Better for You

“Hey girl, how was your Christmas?” Abby asked me as she came rushing into our dorm room with a big grin plastered onto her face as she came running towards me and knocked me over onto my bed with a large hug.

“Wow, it was really good thank you – Harry’s family was lovely and we had a lovely Christmas. What about you? What’s got you in such a good mood?” I asked Abby as she then began untangling herself from around me.

“Christmas was nice, your mum came over and was her usual pleasant self.” Abby began, throwing me a look because she wasn’t really the biggest fan of my mother especially after hearing stories of our relationship that I had told her. “But I’m just happy to be back – I really missed you and our group and Niall!” Abby exclaimed with a sigh as she laid back on my bed beside me.

“When does Niall get back?” I asked Abby whose face crumpled into a frown in response.

“Not for another three days.” She answered before turning to look at me and she flicked over my features before staring at my chest, making me feel rather uncomfortable. “What’s that?” Abby asked as she raised her hand and held the locket that I was proudly exhibiting in her hand.

“Harry got it for me for Christmas.” I answered with a smile and a smile melted onto Abby’s face as she stared at the silver locket that was clasped in her hands.

“That’s sweet.” Abby commented as her thumb brushed over the H indent on the front of the locket. “That’s really sweet.”

“Yeah, I wasn’t expecting it but I guess that Harry really is a softie deep down.” I replied and Abby nodded her head with a smile as she then looked up at me.

“Urgh, I miss Niall.” Abby sighed and I chuckled, shaking my head at her.

“Don’t worry, he’ll be back soon – you just have to distract yourself.” I promised Abby.

“How?” Abby asked with an exasperated expression.

“Have you watched the people vs OJ Simpson?” I asked Abby and she frowned, shaking her head no.

“Well, we need to fix that then.” I answered as I dug out my laptop, logged onto my Netflix and got up the fantastic ten-episode series that is The People vs OJ Simpson.

After a good 3 hours or so of watching the television programme that Abby was certainly hooked on, Abby and I decided to take a break.

“So is Harry coming over today?” Abby asked me casually but the uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach returned at the mention of Harry’s name.

“No, I don’t think so at least.” I replied and Abby raised her eyebrows.

“Wow, I didn’t realise that you two could spent a day without each other.” Abby joked with a grin which I tried to return but apparently it didn’t turn out very well as a concerned expression took over Abby’s features. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing.” I replied, trying to brush off Abby’s inquiry but Abby clearly wasn’t having any of it.

“Izzy, don’t lie to me – what’s the matter? Did something happen with you and Harry while you were away?” Abby asked.

“No, it’s probably nothing. The holiday was amazing and his family were so lovely and we all got on very well… But, well, on boxing day he just said that we needed to leave and I have had this weird feeling in my stomach ever since, nothing’s happened or anything but I just have this weird feeling that something’s not right.” I explained to Abby. “I know I probably sound really paranoid or something and that’s it’s most likely nothing, but I can’t seem to shake this feeling.” I added and Abby shook her head.

“Look, sometimes these feelings can actually mean something, but if there’s nothing wrong with you and Harry then it might be something else… Are you pregnant?” Abby asked and I rolled my eyes and shook my head at her.

“No, I started my period when I got back two days ago.” I answered.

“Could it be that then?” Abby suggested and I shrugged my shoulders.

“Maybe I guess.” I answered, not really believing my answer however.

A couple of days later I was getting ready for a New Year’s Eve party at the frat house. The rest of the group were all back from their holidays and we were all meeting up for the first time since before Christmas at the party. I was changing into a black glittered dress that I had ordered specifically for this party – the dress was a show stopped with a low cut and silver strap that wrapped around my neck as a choker.

I paired the dress with a pair of knee high black boots and allowed my now long blonde hair to fall in curls past my shoulders and added some natural make-up to my face with the addition of some brown eyeshadow to help my blue eyes pop.

I was dressing to impress today, there was no denying it. I knew that Harry was going to be at the party and so I wanted to make him want me. I hadn’t seen him since he had dropped me off at the dorms after our short getaway and I wanted to show him what he had been missing.

“Fucking hell, damn Izzy you look like sex dressed as a person – holy shit!” Abby exclaimed as she saw me, causing me to blush and my confidence to grow at Abby’s reaction.

“Well you look fabulous also.” I commented. Abby was wearing a body-con black two piece which was short and tight and looked incredible on her figure.

“Thank you, Izzy – I’m surprised you didn’t ask for help when you were putting on the eyeliner! I was just waiting for you to ask for my help but it turns out you don’t even need it.” Abby commented and I laughed.

“Well, I’ve got to learn how to do my own make-up at some point!” I answered and Abby nodded her head.

“Right, are you ready to go?” Abby asked and I nodded my head, grabbing my car keys and denim jacket before leaving. Once I had parked up my car, I walked with Abby into the frat house, and we saw our group sat around the sofa where we normally all hang out at the frat parties.

