Status: New?
Bury Me
Celebrate
“Hey nerd! You were quiet in class today. You didn’t yell out of turn once. Are you sick?”
I glance up from my laptop to see Axelle walking towards my table with a goofy grin on her face. Not once has Axelle ever come into the school’s study room for anything. I’m actually quite surprised she found me.
“I was hiding from you. I figured you didn’t know where the study hall was.” I tease.
“I know where it is. I just avoid it with all I can…but I knew you would be in here. I’m glad I found you, you looked pissed all day.”
I put my laptop into my backpack. “Someone didn’t tell me about the tour until last night.” I zip my bag up and rest it on the ground. “Then we fought. You know typical Jared Willow stuff.”
She sits in the seat next to me and kicks her feet up on the table like she owns the place. Axelle was one of those people that had incredible amounts of confidence. She could walk into a place and make you think she did own it or that she was boss lady. It was part of her free spirt or maybe it was her ‘I don’t give a fuck’ attitude. I loved her for it.
“He’s such a dick.” She jokes. “Shannon told me weeks ago….how do you live with someone and not know that?” She rests her both hands down on the table. “Do you like my nails?”
I nod my head yes but I haven’t really looked at her nails. How did Jared manage to keep that away from me for that long and why was it that easy? He didn’t give me any warning signs that he was leaving. I didn’t get any weird vibes. Everything seemed like it was going normal.
I know that I am strong enough to deal with him being gone and I’m independent enough to do things on my own while he’s on tour, but lately when he’s here with me it felt like he wasn’t fully there. He has a hectic life and I understand that these are his dreams. I fully respect that this is what he is going to do for the rest of his life, but no matter how strong I am, everyone has their breaking point and I think I’m reaching mine and for those very reasons somewhere inside Axelle felt guilty for introducing me to Jared years ago. I’m not trying to say that Jared didn’t love me because I know damn well he does but, I do wish that he could slow his mind down and do normal things like lay in bed and watch movies just for one day.
Axelle lightly pushes my shoulder. I look up from the table and my eyes meet her dark brown one. She looks concerned but she has a sympathetic smile on her face like she knows exactly what I am thinking about.
She rests her hands in her lap and takes in a deep breath. “You know I love Jared like a brother. I mean him and Shannon are the only things I’ve had for so long and I know them very well.” She pauses for a brief second as if she is being cautious about the words that she is choosing to say to me. “They’re both set in their ways. Jared has always been the go getter who needs to experience every single detail in life. He can’t miss out on anything, you know that.” She looks at the clock on the wall and then back at me. “I don’t want to be the one to break your heart but the whole public relationship thing is going to happen. Jared is private about those things and now, well, now you need to decide if this is what you want or not.” She puts her hands in front of my face again. “You didn’t say anything about my nails… come on!”
I ignore her comment again and carry on the conversation. “I know. You don’t have to remind me. We’ve only been fighting about it for a year now!” I sarcastically say. I stand up and haul my backpack over my shoulder. “I need to tell you something. I don’t want you to get upset. I haven’t told Jared either. So I’d like to keep it on the DL.” We start for the building exit. “I’ve been talking to my dad a lot recently.”
She nods her head showing that she is still listening although she’s texting on her phone. I assume she’s texting Shannon and I can feel a little bit of jealousy knowing that Jared hasn’t sent me a text or bothered calling me, typical Jared. I thought we were over this phase and I thought he would remember how that made me feel the last time he did it. I know that he’s busy and I know he doesn’t have a lot of time to himself when it comes down to it but it takes less than thirty seconds to send a quick I love you or I miss you, but maybe he didn’t miss me.
“He has an opening for me at his firm.”
She stops dead in her tracks her head snaps up from her phone and the look on her face shows me she is clearly disapproving. I know firsthand that she has never liked this idea and neither has Jared but I needed to start thinking of my options now that I am four months from graduation. I need to know that I am going to have some sort of stability in my life.
“I think it might be a good opportunity for me, Ax. Fresh out of college and set up with one of the most famous lawyers New York City…I could learn a lot from him.”
She shoves her phone back in her pocket and pushes through the building doors. The light nearly blinds both of us. “What about Jared? He’s not going to go to New York with you.” She roughly sticks her hands in her pocket. “Besides, your dad is kind of a prick. I’ve only met him a few times and all he did was talk shit to you and cut you down.”
