Status: Will be slow in updates as am still in full time education but will try to update as regularly as possible

Better for You

Chapter 44

Izzy’s POV

A piercing sharp pain in my brain was the first thing that I felt as it left a trail of haziness which clouded my mind and left me feeling as if I was intoxicated. I then became aware of bright lights that shone behind my closed eyelids, causing my body to awaken although the pounding in my head stubbornly persisted.

I slowly opened my eyes, wincing slightly at the bright lights of the room as I slowly took in my foreign surroundings – where was I?

The room wasn’t large but it also wasn’t too crowded. There were a few chairs that were positioned by my bed on my left and then a table to my right where a couple of magazines were placed. I heard a constant beeping sound from a machine to my right and noticed different types of machines that I was hooked to – what had happened? I saw Andy’s figure first as she stood over me to my right with a look of relief as she smiled warmly at me, I tried to return it but I knew that it must have looked very false.

Then, like a magnetic attraction of some sort I felt Harry’s presence which demanded my attention as I turned to face Harry who wore damp clothes and a tentative expression. I held my breath for a split second as a wave of emotions overtook me at just the sight of him, he looked so good even though he was clearly tired and anxious.

My ears then noticed an increase in the beeping on the heart monitor, indicating that my heart rate was increasing. I decided to write it off as being due to the shock of everything and not as a result of Harry being here.

I inhaled a deep breath as I tried to compose myself as I turned back to Andy, “what,” I began in a small and croaky voice so I coughed to clear my throat before continuing, “what happened?” I asked in a small voice.

Andy walked towards me slowly and then took me into her arms and breathed in my scent as she hugged me tighter, causing a jarring pain to spread through my ribs at Andy’s tight hold as I let out a squeak and Andy immediately removed her arms from around me in response. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you – I’m just so glad you’re ok – you had us all so scared.”

I opened my mouth to repeat my question when the door burst open and Abby walked in concentrating on balancing the 3 hot drinks that she had in her hands, handing one to Harry and then walking over to Andy and passing her one. “So, has anything-” Abby began as she turned to look at me with sad eyes that immediately lit up as her eyes met mine and Abby carelessly placed her coffee on my bedside table and then rushed over to me and wrapped me in her arms, thankfully not too tightly as she then pulled back and inspected my face. “How are you?” Abby asked and I forced a smile at her and tried to ignore the constant dull pain in my head.

“Been better, but I’m alright.” I told Abby and she looked at me with serious eyes that I rarely saw from Abby. “What happened?” I asked and Abby hesitated as she looked towards Harry before turning back to face me.

“Um, you were with Harry.” Abby began and I nodded my head, I could remember arguing with Harry but then after that my mind went blank, like my brain just stopped working. “And then you went into the sea.” Abby continued and my heart began thumping heavily in my chest, which the heart monitor showed as I felt like the walls were suddenly getting much closer and the room was getting more crowded and I felt my hands becoming more and more clammy. “And-”

“Abby, that’s enough.” Harry interrupted, speaking up for the first time as he kept his unwavering gaze on me, his eyes searching my face for something. “What’s going on Izzy, what do you need?” Harry asked me and I was taken aback by his soft tone and calm voice, causing my panic to reduce as my heart rate gradually returned back to its resting state as Abby got up from where she was beside me and moved to stand beside Andy as she gave her a side hug.

But as I tried to formulate a response to Harry’s question I became increasingly aware of the fact that I really did not know what I needed. Did I want space? Yes, but also no. I needed to think but I didn’t want to be alone. Did I need help? Well duh, it clearly is not normal for a person to wander into the sea in bloody January and have no recollection of it.

My brain suddenly began pounding in my head as I used my hand to try to draw massaging shapes on my forehead which did little to ease the pain. I then thought of one thing that I knew would help make my body feel better and more alive and hopefully help me make sense of everything. “Coffee?” I asked as I got a waft of Abby’s heavenly smelling coffee that she had placed on my beside table.

“Here, have my coffee.” Abby offered as she moved to hand me her coffee. I took a sip of the hot liquid and allowed its blissful flavour to invade my mouth and fill my senses. Moments later the cup of coffee was now empty and I was feeling much more awake and alert, sure my head still hurt and my body was still aching, but I felt much more alive. “Wow, that lasted long!” Abby joked and I gave her an innocent smile and raised my shoulders in response.

“I feel much better now.” I answered and Abby rolled her eyes.

“Izzy and coffee, name a more iconic duo.” Abby quipped and this time I rolled my eyes at her before I turned to face Harry who looked very uncomfortable as he sat in his chair, avoiding eye contact.

“Hey, Andy, can you go to the toilets with me?” Abby asked Andy, and I turned my face to them to find Abby trying to send Andy a message with her eyes as Andy looked at her with her eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“But we literally went to the loo like 45 minutes ago.” Andy replied slowly.
“I know, but all of that coffee has made me need to wee again.” Abby replied, causing Andy’s frown to deepen.

“You mean all of your coffee that Izzy had?” Andy asked, still not sure of what Abby was trying to do.

