Set Sail

Alright I’ll be honest here, I really fucking like the army. For one, it never fails to keep my ass in line. This fantastic ass bitch can’t be kept down by the men but sometimes (always) I need someone to shut me up and this is a great place to do so. Number two, I’ve made great mates that I know I’m going to have for life if they haven’t been discharged or dead or whatever. Number three, I’ve learned how to operate heavy machinery so hello, who’s the baddest bitch in this lifetime? And lastly, I get letters sent to me on a weekly basis, courtesy of my best friends, Nat and Mick. Nat likes to keep me updated on what’s happening, but she tends to omit what’s happening in her own life. Unsurprising. Mick, on the other hand, sends me Penthouse magazines and a box of tissues.

That’s a true friend right there.

He knows that while I’m enjoying myself here, I’ve been missing civilisation. Cities. Parks. People. Okay, girls. There are female soldiers, sure, but none of them have that femineity that I’ve been wanting. I want to see a girl in a skirt. I want to see a girl wear red lipstick. Goddamn, I want to see a woman dressed in something that’s not in her army wear. I want to see her hair down and in a bikini and preferably wrapped around me…

Focus, Markinson, I tell myself. No use getting hard now.

“Markinson!” A voice barks. It’s Mitchell, one of the officers at the base. “Phone call for you.”

I take the phone excitedly from Mitchell, because I know exactly who it is. He doesn’t send me letters on a weekly basis, but he does call in every once in a while to keep me informed on the things I care about the most. “Update on the dick count?”

Josh laughs. Yes. The Josh. Nat’s Josh. We were never close in high school, but we were never not friendly either, you know? Mick was the one with the issue, not me. “Tinder is pretty much dormant in Canberra, so that would be a 0.”

“Pussy?”

Josh is quiet for a second. “Two, but I wasn’t feeling it.”

My eyebrows rise. “You had a threesome and you still weren’t feeling it?” What a lucky fucking asshole. I mean, I’ve had threesomes in my lifetime but not recently or lately and only the Lord (and Josh and Mick and probably Nat at this point) know how long it’s been since I’ve had the coming together of two incredibly good looking individuals (one of them being me, ofc) who cum together, if you get my drift.

I think the army has weakened my sass skills.

Josh sighs. “I miss her, man.” It’s been a year since they broke up, but he misses her. I was lowkey (highkey) heartbroken when they broke up because like damn, seeing my best mate happy with a guy who’s too legit to quit made me happy. But then for them to not be together for whatever overthought out reason most likely Nat has conducted in her stress-ridden brain, like damn Nat why do you gotta put me through this?? The worst part is, I know she misses him too, even when she tells me otherwise. But I know Nat. I know her like the back of my fucking hand. I know exactly what she's like. The stubborn but lovable POS. Just kidding. But not really. “How is she?”

“Still the same as before,” I tell him. “She’s working at that gallery but in the last letter she sent me, she said she might be heading up home soon to check out some local artists or something.” I pause as an idea floats into my mind. “Don’t you have to go home soon for some unrelated reason?”

I can hear Josh chuckle through the phone. “I’ll be there by the end of the week. Speaking of, when are you coming home?”

I shrug. “No clue.” I drop my voice a little so the others on base don’t hear me. “I like it here but I like home more. But if I come home, I won’t have anything to do. So I’m not sure.”

I’d been thinking about this for a while – coming home, I mean. It’s no secret that I’m enjoying where I am, but there are parts of me that yearn to be home. I miss my mum and my little brother Joe – though now he’s nineteen and he’s studying to be a vet, my little nerd – bless his sweet soul. Joe studies a lot but he always thinks to send me a fuckload of food when him and Mum make care packages for me. Legit, I have the sweetest fucking family in the world. Note to self: hang out with them more when I get a break.

“If I give you enough reason to come home, would you consider it?” Josh asks. “You know you gotta be back for Colton and G’s wedding.”

“Ah yes,” I say brightly. “Didn’t realise it was still on.”

I'm not sure whose idea it was to get married considering what happened between them, but I'm still going to support my friends, regardless of the situation. We knew Colton and Georgia were gonna get married anyways, so what's the harm in rushing it more than necessary?

“G told me they worked things out so I guess it’s happening?” Josh seems unsure, but he continues. “She said that things are still strained between them but she’s working hard to make it work. Colton’s always busy with his gigs though, so I’m not sure how much effort he’s putting in.”

“Sounds like you’re G’s new best friend,” I say jokingly, but we both know this isn’t a joke. G’s been weird since, well, the incident. Er. Many incidents.

Josh sighs. “I wish her and Nat would talk again. I’m not used to knowing all of Georgia’s feelings. Like I care that she hasn’t had sex in weeks?”

I laugh, even though I completely relate to this as well. “You two have something in common.”

“Fuck you,” he replies but he’s laughing as well. His voice becomes sombre when he says his next words. “I know the army shit’s really important to you, and I’d never ask you to be put in a position where you’d have to choose between work and friends but I’m struggling man.” He sighs. “I need someone to get the group back together and I can’t do shit.” True. He wasn’t in the OG group. “Nat and G aren’t friends anymore; neither are Colton and Mick –”

I groan. “How many times can Mick apologise? He pushed her off, didn’t he?”

“Yeah,” Josh confirms. “But you know what Colton’s like now. DJ Rusty, I mean.”

I roll my eyes. Ever since Colton’s had a few hit songs on the radio, he’s become a douche. The last time we spoke, he went on about his new single featuring Lorde.

Lorde can kiss my juicy squat-trained ass.

“Colton and Nat are still friends,” I say, furrowing my brows. I don’t know why Nat still talks to him, but that’s her choice. “I think that’s the only friend Colton has left.”

“And me,” Josh replies. “Everyone loves me.” Josh knows this is the type of thing to grind my gears since I used to be the lovable one, but since I’ve been out of the picture for a while, Josh swooped in to take my spot. Now Josh and Mick are friends. Friends! They play soccer together. Who knew those two could ever be friends, because I sure didn’t. “Look man, if you want to stay, stay. But if you wanna come home, I’m not going to stop you. Do what makes you happy or whatever.”

I sigh. It’s clear that my friends need me back to fix them and since Josh’s efforts to bring them together have been non-existent, it’s time to bring in reinforcements. As in, me.

"Tell Joe to clear my room out," I tell Josh determinedly. "I'm coming home, bitches."