Open Your Eyes

The next few days were the hardest. Another letter came from my mother-this time telling me that there wouldn't be a funeral and that it would be best if I didn't come home for the holidays. How could she not want to see me, not want me to come home?

"Come on, Amery. Won't you just come to Hogsmeade with us? You have to get out of bed sometime." Lily said with a sigh, sitting on the edge of my bed. I was curled up in a ball with the blanket pulled up to just below my chin. The pillow under my head was damp with tears. "No, I've already told you that I'm not getting out of bed, won't you just leave it alone?" My voice was monotone. Soft and unfeeling.

"Even if you don't come to spend time with us, at least come so you can get more sweets. I mean, you're out of chocolate frogs." Lily attempted once more. Part of me wanted to roll my eyes. "I don't want any chocolate frogs, I'm not going." I muttered, pulling the blanket tighter against me with a huff. Lily stood up next to the bed, and straightened out her shirt. "Fine. You don't have to go this time; but you are going to have to get out of bed sooner or later." Turning on her heel, she left.

I knew she was right, I can't just stay in bed hiding from my problems forever. I've just never felt this kind of pain before- I couldn't believe that my father was actually gone. Though, that was definitely not a fact I can avoid for much longer.

Sighing, I threw the blankets away from my body before sitting up in the bed. Reaching up, I ran my fingers through my horribly tangled hair. What was I doing? Staying in bed and moping around like this wasn't going anything except making me feel worse. Dad would tell me to get up and keep myself busy- distracted.

Throwing my legs over the side of the bed, I pushed myself up onto my feet. I pulled on a pair of jeans, stuffed my feet into a pair of socks and shoes, and exchanged my dirty shirt for a clean one. Once I deemed myself dressed enough, I walked out of not only the dorms but the common room as well. It was a tad bit chilly throughout the castle due to the falling temperature outside- I scolded myself for not grabbing a jacket before leaving the dorm.

And the fear of crawling back into bed and never getting up again was enough to keep my from going back to the dorms to get a jacket.

So, I wrapped my arms around myself and made my way into the Great Hall. There were a few lingering stares as I walked by, but I paid them no mind as I found a place to sit down. I hadn't eaten much in the past few days, so I didn't think my stomach could handle much more than toast.

I nibbled at the piece of buttered bread, hoping that I would actually be able to keep it down. Because of this, I made sure not to eat too fast. I had only just finished eating when I heard someone come to a halt behind me and clear their throat. Turning around, I saw Severus standing there with his hands stuffed down into his pockets.

"Severus, I wasn't expecting to see you." I almost choked. His long, dark hair was down around his face, hiding his dark eyes. "I heard about what happened, and I wanted to check on you." He mumbled, his eyes dropped down from my face to the floor. I knew he was probably feeling a bit uncomfortable; but then again just about everything made him uncomfortable. "I'm doing alright. Slowly but surely i'm making my way through it." I shrugged my shoulders.

I could hear him take a deep breath before his eyes came back up to meet my own. "Good, I'm glad you're okay." He nodded his head ever so slightly. Reaching down, I ran the palm of my hand over my thigh. "I've just been trying to keep busy." I lied.

I hadn't been trying to keep busy. I had just spent three days in bed sulking and feeling sorry for myself. I could only hope that he hadn't over heard Lily complaining about my sulking at any point. That would definitely give it away that I was lying. "Why don't you take a walk with me, Amery?" He suggested, nodding his head in the direction of the doors. I thought it over for a few moments before nodding my head and rising up to my feet. "Yeah, a walk sounds nice Severus. I'd like that."

So, that was that. The two of us walked away from the Gryffindor table before walking out of the castle altogether. The sun was shining brightly in the sky- but that didn't stop the temperature from dropping. Now I was really wishing I had gone back to get a jacket. The shirt I had put on definitely wasn't enough to combat the chill in the air.

Neither of us had said a single word since we started walking, and the silence between the two of us was absolutely killing me. I honestly would have figured that he would have said something, anything, by now.

Was he planning on talking at all?

Sighing, I stuffed my hands down into my pockets to try to keep them warm. Granted, I could probably pull out my wand and use magic to get a jacket.

