Better for You

Harry’s lips were stretched into a wide grin that proudly produced his charming dimples, “You- you’re ready?” Harry stammered, the smile on his lips unmoving.

It was like I was in a trance as I stared at Harry’s lips before me and how they looked so plump and soft and how I craved for them to set my body on fire like they always did. I nodded my head slowly and somehow mumbled a ‘yes’ as I flickered my eyes up to Harry’s, which appeared a couple of shades darker with uncertainty swimming in them. “Can I kiss you?” Harry checked, and my heart skipped a beat at his raspy tone that seemed to vibrate through me.

“Please.” I begged and before I could finish the word Harry’s lips immediately smashed onto mine, filled with passion and longing and pain but most importantly, love. Harry’s lips sent my body into a frenzy from the sudden electrical fire that danced through my body at the contact – I had never felt this way before from anyone else’s kiss, there was simply something about the chemistry between Harry and I that made me feel things that I could never even dream of feeling with anyone else.

I gasped into Harry’s mouth as his teeth teasingly sunk into my bottom lip and Harry took the opportunity to glide his tongue into my mouth and fill my senses with just him as our tongues battles against each other for dominance. The kiss spoke of all of the emotions that we were incapable of expressing in words.

I could feel Harry’s apologies with every stroke of his tongue and I could express my love and forgiveness with every movement of my body as I tried to mould my frame into his. However, no matter how close we were, it wasn’t close enough – I was craving to connect with Harry on a deeper level that simply wasn’t appropriate for a public place.

Hesitantly, I pulled away from Harry, my panting evident in the puffs of hot air that escaped from my lips and into the cold, dark surroundings. Harry’s lips had a slight red tint to them, thankfully the lipstick I wore was a matte liquid lipstick that was supposedly transfer proof and so reduced the appearance that Harry had been drinking blood by a fair amount. I gave myself a couple of seconds to recover from my powerful make-out session with Harry before I spoke up, my lips still tingling from the kiss. “Can we go somewhere private?” I asked Harry and he remained quiet for a couple of seconds as he continued to stare at my lips. I moved my head to the side a bit as Harry blinked a couple of times before looking into my eyes, a light blush colouring his cheeks. “Can we go somewhere private?” I repeated and Harry nodded his head in response as his hand that was holding mine entwined our fingers together and I felt my heart skip a couple of beats as we walked back into the sweltering heat of the party inside.

Harry expertly navigated us through the crowd and I managed to catch Abby’s eyes as I passed her and I sent her a reassuring smile that I was ok to which she just winked at me in response as she realised that Harry was leading me to his room, causing me to blush and turn away from her as I followed Harry. I was also vaguely aware of seeing Zayn throwing Harry a smirk as we walked up the stairs, but I pretended not to notice and busied myself with adjusting the fishnet tights that had twisted a little bit by my waist.

As we walked inside of Harry’s room I wiggled my fingers slightly to create some space for my hand to remove itself from Harry’s, but Harry instead clamped his hand tighter around mine. “Please, I haven’t in so long and-” Harry broke off as he closed the door slowly behind him, “I just need to hold your hand for a little bit longer.” Harry explained and my heart swelled at the sight of the beautiful man before me being so openly vulnerable in front of me.

Bravely, I took a step toward Harry and placed my lips against his in a short but firm kiss to reassure Harry that I wasn’t going anywhere. I pulled away, and basked in the electricity that went humming through my veins from the kiss before I replied. “My hand’s just getting a little bit sweaty.” I confessed because, well it’s hot inside and my whole body feels like it’s on fire from being around Harry and so of course I was going to become a sweaty mess. “Here.” I mumbled as I took Harry’s other hand in my non-sweaty hand, allowing me to very awkwardly wipe the sweat off on my jeans as I then led Harry to sit down on his bed.

I gazed into Harry's mesmerising forest eyes for a couple of seconds before I leaned in to kiss Harry however the kiss was cut all too short as Harry pulled away and sighed. Insecurity bubbled in my body but I tried my best to ignore it as I questioned, “What is it?”

“We should talk about it, about us – I need to know where we stand and we need to talk about everything that happened.” Harry suggested as he tugged at my hand that he held and began tracing outlines of shapes with his fingertips, leaving trails of fire on my skin. “I hate myself for how I acted in our relationship, I really fucked up with that but I need you to understand why I did that.”

I nodded my head hesitantly as I remembered how Harry acted in our relationship – he wasn’t a bad boyfriend to me, not until the end at least. I remembered how he would always ask me about my day and how he’d always be so respectful of me and he would pay attention to the tiniest details of what I did. But then I also remembered how it felt when he never turned up to see me on New Year’s and how he wouldn’t talk to me for days on end and the feeling of pure agony when I saw him with Lucy in our place.

