Better for You

Being in Mike's arms bought back that sense of security that I had needed desperately since the moment I had stepped foot in America. His strong arms held me tight, yet my body wouldn’t relax in his arms; I was still upset with him. "Do you want to come inside?" I asked and Mike grinned at me and nodded. I opened the door to my dorm, revealing Abby lying on her bed with her legs in the air as she scrolled on her phone, with her handbag laying by her side.

"Hey Izzy." She greeted, without moving her eyes from her phone. I cleared my throat and she sighed and looked up. As soon as she realized that Mike was with me her eyes widened in surprise and she smiled nervously as she got up from the bed.

"Mike, this is Abby. Abby, this is Mike." I introduced, as Mike and Abby exchanged warm, friendly smiles.

"So, you're the Mike that Izzy's always going on about?" Abby asked teasingly as she placed her hand on my shoulder and looked at me with a playful glint in her eyes. She's going to tell Mike some embarrassing story about me, isn't she?

"Yes he is Abby; now be careful about what you say as I still remember the story you told me when you were in 6th grade which I’m sure Niall would love to hear!" I warned her jokingly, and Abby looked at me with alarm on her face, deciding to keep her mouth shut, which I mentally thanked her for.

"So Mike, how long are you staying in America for?" Abby asked curiously, while I led Mike to sit down on my bed next to me.

"Unfortunately my job's only giving me a week off so I'll have to head back home next Sunday." Mike answered and I internally sighed. It really sucks that he has to leave so early. The past few weeks have been horrible without him, and his lack of contact made the miles between us seem even more daunting. We literally had an entire ocean between us.

"Can't you just call in sick saying that you caught some disease over here that means that you have to spend the next month out of work?" I suggest and Mike chuckled, shaking his head.

"Unfortunately I don't think that they would believe that!" Mike replied and I shrugged, raising my eyebrows at him in denial.

"You can be very persuasive if you ask me" I teased and Mike shook his head playfully at me.

"Well, as cute as you two look, I'm starting to feel like you guys need your privacy. Plus I'm going to go out for a party, which you guys are welcome to come to if you like?" Abbie asked and I looked at Mike, silently asking him if he wanted to go and he nodded his head.

“Sure, I’d love to come, how about you Bells?” Mike asked and I nodded my head reluctantly. To be honest, I didn’t really want to go to the party with Mike. I wanted Mike to meet my friends, but I didn’t want him to meet Lucy, Zayn and for some reason Harry. I just wanted to protect Mike from Lucy and Zayn, and I was pretty sure that Harry and Mike wouldn’t get along. Also, I wanted to catch up with him and spend some time just the two of us.

“Yeah sure, we’ll meet you there Abby.” I told her and she smiled before leaving the apartment. I then took off to the wardrobe to find something to wear. It’s not that I didn’t like what I was wearing; I just wanted to wear something different.

“You ok Iz? You’re acting kind of strange.” Mike asked as I picked out a white collared shirt with black studded shorts, along with my black biker jacket and blue vans.

I sighed and turned around to find Mike staring at me intently with a frown on my face. “You didn’t say anything to me for a week, Mike.” I told him and his expression morphed into one of guilt.

“It’s not that I was avoiding you, Izzy - it’s just that Uni has been so full on at the moment that I just didn’t have the time to talk.” He told me as he walked up towards me and entwined our fingers together.

“Then why didn’t you make time for me Mike?” I asked quietly, staring down at our entwined fingers.

“I’m sorry Iz, I’ll be sure to next time.” Mike replied, leaning his forehead on mine and inhaling a deep breath. “I missed you” He told me and I opened my mouth to say the same but something stopped me.

“I know” I simply answered as I turned around and got changed with my back facing Mike. I then added some lip balm and put on a feather necklace. I smiled at my outfit, running my fingers through my hair before turning to face Mike.

“You look amazing!” He complimented as he walked over towards me. I smiled and pecked his cheek, while inhaling his scent. He smelled of the strong cologne that I had bought him for his birthday a couple of months ago, and in my mind it was one of the best fragrances that a man could wear.

“Thank you, you ready to go?” I asked and Mike nodded happily. I smiled, placing my hand in his, entwining our fingers before leading him out of the room.

