Better for You

“Are we going to the Frat party tonight?”

Surprisingly enough, this question left my lips as I sat beside Andy in the passenger seat of Niall’s car, with Niall driving with one hand on the wheel and the other intertwined with Abby’s as she sat beside him in the passenger’s seat.

I noticed Abby and Niall both share a look at each other while Andy’s eyebrows furrowed into a straight line as she whipped her head to face me and absorb my expression. “You want to go to a frat party?” Andy questioned, her words coming out slowly and hesitantly.

“Yeah, I haven’t been in a while and it would be nice to go out.” I replied, fiddling with my hands in my lap, the others’ reactions making me feel slightly uneasy – I was aware that it would be the first time I would have gone out since my beach episode, but I felt ready to go out and have fun and I just hoped that they wouldn’t try to talk me out of it.

“You do realise that Harry will be there, right?” Abby asked, her head turning around to face me from the passenger seat in front of me. I bit my lip and nodded my head, not really wanting to tell everyone that that was partly why I wanted to go out tonight – I wanted to see Harry. After my talk with my mother I couldn’t stop thinking about what she had said and I thought that maybe my mother was right - I missed Harry and I wanted to be with him, so what else was I really waiting for?

“I know.” I answered, diverting my attention to out of the window where I watched the rain pour down from the sky, violently smashing against the road and creating a strangely soothing sound.

Later that evening I was changing into my outfit with a black crop top, some ripped jeans and black boots, but something felt missing as I looked in the mirror. “I have something for you.” Abby called to me as she digged through her ‘organised’ messy pile of unfolded clothes on the floor of her wardrobe. “Here,” Abby threw me a pair of fishnet tights which was meant to reach me but instead landed on the floor midway between us, “put it on beneath your jeans.”

I narrowed my eyes at Abby, cocking my head to the side as I tried to picture how that would look on me, but I eventually just sighed and decided to trust Abby’s advice and put the tights on beneath my jeans, trying to not rip the tights with my jeans. I turned to look in the mirror and a wide smile spread across my lips at the outfit on me. I noticed how the tights emphasized my narrow waist and my now more curvy figure, and I really, truly liked it.

“You are a genius!” I exclaimed to Abby who smiled in response, her expression and body language basically screaming ‘bitch, I know’. I then moved to sit on the chair for Abby’s dressing table as she had made me promise that I would let her do my make-up, I wasn’t complaining to be fair – Abby was a guru when it came to anything style related.

Abby played Nicki Minaj’s recent album in the background to help ‘create a vibe’ as her eyes flickered over my face, considering all of the options that she had. “I’m thinking of doing like a low-key eye look and then a bold lip, how does that sound?” Abby suggested and I simply nodded my head and allowed her to begin her magical transformation.

After 35 minutes of Abby applying my make-up to my face, involving me flinching every time she applied a product by my eyes and that being followed by Abby light smacking my arm chastising me for being a ‘sissy’.

“Ok, done.” Abby announced as she wiped a bit of smudged lipstick from the corner of my mouth. Abby stepped to the side, allowing me to look in the mirror and my mouth literally dropped open at the transformation that Abby had given me – I was literally glowing. Despite the bold dark red lip colour, the make-up didn’t look too over the top – I just looked like the best version of myself and I loved it.

Minutes later, after drowning ourselves in perfume and taking too many photos, Abby and I left our room to go meet Liam who was taking us to the party as he wasn’t drinking due to his work shift tomorrow – I wasn’t drinking either so I could have taken everyone, but I was more than happy to avoid driving at night.

The journey to the Frat party didn’t take long at all, however we had to park far from the frat house due to the mass of cars already parked. After a five-minute walk from the car to the frat house, we finally reached the party and, as Abby confidently marched into the hallway, I immediately felt the familiar warmth from sweaty, dancing bodies and the accustomed scent of spilt alcohol.

Unfortunately, our usual sofa that we almost always occupied was already taken by a group of jocks and so instead our group walked into the kitchen to grab some drinks. I simply grabbed two plastic cups for Liam and me, and poured some water out of the kitchen tap to drink from.

I walked back to Liam and handed him the cup of water which he smiled at me appreciatively for and I smiled at him in return before doing a ‘cheers’ and taking a sip from our drinks. I looked around the room, trying to look as casual as I could when in actual fact there was only one person that I was interested in finding.

My heart skipped a beat as I saw the all too familiar brown curls accompanied with an all-black attire and I just knew that it was Harry, even though I was only able to see the back of his profile. I felt my breathing falter however as my eyes caught sight of the gorgeous girl who was conversing with Harry. The girl had glossy brown hair that fell down to her waist, with flawless tanned skin and she looked stunning in her black lacy top with ripped black jeans. Dread instantly swarmed around me like a horde of hornets, stinging me with insecurities that I had to fight off, had Harry moved on?

No, I had not gone through weeks of therapy for it to all be undone by Harry talking to one girl.

I had never been the jealous type, I knew that trust was an essential element of a relationship and so I always chose to trust my partners, even when it seemed to almost always bite me in the bum. However, my worries in this situation stemmed from the fact that Harry could talk to or get with anyone and I wouldn’t really have much of a leg to stand on because he’s single and I’m the one who made it that way – in other words, Harry could get with that girl and it was all my fault as to why he could.

