the screen which in all honesty I wasn’t even sure that I knew the name of.

“Well, Gemma’s going to get there for Friday evening so I thought I’d try to get there for Saturday.” Harry explained and I nodded nonchalantly in response. It was Wednesday today, so that meant that I had two days until Harry would be leaving to see his family, and then I would probably be able to hang out with Abby and her family so for a couple of days as I knew them well. However, I was all too aware of how much Christmas was a family day and so I knew that I would probably be overstaying my welcome if I were to spend Christmas eve, Christmas day, and boxing day with Abby and her family.

“Oh, right. That’ll be nice though, you haven’t seen Gemma in ages.” I commented and noticed in my peripheral vision how Harry was still eyeing me with interest.

“Yes, it will, how come you ask?” Harry questioned with a steady voice which still threatened to raise goose bumps on my skin at his velvety tone.

“I was just wondering.” I muttered in response, my fingertips moving to the exposed skin on Harry’s arms and I began tracing random patterns on Harry’s skin and Harry’s body juddered slightly as goose bumps rose on the areas of his skin that I had touched causing a smile to warm onto my face, did I have the same effect on Harry that he had on me?

“What are your plans for Christmas then?” Harry asked me and my fingers froze on his skin for a couple of moments before continuing their pattern as I put on a smile and looked up at Harry.

“Um, at the moment I’m not sure, but I’m sure that I’ll think of something.” I answered Harry, leaning up to peck Harry’s cheek to emphasize the idea that I wasn’t fazed about this.

“Izzy.” Harry spoke, my name sounding so enchanting when it came from his enticing lips.

“Hmm?” I hummed in response as I turned back to looking at the screen of my laptop to avoid Harry’s searching eyes for fear that he would see straight through my charade.

“Izzy.” Harry repeated, to get my attention as I reluctantly turned to look at him.

“Yes?”
“What’s going on? Have you not spoken to your mother since your fight?” Harry asked me with a little bit of shock evident in his tone. My silence revealed my answer and Harry’s eyebrows raised further. “Izzy, you need to patch things up with your mum, please, don’t fight with her because of me.” Harry requested but I shook my head at him.

“But it’s more than that. It’s years of my mother constantly making me feel inadequate, of my mother driving my father away from us. What she did at the diner was simply the tipping point. She’s toxic for me Harry.” I told him and I saw empathy flickering through Harry’s forest eyes ass I said this.

“I know it’s hard for you Izzy, but I think you’ll regret it if you don’t patch things up with your mum, you don’t have to be close but at least be civil.” Harry suggested and I flickered my eyes downwards as I processed his words.

“You’re right, I know you are, but I’m not ready to talk to her yet.” I responded and Harry pulled me closer to him and pecked the top of my head.

A few minutes of silence passed between us as both Harry and I pretended to be watching the movie on the laptop screen.

“What do you actually think you’re going to end up doing on Christmas, Izzy?” Harry repeated his earlier question and I decided that the best response that I could give to him was to shrug my shoulders. “Izzy.” Harry probed, not happy with my response.

I sighed, looking up at Harry’s eyes that were watching me intently. “I don’t know, ok. It’s fine though, I’ll sort something out – don’t worry about it.” I told Harry and his eyes searched mine for a couple of seconds longer before he replied.

“Spend the holidays with me.” Harry declared in a firm tone.

“What? No, Christmas is about family and I don’t want to intrude on that.” I replied, shaking my head at Harry’s suggestion.

“Are you kidding me, Izzy? I want you there, and my mum and sister have also been wanting to meet you. Plus, Gemma’s boyfriend will be there anyway so it’s not as if it’s some family only thing.” Harry responded and I stared at him for a couple of seconds, contemplating Harry’s offer. I wanted to jump at the opportunity but I was worried that it was a pity offer and that I wouldn’t be wanted there.

“Please come, Izzy.” Harry asked me with pleading eyes that I simply could not say no to.

“Ok, only if your family is ok with it though.” I agreed with Harry and a large grin took over Harry’s face at my words as he leaned in to kiss me on my lips and although it was only a short kiss, I still felt it to my toes.

“I’ll text my mum now then.” Harry told me and I nodded, feeling much more positive about the idea of Christmas now as I lay more contentedly in Harry’s arms.
Suddenly my body froze as I realised something. “Izzy, you ok?” Harry asked me, clearly having felt my body stiffen.

