Status: Will be slow in updates as am still in full time education but will try to update as regularly as possible

Better for You

Chapter 45

I screwed my eyes tightly and winced as another wave of pain took over my body – it felt like my brain was melting and my heart was being ripped apart; my whole body was in pure agony.

The door then opened and I immediately opened my eyes to find a good looking middle-aged man in doctor’s uniform with golden skin, bronze hair swept neatly to the side, accompanied with gentle brown eyes that seemed to examine my every movement. “Oh, you’re awake I see.” The man commented as he quickly made some notes on the clipboard that he held in his hands, the sound of pen scribbling against paper filling the room briefly before he tucked his clipboard under his arm.

I smiled at the man awkwardly, feeling my palms sweat as I nervously fidgeted with the bed sheet.

Was this situation super awkward or was it just me?

“I’m Dr Tanner,” the man introduced as he neared me and extended a hand for me to shake and I internally cringed as I placed my clammy hand in his and he gave my hand a firm shake before releasing it. “How are you feeling?”

I wiped my sweaty hand on the patient gown that I was wearing before answering, “Um, my head and heart hurt.” I replied and Dr Tanner nodded and quickly took note of this before returning his attention to me.

“That is to be expected after what happened, I just need to do a couple of quick tests to check your recovery if that is alright with you?” Dr Tanner asked me and I nodded my head in response as he took out a torch from his pocket and turned it on. “Ok, can you look to the left.” Dr Tanner requested and I did as I was told, “and the right,” he asked and I moved my eyes to the right and tried to ignore the blinding light that he was shining into my eyes. “Ok, and can you follow my finger.” Dr Tanner asked as he raised his index finger and slowly moved it from side to side.

Dr Tanner then proceeded to check my vitals and made a note of the results before placing his clipboard on one of the chairs by my bed, “Do you mind?” Dr Tanner asked, gesturing to the chair to ask if he could take a seat.

“No, of course not.” I replied and Dr Tanner smiled at me gratefully in response and took a seat, crossing his legs so that his right ankle rested on the knee on his left leg.

“Thank you, it’s been a busy shift and I haven’t had the time to get off of my feet.” Dr Tanner told me with a smile which I tried to return, before his face become overtaken with a sombre expression. “So now is the part where I explain what happened after you were admitted to the hospital.” Dr Tanner began in a soothing voice as he clasped his two hands together and rested them on his lap.

“When you arrived at the hospital you were unconscious and severely hypothermic. We slowly raised your body temperature but your heart found it very hard to cope with the trauma that your body had been through and went into cardiac arrest a few times. We were fortunately able to return your heart rate to normal with the use of a defibrillator, so that would be why your heart may feel a bit sore and cause you some pain.” Dr Tanner explained and I nodded my head to show that I understood what he was saying but my mind was racing – they had had to use a defibrillator to restart my heart?

“Is that normal, for a person’s heart to need restarting from hypothermia?” I questioned and Dr Tanner opened his mouth to reply but paused for a few seconds before voicing his answer.

“In a typical, healthy patient it isn’t common but everyone responds differently to trauma.” Dr Tanner carefully explained, attempting to put my mind at ease however all that I could think of was the fact that I was heathy - I only ate clean food and I exercised religiously so why wasn’t my body responding in the common way?

“Do you know why my body didn’t respond normally?” I questioned in a worried voice.

“We can’t be sure, but your heart appeared to be slightly weaker than what would be considered normal.” Dr Tanner began, causing my eyes to widen in shock of his response – I had a weak heart? Dr Tanner seemed to notice my alarmed state and quickly continued, “Now this isn’t necessarily a cause for concern, it can be a result of genetics but it can also be because of lack of sufficient nutrition which we will test for once you have physically recovered from the trauma.” Dr Tanner rationalised in a calm voice which eventually helped me relax as I eventually nodded to show that I was ok.

“How long do you think it’ll take for me to recover?” I questioned.

“Well in terms of your physical recovery it could take anything from a few days to a few weeks, but your mental health needs to also be taken into account. I do have a few concerns about your mental wellbeing and so we will also need to ensure that you are mentally stable before we release you.” Dr Tanner advised and I immediately felt my walls building up as soon as he mentioned my mental wellbeing, his words clearly hitting a raw nerve as my body began to perspire in response to his words.

“W-what do you mean – w-why don’t you think I’m stable now?” I stammered out and Dr Tanner frowned as he tilted his head to the side as he analysed me.

“Your friends have voiced their concern about what happened.” Dr Tanner answered and it was now my turn to frown, which friends had been questioning my mental health to Dr Tanner? “Can you tell me what you remember from yesterday?”

I felt sweat pour out of my skin as the heart rate monitor showed an increase in my heart rate – damn I hate that machine and how it continually exposes me.