“You ok?” Liam asked me, his voice freeing me from my jealous thoughts. I turned to face Liam and plastered a smile onto my face before taking a sip from my drink and hoping that Liam hadn’t caught onto my sudden change in emotion. I watched as Liam’s face turned to where I was looking and his jaw clenched as his eyes made contact with the same figure that had unknowingly torn my heart just seconds ago. “Do you want me to mess up his face a little?” Liam offered, causing me to laugh lightly.

“No, it’s fine.” I answered, feeling tears stinging my eyes as I tried to swallow the lump that was growing in my throat. “Do you know, uhm, what’s going on with them –are they?” I asked quietly, my voice breaking off towards the end as I tried to blink away my tears.

“I don’t know, I’ve never seen her before to be fair.” Liam told me as I turned around to look in their direction to find Zayn and Andy walking towards the two of them with wide smiles on their lips and I couldn’t help but feel a stab of betrayal as Andy wrapped her arms around the girl and Zayn then rested his arm over the girl’s shoulders.

Had Harry moved on? The air in the room seemed too thin and I had to think back to what Jodie had told me to do when this happened and I decided that removing myself from this situation would be the best thing as I slipped past the dancing bodies around me, and walked towards the door that led to the garden.

I walked through the door, feeling the cold air hit me and cool me down instantly as I inhaled deep breaths to fill my lungs with the oxygen that I was unable to absorb in the kitchen. Eventually my breathing got more and more steady as the panic left my body and I grew more and more calm.

“Izzy.” A velvety voice called and goose bumps immediately arose across my body in reaction as my ears tingled, begging to hear the voice again. I took in a deep breath and closed my eyes for a couple of seconds to compose myself before I turned around and nearly fainted at the sight of Harry. Harry was wearing a black rolling stones t-shirt with black skinny jeans and his hair was swept up from his forehead with his green eyes focussing on my face as if to save it to his memory - just the sight of him sent my hormones into a frenzy.

“Harry.” I answered softly, my voice feeling a little bit sore from my emotional couple of minutes.

Harry shifted his weight on his feet as he shoved his hands into his pockets. “I didn’t know that you were coming to the party.” Harry stated, his voice didn’t hold any accusation, just confusion.

“Yeah, I thought it would be fun.” I fiddled with my fingers as I diverted my attention to looking around us at the various groups of people all having fun conversations, such a stark contrast to the serious conversation between Harry and me. “I’m doing better now.”

Harry smiled at me as his eyes floated down my form, “yeah, I can see that.” Harry sounded happy for me as he said this, there was a glint of pride in his eyes and it made me feel some type of way having him being so supportive and sincere that I almost forgot about Harry and the girl that he was talking to just minutes ago, almost.

“You seem to be doing well now.” I returned my voice sounding rigid and catching Harry off-guard as he frowned and tilted his head to the side in confusion.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“That girl that you were talking to earlier… I-I get it, I, I’ve messed you around a lo-” I explained when Harry cut me off with the raising of his hand as he lifted just his index finger, pointing it up to the sky.

“Wait, do you mean Doniya?” Harry asked with narrowed eyes of confusion, and I internally groaned – of course she had a pretty and unique name. “You think I’ve moved on?” Harry questioned, although it came out as more of a statement as he stepped closer to me.

I sighed and averted my attention so that I was focussing on the grass beneath me. “She’s beautiful, I-I couldn’t blame you.” I stammered, my voice quiet as I continued to look at the ground. It wasn’t that I didn’t have any sense of self-worth as I said this or that I was insecure in myself, it was that I was insecure in my relationship with Harry and neither one of us really knew where the other stood.

I was removed from my thoughts by the feeling of Harry’s calloused fingers lightly gripping my chin and lifting my head so that I had to look into his eyes which were so beautifully green and full of earnestness. I had to focus my eyes on Harry’s to force myself to ignore the tingling sensation that filled my body at just Harry’s touch, painfully reminding me of why we were so perfect for each other. “Do you really think that I could ever move on from the feeling of holding you or how your body moulds to my touch?” Harry asked me as he tilted his head to the side, his eyes seeming to look straight through to my soul. “That I could move on from how you are without a doubt the most beautiful person I have ever met?”

I swallowed quietly as Harry continued to serenade me with his words. “That I could move on from the way that you look at me like you see the real me, that you push me to be the person that I want to be?” Harry questioned and then shook his head at me with a smile ghosting on his lips.

Harry’s face was only a mere couple of centre metres away and it took every ounce of restraint for me to not close the distance between us and kiss him and never stop. “I’m never going to move on from you Izzy, I am yours to keep; forever and always.” Harry rasped as his hand that wasn’t holding my chin reached for my hand and softly cradled it in his. “I’ll be here Iz, whenever you’re ready I’ll be right here.”

Somehow, I managed to maintain the ability to stand after Harry’s words and I nodded my head gently and allowed a smile to warm onto my lips as I stared into Harry’s enticing eyes. “I’m ready.” I whispered and watched as Harry’s face transformed into a look of ecstasy.