Better for You

It was early morning on Saturday and I was packing my last bits and pieces before Harry came waltzing into my dorm, not really noticing the fact that Abby was still asleep on her bed, with a light snore sounding from her body.

“You ready?” Harry asked and I quickly hushed him, pointing to Abby’s sleeping form to which Harry simply shrugged at. To be fair, Abby could sleep through fire alarm (like she actually previously has) so it wasn’t likely that Harry’s voice would wake her up.

“Yeah, let me just grab my toiletries.” I whispered to Harry, quickly grabbing my toiletry bag and stuffing it into my suitcase.

“You don’t need a whole suitcase worth of stuff, Izzy – we’re only going for a week.” Harry commented as I zipped up my suitcase, to which I responded to by turning around to glare at Harry who then threw his hands up in apology.

“Well, I’ve got a fair amount of clothes, because it’s cold and all, and then I’ve also got the presents for your family so actually I do need a big suitcase so.” I quipped at Harry, sticking my tongue out at him in the end.

Once I had zipped up my suitcase, Harry immediately took it from me and carried it out of the dorm and towards the car and I smiled lovingly after him as I watched him do this. “So how long do you think the journey’s going to be?” I asked Harry as we reached his car.

“It’s not too far so I’d say a couple of hours.” Harry told me and I nodded my head in response as I got into his car and put on my seat belt, relishing in the warmth of Harry’s car compared to the coldness outside.

“Ok, well we’re going to need some good music then.” I commented to which I received a look from Harry which was a combination of both offence and sternness as Harry’s eyes narrowed and his eyebrows rose, yet he still managed to look mouth wateringly beautiful.

“What are you implying, Izzy, and be careful with what you say.” Harry spoke lowly and I grinned at him with a mischievous glint in my eyes.

“Now, I’m not saying that there is anything wrong with listening to what you listen to but my music is better.” I replied to Harry, trying to soften the blow slightly with my words and Harry threw me a look, you know the look that someone gives you when they know you are talking absolute bus.

“You hate my music, we both know that.” Harry spoke bluntly and my nose scrunched up, calling heavy drums and screaming music was a bit of a push for me.

“Well, nonetheless, I believe that my music can be a nice sort of middle ground that is perfect for a road trip.” I told Harry and he didn’t say anything, instead he simply raised his eyebrows in disbelief of my statement. “I’ll play the playlist that you like!” I promised Harry and he rolled his eyes at me before handing over the aux chord to me, making me let out a childish “yes” in happiness.
2 hours into the journey at around 1 we hit traffic and Harry told me that he was going to stop off at the next gas station to grab some bites for lunch. When we reached the gas station Harry removed his seatbelt and then turned to me.

“What do you fancy for lunch? A sandwich? Pasta salad? Some snack bite stuff? Crisps?” Harry asked me and my body subconsciously backed into the car seat as I shook my head.

“No, I’m good actually – I’m not that hungry to be honest.” I told Harry and he frowned at my response and shook his head.

“Izzy, I know for a fact that you haven’t had any breakfast and so you’ve got to eat something for lunch – what do you want?” Harry asked in a firm voice that suggested that I really wasn’t to mess with him.

I scratched the back of my head nervously, not feeling the urge to eat and so not really wanting anything. “Harry, really, I don’t want –” I began but Harry looked beyond pissed off at my response and so I sighed and shook my head, “ok could you get me a salad please, just a garden one or something.” I told Harry, who looked like he wanted to say something but instead reluctantly got out of the car and filled up the car with petrol.

My heart, however, was pounding in my chest after my slight dispute with Harry – this was the first time that Harry had been so forceful about me eating, which was filling me with nerves about how our Christmas would be – would Harry be watching what I was eating all the time? Would Harry be policing me through the holiday? Anxiety swarmed my body as my hands fisted in my lap and my body started rocking backwards and forwards.

Harry then returned to the car with a shopping bag in one hand and his keys in the other. “Right, here’s your salad.” Harry said, handing me my salad with a sachet of Caesar sauce. “And then I got a sandwich and some bites that I thought that we could share.” Harry continued, then taking out some mini rocky road bites and mini flap jacks which I internally cringed at.

“Thank you.” I said, smiling at Harry as I opened my salad and removed the Caesar sauce sachet, placing it back in the shopping bag and then digging into the salad.

“Why didn’t you have the Caesar sauce?” Harry asked me, and I looked up to find Harry staring at me intently, causing me to widen my eyes as I hadn’t realised that he had been analysing my actions.

“Oh, I just didn’t want it.” I shrugged and Harry nodded at me warily before eating his sandwich. “So, are you looking forward to meeting Gemma’s boyfriend?” I asked Harry in an attempt to change the subject.

“Well mum says he has really helped her which says a lot because, I mean you know what she went through.” Harry told me and I nodded understandingly, knowing that Harry was referring to Gemma’s attempted suicide.