“Yes, exactly.” Abby sighed as she grabbed Andy’s arm and dragged her out of the room. It was then my turn to frown as I watched them leave the room, unsure of what was going on between them. I then realised that now that Andy and Abby had left, Harry and I had been left by ourselves.

Sneaky Abby, very sneaky.

“You alright now? Do you need anything else?” Harry asked me quietly as a tension filled the room.

“No thanks, I’m good.” I answered softly and Harry simply nodded his head to show that he had heard me. The room then filled with silence and for the first time since I had known Harry, it felt awkward; neither Harry nor I knew what to say to each other, creating an atmosphere which was for lack of a better word, awkward.

“Your mum was here.” Harry said, being the first to speak up. It was then that I realised that my mum’s absence in my hospital room didn’t even cross my mind, was that bad?

It then suddenly crossed my mind how selfish I had been today. My poor mum, as difficult as she could be with me, must have had the worst day. Not only was today one year since my dad, I had also nearly died today.

Guilt swarmed my mind and thoughts as I realised this and a heavy pressure formed on my chest. I messed up today, big time.

“Oh,” I croaked out, trying to force my voice out through the lump in my throat that seemed to be expanding by the second, “did she say when she’d be back?”

“No, I would think it’ll be soon but I don’t really know how her work stuff goes.” Harry answered and I nodded my head as another silence took over us. I took to concentrating on my nails which looked completely dried out from the salt water.

A large sigh escaped Harry’s lips causing me to look up at him and his expression made my breath catch in my throat. Harry’s eyebrows were draw tightly together and his teeth seemed to be gnawing into his bottom lip as he stared intensely at the floor – Harry looked the physical embodiment of pain and guilt.

“I didn’t know,” Harry whispered, maintaining his stare on the floor, “I didn’t know what today was. If I had have known Izzy–” Harry spoke, finally lifting his head to look up at me with tears swimming in his eyes as he seemed to choke on his emotion by the end of his speech.

“It doesn’t matter, Harry. What happened, happened and you can’t change that with hypotheticals.” I responded calmly, not having the energy to get into an argument with Harry.

“It does matter Izzy because it shows my intentions – I never intended to hurt you Izzy, that’s the last thing that I wanted to do; but I did, I did hurt you and I hate that and I hate myself for it Izzy.” Harry told me firmly, his eyes searching mine for my reaction.

“Harry don’t, please don’t do this right now. I don’t have it in me to be the bigger person and move on from this so please don’t ask me to do that right now.” I sighed, bowing my head and holding it in my hands. I hated the way that Harry was being right now, it made it impossible for me to not want to hold him and kiss him and forgive him, but I just physically couldn’t do that.

“What are you saying, Izzy?” Harry asked me warily and I sighed, rubbing my temples as I tried to calm the dull ache that was building in my head.

“Please don’t be difficult with this Harry, you know what happened between us at the beach.” I told Harry, referring to the argument that we had had earlier at the beach.

“Well what if I’m not ok with how that ended? What if I want to fight for what we have?” Harry questioned, his voice raising and making my head ache feel more and more uncomfortable.

“What about me, Harry? Because isn’t it bloody obvious that I’m not ok?” I shouted at Harry, my hands making a large gesture as tears built up in my eyes. I had to ignore the splitting pain that crossed my brain at my raised voice. “I’m not ok, Harry.” I continued in a quieter voice. “I don’t remember going into the water and I know that that’s not normal; people don’t normally do that.” My voice had become much softer and Harry’s emerald eyes watched me with pain filling his expression. “I need to get better and focus on myself and I can’t do that while being your girlfriend.” I finished, a single tear escaping my eye and trailing down my cheek.

Harry’s rosy lips parted as he watched me before he bowed his head. “Ok,” Harry spoke softly, “I get it, I do.” He said sadly, nodding his head as he slowly got up from his seat. “I love you, Izzy and I want you to get better and so if this is what you need then I’ll do that, but I love you and I’ll wait for you.” Harry told me as he made a couple of strides towards me and began leaning in towards me slowly.

I felt my heart skip as he leant towards me, is he going to kiss me on my lips? My body felt torn in half – my heart begged for Harry to kiss my lips so that I could feel the intoxicating fire that his kisses always gave me, but my head knew better than to allow myself the luxury of Harry’s kisses – they only make it harder for me to leave Harry, which I needed to do.

Harry finally answered my contradictory thoughts as he leaned to my forehead and pressed a soft but lingering kiss on my forehead, inhaling my scent before pulling back to inspect every inch of my face.

“I will always love you Izzy, you’re the fucking strongest and most beautiful girl that I know.” Harry murmured, cupping my face in the palm of his hand as his thumb brushed up and down my face delicately and causing shivers to run down my spine at the contact of his skin. “I will always love you.” Harry repeated before inhaling a deep breath and tearing himself away from me and walking to the door.

Harry paused momentarily as he reached the door and he began turning his head in my direction but before he could face me he snapped his face back in the direction of the door and swiftly opened the door and left.

It was only then that my heart rate returned to normal as my headache became excruciating as pain filled my senses, distracting me from the loneliness that was now surrounding me.
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Right there it is, Izzy and Harry are officially over guys - WHERE ARE THE TISSUES!!