Better for You

My hands were still shaking as I bounced my knee up and down while I sat on the uncomfortable chair in the hospital waiting room, waiting for Abby to turn up. My damp clothes had made a small puddle by my feet but I had chosen to ignore it, instead focussing on the absolute mess that my life had become.

Through shaking hands, I had managed to call Abby’s number and she had left 15 minutes ago and should be here soon. I had tried calling Zayn to let Andy know about Izzy but he wouldn’t pick up his fucking phone.

I also knew that the hospital would call Izzy’s mum and so any moment now she would enter the hospital and I knew that she would not like me being here at all either, causing my anxiety to increase to new heights.

Moments later, Abby came rushing through the doors with tear stains on her face as her eyes frantically scoured the room before landing on me and she became rushing to me. Abby’s eyes widened as she took in my wet attire that was fucking freezing my body. “Wh-what happened?” Abby asked as she ran a flustered hand through her hair, her whole body fidgeting.

“I didn’t – fuck, I didn’t know that she would have done this, Abby. I – we were having an argument and then she wanted me to leave; I didn’t want to, but she wanted me gone so I walked away… Then I came back and she- she was in the water. Fuck, she was so fucking cold.” I recalled in a shaky voice and Abby’s eyes blew wide open as her hands pulled her hair.

“What? Why were you arguing? I don’t get it.” Abby pushed as she paced back and forth in front of me before suddenly flinging herself onto the seat beside me. I was a bit unnerved by Abby’s erratic behaviour, this was the first time that I had ever seen her outside of her comfort zone and it did very little to reassure me that Izzy would be ok, but fuck; she had to be.

“It’s not important, that’s not important – Izzy just needs to be ok. Fuck, why would she do that? Why would she go into the water in January?” I muttered when I noticed Abby’s body freeze beside me, causing me to frown as I turned my head to face her. “What?” I questioned nervously.

“Fuck, it’s January.” Abby began before her hands gripped her jeans so hard that her finger tips turned white. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, Harry – what is the date today?” Abby asked with an intense emotion in her eyes. I bought out my phone to check the date.

“January 13th.” I answered slowly, why did that date ring a bell? Abby’s expression crumpled as she heard my response, shaking her head softly. “What? Abby?” I asked her and she turned to look at me with sadness filling her eyes.

“Izzy’s dad-” She croaked, her voice cracking as she took a deep breath to compose herself, “it was a year ago today.” Abby explained and I felt all of the colour drain from my face as I became overwhelmed with nausea.

That was why Izzy needed to see me.

Izzy needed me.

And I was with Lucy.

Fuck, I was the biggest fucking arsehole in history – it all made sense now. That’s why Izzy was so hurt that I had been with Lucy when she needed me.

“That’s why she went to the beach.” I mumbled, understanding Izzy’s actions now, causing my heart to break further at the thought of all of the pain that she was in that I hadn’t even realised.

Then, as if everything couldn’t get any worse, Izzy’s mum came rushing into the hospital appearing well put together in her smart work attire, but I could see the panic in her eyes that darted around the room, telling a different story. Izzy’s mum’s eyes landed on me and Abby and she took a deep breath before strutting towards us.

“What are you doing here?” Izzy’s mum asked me as her eyes narrowed at me and my drowned appearance.

“I brought Izzy here and there’s no way in hell that I’m leaving so don’t even try.” I warned Izzy’s mum as her eyes narrowed further at me before she huffed and adjusted the sleeves to her cream blazer.

“What is going on? The hospital called and told me that she was hypothermic and –” Izzy’s mum asked before being cut off by a person clearing their throat from behind her. It was then that I noticed a middle-aged man with a doctor’s uniform on, filling my body with anxiety.

“Sorry to interrupt, but are you the family of Isobel Hartley?” The man asked in a smooth voice.

“Yes, I am her mother, Catherine Hartley.” Izzy’s mum introduced herself, and I realised that this was the first time that I had heard Izzy’s mum’s first name being used.

“Nice to meet you Ms Hartley, I am Miss Hartley’s doctor Mr Tanner.” The doctor responding, pausing to shake Izzy’s mum, Catherine’s hand. “So, I wanted to update you on Miss Hartley’s current state. When Miss Hartley arrived here she was severely hypothermic and her heart was very, very weak. We warmed up her body slowly but her heart didn’t cope with the stress of the trauma very well. Her heart did go into cardiac arrest a few times and so we had to use a defibrillator to return a normal rhythm to her heart. The good news is that Miss Hartley is stable now and so you can see her however she is sleeping and so you must not disturb her as it is vital that she sleeps to gain strength to recover.” The doctor told us and it felt like the biggest fucking weight had been lifted from my shoulders allowing me to breathe again; Izzy was stable, she was ok.

“However, the bad news is that we have other concerns also regarding Miss Hartley’s health. Miss Hartley’s heart is very weak and her we haven’t tested her BMI yet; however, I am almost certain that she would be classed as severely underweight. Of course, we can only make inferences at this point in time, however it seems that it is likely that there is an issue with Miss Hartley’s weight.” Mr Tanner explained and it felt like the biggest fucking slap in the face. I had been with Izzy for the past few months and I had watched her body disappear before my own eyes. I knew, I just knew that Izzy’s relationship with food wasn’t healthy – she rarely ate and if she did it was far from substantial. I had tried to bring it up to Izzy but she had always reassured me that she was fine and then shut down any of my other attempts to bring up the issue. And now here she has, lying in a hospital bed and maybe if I had been able to help her she wouldn’t be here.