“You really hurt me, the things that you did – I felt like you forgot about me.” I whispered softly, my voice cracking slightly as I confessed to this and I felt Harry’s fingers hesitate slightly over my hand as his tracing ceased and instead he engulfed my hand in his and pressed a firm kiss to it.

“I’m so sorry Iz, I never forgot about you – I don’t think that I ever could; you’ve got a permanent position on the front of my mind.” Harry assured me as he squeezed my hand for extra effect. “Lucy, she –” Harry began, pausing as he questioned how to word what he needed to say, “she was going through a very difficult time with her family and I told her that I would be there for her because she didn’t have anyone else and everyone needs someone – even just as a friend, everyone needs a person and so I tried to be that person for her. I hated that I never saw you and I felt so guilty for not seeing you and cancelling our plans that I avoided seeing you more because I couldn’t bear to see the look of pain or hurt in your eyes.” Harry confessed and I had to blink quickly in order to prevent tears from escaping from my eyes. I wasn’t too sure of how to react to Harry’s words – yes, I understood that Harry was trying to be a good friend to Lucy, but that wasn’t a good enough excuse as to why he neglected me.

“I know that that’s not a valid excuse for how I hurt you and I know that I don’t deserve you to even look at me, let alone be with me again, but I promise you that if we do this, if you let me be yours again, then I swear that I will never hurt you again. I won’t ever put myself in a position to hurt you or lose you again, I swear – the last few months were hell, not being able to see you or speak to you or hold you, I swear it drove me fucking insane and I will never do that to you again.” Harry promised me and fuck me, how on earth was I supposed to say anything after those words that Harry had just spoken?!

I took a couple of seconds to compose myself before asking, “Do you still talk to Lucy?” I was anticipating Harry to start defending his continued friendship with Lucy, telling me that he owed her a duty as a friend or something but Harry’s pause caused me to doubt my assumption.

“Not like I used to, after the kiss I just couldn’t look at her without feeling livid about how she cost me you – even though I know it was my fault, I still blamed her in part for that and so that did take a major toll on our friendship. We still talk occasionally so that I can check up on her and make sure that she’s alright but other than that we don’t talk much at all.” Harry explained and I felt relieved that Harry wasn’t keeping in close contact with Lucy anymore. I knew that it was selfish to not want Harry to be best friends with Lucy but after everything that’s happened I don’t think that I could be blamed for feeling that way. Part of me wished that Harry had cut all ties with Lucy but I knew that as Harry was once her best friend, it wouldn’t be fair of him to just suddenly wash his hands of her after all that they had been through.

“And that girl downstairs? Dona? Dola? Donola?” I questioned – I knew damn well that her name was Doniya but she had seemed very close with Harry and so my petty jealous side wanted to make herself known.

“Doniya?” Harry asked and I nodded, pretending that Harry saying the Doniya’s name had rung a bell, even though I already knew her name – somebody get me an Oscar, please. “She’s Zayn’s sister, she’s just visiting for the weekend.” Harry explained and relief flooded me, that was why Andy was being so friendly to her – I felt slightly guilty that I had doubted Andy’s friendship earlier when she hugged Doniya, but now it was all making sense.

“Oh, so there’s nothing going on there?” I checked and Harry furrowed his eyebrows at me, shaking his head firmly.

“Fuck no, I’ve known her since she was ten and she walked around in socks and sandals– she’s like my second sister.” Harry stated with a sour look on his face, causing me to chuckle.

I then stopped laughing as I asked a question that had been playing on my mind for the last few weeks. “Have you been with anyone since we broke up?” I questioned and Harry tilted his head to the side as he looked at me with an intense expression.

“I promised you that I would wait for you, didn’t I? So no, of course I haven’t.” Harry answered, causing a shy smile to warm onto my lips. “How about you?” Harry hesitantly returned.

“No, I’ve just been focussing on me.” I answered and that seemed to satisfy Harry as a wide smile formed on his lips and he leaned in to give me what was intended to be a short peck on the lips, but after all of this time spent apart, one small kiss was never going to satisfy our cravings for one another.

Our lips moved perfectly in synch with each other as my body was set ablaze from Harry’s electric touch. My hands had a mind of their own as my right hand dived into Harry’s hair, running it through Harry’s soft locks and my other hand entwined my fingers with Harry’s.

Harry’s free hand moved to the small of my back and softly urged my body closer to his and so I took the opportunity to crawl onto Harry’s lap with my legs straddling his waist, not once breaking the kiss. Harry let out a moan of content as I removed any possible space from between us, moulding our bodies against each other.

I pulled away from Harry suddenly, both of us very much out of breath as I stared into Harry’s eyes. “I’ve always belonged to you Harry, but please; make me yours again.” I begged and Harry knew what I meant without me having to explicitly say it and I knew this because a devilish smirk spread across his lips, promising me that I would certainly know that I was his after tonight, and that likely the rest of the party would too.