“Um, I got up early,” I began, swallowing heavily as I left out the detail of what caused me to wake up early, “and I had class but-”. I paused as I had to take a breath to compose myself as a sudden wave of emotion took over me as I remembered the feeling of overwhelming guilt and grief when Andy told me what day it was. “But I left the class early and I saw Harry with Lucy.” I recalled, feeling my face scrunch up as the thought of Harry and Lucy left a bitter taste in my mouth, when I remembered that I was talking to Dr Tanner who must have thought that I was the most typical and cliché college girl going. “And he kissed her and so I left and went to the beach and Harry and I then got into a big argument and then Harry left and; and then it’s just black - I just remember waking up in here.” I explained to Dr Tanner and he nodded in understanding, his face void of any judgement and instead he was radiating concern and empathy.

“Ok, you mentioned that you left your class early – do you mind me asking why?” Dr Tanner asked softly and I felt my breath hitch as I considered rejecting him, but then decided against it because realistically that wouldn’t really help me.

“Um, I realised what the date was.” I answered and Dr Tanner opened his mouth to ask me a question but I continued talking. “It was exactly one year since I lost my dad.” I told him and Dr Tanner closed his mouth and nodded his head, shuffling in his seat as he uncrossed his legs and leaned forwards towards me in the chair.

“Thank you for being honest with me, I- I haven’t lost a parent myself so I can only begin to imagine what it feels like but I know that it is an immensely difficult loss to process.” Dr Tanner began, his expression portraying his empathy as he inhaled a deep breath. “Is it something that you find difficult to talk about?”

“Um, it’s not something that I like to talk about.” I replied and Dr Tanner nodded his head, pausing as he seemed to be debating what to reply with.

“Do you think it’s something that you need to talk about?” Dr Tanner asked and I frowned, not sure as to what he was suggesting.

“What do you mean?” I queried, was he implying that I needed therapy?

“I think that you could benefit from a session with Dr Murray, she’s one of the best psychiatrists in the state.” Dr Tanner clarified and my heart dropped, did I really seem that mentally unstable to him after just one very short conversation?

“Do you really think I need it? I’ve managed to survive the past year without needing help.” I questioned as I diverted my attention to my nails, re-inspecting them due to lack of other means of evasion of Dr Tanner’s pitying gaze.

“I can’t force you to go, but getting help can help you live your life to the fullest instead of just surviving.” Dr Tanner told me but I didn’t respond to him as I continued to scrutinise my nails and avoid eye contact at all costs. I heard Dr Tanner shuffling in his seat, causing me to flicker my attention to find him getting up from his seat. “I’m going to set you an appointment with Dr Murray for tomorrow morning. I will have a nurse get you and show you the way to Dr Murray’s office. If you really don’t want the help then you don’t have to go but I would strongly advise just going to at least give yourself a chance of getting the help that you deserve.” Dr Tanner told me before walking to the door. “And I will have a nurse come in shortly to give you a small dose of morphine to help with the pain.”

I gave Dr Tanner a small smile of gratitude, “Thank you,” I told him and he gave me a curt nod before exiting the room.

I wasn’t left alone in the room for long before Andy and Abby came back into the room and were immediately by either side of my bed, both of them taking a hold of my hand that was nearest to each of them. “Where did Harry go?” Andy asked me softly.

“Um, I sent him away.” I answered, looking up to Andy’s eyes that were searching my eyes for further explanation, causing me to look away and down to my hand that Andy was clutching tightly. “I told him that I needed to get better and I couldn’t do that while being his girlfriend and so I sent him away.” I expanded and I didn’t miss the frown that took over Abby’s face. “What?” I asked Abby, turning my head to face her.

“Nothing,” Abby began but I frowned at her attempt at lying to me, “it’s just that he’s been your rock for as long as you two have been together and so I don’t get why you’d not want him to support you through this.” Abby reasoned and I suddenly felt overwhelmed by Abby and Andy’s presence as I untangled my hands from them, causing both Andy and Abby’s expressions to falter as they watched me cross my arms across my chest.

“That’s part of the problem though, I’ve become too dependent on Harry. I need to fix myself, not have Harry fix me – do you get me?” I asked as I raised my eyebrows at Abby. “I’ve used Harry as a defence mechanism for everything, and that was all good and well until he was the one who hurt me.” I justified and Abby nodded her head as she tentatively reached for me hand and held it in both of hers.

“Ok, I get you.” Abby told me and I let out a breath that I didn’t know that I was holding. “I’ve got you.” Abby promised me and I gave her a weak smile in return as I felt Andy take a hold of my other hand.

“And I’ve got you too.” Andy assured me also, “We’ll get through this together, we’ll be here every step of the way.”
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Sorry for the long wait for the chapter, hope you enjoy :)