The walk wasn’t long, and in fewer than 15 minutes of walking at my slow paced walk we made it to the party. “So, this is what college parties look like, huh?” Mike asked, his green eyes scanning the entire area.

“If you think that it’s bad out here, you’ll die from what it’s like inside!” I laughed lightly, tugging Mike towards the door. Just before I opened the door to the house I turned around to face Mike. “Just to warn you, there are loads of drunken people stumbling everywhere so just prepare yourself” I notified Mike lightly, a small laugh escaping our lips at the end.

When I opened the door, the stench of alcohol and pot wafted in our direction as the music beat loudly into our ears, making them ring. Mike’s face showed shock which he then quickly covered as soon as it came, as he forced a smile at me. “I kind of see what you mean!” He chuckled and I laughed lightly, before leading him to where Abby and the rest of the group were sitting.

“So Izzy, who’s this?” Niall asked, gesturing towards Mike.

“My boyfriend, Mike.” I introduced and Niall’s eyes widened, having clearly forgotten the excessive amount of times that I’d gone on about Mike coming over. I then introduced Mike to the rest of the gang, and he immediately began chatting with Niall, Liam and Louis about basketball; he’d always been a social bird who knows and gets along with just about everyone.

“Abby, have you seen Harry anywhere?” I asked Abby, and she turned to look at me, while nodding.

“Yeah, last time I saw him he was walking up to his room, why?” She asked me curiously. I wanted to know if we were still ok; the way that he left after I saw Mike was very awkward by Harry’s standards and I just wanted to know if he was ok; if we were still ok.

“He just seemed a little off today, and I wanted to know if he was alright.” Plus he went all weird on me when he saw these people while we were in the woods and I wasn’t sure if that had affected him in any way I mentally added. Abby seemed to buy my answer as she turned back to continue her conversation with Andy that I had interrupted.

I glanced at Mike and saw him laughing at something Louis had said before turning around and walking up the stairs.

When I made it to Harry’s room, I knocked softly on the door. I heard Harry groan as his footsteps walked up to the door. He swung the door open with an uninterested look on his face, however when his eyes met mine something sparked up in them. He sighed and left the door open as he walked down onto his bed. I was surprised that he had allowed me in his room, as I had learnt from my last party here that he was very much against people entering his room.

“What do you want?” Harry asked as he sat down on his bed. I stood in the doorway awkwardly for a few seconds, then decided to go onto his bed and sit down next to him to avoid the awkwardness.

“Are you alright Harry?” I asked and Harry rolled his eyes at me while letting out a loud sigh; had I said something wrong?

“Yes, I’m fine and I don’t need you coming in here to check on me like a baby sitter.” Harry grunted rudely and I tried to hide my shock at the way that he had spoken to me. I thought that we were friends, and back in England if someone asks if you are alright it is polite and also a way of showing that you care… Maybe in America it doesn’t mean quite the same thing, or maybe it just meant something different to Harry.

“I know, I just wanted to make sure, because you acted differently today after you heard those voices in the woods…” I trailed off when I noticed Harry’s glare.

“Well I am fine.” Harry snapped at me.

“Ok, well if you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here.” I told him sincerely, meaning to comfort him, but by the look on Harry’s face he was clearly pissed off with me for saying whatever I had said that had annoyed him.

“Well isn’t that nice of you? What? Do you actually think that I would tell you if something was up? Just because I opened up about one secret do you suddenly think that we’re best friends or something? Why don’t you just go back downstairs to your lovely boyfriend huh?” Harry hissed sharply and I flinched at his voice which was dripping with bitter sarcasm. I narrowed my eyes at him when an unopened bottle of Whiskey on his bedside table caught my eye; why was it there and why was it unopened?

“You know what, I was just trying to be nice, look out for you, like friends do. I’m sorry if I was mistaken, I just thought that maybe we could actually try to be friends.” I told him getting up and storming out of his room. Could we not go a couple of days without having huge arguments?

