Better for You

I awoke the following morning an unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach. The holiday that I had spent with Harry and his family had been nothing short of perfect and we weren’t due to leave for a couple of days and so there was no rational reason for me to be feeling this way, but something felt out of place. It’s hard to describe a feeling that you don’t understand, but it felt like something was resisting and pulling away.

I cracked an eye open to find Harry sat up on the bed, tapping away on his phone, with furrowed eyebrows as he concentrated on the screen which illuminated his heavenly features.

“Morning.” I murmured to Harry, shifting on the bed to peck a kiss on Harry’s shoulder before sitting up on the bed.

“mm,” Harry replied, not paying me much attention as he continued typing on his phone. Instead of questioning if Harry was alright, I decided to ignore the feeling in my stomach and the tense atmosphere and instead picked up my phone and began messaging Andy and Abby and Liam, asking them all how their Christmas had been and filling them in on my own. As I scrolled through the contacts on my phone my fingers hovered over my mother’s contact name, wondering whether it was worth reaching out to her.

I clicked on her contact and began typing a text, asking her how her Christmas had been and hoping that it had been nice. I even went on to ask if she wanted to catch up when I got back from my trip – what can I say? I guess seeing Harry and how his family interacted made me want to repair my relationship with my only family. After reading and re-reading my text multiple times, I sent the message and exhaled a deep breath as I did so.

“We need to go back today.” Harry mentioned abruptly, causing me to frown. Harry and I weren’t meant to be driving back for a couple of days and so Harry’s comment had caught me off guard.

“What do you mean? I thought we were driving back on Thursday?” I asked Harry, turning to face Harry but he was busying himself on his phone.

“Yes, but I need to go back earlier. You can stay if you, want but I need to come back today.” Harry told me, his voice not really conveying much emotion and so it was hard for me to understand why Harry wanted to leave early. As much as I had loved spending time with Harry’s family, there was no way that I would feel comfortable staying here without Harry, so of course I was going to leave with him.

“No, I’ll leave with you if that’s alright.” I answered and Harry nodded his head, informing me that he had acknowledged my response. “So how come you need to leave early?” I asked Harry, curious as to what had caused this sudden change to our plans.

“Stuff has come up.” Harry answered vaguely and I had to actively withhold the eye roll that my body wanted to respond with. Instead I got up from my bed and decided to have a shower to help my body wake up.

After the shower, I returned to the bedroom to find Harry already packing his stuff away. “Should I start packing then?” I asked Harry as I tied my long half damp hair up in a messy bun.

“That would be useful, I’ve already told mum and Gemma that we have to go back early.” Harry informed me and I nodded my head in understanding.

After packing up for just over 30 minutes, Harry and I bought our luggage down stairs and said our goodbyes to Harry’s family. I was sad to be leaving Harry’s family, they had been very welcoming and had made my Christmas amazing. I gave Anne and Gemma particularly long hugs as I had gotten on very well with them while I had been staying with them. Anne had also made me promise that I would return with Harry to visit her soon, to which I ensured her that I would.

The journey back home was tense and the sinking feeling in my stomach remained as we drove closer to the campus. Harry had put the radio on and was clearly lost deep in his thoughts as he drove us back.

After a good hour or so of not speaking I tentatively moved my hand to rest on Harry’s had which was gripping the gear stick. “Are you ok?” I asked Harry softly.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Harry answered and I cocked my head to the side upon hearing his response.

“Harry,” I began, my tone showing my lack of belief in his previous statement, “we’re leaving two days earlier than we were supposed to because you said so just this morning.” I stated, showing Harry that I knew that something wasn’t right. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing’s going on with me, I’m fine.” Harry said, turning to give me a smile before facing the road again. I sighed, not pushing Harry any further as it was clear that he didn’t want to talk about it, but his reassurance did nothing for the unsettling feeling in my stomach – something felt wrong, something felt out of place.

By the time we reached my dorm, the only conversation that Harry and I had made was small talk about the traffic and our plans for the week. Harry had told me that he would be busy this week and so he would let me know when he was free.