I shrug my shoulders. “He’s not that bad anymore. It was because I was out fucking around with you all the time and got shit grades. He didn’t approve because he was paying for it at that time.” I remind her. “And Jared…I don’t know what he’ll do…”
I don’t want to end things with Jared believe it or not he’s one of the only things that have ever made my life worth living. He’s fun, loving, energetic, strong willed, and an amazing human being all around. Jack of all trades some might say. He eased my stress filled mind, he put my anxieties to sleep, and he taught me how to live a little louder than I had before. I spent the last five years being head over heels in love with this man and now I’m sitting here contemplating my entire existence. I try to be hopeful, maybe something will click in Jared’s mind. I stuck by him throughout his career this long why wouldn’t he stick by my side? He’s always wanted what was best for me. He’d understand wouldn’t he?
I feel my phone buzzing in my pocket. Jared is calling me. I let it continue to ring. I know I was just bitching about him contacting me but right now I can’t take the phone call. I’m in mid thought and I know I will say something terribly mean to him or I won’t be able to speak at all.
“Do you think he’ll understand?” I ask as I stare at the picture of Jared flashing on my phone.
Axelle shrugs as she pulls into her driveway. “Look, you need to do what’s best for you and if that’s what you think is best then do it. You know how long distance relationships go. It’s not like you haven’t been doing it for five years already.”
I let out a groan. “Yeah, but the difference is him coming home for six months or a year and being with me…in our bed, or in our home, and the adventures we go on together are incredible. I can’t imagine Jared not being a part of my life.”
She opens her front door and lets us both in. Nights like tonight I’m glad that Axelle and Shannon only lived a half an hour away from Jared and I, it made it easier for all of us.
“It sounds like you got a lot of thinking to do. You’ve got so much time and who knows maybe Jared will go and everything will work out how you want it too.” She pauses. “But tonight is Friday and we are going drink these bottles of wine that I bought for celebration!”
I nod my head and take the wine glass from her hands. “What are you celebrating?”
She rolls her eyes at me. “You would know if you actually fucking looked at my nails.”
I finally grab her hands in mine and stare down at her black- holy shit there is a ring on her god damn finger. “What!?” I jump up from my seat and run to the other side of the counter to hug her. I basically pick her up while hugging her and she dramatically gasps for air. “Oh my god! He fucking proposed! It’s about time!” I tease.
She smiles brightly and takes a sip of her drink. “And tonight we are going to celebrate the fact that I will finally be Axelle Leto. Who would have thought it?”
I glance up from my laptop to see Axelle walking towards my table with a goofy grin on her face. Not once has Axelle ever come into the school’s study room for anything. I’m actually quite surprised she found me.
“I was hiding from you. I figured you didn’t know where the study hall was.” I tease.
“I know where it is. I just avoid it with all I can…but I knew you would be in here. I’m glad I found you, you looked pissed all day.”
I put my laptop into my backpack. “Someone didn’t tell me about the tour until last night.” I zip my bag up and rest it on the ground. “Then we fought. You know typical Jared Willow stuff.”
She sits in the seat next to me and kicks her feet up on the table like she owns the place. Axelle was one of those people that had incredible amounts of confidence. She could walk into a place and make you think she did own it or that she was boss lady. It was part of her free spirt or maybe it was her ‘I don’t give a fuck’ attitude. I loved her for it.
“He’s such a dick.” She jokes. “Shannon told me weeks ago….how do you live with someone and not know that?” She rests her both hands down on the table. “Do you like my nails?”
I nod my head yes but I haven’t really looked at her nails. How did Jared manage to keep that away from me for that long and why was it that easy? He didn’t give me any warning signs that he was leaving. I didn’t get any weird vibes. Everything seemed like it was going normal.
I know that I am strong enough to deal with him being gone and I’m independent enough to do things on my own while he’s on tour, but lately when he’s here with me it felt like he wasn’t fully there. He has a hectic life and I understand that these are his dreams. I fully respect that this is what he is going to do for the rest of his life, but no matter how strong I am, everyone has their breaking point and I think I’m reaching mine and for those very reasons somewhere inside Axelle felt guilty for introducing me to Jared years ago. I’m not trying to say that Jared didn’t love me because I know damn well he does but, I do wish that he could slow his mind down and do normal things like lay in bed and watch movies just for one day.
Axelle lightly pushes my shoulder. I look up from the table and my eyes meet her dark brown one. She looks concerned but she has a sympathetic smile on her face like she knows exactly what I am thinking about.