I made it to the top of the stairs when I heard footsteps rushing behind me. “Izzy wait…” Harry called and I turned around to face him, anger showing all over my face. I’m sure that Harry was expecting for me to be crying or something, in-fact if I would be if I was a normal girl; but I’m not. Of course I do cry, but I manage to hide my feelings and bottle them all up until I can let them all go when I’m alone. The only time I had cried in front of someone was on the worst day of my life and my mum scolded me for showing people my vulnerability; it was a weakness she had reminded me.

“What do you want Harry? Got another insult to throw at me?” I hissed and Harry looked slightly guilty. I was converting all of the hurt that I was feeling into anger, and right now it was bubbling up inside of me and overflowing, coming straight out of my mouth.

“Look, I’m sorry about what I said ok? I was just… Can you just come back to my room with me?” Harry asked, and his eyes almost look vulnerable. I sighed and looked down the stairs at Mike who was now also talking to Abby and Andy in a big group, he’d be alright without me for a few more minutes.

“Fine.” I agreed and followed him into his room. I felt my phone vibrating in my back pocket but chose to ignore it as I walked into Harry’s room. “So why do you want me in here?” I asked and Harry licked his lips nervously before he lay back on his bed.

“I really am sorry about what I said earlier, you just kind of hit a soft spot. I know that it’s not a good enough excuse but it’s all that I have…” Harry apologised. He was right, it wasn’t a good excuse, but I’d take it. I got the feeling that apologies didn’t come easy to Harry, especially unasked ones so I didn’t dare push him further than this.

“I forgive you, but please can you stop pushing me away as soon as I get close, I just keep on getting whiplash.” I quietly confessed, and Harry’s eyes softened as he looked at me and gave me a sincere, soft smile.

“I’ll try.” He replied and I smiled at him as I remained perched awkwardly on his bed. An awkward silence then came over us until Harry broke it by blurting out suddenly, “I don’t like him.” I frowned turning to face him, to take in his expression. He didn’t like who?

“Who?” I inquired and Harry looked at me as if it was obvious as to who he meant.

“Your boyfriend.” He answered, with a little bitterness to his voice. I didn’t really know what to say, I loved Mike and to be honest, it doesn’t really matter what Harry thought, he wasn’t exactly going to be my boyfriend, was he? I let out a small laugh at the thought of Harry being the same, caring way around me as Mike is.

“What’s so funny?” Harry asked and I shook my head at him, blowing him off.

“Nothing, so why don’t you like him?” I asked and Harry got up from lying down on the bed to resting his back against the headboard of the bed so that he could face me properly.

“He’s just so… What’s the word? He just seems like a douche. He walked into the party like he had a massive stick up his ass” Harry commented, laughing slightly. I playfully slapped his thigh, laughing in shock at his comment on Mike, however the need to defend Mike strangely never presenting itself.

“He’s not that bad, he’s just an actual decent guy, which I know may seem different seeing as the majority of guys around here are all jerks!” I laughed and Harry joined in with me.

“We’re not that bad… We just… we’re-“Harry began but I cut him off.

“Players.” I answered blankly, and Harry looked like he was trying to find a better word for it, but after a good 20 seconds of thinking he gave up and agreed.

“Why are you one – a player I mean? When you’re around me you’re fine, but as soon as you're around one of your friends you just completely change.” I told him and he looked away, staring at the closed door, deep in thought.

“To be honest, ever since my parents’ divorce I’ve hung around with that type of crowd. I didn’t really start acting like them until shit happened and I just gave up.” Harry answered, still staring at the wall with the vulnerable look back on his face, and I was starting to wonder if it was because he actually was vulnerable right now.

“So what, you just don’t want commitment?” I asked and Harry shook his head. Why would he not want a relationship? Why wouldn’t he want someone who he could hold at night, have someone actually listen to him, have someone to love… Why wouldn’t he want that?

“No, look I just don’t do relationships. What’s the point? You go out, fall in-love then break up and you’re ‘heartbroken’.” Harry vented, putting air quotes around the word heartbroken. Did he really just not believe in love?

“Not all relationships end, Harry.” I told him and he just looked over at me and laughed.

“Yeah they do. If you don’t break up by choice then you get broken up by nature. One of you will die and the other will be left alone. Either way it will end in pain.” Harry answered in a monotone voice.