"You know, I was sorry when I heard what happened. Your father was a good man." Severus spoke up rather suddenly. I hadn't been expecting that, even though Severus and my father had gotten along exceptionally whenever they were around one another. My father had never really gotten along with any of the friends I had growing up until I met Severus. "Are you going home to see your mother?" He questioned when I didn't answer.

My heart sunk down a bit in my chest. "No, no, she said it was best if I stay here. She doesn't want me coming home for the holidays either- so I'll be staying here." I explained to him. My fingers fumbled with a random piece of string I had found my in pocket.

"Well, isn't that better than you going home and drowning in your sorrow? Maybe she's just trying to spare you from going through that." He suggested with a shrug of his shoulders. I hadn't really thought about it that way. I had just assumed she didn't want me there. "I hadn't considered that." I confessed to him. Suddenly, I felt very bad that I ever thought my mother didn't want me around- I never thought this was her way of protecting me. "You should know better than that." Severus chuckled ever so slightly as he turned to look down at me.

We found ourselves standing together by the Black Lake- one of the places I love to sit and read. Severus had been the one who showed me this place during our first year here. It was so beautiful here. Turning, I looked back at the castle. Even after six years, the place still took my breath away. Sighing, I reached up and pushed my bangs out of my eyes.

"The way you think about your family is ridiculous Amery." Severus shook his head. I was almost shocked by his sudden scolding. Severus normally stayed out of my family drama.

"I, uh, I'm not sure what you're talking about." I stuttered, looking at him. He still had his hands shoved down into his pockets as we stood there. "They took you in, and they raised you in a very loving home. Yet every time something happens, no matter how small, you freak out and think that they're going to abandon you. So you stress and freak out trying to prove that you're worthy of their love." He had a blank look on his face as he spoke.

I was so shocked by this little speech that I was actually standing there with my mouth wide open. He's always been one of the most brutally honest people I've ever met-so I'm not sure why I never expected him to call me out like that before. "I don't know how else to feel." I choked, the words came out as nothing more than a whisper. Reaching out, he placed his hand lightly on my shoulder. "You should feel loved, your parents picked you over anyone else. They wanted you." He reassured me.

I still couldn't help but feel bad. "I guess it's since my birth parents abandoned me, I mean they were the two people who were supposed to love me unconditionally. If they could do it, then what's really stopping everyone else from doing the same thing?" I choked out.

Severus once more shook his head. "You're torturing yourself, Amery. Don't do that to yourself." He said with a sigh. I couldn't help but find it ironic that the one guy who tortured himself over every little thing was telling me I shouldn't do that to myself. It was just a bit funny, but I did realize that he was right. I am torturing myself over this.

Our conversation didn't progress too much farther than that. We stayed by the lake a little while longer before making our way back up the hill towards the castle.

We went our separate ways upon reaching the doors to the Great Hall. Dinner wouldn't start for at least an hour and a half, so I decided to go back to the dorms instead. I wanted to at least grab a jacket and warm myself back up. My conversation with Severus had been enough to distract me from the cold at the time.

People were already beginning to flood the castle- all of them students returning from Hogsmeade. I paid none of them any real attention as I pushed my way through the growing crowds.

Making my way up to the familiar painting, I spoke the mouthful of a password. "Oddsbodkins." I spoke only loud enough for the painting to register what I had said and open- allowing only myself to step inside. There were a few other students lingering in the common room; but no one I recognized.

So, instead of stopping to make conversation, I continued on past them and went up to the girls dorm rooms. There was no sign of Lily being currently in the dorm; but there was evidence that she had been here in the time that I was gone. There were a few bags thrown across her bed along with her heavy jacket that she would've worn during the trek to Hogsmeade.

There was also something sitting on my bed, on top of my pillow to be exact, that hadn't been there when I left. It was a relatively small box with a note on top of it. I smiled upon seeing what was inside of the box. It was completely filled with chocolate frogs. My smile grew as I reached down and grabbed the note that was laying discarded by the box. The handwriting was unfamiliar to me as I read over the small piece of parchment. The handwriting was messy, as if written at a fast pace- but I could read it easily.

'I know you've been having a hard time these past few days; and I can't seem to be able to get you out of my head. I was thinking about you today, so I got these for you because I remembered that they're your favorite. Just like you're mine.'

I couldn't help but smile as I felt my face flush red.