I took my suitcase out of Harry’s boot and as he turned to get back into his car, I grabbed his arm. “Thank you for the trip, it was really what I needed.” I told Harry, which seemed to pull him out of his thoughts as he smiled at me and nodded his head.

“Yeah, I’m glad you were there.” Harry told me and his lips pressed lightly to my cheek before he pulled away to leave.

“We’re ok, Harry, aren’t we?” I asked Harry quietly, and Harry furrowed his eyebrows as he looked at me in confusion before he sighed and took my face in his calloused hands.

“I know I’ve been acting funny today, but it has nothing to do with you or us. I still love you Izzy, I’ll never not love you.” Harry told me and I felt some of the tension inside me lessen as he pressed his lips on mine. Harry then got into his car and drove away and the sinking feeling in my stomach returned.

I sighed and walked up into my empty dorm room, placing my suitcase on the floor and falling back onto my bed. I wasn’t sure what was going on with Harry, but something wasn’t right and my mind kept replaying what happened on our trip, trying to pin point the moment when something changed.

Seconds later my phone started vibrating in my back pocket and I frowned as I saw the caller id, surprised to find my mother calling me. “Hello?” I asked as I answered the phone.

“Isobel.” My mother’s smooth voice spoke.

“Mother, how are you?” I asked her nervously, fiddling with my fingers as I did so.

“I got your text.” She replied, cutting straight to her point.

“Oh right.” I responded, holding my breath as I awaited her response.

“I didn’t want to reply over text so I thought that I would talk to you over the phone seeing as you’re away with Harry’s family.” My mother replied with only a subtle bitter undertone coming through in her voice.

“Uhm, I’m actually back home now – Harry and I came back early.”

“Oh really,” My mother responded, her voice full of speculation, “did you two get into a fight?”

“No mother, we did not get into a fight. Please can we not argue over Harry.” I replied and I heard my mother sighing through the phone line, and I could picture her raising her eyebrows and using her thumb and index finger to pinch the bridge of her nose.

“You’re right, Izzy.” My mother agreed, surprising me. “I don’t want to fight with you. I was very upset when I found out that you were not going to be spending Christmas with me, but in the end I had a lovely Christmas with Gregg, Tina and Abby.”

“Oh really, how was that then?”

“It was very nice, I hadn’t seen Gregg and Tina in a while and so it was very nice to see them and to catch up. Abby was also very pleasant, she is a very beautiful girl – she has a lovely slender figure.” My mother replied and I inhaled a deep breath as my mother brought up Abby’s figure, I knew it was only a matter of time before she would do so. Abby is blessed with the world’s best metabolism and a cat walk worthy figure that I my mum adores.

“Yes, Abby does have a very nice figure. She’s also very smart though, she’s got one of the highest GPAs in her class.” I responded and my mother hummed through the phone.

“Well what about you, how well are you performing at school?” My mother asked me and I got up from my bed and began pacing up and down the (small) length of my dorm.

“I’m doing good thank you, it’s a lot of hard work but my GPA is 4.0 so I’m very happy with that.” I answered.

“That’s very good Izzy, I’m glad to hear that you’re doing well. I know that this year has been hard for you, but you’ve handled it very well – your grades are very good and you look healthier than you ever have.” My mum praised me and I was surprised by how much her words mattered to me.

“Thank you mum, that means a lot.” I told her and I then heard shuffling on the other end of the line.

“I’m really sorry Izzy, Tina and Gregg are coming over for that I would make dinner tonight so I’ve got to go and cook that, but it was very nice speaking with you – we’ll have to catch up when I get back.” My mum told me and I agreed before she hung up and I was left alone again, surrounded by the empty silence of my dorm room.

Instead of wallowing in loneliness I decided to distract myself by working on some essays that I had been set to complete over the holidays. The distraction helped however once the work was done my mind couldn’t help but wander into thoughts about what Harry was doing right now.

What did Harry need to do that required him to leave his family early? Was he in trouble?

I just wanted to help Harry but he wouldn’t let me and I was afraid that he was shutting me out and I was afraid that I was not strong enough to push my way back in.