“But being in-love with someone is worth the heartache.” I quipped, internally cringing at how cheesy that sounded.

“Maybe for some.” Harry muttered, finally looking over to me. “Do you honestly think that you and Mike will last?” Harry asked seriously, his eyes looking so far within me it felt like he could see straight through to my soul.

“I honestly don’t know...” I began but then sighed, there’s no use in lying, “no, I don’t think that we will last.” I replied and Harry’s eyebrows raised, his expression implying that I he was surprised at my answer. It’s weird thinking about when I first met Harry, I thought that he was shallow and a jerk, and he is a jerk, but there is actually a much deeper side to him that comes out in our conversations. I’ve never really been the person to have deep meaningful chats, but I seem to be having quite a few of those with Harry; it’s just as if we completely understand each other, despite the fact that I’ve only known him for just over a month.

“Do you ever worry that he’s cheating on you?” Harry asked after a few moments of silence. His question caught me off guard, and I didn’t really know what spurred that thought of his.

“Not really, I trust Mike” I answered, but even I could hear the doubt in my voice. The thought hadn’t even crossed my mind once, but to be honest he could cheat on me at home as much as he’d like and I’d have no idea.

“What about you? Do you trust yourself?” Harry asked, and his question surprised me more than the last.

“Of course I do.” I answered slowly and Harry nodded, his eyes flickering to my lips then back to my eyes. He then began leaning in, and I knew exactly what he was doing. I knew exactly where this was leading. His face came closer and closer until he was a few inches away from me and my body finally broke free from its trance, as I jumped up from the bed. “I um, I should go.” I stuttered, quickly walking out of the room without looking back at Harry, and going downstairs to find Mike; my boyfriend.

When I walked over to Mike he had a cup of some alcohol in his hand, with his cheeks slightly red from the alcohol which was now buzzing in his veins. “Izzy! You should join us, we were just about to play a game of truth or dare!” Mike slurred, throwing his arm around my shoulder. I smile at him weekly and joined the rest of the group, noticing Lucy and Zayn sitting down with the rest of the group.

After a few rounds, with me having to spill a few embarrassing stories about my childhood, Abby and Niall made out and Zayn and Lucy spent 7 minutes in “heaven”, aka Zayn’s bedroom, now it was Mike’s turn. “Mike,” Lucy began, looking over to me with an evil smirk on her face. “I dare you to kiss me.” Lucy said and the group fell silent in shock. I looked over Mike nervously, as he casually crossed the circle to Lucy in his drunken state, almost falling over a few times.

Lucy looked over to me and smirked just as Mike pressed his lips to hers in a drunken kiss. Everything slowed down as I watched my boyfriend’s lips touch the devil’s. I felt sick to my stomach. I watched in shock as Mike then went on to deepen the kiss further as a knife made its way into my chest. After a few more eternal seconds Lucy finally pulled away and Mike returned by my side and sat down next to me. He then had the nerve to place his arm over my shoulder casually, as if he hadn’t done anything wrong.

My body jerked from his touch and I stormed off, out of the house and my feet took off away from that damned frat house. It must have been around 10 o’clock at night; however the sun was only just beginning to set. I had no idea where I was going; I was just taking out my anger towards Lucy and Mike and the smug expression the Lucy wore when Mike kissed her with the same lips that he would kiss me with. After a good 20 minutes I finally came across a field.

I knew that it wasn’t exactly the best idea to be in a field on my own, but I just needed space to clear my head. I noticed an isolated tree and began walking to it and sat down by its roots. I closed my eyes as I tried to process all of the emotions and thoughts running through my head.

Two weeks ago everything was fine. I had absolutely no doubts. I didn’t doubt myself and I sure as hell didn’t doubt Mike. But then Mike doesn’t say a word to me for a week and I realise that it didn’t hurt me as it should. I didn’t miss Mike, I just wished that he missed me. And just 30 minutes ago Mike had broken our foundation base for our relationship with a single drunken kiss, and now I realized that our relationship was falling through. I didn’t only doubt Mike, I now no longer trusted him. And suddenly the disturbing thought crossed my mind that it was easier to be with Mike when he was away than when he was here.

We were in trouble.