She rests her hands in her lap and takes in a deep breath. “You know I love Jared like a brother. I mean him and Shannon are the only things I’ve had for so long and I know them very well.” She pauses for a brief second as if she is being cautious about the words that she is choosing to say to me. “They’re both set in their ways. Jared has always been the go getter who needs to experience every single detail in life. He can’t miss out on anything, you know that.” She looks at the clock on the wall and then back at me. “I don’t want to be the one to break your heart but the whole public relationship thing is going to happen. Jared is private about those things and now, well, now you need to decide if this is what you want or not.” She puts her hands in front of my face again. “You didn’t say anything about my nails… come on!”
I ignore her comment again and carry on the conversation. “I know. You don’t have to remind me. We’ve only been fighting about it for a year now!” I sarcastically say. I stand up and haul my backpack over my shoulder. “I need to tell you something. I don’t want you to get upset. I haven’t told Jared either. So I’d like to keep it on the DL.” We start for the building exit. “I’ve been talking to my dad a lot recently.”
She nods her head showing that she is still listening although she’s texting on her phone. I assume she’s texting Shannon and I can feel a little bit of jealousy knowing that Jared hasn’t sent me a text or bothered calling me, typical Jared. I thought we were over this phase and I thought he would remember how that made me feel the last time he did it. I know that he’s busy and I know he doesn’t have a lot of time to himself when it comes down to it but it takes less than thirty seconds to send a quick I love you or I miss you, but maybe he didn’t miss me.
“He has an opening for me at his firm.”
She stops dead in her tracks her head snaps up from her phone and the look on her face shows me she is clearly disapproving. I know firsthand that she has never liked this idea and neither has Jared but I needed to start thinking of my options now that I am four months from graduation. I need to know that I am going to have some sort of stability in my life.
“I think it might be a good opportunity for me, Ax. Fresh out of college and set up with one of the most famous lawyers New York City…I could learn a lot from him.”
She shoves her phone back in her pocket and pushes through the building doors. The light nearly blinds both of us. “What about Jared? He’s not going to go to New York with you.” She roughly sticks her hands in her pocket. “Besides, your dad is kind of a prick. I’ve only met him a few times and all he did was talk shit to you and cut you down.”
I shrug my shoulders. “He’s not that bad anymore. It was because I was out fucking around with you all the time and got shit grades. He didn’t approve because he was paying for it at that time.” I remind her. “And Jared…I don’t know what he’ll do…”
I don’t want to end things with Jared believe it or not he’s one of the only things that have ever made my life worth living. He’s fun, loving, energetic, strong willed, and an amazing human being all around. Jack of all trades some might say. He eased my stress filled mind, he put my anxieties to sleep, and he taught me how to live a little louder than I had before. I spent the last five years being head over heels in love with this man and now I’m sitting here contemplating my entire existence. I try to be hopeful, maybe something will click in Jared’s mind. I stuck by him throughout his career this long why wouldn’t he stick by my side? He’s always wanted what was best for me. He’d understand wouldn’t he?
I feel my phone buzzing in my pocket. Jared is calling me. I let it continue to ring. I know I was just bitching about him contacting me but right now I can’t take the phone call. I’m in mid thought and I know I will say something terribly mean to him or I won’t be able to speak at all.
“Do you think he’ll understand?” I ask as I stare at the picture of Jared flashing on my phone.
Axelle shrugs as she pulls into her driveway. “Look, you need to do what’s best for you and if that’s what you think is best then do it. You know how long distance relationships go. It’s not like you haven’t been doing it for five years already.”
I let out a groan. “Yeah, but the difference is him coming home for six months or a year and being with me…in our bed, or in our home, and the adventures we go on together are incredible. I can’t imagine Jared not being a part of my life.”
She opens her front door and lets us both in. Nights like tonight I’m glad that Axelle and Shannon only lived a half an hour away from Jared and I, it made it easier for all of us.
“It sounds like you got a lot of thinking to do. You’ve got so much time and who knows maybe Jared will go and everything will work out how you want it too.” She pauses. “But tonight is Friday and we are going drink these bottles of wine that I bought for celebration!”
I nod my head and take the wine glass from her hands. “What are you celebrating?”
She rolls her eyes at me. “You would know if you actually fucking looked at my nails.”
I finally grab her hands in mine and stare down at her black- holy shit there is a ring on her god damn finger. “What!?” I jump up from my seat and run to the other side of the counter to hug her. I basically pick her up while hugging her and she dramatically gasps for air. “Oh my god! He fucking proposed! It’s about time!” I tease.
She smiles brightly and takes a sip of her drink. “And tonight we are going to celebrate the fact that I will finally be Axelle Leto. Who would have thought it?”
♠ ♠ ♠
Thoughts?