I reached my hand across to hold Harry’s in a sign of solidarity as I felt Harry’s pain in referring to his sister’s darkest moments. “I love you, Harry.” I told Harry, meaning the words more than Harry could ever comprehend.

Harry stared at me for a couple of moments, his eyes searching mine for some answer. “Are you ok, Izzy?” Harry asked me, his question seeming casual, but his words held a much deeper meaning.

“I’m ok, Harry.” I said, trying to make my word sound convincing to Harry but I feared that Harry could see through my words to the fragile girl who was undeserving of Harry’s love.

“I can’t have it happen again, when Gemma –” Harry began, his words braking off at the end causing my heart to clench at the sight of Harry being so open about his emotions. “I can’t have you do it too.”

“I won’t Harry; you don’t need to worry about me.” I promised Harry and he nodded his head, then he opened the box of chocolate rocky road bites, offering me one. I knew what this was, Harry was testing me. I looked down at the box of chocolatey, sugary bites and I inhaled a deep breath before reaching in and taking one.

My stomach lurched as I brought the substance near my mouth, and then thrusting the bite inside my mouth when the sweet, chocolatey food piece inside of my mouth and chewing on it, allowing the biscuit to crumble in my mouth before swallowing the bite whole and giving Harry a reassuring smile. “See, I’m ok.” I told Harry, and he nodded his head, seeming a little bit more assured after watching me eat the rocky road piece.

Moments later, the music cut out in the car as my phone began vibrating. I frowned in confusion as to who would be calling me as I picked up my phone. As I saw the caller id I felt the blood leave my face and I could see Harry watching me cautiously in my peripheral vision but I ignored him as I stared at me phone. My finger hovered over the decline button, however I instead decided to answer the call.

“Hello,” I answered the call, looking out of the window at the passing hills of dying grass that reached the ashen and sombre looking clouds.

“Izzy,” My mother began, leaving a prolonged pause for dramatic effect, “you haven’t called.”

“Well we didn’t exactly leave things on a good note, mother.” I responded and I noticed Harry’s eyebrows raise and his body stiffen slightly as I mentioned my mother.

“And you didn’t think to call me up to reconcile, Izzy? I am your mother after all.” My mother responded and I could picture her piercing blue eyes narrowing as she spoke this. “I have left you many messages and you never replied. Do you have any idea how it feels to be so blatantly ignored by your own daughter?” My mother asked me and I sighed audibly.

“I wasn’t ready to speak to you then.” I answered honestly.
“I am your mother, Izzy.”

“That doesn’t give you some free pass to be rude and degrading to me and my boyfriend through.” I quipped.

“It gives me the right to tell you when I think you’re making a mistake, Izzy.” My mother responded and I rolled my eyes.

“Let’s not get into this now, mother, I don’t want to argue with you right now. Why did you call?” I asked my mum, in a tired voice.

“I wanted to see when you would be coming over for Christmas.” My mother revealed and I froze in my seat, guilt washing over me as I knew that it was very likely that my mother would now be spending her Christmas alone this year. Last year we spent Christmas together as a family with my mother, my dad and I but this year it would be just her.

“Hum, I’m actually going to spend Christmas with Harry and his family.” I gently revealed to my mum.

“What?! You’re spending Christmas with your boyfriend and his family over your own family?” My mother asked in an incredulous tone. “After everything that I’ve done for you, this is how you treat me?” My mother asked and I sighed, rubbing my hand over my face.

“I didn’t do it to spite you mother, we weren’t on speaking terms and Harry invited me to spend Christmas with him and his family, I wasn’t trying to be malicious or anything.” I defended.

“That’s a lie and you know it Isobel! You have always had a vendetta against me since your father chose to abandon us and ever since you have been acting out to hurt me. I cannot believe that you would treat me like this on our first Christmas without your father.” My mother yelled and tears built up in my eyes as she said this, my heart feeling heavy in my chest as she mentioned my father.

“I didn’t do it to spite you, I can come back if you want me to.” I whispered in a soft voice as I blinked away the tears that had formed in my tear ducts.

“No, you should spend Christmas with your new family.” My mother spoke in a sarcastic voice before hanging up the phone, leaving me shocked. I stared out of the window for a few minutes as I tried to process what had just happened between my mother and I.

“What was that all about?” Harry asked me cautiously.

“My mother, she thought I was going to spend Christmas with her and she didn’t take the news that I was spending it with you well.” I answered Harry and a look of empathy crossed his face.

“I’m sorry Izzy, you could always invite her to spend Christmas with us? I’m sure my mum would be ok with that.” Harry suggested by I shook my head softly in response, knowing my mum would never accept the offer, she hated being seen as charity and this would be how she would view the offer.

“No, I don’t know if she’ll want to speak to me again.” I answered, my voice sounding numb as I spoke the words, the intensity of them not registering in my brain just yet.

“Don’t say that, she’s your mother, I’m sure she’ll come around.” Harry argued softly.

“I’m not so sure.” I answered, and this time my remark was met with silence.