“I haven’t bought your family any Christmas presents! Shit, Harry, you need to come to town with me.” I instructed Harry, closing my laptop, untangling myself from Harry’s arms and standing up to throw on my shoes, a coat and grab my hand bag.

“But the movie was really interesting.” Harry argued, with feigned sadness that I had turned off the movie when I closed the laptop.

I raised my eyebrows at Harry after he said this, pausing in my movements and turning to face him with my arms folded across my chest. “Oh really, what was the movie called?” I asked Harry, tilting my head to the side as I asked him this and I amusedly watched as Harry searched his brain for the answer.

After a couple of seconds Harry raised himself from the bed and put on his shoes, “so what was it that you needed to get from the mall?” Harry questioned.

A good three hours of shopping later, I was sat in the food court with Harry as I drank from a well-deserved coffee as Harry devoured his McDonald’s double-cheese burger and fries. We had spent a long time shopping.

I had bought Harry’s mum a joint present with Harry of a tablet as Harry said that she loved reading but didn’t have one.

Then I bought Harry’s sister Gemma a pastel purple polaroid camera as Harry had told me that she was really into retro things.

Harry had also advised not to get his mum’s boyfriend and Gemma’s boyfriend any presents but I felt uncomfortable not getting them anything and so I got them both a pair of Christmas socks.

“Did you get Zayn or Lacy Christmas presents then?” I asked Harry, curious to see how he would answer.

“No, we kind of made an agreement not to get presents for each other, they’re not really the Christmas celebrating type to be honest with you.” Harry answered me and I nodded my head in understanding.

“Zayn got Andy a Christmas present.” I blurted to Harry. Zayn had given it to her a couple days ago when they had gone to see a movie together and she had come back to my apartment after in tears unsure of what it all meant.

“Yeah, he told me about that.” Harry commented, scratching the back of his neck.

“But why did he do that? Does he seriously want more with Andy? Because if not I will be having words with him.” I warned Harry who shook his head at my words, the traces of a smile ghosting on his lips.

“He cares about Andy, I don’t think he’s ever cared this much about a girl, he just isn’t very good at showing it.” Harry explained to me as he finished his last fry. I gathered his empty foot wrappers and my now empty coffee cup and threw them in the bin before returning.

“I’m not really sure what to make of Zayn though, I don’t know if Andy should trust him or not.” I confessed to Harry as I sat down in my seat.

“I know you’re just looking out for Andy, but at the end of the day if she wants to be with Zayn then that’s her choice – remember what it was like when Abby didn’t want you and me to be together?” Harry reminded me, and I knew when he said it that he was right. At the end of the day Andy and Zayn’s relationship was between the two of them and so it didn’t matter what I thought of Zayn, if Andy wanted to be with him then that was all that mattered and I would support her with whatever decision she chose to make.

“You’re right.” I told Harry and he gave me a knowing grin.

“Is it alright if I get you to say that on record?” Harry asked me with a genuine tone as he got out his phone to take a taping of it.

“Never, I will deny it to my grave.” I told Harry, sticking my tongue out at him in response.

Deep laughter then erupted from a group of boys and as I looked towards the direction where the sound came from, the joyful look on my face faded as I saw the group nearing us.

“Speak of the devil” I murmured and Harry furrowed his eyebrows in confusion as he turned in the direction that I was facing and I noticed his body stiffen before he abruptly got up from the table and greeted his friends.

After a couple of seconds of watching Harry and his friends interact, I got out my phone and decided to check my emails and texts while I waited for Harry to finish catching up with his friends.

Around 5 minutes later Harry returned to the table, and I looked at him from my phone. “I’m really sorry, Izzy, but the boys are going out for drinks and I said I’d join them – I’ll see you later though.” Harry told me and began to walk across the table to me when he froze, clearly remembering that his friends would be watching him, and then he turned and walked away from me and towards his friends.

My heart sunk in my chest as I watched Harry’s receding figure that reminded me of the reality that I was simply his secret girlfriend, nothing more and nothing left. I sighed before getting up from my seat and walking towards where I had parked my car.

As I reached my car I plugged in my phone, deciding to listen to Listen to Taylor Swift’s self-titled album as Cold as You played and I allowed her country voice to fill my senses.

Oh, what a rainy ending given to a perfect day