“Hey!” Both Abby and I exclaimed as we neared the group and they all turned to face us, getting up from the sofa and hugging us.

“Shit Izzy, you look fit!” Andy gushed when she saw me and I blushed slightly at her reaction.

“Thank you – I love your outfit too! Where are your shoes from?” I asked Andy and she grinned as she looked down at her gorgeous black platforms and she told me that they were from Macy’s.

“Well how were your Christmases?” I asked everyone and we all began telling our stories of how we spent our Christmases. Everyone seemed to have a really nice time and after a good hour of hanging out Andy walked off with Zayn and I then realised that I hadn’t seen Harry all night.

“Hey, have you guys seen Harry here?” I asked everyone and they all shrugged, causing me to frown. “Ok, I’ll be back in a second.” I told them all as I got up from the sofa and went walking around the frat house in search of my curly hair, green eyed boyfriend.

As I passed all of the rooms downstairs I couldn’t see Harry anywhere, so I walked around upstairs to Harry’s room, knocking on the door and then opening it when I heard no response. However, to my surprise, Harry was nowhere to be seen.

Where was he?

I sighed and turned around away from Harry’s room, confused as to where he was. Harry had never specifically said that he would be going to the frat party but I assumed that he would be as I told him that I would be – didn’t he want to spend New Year’s Eve with me?

“Woah, Izzy you look fucking fit tonight.” I heard a voice speak from behind me, causing me to freeze as I turned around to find Harry’s friend Jake standing behind me and staring at my figure.

I almost told Jake to fuck off and ask why on earth he would say something like that to me considering Harry and I were a thing but then I remembered that he didn’t know that Harry and I were a thing and so realised that I couldn’t really say that.

“Have you seen Harry?” I asked him and he frowned and cocked his head at me.

“What makes you ask that? You’re not a thing, are you?” Jake asked me and I acted as though the question was absurd.

“What? Me be Harry’s girlfriend? As if!” I replied.

“Hmm, ok – well I guess you can’t be seeing as Harry went out with Lacy.” Jake answered and my heart sunk and the uneasy feeling in my stomach grew. However, I faked a smile and nodded at Jake, pretending that his words didn’t break a piece of me.

“Ok, cool – no worries then.” I answered casually and turned around to find the nearest toilet as my body began trembling. Harry had blown off spending New Year’s Eve with me to instead spend it with Lacy. The thought made me feel sick to the point where my stomach began churning and I quickly rushed to the toilet and threw up the contents of my stomach into the toilet.

When I had finished, I rinsed my mouth with water and adjusted my appearance slightly so that I looked presentable and then I flushed the toilet and walked out of the bathroom and downstairs to go outside; I needed the fresh air and I needed to talk to Harry.

As soon as I walked outside into the cool December air my brain felt less cloudy and I felt the hurt of Harry’s actions begin consuming me.

I got out my phone and called Harry’s number but after ringing twice I was met with Harry’s answerphone, implying that he had hung up on me. I rung Harry’s number again and was met with Harry’s answerphone and so I decided to leave Harry a message.

“Hey Harry, it’s me. So, um, I’m at the New Year’s Ever party at the frat house and I thought you’d be there but turns out that you’re not… And I just well, I didn’t know if you were planning on coming to see me because you know I haven’t seen you for a while and I miss you and I want to start the new year with you. So, if you get this message please come to the frat house, that’s where I’ll be when the countdown starts and I’ll be looking for you. If I don’t see you before then happy new year, I guess and I’m sure I’ll see you soon. I love you, bye.” I told Harry and I blinked away the tears that threatened to spill and inhaled a deep breath and turned to walk into the frat house towards my group.

“Did you find Harry?” Abby asked me with a concerned expression when I reached the group and I shrugged my shoulders and shook my head as I tried to maintain a nonchalant expression.

“No, apparently he went out.” I told the group, excluding the fact that he had gone out with Lacy.

“What? He went on New Year’s Eve without you?” Liam asked in a shocked voice and I bit my lip and nodded my head, worried my voice would tremble and reveal my hurt if I spoke.

“Well, is he coming back for the countdown?” Louis asked and I shrugged my shoulders.

“I hope so.” I answered simply. The group started conversing again about a bad date that Louis went on last week and I tried to stay in the conversation but my thoughts just kept on trailing back to Harry and how he wasn’t here.

An hour later we were all standing around the t/v as the one minute countdown began and my eyes searched the room for Harry’s face. I was hoping and praying that I would spot Harry’s curly hair and his green eyes would meet mine and he would walk towards me and cup my face in his calloused hands and he would claim my lips at the end of the countdown in front of everyone; but I knew that that couldn’t happen. Even if Harry was here, he couldn’t kiss me at the end of the countdown because we were a secret, but at least he would be here.

But Harry didn’t show.

I stood still in the middle of the crowded room as the fireworks went off and everyone around me kissed each other happy new year, I was stood in the middle of the room with a gaping hole in my heart, feeling incredibly, extraordinarily, mind-numbingly alone.