“Would you like to see her?” Mr Tanner asked and we all nodded our heads as he led us down a white hallway after white hallway, the scent of disinfectant stinging my nose slightly.

When we finally stopped in front of Izzy’s hospital room, Mr Tanner seemed to pause before opening the door and revealing the only girl who I had ever truly loved, lying on a hospital bed and looking a picture of fragility. Izzy’s face was ghostly pale with her body hidden underneath the hospital sheets except for her almost skeleton like arms which rested above the blanket with a needle attached to her left hand where a drip provided her body with fluids of some type.

“Ok, I will leave you alone with Miss Hartley, if you have any questions feel free to ask myself or a member of staff and if there is an emergency then press the button by her bed.” Mr Tanner told us in a hushed voice and he then made his way to the door, and then he turned to face us again, “Please do not wake her though, she really does need to rest.” He instructed before leaving the room.

Abby immediately leapt to sit on one of the chairs by Izzy’s bed and took her hand in her own. Izzy’s mum stood by her bed, unsure of how to act and I just watched Izzy’s form, scanning her face and hoping to see a change in her expression that might tell me something. I had to physically fight the urge to touch Izzy because I knew that if she woke up then she would hate me for touching her after we left things; I could only hope that Izzy would still want me after all of this.

My phone then began vibrating in my pocket, causing Izzy’s mum to turn and glare at me. I sheepishly smiled and then stepped outside of the room to answer the call. I looked at my phone and saw that it was Zayn calling me.

“Hello?” I asked as I answered the phone.

“Hi, you alright? I’ve got like 500 missed calls from you – is Lucy in trouble or something?” Zayn asked, his voice sounding bored when he mentioned Lucy, I knew that he was still angry with Lucy for how she had treated Andy and so he wasn’t exactly her biggest fan at the moment.

“No, that’s not it – is Andy with you?” I queried, cutting straight to the point.

“Why?” Zayn quipped cautiously, and I rolled my eyes at his response – what did he seriously think that I was going to do?

“Just is she there, dammit?” I asked Zayn in a slightly raised voice.

“Yeah.” Zayn responded.

“Put her on the phone.”

“Wha-”

“Just put her on the fucking phone Zayn.” I growled, growing impatient because now was really not the time for Zayn to be fucking difficult.

There was a short period of silence on the other line before Andy’s voice greeted me, “Hello?”

“Andy, um, look – Izzy’s at the hospital–” I started until Andy’s panicked voice cut me off.

“What?!” She shouted, “Why? How? Is she ok?” Andy bombarded me with questions and paused for a moment, trying to figure out which question to reply to. “Harry, is Izzy ok?” Andy repeated.

“Yeah, well she’s stable now I mean but she’s still sleeping, but the doctor’s think that she’s going to be ok.” I told Andy and I heard her audible exhale of relief through the phone.

“Thank goodness.” Andy murmured, “what happened?” She asked and I tensed, the guilt of everything that had happened still very much present in my mind.

“Um, she went into the sea and became hypothermic.” I stated, omitting the fact that Izzy and I had had a big argument and that if I hadn’t had walked away then she wouldn’t have gone into the water and she wouldn’t be lying so lifelessly on a hospital bed.

“Oh gosh, well at least she’s stable.” Andy mumbled. “Where is she, can I come see her?”

“Yeah, she’s at St Helen’s hospital in the trauma recovery section.” I told Andy and she told me that she would leave to come see Izzy before hanging up.

I tucked my phone away in my damp jean pocket and took what was meant to be a calming breath, but did nothing to fucking calm me, before I re-entered Izzy’s hospital room.

“Who was that?” Abby asked me quietly as I sat beside her, ignoring Izzy’s mum who was tapping away furiously on her phone.

“Andy - she’s on her way.” I replied and Abby nodded her head before turned her face to look at Izzy’s face again. “Did anything happen while I was gone?”

Abby simply shook her head no in answer to my question. A groan of irritation then sounded from the other side of the room where Izzy’s mum was staring at her phone in anger and frustration.

“I hate,” Izzy’s mum spoke for a second, her tone full of anger and spite before she took a deep calming breath and continued in a softer voice, “I hate that I have to do this, but I have a very important meeting to attend that can’t be moved and so I have to go – I’ll be back as soon as I can, but please call me if anything changes.” Izzy’s mum spoke, staring at Abby as she said this and Abby agreed to do this. Izzy’s mum then walked over to where Izzy was lying and gave her a regretful, lingering kiss on the forehead before sighing as she turned away and walked out of the room.

It was not until around 2 or 3 hours later when Abby was getting coffees for her, Andy and myself, Andy was texting Zayn and I was sat, still studying Izzy when I noticed a twitch in Izzy’s hand. I immediately moved forward in my seat to watch Izzy closer and Andy picked up on this as she slid her phone away and diverted her attention to Izzy who’s breathing then seemed to change as her eyes screwed shut tighter before opening slowly.

My heart pounded loudly in my chest as I watched confusion take over Izzy’s features as she looked around the unfamiliar hospital room. Izzy’s eyes landed on Andy and the ghost of a smile appeared on her lips but then her eyes snapped to me and I swallowed audibly as I locked eyes with hers and awaited her reaction.